Approaching 24 months off benzos

[[Re...]]

 

 

As I approach 24 months off benzos in just a couple of weeks, I find myself reflecting on my journey and the challenges I've faced. This post may be sensitive for those concerned about the long-term nature of recovery.

When I first joined this site, I was unaware of how prolonged the recovery process could be. I was polydrugged by a psychiatrist for five years, and then during benzo withdrawal, I was prescribed Seroquel, which worsened my crisis. On top of that, I believe I began experiencing perimenopause, creating a perfect storm of complications. I often wonder if I would have recovered by now had I not taken the Seroquel.

I’ve heard stories of people recovering within three months after stopping all medications, as well as those whose recovery takes ten years or more, and everything in between. This is the reality we face—an unfortunate reality. I understand that recovery within 12-24 months off all drugs is commonly expected. I am a little over 13 months off Seroquel. I maintain a healthy lifestyle, avoid chemicals and ANY substances. I don't even take a vitamin and I probably won't again to be honest. 

I can't imagine enduring this for another year. But then again, I couldn't imagine enduring this for two years and here I am.

I would feel significantly more hopeful if I hadn’t lost my home and been forced to move between temporary accommodations while dealing with a frozen shoulder. and the host of symptoms I still have Of the 21 symptoms I currently have (had 70+ total), roughly one-third still seem to be related to my original benzo injury. Seroquel not only worsened my benzo symptoms but also introduced new ones. My most distressing symptoms now are tinnitus, a frozen shoulder, paresthesia, and inner vibration.

The suffering has been immense, and many of you understand this deeply. The combination of financial strain and the aftermath of severe akathisia and now struggling with a frozen shoulder for nine months is inhumane. I still lack stable housing and face affordability challenges, and the inability to travel or drive or hustle to make ends meet makes me feel trapped because I can't solve my problems.

As I approach the 24-month mark, I anticipate a period of mourning. The PTSD is severe, and the constant reminder of psych med withdrawal issues hiding in plain sight only serves as a painful reminder. Additionally, I’ve recently lost two friends to complications from psych drugs.

I am doing more than I was last year at this time, but I’m barely hanging on each day and still spend most of my time at home. I have had some small improvements over time, and there’s been a significant reduction in akathisia, though it still feels like a lurking beast, and I remain terrified of its return. I have socialized a bit; I was able to go to an event in the heat that was noisy, but it knocked me out the next day, and my symptoms are constant, so when I’m there, it felt like I was in a nightmare. I just keep thinking about this saying: “Everything will be okay in the end. If it’s not okay, it’s not the end.”

 

 

 

 

Edited September 3 by [Re...]

[[PE...]]

41 minutes ago, [[R...] said:

As I approach 24 months off benzos in just a couple of weeks, I find myself reflecting on my journey and the challenges I've faced. This post may be sensitive for those concerned about the long-term nature of recovery.

When I first joined this site, I was unaware of how prolonged the recovery process could be. I was polydrugged by a psychiatrist for five years, and then during benzo withdrawal, I was prescribed Seroquel, which worsened my crisis. On top of that, I believe I began experiencing perimenopause, creating a perfect storm of complications. I often wonder if I would have recovered by now had I not taken the Seroquel.

I’ve heard stories of people recovering within three months after stopping all medications, as well as those whose recovery takes ten years or more, and everything in between. This is the reality we face—an unfortunate reality. I understand that recovery within 12-24 months off all drugs is commonly expected. I am a little over 13 months off Seroquel. I maintain a healthy lifestyle, avoid chemicals and ANY substances. I don't even take a vitamin and I probably won't again to be honest. 

I can't imagine enduring this for another year. But then again, I couldn't imagine enduring this for two years and here I am.

I would feel significantly more hopeful if I hadn’t lost my home and been forced to move between temporary accommodations while dealing with a frozen shoulder. and the host of symptoms I still have Of the 21 symptoms I currently have (had 70+ total), roughly one-third still seem to be related to my original benzo injury. Seroquel not only worsened my benzo symptoms but also introduced new ones. My most distressing symptoms now are tinnitus, a frozen shoulder, paresthesia, and inner vibration.

The suffering has been immense, and many of you understand this deeply. The combination of financial strain and the aftermath of severe akathisia and now struggling with a frozen shoulder for nine months is inhumane. I still lack stable housing and face affordability challenges, and the inability to travel or drive or hustle to make ends meet makes me feel trapped because I can't solve my problems.

As I approach the 24-month mark, I anticipate a period of mourning. The PTSD is severe, and the constant reminder of psych med withdrawal issues hiding in plain sight only serves as a painful reminder. Additionally, I’ve recently lost two friends to complications from psych drugs.

