You CAN get off benzos and bring joy and balance back to your life!

[[Me...]]

 

I am off benzos for nearly six years now, and life is good! The previous six years were ... not good. I ended up on 20mg temazepam + 1500mg gabapentin daily, due to medical malpractice and misdiagnosis of an overwork burnout syndrome. It's good to reflect on my recovery after quite a number of years, this post being prompted by the '20 years' celebration. Here are a few reflections from my experience:

 

• There is always hope. Others have done it, you can too. I, and many others, went through the deepest depths of despair and emerged on the other side. At 60, I now feel much younger than I did at 50!
• Be kind and understanding with yourself and any limitations you are experiencing. I found that reflections and meditations on the Buddhist concept of 'metta' or loving-kindness, and directing those feeling towards my self, profoundly healing. Google Tara Brach - she can help. You can be Christian, Muslim, atheist etc. and benefit from these practices, which are not religious. 
• I found living with inter-dose withdrawal on short half-life benzos to be a very special kind of hell. Whether this is your situation or not, benzo dependence is very hard. Congratulate yourself for being a survivor, no matter where you are at right now.
• I saw numerous practitioners ranging from doctors to psychologists to psychiatrists and naturopaths. Some of them delivered serious messages about how detrimental benzos are and urged me to get off them. NONE of them understood inter-dose withdrawal, which to this day mystifies me, given the deep biochemistry education many of them undertook in order to graduate in their field. For me, the lesson was that many well-meaning practitioners are unable to assist meaningfully, due to their limited understanding of the problem. I needed to take full responsibility for my own recovery.
• my anxiety was so bad I found it hard to even contemplate tapering. Armed with the knowledge that inter-dose withdrawal was a contributor to my plight, I had more confidence and motivation. Switching to diazepam made life more bearable and the prospect of tapering became viable.  
• I found exercise and a focus on broader holistic health (as distinct from specific mental health interventions) to be very significant contributors to my recovery. At my lowest point, in addition to many other symptoms and problems, I had severe ME /chronic fatigue and found any kind of physical activity very debilitating. At this stage I was so frustrated with the lack of progress on my mental health, I decided to focus on the physical. This decision ended up being the turning point in my recovery. I saw a physical therapist who helped me better manage my back pain - this got me started on walking and then cycling.
• It is likely that many people who end up on benzos suffer from inherent deficits in various important naturally-occurring neurotransmitters. Cardio exercise helps to compensate for this, for many people, in quite a dramatic and immensely positive way. This may seem an obvious point but it is hard for me to over-emphasise the extent to which this supported my recovery (and still does, all the time).
• I believe that a focus on microbiome / gut health was another important factor in my recovery. 95% of our serotonin is synthesised in the gut, and it travels through the vagus nerve to the brain, where it supports mood. Less serotonin is produced in the gut when it is inflamed and/or imbalances in gut bacteria exist. People often seek to remedy this by taking probiotics. The evidence suggests that 'prebiotics' can be more effective (alone or in conjunction with probiotics). Prebiotics are natural fibres on which the 'good' gut bacteria feed.
• Tapering can be slow and frustrating. It took me two years to get off benzos, and another year to get off the gabapentin. Some can do it quickly, others cannot. I tried to accelerate to process several times and it was counter-productive. Do it at your own pace and know that you WILL succeed.

 

[[Pa...]]

Oh my goodness @[Me...], thank you so much for coming back, your story is inspiring and thank you for including so many tips to help members still struggling.  Members get nervous and start to believe that when people leave BenzoBuddies, its not because they've recovered, they suspect something sinister, you know the fear and paranoia of benzodiazepine withdrawal can cause.  You and others coming back to update their story is a gift of hope, thank you!

I'm happy you're happy, and feeling good.  

[[Co...]]

Hello @[Me...]. Welcome back.

Thank you for taking the time to detail what helped you in your recovery. I feel sure that many members will be able to absorb elements of what you did into their own recovery.

It is so very important that members going through withdrawal and recovery hear messages such as yours. Thank you for posting it.

[[pi...]]

@[Me...],

Thank you so much for the detailed post and sharing your story. I believe that the ways you’ve dealt with mind and body wellness will help others still on the journey. I wish you all the best!

[[Rh...]]

I fully agree with your pointers and at 14 months off everything I have come to the realization that I need to add some exercise back in and also work on my gut microbiome/mitochondrial health.  I did not realize that prebiotics are possibly more beneficial, so I will prob start there and then incorporate some light exercise to my routine.

I am so happy you’re healing and living again and I thank you for coming back and sharing your story!