Back in a wave!

[[Ra...]]

I’m laying here this am not doing much of anything. I’m at about 33 mos off. This whole process has been brutally hard. Life has gotten better and better. I do believe that after we get the benzo out of our bodies that it’s a time thing. At least i  learned that. We also have To deal with the demons that caused us to take the Klonopin. I feel this is where is the part that i am working on now. I’ve done so much better. I do come on the site and give confidence and praise to people often. I remeber what it was like when I was in acute. My issue today and the last few days is. My mother passed.  She has been the middle of the issues of why I took k. My dad was as well. A very traumatic childhood to say the least. She passed 10 days ago. I was ok then I had about 4 days that were a bit confusing to me. I hadn’t felt that way in a while.  Then I had a few good days and bam..it’s been a real struggle. Today is day 4 and I can’t shut my mind down. The anxiety has been horrible. I cried my eyes out with a therapist last night. That crying has been dried up for some time. Yet here it was and I don’t understand where it’s coming from. I also don’t understand the intensity the last few days.  When this has happened the worry comes in that “what did I do”. Is this ever going to go away???  This is the way I feel this am. Some panic , and anxiety etc etc.  When I had waves and they subsided I would always look back and say thank god that’s over again. Im praying this passes. I dint really understand why it’s this intense. Makes me feel again hopeless and like it will never leave. Anyone experience this at this point of your journey?  Maybe moderators? Or others?

 Ranchman66

[[Ct...]]

@[Ra...] My heart goes out to you dealing this wave at 33 months out. I’m glad you have a therapist to assist you dealing with emotions that are surfacing. I hope an experienced BB member will stop by with information on dealing with a wave this far out. (I am currently tapering Klonopin.)

[[Ra...]]

CT

Thanks for the support. It does get better and better. Good luck with your taper!  You can do it!!

[[Sw...]]

It’s gotten better before and it will again. Your body is processing the loss. It’s normal to have a heightened sense of emotions. Is it just anxiety and sadness that has emerged?

[[Ra...]]

Sweet

I would say yes. Anxiety, sadness, some panic,  just very uncomfortable feeling. It hasn’t done this in some time. I believe that after benzos for so long,  our bodies are weaker to process things. 

[[Be...]]

Ranchman66, I completely agree that we are weakened because of these benzodiazepines. I am just beginning my withdrawals and I’m so scared! I have run out of my “medication” in the past and it’s hell to go through. So many of the posts have touched on how horrific it is to be trapped by these drugs—withdrawing from life—losing all joy. I am 69 years old and am constantly in a state of regret and sadness that my life has become so out of control. My history with Benzos goes back a long way. I was in a horrible car crash 15 years ago and was given prescription meds after surgeries (9 of them) and the prescriptions kept coming and I used benzos as a crutch. All was well until it wasn’t. Our brains get used to the calm that benzos give to users, and to break free, trying to get back to normalcy is incomprehensible. I have hidden my problem from everyone. Socializing is done in small doses and I have to pick the days that I am able to do so. This is no life—I pray that I can get through this. Thanks to all of you who have shared your experiences. It gives me hope.

[[pi...]]

@[Ra...],

Dealing with the loss of your mothers likely triggered how you are feeling. Something like this can dredge up those emotions, feelings, traumas that were  hovering below the surface for so long.

I do not for one minute believe it’s hopeless. You have to go through this process of grief, in whatever form and for whatever reason it occurs. Once past that I think the light will get brighter for you and you sensitive cns will find peace. It’s going to be ok.

[[Ra...]]

Pianogirl,

I agree. It was really intense yesterday. Bit better this am. Hard to understand when we have been to that dark place before. It’s the last place we want to be back at. At 57, the last line you wrote was .. it’s going to be ok! It’s helps soothe the soul and is what we all need to hear. Thank you!  

[[Ra...]]

Beyond

Thanks for the kindness. It’s is not an easy road. I’m 57 and I’ve made it. You are 69 and you will too. Time is the healer. Just time. Keep at it and good luck with the process. This is a great place to reach out. As I did yesterday. I’m here as well as you go through your journey.  You can and will make it!!

[[ro...]]

Hang in there man. You’ve made it through. This is just a stressful setback. 
im sorry you’re going through it.

[[Ra...]]

Robin,

thanks I appreciate the support greatly!  Kind of you!

[[ro...]]

26 minutes ago, [[R...] said:

Robin,

thanks I appreciate the support greatly!  Kind of you!

It’s Matt buddy. We talked.