2 weeks off Seroquel I'm terrified and stuck

[[El...]]

I have been stopping Seroquel altogether for 2 full weeks now and I am so scared. I have had 4 really hard nights in a row, my rational mind seems gone, I panic every 5 minutes, I care way too much about what everyone thinks, I feel suicidal and hopeless on a daily basis for the past few days. I even said "there's something wrong with me, maybe they were right all along to give me these drugs and to put a diagnosis on me"

My calm self would never ever say that or think that anymore. I'm really spiraling, I'm scared everything is crumbling, because I am. I'm scared my partner will get as fed up as I am with this and just throw the towel and say "enough", I almost want him to do that because I can see how much it hurts him to be there for me, to help me through this. 

I don't know what to do anymore. It's like the joy has gone away, the hope, the thread of will and strength I had for so long, it's... Just gone. 

Please help. 

I want to apologise for asking help, which is also not something I would normally do anymore. I want to apologise for just existing again, which is something I've worked on so hard for so many years in therapy. 

@[Ta...] you said you went through this, seroquel raper, last post I posted, do you have any help for me, please? 

[[...]]

"All thoughts, are all lies, all the time. ".  

Except practical thoughts.

Do you have chores or a hobby that you can work on? Get busy until the weird feelings fade.

Your symptoms are common and will fade away in time. Joy will return.

[[El...]]

I had admin stuff to sort out once and for all. I did that I feel a little better. But god this is awful. My heart pounds in my chest, I'm so exhausted... 

Thank you for the encouragement. Joy feels so out of reach, like I constantly have to remind myself why I exist at all. Trying to remember good memories, they feel... Faded. 

I'll focus on chores and things I want to work on, if I can. Otherwise I'll just sleep and just try to be with it.

[[Ta...]]

I have kept journals of my withdrawal journey, and I am looking back for my Seroquel experience. I will write to you, dearest girl, when I find it. Hang in there.

[[Ta...]]

I found my journaling about Seroquel. It got so that my face was flushed beet red, I had severe nausea, a super fast heart rate, and I could not sleep because of terrifying nightmares. I had no choice but to stop taking it.

Are you feeling any better at all, yet?

All I can say is, just hang on and do the best you can. I used deep breathing and exercise (running) as a withdrawal strategy. I think it's important to keep as positive an  outlook as you can (even though this is unbearably hard, I know.) Try as best you can to focus your attention on anything positive that is going on around you. You are in my prayers. 🙏

Eileen

Edited September 9 by [Ta...]

[[PE...]]

I think i had a great escape with this medicine as i just quit and had no symptoms. I do know more than a few buddy's being totally fucked by it so it's a very weird medication!!

Slowly taper if possible. 

Take care.

Edited September 9 by [PE...]

[[Ta...]]

On 05/09/2024 at 09:12, [[E...] said:

I had admin stuff to sort out once and for all. I did that I feel a little better. But god this is awful. My heart pounds in my chest, I'm so exhausted... 

Thank you for the encouragement. Joy feels so out of reach, like I constantly have to remind myself why I exist at all. Trying to remember good memories, they feel... Faded. 

I'll focus on chores and things I want to work on, if I can. Otherwise I'll just sleep and just try to be with it.

These drugs lie to ALL OF US in the same way. I have to say OUT LOUD "it's the drug talking and telling you that your life is not worth the trouble!" And sometimes I scream very loud "Get out!!! Leave me alone!!!" I forced myself to be very busy and concentrate on other things as much as possible. Sometimes I punch a pillow as hard as I can, or hit it with a giant spoon! I show no mercy! I am SO TIRED OF THE LIES THESE DRUGS TELL US!!! You WILL feel better. There are INFINITE things for you to direct your attention to, Honey! Don't listen to fucking Seroquel ANYMORE!!!

[[Ca...]]

While you're suffering from Benzo withdrawal/BIND it is pretty normal to have an ( maybe severe) uptick in symptoms or (even more likely) a (potentially severe) setback once you get off of other meds! Happened to me as well this April and July when I got off of methylphenidate (Ritalin) and Propanolol. I felt so close to healing before I got off of the other drugs. And then all of a sudden once off (the first day already) I felt pretty much like back square one/acute. My setback is now almost going on for 5 months. Only the last few days it seems to improve a bit but very slowly.

 

Hang on, this will definately pass! And I bet you come up with an improved baseline after that! You will do it! Try to get your mind off of your symptoms! Distract!

 

 

Edited September 10 by [Ca...]

[[El...]]

12 hours ago, [[T...] said:

I found my journaling about Seroquel. It got so that my face was flushed beet red, I had severe nausea, a super fast heart rate, and I could not sleep because of terrifying nightmares. I had no choice but to stop taking it.

Hello @[Ta...] and thank you for unearthing your journal for me, I assume it must be something you don't want to get back into much. I had the same symptoms which led me to taper and stop altogether yeah. Night terrors were the worst. I couldn't get any rest (which had been the whole point of taking this god awful evil pill in the first place, to help with rest and insomnia, irony 101)

12 hours ago, [[T...] said:

Are you feeling any better at all, yet?

yes I'm feeling a bit better, I can sort of see it moving from one phase to another of the withdrawal that I've had to deal with for more than a year and half. I remember how I felt this way before and it reassures me to tell myself "you've been here before, you've felt this before, this is just yet another iteration of the same bullshit, it's going to pass like last time and you got through it anyway, you can get through anything with what you've been through and overcome" 

So today's the 20th day of zero seroquel in my body, almost 3 weeks, and Oh boy I feel so very angry. Like Vesuve in Pompei angry, from the start: from waking up, from my dreams, from being woken up by a bloody beeping crane too early, I'm enraged by everything. But I prefer that to the despair and inertia and complete depression I felt the first acute symptoms after complete stop. 
At least I feel MOVED, towards something, there's movement in me, it's not just "I wanna die, jesus, this is awful." So on that front, I'm glad. 

