Congrats, great forum that helped me taper

[[Ho...]]

I was prescribed Ativan for anxiety for about 5 years, to use "as needed".  Then I got shigella, which was undiagnosed for about 3 months, and I was quite sick and relied on the Ativan more to get through the nights.  After the shigella bacteria was gone, I developed post-infectious IBS, basically intermittent recurrence of the same intestinal symptoms, often accompanied with heart palpitations, high BP, skin "vibrating" feelings and other symptoms.  This went on for a couple years.  The Ativan was resorted to "as needed"  sometimes a few days in a row, sometimes not for 10 days.  Over about 2 years, the IBS symptoms became quite infrequent but I had developed a sort of bedtime/sleep phobia, from so many horrible nights.  I didn't even like to go near my bed, and I often woke with something like an anxiety attack in the night, for which I would take half an Ativan.  

When I described this sleep problem to my doctor, he said, "Be proactive, take 1/2 Ativan at bedtime.  After all, that's a tapering dose."  So I did, all summer of 2019. At the end of the summer, I was sleeping fine, but I began to feel like the Ativan wasn't doing much, and I decided I didn't need it.  I took a quarter pill for two weeks and then stopped.  Immediately I got soooo sick, many symptoms similar to the past few years.  I had no idea what was going on, didn't associate it with the Ativan, was about to make a Dr. appt, when my sister said, "Didn't you just stop taking your anxiety pill?  Take your normal dose tonight and see what happens."  I took it and felt fine!  That was when I finally realized that my body was dependent on Ativan!

I believe now that some of the "IBS" symptom of the prior few years were really inter-dose withdrawal.  Anyway, at that time I got online, and luckily found Benzo Buddies, and read everything there, and in Sept 2019 started tapering 10% every week (or maybe it was 2 weeks, I forget now.)  I bought a scale that measured to .000, and cut the pills with a razor.  I still had W/D symptoms through the winter, but the big difference was, I knew what they were, so they were unpleasant, but not scary.  I didn't have to wonder what kind of awful disease I probably had.  I just suffered through it, and as spring came, they began to lighten, and I was off the Ativan by early summer.  I went very slowly and conservatively.  They said, hold if necessary but never go up.  I think I only decided not to reduce once or twice, holding until the next week.

I am so happy that I was able to accomplish that, and Benzo Buddies really saved me and made it possible.  I know it doesn't always "get" everyone the same way, but I was quite susceptible to it, and became dependent even with what I considered conservative "as needed" use.

[[Pa...]]

Hello @[Ho...], thank you for sharing your story, I've read many members connect the dots of their various illnesses and diagnosis's realizing what they thought they had was most likely tolerance to the medication.  I'm happy you're free of the pain it caused. 

[[Co...]]

Hello @[Ho...]. Welcome back!

That's quite a journey. How are you feeling these days?

[[Rh...]]

These pills are sneaky and will take hold of you even if your using sparingly and as needed.

I’m happy your sister remembered you had stopped and then you found BB.  Your worlds aligned to help you get off.

I hope you’re doing well and have left behind the whole benzo experience.  Thank you for sharing your story and bringing us much needed hope!