I am doing more than I was last year at this time, but I’m barely hanging on each day and still spend most of my time at home. I have had some small improvements over time, and there’s been a significant reduction in akathisia, though it still feels like a lurking beast, and I remain terrified of its return. I have socialized a bit; I was able to go to an event in the heat that was noisy, but it knocked me out the next day, and my symptoms are constant, so when I’m there, it felt like I was in a nightmare. I just keep thinking about this saying: “Everything will be okay in the end. If it’s not okay, it’s not the end.”

Hi 😊

Lets hope that "lurking beast" keep lurking.. about the length of damage/withdrawal. My first withdrawal i was perfectly fine after 8 weeks. This time it took 9 months. It's so strange. I think the withdrawal itself makes more harm than the benzos consumed. Chocking the brain..

I'm glad you're akathisia is gone Rebecca 😊

Take care.

[[PE...]]

"Everything will be okay in the end. If it’s not okay, it’s not the end.”

Word!

[[WU...]]

Just to say I wish you well in your continued healing and as you rightly say "Everything will be Okay...."

[[Sw...]]

You’re so strong. You inspire me. I’m right there with you. You’re not alone.

[[De...]]

1 hour ago, [[P...] said:

"Everything will be okay in the end. If it’s not okay, it’s not the end.”

Word!

One of my fav quotes💪

[[Re...]]

@[PE...]@[WU...]@[Sw...]@[De...] Much love to you all.

[[He...]]

Hi Rebecca,
I think it’s important to say how friends were lost to “complications” from psych drugs.  It’s a bit vague and can unnerve people.  I don’t want the drama behind it, just the reason behind the “complications”.  

It’s not that I disbelieve you.  I know how potent these drugs can be from personal experience.  
 

 

Edited September 4 by [He...]

[[ro...]]

I can relate wholeheartedly. I just hit 25 months and feel almost identical. Every day is an immense struggle for me. I have lost much. Just keep pushing right?

[[Bu...]]

Hi @[Re...]! That's all,  just "hi" and I'm thinking of you. 

[[Re...]]

On 04/09/2024 at 17:20, [[r...] said:

I can relate wholeheartedly. I just hit 25 months and feel almost identical. Every day is an immense struggle for me. I have lost much. Just keep pushing right?

Were you polydrugged @[ro...]?

[[Re...]]

On 04/09/2024 at 20:39, [[B...] said:

Hi @[Re...]! That's all,  just "hi" and I'm thinking of you. 

@[Bu...]Thank you. Hi back!

[[Re...]]

On 04/09/2024 at 13:07, [[H...] said:

Hi Rebecca,
I think it’s important to say how friends were lost to “complications” from psych drugs.  It’s a bit vague and can unnerve people.  I don’t want the drama behind it, just the reason behind the “complications”.  

It’s not that I disbelieve you.  I know how potent these drugs can be from personal experience.  
 

I hear you but I was sharing my own experience of the loss. I purposely did not share specifics.

[[Kr...]]

1 hour ago, [[R...] said:

Were you polydrugged @[ro...]?

I was and have severe mental physical symptoms like you guys.

plus crippling exhaustion that comes and goes but misty comes.

Edited September 7 by [Kr...]

[[ro...]]

10 hours ago, [[K...] said:

I was and have severe mental physical symptoms like you guys.

plus crippling exhaustion that comes and goes but misty comes.

Yes. I have all that. I have feelings and loss of ability that’s hard to put in to words.

[[ro...]]

12 hours ago, [[R...] said:

Were you polydrugged @[ro...]?

I was

[[Re...]]

3 hours ago, [[r...] said:

I was

I am not sure if it affects healing timelines as I have heard people who were polydrugged on all different timelines but I suspect in my case the Seroquel tipped the scale. Benzo set the stage.

[[Re...]]

13 hours ago, [[K...] said:

I was and have severe mental physical symptoms like you guys.

plus crippling exhaustion that comes and goes but misty comes.

I am sorry @[Kr...]. I am constantly tired too which makes sense. Being in pain all the time is exhausting. The physical pain and tinnitus affect my mental state. Thankfully, the DPDR is gone, and I don't experience anxiety. I do feel stress, but it’s different from anxiety. I believe the anxiety I was experiencing was a side effect of the antidepressant I was prescribed.

[[Kr...]]

If only the anxiety in my brain would lift. It's fearful and horrendous and it's really upsetting when it combines and morphs with the aka. We are a unique group the polydrugged people. And those of us who have undergone rapid tapers or cold turkeys. Its so brutal and like robinsmb said, is hard to put into words.

[[Re...]]

On 07/09/2024 at 09:56, [[K...] said:

If only the anxiety in my brain would lift. It's fearful and horrendous and it's really upsetting when it combines and morphs with the aka. We are a unique group the polydrugged people. And those of us who have undergone rapid tapers or cold turkeys. Its so brutal and like robinsmb said, is hard to put into words.

I completely understand and feel for you. I do believe it will dissipate and I have hope for your progress.