New to group

[[El...]]

Hello: 

I am new to the group.  I am 10 months into being off Klonipin, which I was on for four plus years.  I am in protracted withdrawal.  I honestly can't believe this is happening to me.  I had a 23 year relationship with my doctor.  He never warned me about the possibility of protracted withdrawal and I feel so betrayed.  My counselor who cared for me over 12 years urged me to go on Klonipin, but I was reluctant.  Finally, my anxiety got so bad I talked to my doctor and got on.  Initially, I was given up to 3 mg as needed.  I didn't use that much, but eventually was using that much everyday for years.  The last year I was tapering down. I went off twice, and back on.  The third time my regular MD put me on Clondine to hep with the withdrawal.  I had heart palpitations, headaches, and body. throbbing and tingling.   The symptoms have improved somewhat, I think.  It's hard to tell because I think the improvement is slow.  

I retired because my job was to stressful and now I have walked into this hell.  I still can't believe it's happening.  I have been given propranolol and hydroxyzine, which does help a little, but I am still uncomfortable everyday.  I went through three tests to check out my heart and everything was ok.  Next month I  have a brain MRI, but the neurologist thinks it's just this protracted withdrawal.   It's hard to get through the day sometimes.  I just get up and try to keep busy, but its tough because its almost always on my mind.  The neurologist suggested amitriptyline.  I am hesitant because it comes with possibility of weight gain.  I already gained 10 pounds when I was bed ridden for 3-4 months after going off the medication.  

I made the decision to stop the medication once I found out how dangerous it was.  I knew it had the capacity for being addictive so I was very careful not to use more than what was prescribed.  I had no idea about this side of it. I feel so betrayed, lost and alone.   Not knowing when or if it will ever end.  How am I going to get through this if it goes on for years?   My psychiatrist told me that the withdrawal would only last 7-14 days.  I haven't spoken to him since February.  I can't trust him after that.  I tried to find another Psychiatrist, but everyone either has no openings or takes months to get in.  My MD is handling my other meds for now.  

I am hoping the neurologist can prescribe a non benzodiazepines that might help.  I am told this is not permanent.  I was told it would be better in 6 months, and now no one knows.  

I could use any advice that can be offered. 

[[Pa...]]

Hello @[El...], welcome to BenzoBuddies,

Its awful isn't it, we can't think about anything but our misery, it dominates our every waking thought.  I'm so sorry you're suffering but what you're experiencing is normal for this process, most recover between 1 and 2 years so you're right on schedule to see improvement in a few short months.

I know its difficult to believe but your suffering will end, and the strange part is it leaves no trace for most of us.  We regain our health, we find happiness and joy again and we step back into our lives.

I agree that taking more medication can be tricky, we never know if its going to hurt or help, in my experience here, most hurt so listen to that inner voice to make the right decision.

It may help to record your symptoms and their severity, I failed to do this so my poor sick brain kept telling me I wasn't improving, sometimes we need to see things in black and white to know what we're feeling is real.

We're glad you found us and I hope we can help you feel more confident in your future.

@[Pa...]

[[El...]]

Thanks, at least I am not alone anymore.

[[Bu...]]

@[El...],  I just wanted to say "hello", too.   I know how terrible it is when we first learn the truth about these drugs and our situation.  My doctor had no idea about any of this either, and I also felt so betrayed.  But the good news is that healing really does happen.  And, no, you definitely  aren't alone anymore. I'm really glad you found us.  

[[...]]

Hi, @[El...]. No, you're not alone. Most of benzo buddies here, including myself, have had an experience close to yours and will be glad to support you through this difficult time as well as share our thoughts and helpful information on this matter. 

So sorry for your suffering. I do understand how hard it can feel. At least, we know it's a way of healing not vise versa. For me, it's been smth really precious to hold on to at the most torturous moments. Good luck and hope you'll soon turn the corner towards recovery!

[[Ab...]]

Hey @[El...]

just wanted to say you are not alone, we have this incredible community and so many helpful kind caring members who are supporting everyone through this. my advice is simple eat clean, stay hydrated, do breathwork and meditation, rest up, try and move a bit each day nature walks are great, keep busy with puzzles, art, books, podcasts etc... focus on rewiring your brain. Time is the only thing that works, don't take anything, supplements etc.. nothing works and most slow down recovery. Time is the only ingredient you need and looking after yourself as much as possible