I hit 24 months off benzos

[[Re...]]

 

I can’t even believe it’s been 24 months since I was abruptly taken off the 1.5 mg of Ativan I had been on for about two years. The disruption this has caused in my life is completely surreal, and I find myself barely managing the ongoing symptoms. I’m still experiencing around 20 symptoms constantly, with frozen shoulder and jaw pain being the muscular ones. Although all the symptoms are distressing, tinnitus is the worst, followed by inner vibration and hyperacusis and skin burning which thankfully is more mild than it was a year ago. I used to feel like a porcupine constantly. Now it goes in spurts but usually when I get goose bumps from being cold or I get it after I eat.

I haven’t experienced waves of symptoms, only spikes every time I eat, regardless of the food. I also get mild akathisia after eating, which then passes. It’s confusing and disheartening. My diet is generally clean, with occasional organic treats that don’t include white sugar, flour, or dairy.

Today, it feels like my head is in a television set showing only static. The tinnitus and inner vibration make me feel as though I’m composed of electronics rather than flesh. I’m struggling to cope with this level of discomfort and am unsure how much longer I can endure it.

I’m 14 months off Seroquel, which was prescribed during my benzo withdrawal. I feel like a broken record, repeating this story over and over. I’m torn between wanting to move forward with my life and wondering if I can survive another year or two. Especially now that I have lost my home and I am in financial crisis.

I was prescribed these drugs by a psychiatrist while grieving a loved one. I was never clinically depressed. I realize this after the fact. What I’m experiencing now isn’t depression.

The physical pain makes everything feel unbearable. I started with one issue—grief—and now I have 20 physical neurological symptoms due to treating a natural human emotion, with a total of 70 symptoms total in the last two years. I’ve been physically tortured and am now facing a financial crisis as well. A friend advises me to stay positive and sends me uplifting emails, but while I appreciate the sentiment, maintaining positivity is not straightforward in cases of drug harm.

Not exactly the most hopeful and positive post on this site. But it is what it is. The financial piece has pushed me over the edge to be honest. If anyone has any ideas other than disability, I am open to hearing them.

 

[[Ye...]]

Hello @[Re...], I am also living hell and although my most difficult symptoms are different from yours, I know perfectly well what it is like to be so bad for so long and without answers; congratulations for continuing to hold on 😘

I also wanted to take the opportunity to ask you a question. I was taking 6mg of Klonopin (rivotril) and it's been 18 months since I suddenly stopped taking it. Anxiety is my worst symptom, an anxiety like I have never had and that does not allow me to go out, live a normal life and be calm and relaxed.

The question is how has your anxiety evolved over the last two years until now? 

Thanks mate 🙋🏻‍♂️

[[Re...]]

13 hours ago, [[Y...] said:

Hello @[Re...], I am also living hell and although my most difficult symptoms are different from yours, I know perfectly well what it is like to be so bad for so long and without answers; congratulations for continuing to hold on 😘

I also wanted to take the opportunity to ask you a question. I was taking 6mg of Klonopin (rivotril) and it's been 18 months since I suddenly stopped taking it. Anxiety is my worst symptom, an anxiety like I have never had and that does not allow me to go out, live a normal life and be calm and relaxed.

The question is how has your anxiety evolved over the last two years until now? 

Thanks mate 🙋🏻‍♂️

I had severe akathisia so it was very different than anxiety although I think patients get it confused. I cannot say I have the type of anxiety now like I once did and the stressors in my life are MUCH WORSE than they ever have been before. It was very much a symptom of the psych drugs themselves in my case. I am in physical pain and that is my big issue. 

[[Sw...]]

I’m so sorry you’re having such a hard time. I believe it will get better. We believe it on our good days, then our bad days make us forget completely we were ever positive. It’s okay to not be positive today. I can be positive for you. It will get better. The 20 symptoms you have now will dwindle to 15 then 10 then 5 then you’ll be on here managing how to write your success story. 
 

I know it seems hopeless now but you said it yourself. 70 symptoms down to 20. I know it seems crazy that after two years it could get better, but it can. You’ve made so much progress and I know you want to see this to the end. Even if you are miserable you’re a fighter. You’re going to take on each day of hardship until you are renewed because you’re not ready to give up yet. In fact giving up isn’t an option! 
 

there is always hope! My husband and I have been watching lord of the rings and the good guys, even though ALL hope seems lost, continue to say “there is always hope”

 

against all odds… there is always hope