I'm afraid intrusive thoughts are coming truel!

[[Bu...]]

Hi, again.  I dont want to trigger anybody but i have to ask: I'm so afraid my intrusive thoughts & negativity are going to be real. people say distract myself but this usually doesn't work. All the bad stuff that's happened in my life ( even decades ago) is at the forefront of my mind. It all seems so real now. Please tell me none of this will come true again- I'm so desperate !!! I've been in wd soooo long! Why can't i think of positive stuff??

[[Es...]]

@[Bu...]

Because all your "feel-good" receptors are so severely depleted. And it may take an incredible amount of time till they start working normally. This is why I'm in favor of ADs, especially if there is an underlying condition. Or at least therapy. I'm taking an AD and still experience this overwhelming negativity, but to a lesser degree than when I'm off. What you refer to is catastrophizing. No, these thoughts won't come true There is this saying by Mark Twain: 

Edited September 20 by [Es...]

[[Bu...]]

Thanks, Estee. However, I don't have any underlying conditions( of that I'm certain). Being on benzos and other addictive drugs for 27 years was pretty bad ( a stupid doctor gave them to me them for a virus and wanted me to be on them for life !!!!!). Thanks, I hope I don't have to live that crap all over again. I'm very unconfident now. Truly, I don't know who I am as a person. And, yes, I do think you're  correct in that it will be a while before my receptors are working again. It's just I've been in wd sooo long.

 

[[...]]

Hang in there Estee, it does stop.

You don't need another lobotomy drug. Your brain will clear up in time. They may come and go for a while. I'm at two years and seldom get a rush of crazy thoughts any more. Some positive thoughts are finally coming. Hang in there!

[[Es...]]

It is @[Bu...]'s topic, but I also struggle with intrusive thoughts, so it's true for both of us. Thank you

[[...]]

Doh!  I was posting to Bulldog. Tx

[[jo...]]

1 hour ago, [[E...] said:

This is why I'm in favor of ADs

I'd be very careful with AD's whilst in withdrawl. Our CNS isn't what it once was at present. I took an AD during withdrawl and am now dealing with Akathisia. It was the worst decision of my life after taking benzos. I'm not saying the same will happen for everyone but it happens a lot. You really need to be mindful of the dangers. There's a few other people on here who are in the same boat that can testify to this. 

[[Es...]]

31 minutes ago, [[j...] said:

I'd be very careful with AD's whilst in withdrawl. Our CNS isn't what it once was at present. I took an AD during withdrawl and am now dealing with Akathisia. It was the worst decision of my life after taking benzos. I'm not saying the same will happen for everyone but it happens a lot. You really need to be mindful of the dangers. There's a few other people on here who are in the same boat that can testify to this. 

I guess the pdoc is the only one who can decide, with your own consent. If they get to choose between someone killing themselves or taking an AD, then an AD could be an option. Same with the benzos, I'm afraid.

The initial period of getting used to an AD is a nightmare, though. Up to a month. Some people need to be hospitalized at that time.

It was extremely difficult for me to go back on an AD, the sxs were pure Hell. I started with a crumb of fluoxetine... A crumb. But I'm not sure I'd be writing this here today if I didn't...

[[jo...]]

43 minutes ago, [[E...] said:

I guess the pdoc is the only one who can decide, with your own consent. If they get to choose between someone killing themselves or taking an AD, then an AD could be an option. Same with the benzos, I'm afraid.

The initial period of getting used to an AD is a nightmare, though. Up to a month. Some people need to be hospitalized at that time.

It was extremely difficult for me to go back on an AD, the sxs were pure Hell. I started with a crumb of fluoxetine... A crumb. But I'm not sure I'd be writing this here today if I didn't...

Yeah I agree. I'm not saying don't do it under any circumstances, I'm just saying be carful because it can make things worse. I think you make a good point that it should be a last resort. The symptoms you can suffer from AD's can be as bad as benzos and further complicate matters being that your already in benzo withdrawl. Its not a decision to be taken lightly. 

[[Lo...]]

I

Edited September 20 by [Lo...]

[[jo...]]

13 hours ago, [[E...] said:

I guess the pdoc is the only one who can decide, with your own consent. If they get to choose between someone killing themselves or taking an AD, then an AD could be an option. Same with the benzos, I'm afraid.

The initial period of getting used to an AD is a nightmare, though. Up to a month. Some people need to be hospitalized at that time.

It was extremely difficult for me to go back on an AD, the sxs were pure Hell. I started with a crumb of fluoxetine... A crumb. But I'm not sure I'd be writing this here today if I didn't...

HI @[Es...] Just out of curiosity. How long until the drug settled for you and what were the symptoms. Thanks!

[[Es...]]

33 minutes ago, [[j...] said:

HI @[Es...] Just out of curiosity. How long until the drug settled for you and what were the symptoms. Thanks!

Extremely long. Symptoms included failed suicidal attempts. There was a host of worst symptoms imaginable. But there was also memory of how this drug had helped me in the past. And that kept me going. That kept me trying to go back on it. Cause nothing freaking worked whatsoever. 

Anxiety, akathisia, insomnia, racing thoughts - all these were sky high. You know, when a reasonable pdoc introduces an AD, they usually increase the benzo for a while. To buffer all those ADs terrible sxs. Once the AD starts acting, the benzo goes away quite smoothly.

You actually stop doing a big deal out of the benzo. But you do a big deal out of your AD, if it really helped you. Since you know the AD is gonna treat the causes. And benzo just the effects. ADs are so much more potent than the benzos. There is no comparison. 

You see, I was at the uni. I was on benzos and I couldn't cope. I started Prozac and suddenly I became the best student. I had terrible sxs, but the ease with which I absorbed information... Some people don't experience major sxs while going on an AD. I personally swear by fluoxetine, but we are all different. 

You need up to three weeks till the drug settles. But sometimes you also feel better instantly. And that was my case in the beginning. A professor of psychiatry gave me a Prozac sample. I kept it in my drawer in case the world was about to end. And when it came to that, I took it. I suddenly saw the world in different lights. Like totally different. Like the glass wall was gone...

If I could compare ADs to anything, I'd compare them to super strong NSAID drugs. They numb the emotional pain. People use street drugs to numb the emotional pain, or benzos. Or opiates. While an AD does it just as well. Even better. 

I cannot encourage anyone to take an AD. It's beyond my responsibility and ethics as a human being. I leave it to pdocs. I'd rather die than be a pdoc. The amount of good you can cause... The amount of hurt you can cause... Well, it's beyond me. 

All you can do, is always start with the least amount possible. Let your body adjust. It's the best safety precaution.

Edited September 20 by [Es...]

[[jo...]]

Hi @[Es...] Many thanks for the reply. I've been on my current dose for 6/7 weeks and was just wondering if that was long enough to be on that dose and know that it's not going to settle. But from your answer maybe I should give it a bit longer I'm not sure. I'm just trying to decide when to make my next cut. People say about a month for things to settle and stabalise then make a cut but from what your saying it might take longer for some of us. My symptoms are similar to what you experienced and I could do with a break tbh.

Edited September 20 by [jo...]