I find it very hard to exercise, sadly, it's been exacerbating my WD symptoms every time I overheat my body (which sometimes includes just being in the sun, farewell summer 2024. yeah, I'm still pissed about that...)

Thank you so much for this:

8 hours ago, [[T...] said:

These drugs lie to ALL OF US in the same way. I have to say OUT LOUD "it's the drug talking and telling you that your life is not worth the trouble!" And sometimes I scream very loud "Get out!!! Leave me alone!!!" I forced myself to be very busy and concentrate on other things as much as possible. Sometimes I punch a pillow as hard as I can, or hit it with a giant spoon! I show no mercy! I am SO TIRED OF THE LIES THESE DRUGS TELL US!!! You WILL feel better. There are INFINITE things for you to direct your attention to, Honey! Don't listen to fucking Seroquel ANYMORE!!!

I guess I needed permission / confirmation that it's OK to be enraged and to just want to crush and destroy everything and to shout at ... hm... no one in particular and saying "SHUT THE FUCK UP, IT'S ALL LIES, LET ME BE YOU ASSHOLE"
But you know, roomates... I care less and less with every day that passes if they think ANYTHING about me, because I barely interact with them and they do not know me, they do not get to pass any judgement that should/could affect me as a person since they don't know how much I work at this and how much strength it takes to keep going every single day. But this is hard, I feel like somehow I've been put in this position of sharing for now for that reason, to show me something about who I am and that it doesn't matter what strangers think and being myself and authentic is paramount in this world of conformity. 

Anyway... @[PE...] you are lucky to be free of this, well done for getting off these things. 

I have a question that might be odd but do you ever feel the rage directly towards this sort of conglomerate of unknown people who are responsible for putting these drugs out there and encouraging their consumption? And what do you do with the rage, since it's basically the equivalent of trying to take down a Hydra, Hercules style (but without the muscles and with a sleep deprivation problem.)

Thank you for all your messages. Really. 
With love (and righteous anger)
El.

Edited September 10 by [El...]

[[El...]]

4 hours ago, [[C...] said:

Hang on, this will definately pass! And I bet you come up with an improved baseline after that! You will do it! Try to get your mind off of your symptoms! Distract!

And thank you for this.
I needed to read that too. 
Good luck to you too and thanks for saying it's normal, that there's basically nothing wrong with me, that a relapse is OK after a complete stop. It's so hard, when you felt like you got used to it and it got a bit better and you were like "I got this " and then BOOM. Man, the amount of determination and self-love that's involved in this...
Thank you 

[[PE...]]

6 hours ago, [[E...] said:

Hello @[Ta...] and thank you for unearthing your journal for me, I assume it must be something you don't want to get back into much. I had the same symptoms which led me to taper and stop altogether yeah. Night terrors were the worst. I couldn't get any rest (which had been the whole point of taking this god awful evil pill in the first place, to help with rest and insomnia, irony 101)

yes I'm feeling a bit better, I can sort of see it moving from one phase to another of the withdrawal that I've had to deal with for more than a year and half. I remember how I felt this way before and it reassures me to tell myself "you've been here before, you've felt this before, this is just yet another iteration of the same bullshit, it's going to pass like last time and you got through it anyway, you can get through anything with what you've been through and overcome" 

So today's the 20th day of zero seroquel in my body, almost 3 weeks, and Oh boy I feel so very angry. Like Vesuve in Pompei angry, from the start: from waking up, from my dreams, from being woken up by a bloody beeping crane too early, I'm enraged by everything. But I prefer that to the despair and inertia and complete depression I felt the first acute symptoms after complete stop. 
At least I feel MOVED, towards something, there's movement in me, it's not just "I wanna die, jesus, this is awful." So on that front, I'm glad. 

I find it very hard to exercise, sadly, it's been exacerbating my WD symptoms every time I overheat my body (which sometimes includes just being in the sun, farewell summer 2024. yeah, I'm still pissed about that...)

Thank you so much for this:

I guess I needed permission / confirmation that it's OK to be enraged and to just want to crush and destroy everything and to shout at ... hm... no one in particular and saying "SHUT THE FUCK UP, IT'S ALL LIES, LET ME BE YOU ASSHOLE"
But you know, roomates... I care less and less with every day that passes if they think ANYTHING about me, because I barely interact with them and they do not know me, they do not get to pass any judgement that should/could affect me as a person since they don't know how much I work at this and how much strength it takes to keep going every single day. But this is hard, I feel like somehow I've been put in this position of sharing for now for that reason, to show me something about who I am and that it doesn't matter what strangers think and being myself and authentic is paramount in this world of conformity. 

Anyway... @[PE...] you are lucky to be free of this, well done for getting off these things. 

I have a question that might be odd but do you ever feel the rage directly towards this sort of conglomerate of unknown people who are responsible for putting these drugs out there and encouraging their consumption? And what do you do with the rage, since it's basically the equivalent of trying to take down a Hydra, Hercules style (but without the muscles and with a sleep deprivation problem.)

Thank you for all your messages. Really. 
With love (and righteous anger)
El.

Yes i can feel anger towards doctors prescribing this poison. Also on myself for not checking it out more prior.

[[Ta...]]

How are you doing?