If you're struggling, keep going.

[[do...]]

Hi friends, my story mirrors many of yours.  I am fully RECOVERED, and you will be too.  I see my life in two phases - before and after.  Before Klonopin and after Klonopin.  But the phase I most wanted to forget but can't, because it made me who I am today, is that "during" phase - and it took me right to the pit of despair, the gates of hell. The before is boring, the during is now faded memories of the worst struggle of my life, but the after is the sweet stuff.  I won.  I made it.  And I know with certainty that you will, too.  You will!

 

Before: I took Klonopin for 7 years, and tapered for one whole year cutting back my pills until I was basically licking dust off my palms.  Looking back I had an innocent prescription, and I had no idea how this experience would shape the trajectory of my life.  

During: the withdrawal started within a couple days.  Sleep disturbances.  The lack of sleep was just one of the horrible side effects of withdrawal.  Other symptoms were all extreme - light sensitivity, derealization, just trying to process thoughts on a minute by minute basis, - it made me a shell of who I once was.  It affected every inch, fiber, and second of my life. I was consumed.  Not one second of relief.

And then about 8 months into my withdrawal I had a glimmer.  It lasted about 2 minutes but it was enough, and after 8 months of nothing but struggle with zero relief, it was most welcome.  I just felt...hope.  I felt the sun on my face and it didn't hurt my eyes or skin.  I smiled for the first time again.  After those two minutes, the despair and fear returned, but the glimmers continued VERY rarely and sporadically, but again...with such hope.  I had zero fight in me for so long, was running on empty, barely "living," but I was not giving up. It was either taking me out or I was gonna win.  I wasn't sure which would happen or how my story would end.  I was most afraid it would never end, and that I'd be stuck in this black hole of withdrawal forever.  I knew I was the one who was different, that wouldn't get better, it was taking SO LONG.  I knew I was the odd one out, I must be different. I was afraid I would suffer in this living hell forever.  I was very wrong.  You don't think straight in withdrawal.

After: I love my life.  It's been 9 years since I cut my first pill to withdraw.  I live a normal life now, I am healed.  And honestly, I can't believe it!  All of those neverending nights, and days of struggle, fear, doubt, pain, and despair are completely gone.  Completely gone.  

What helped me during withdrawal (even though it didn't feel like it was helping at the time but I did it anyway), was telling myself I would be ok someday.  Also, I knew this was gonna take some time.  I knew the suffering was something I had to go through which is a terrifying thought.  And it was scary, the scariest thing I've been through in my life even, but I would not tell myself anything else.  I did my best each day and let me make clear that my best was often just existing, breathing.  Making it another minute, day.  You can't see much into the future when you're struggling to live another minute. But your body knows how to survive.  It's your brain that has to heal, and it likes to take its sweet time.  But love yourself.  Eat healthy whole foods. Remove outside stimuli from your home. Confide in someone who loves you.  Read success stories.  Take warm baths. There's no room for negativity in withdrawal.

 

I wish you all the best.  From someone who was sure she was a goner, I can assure you that you are going to be ok. 

[[...]]

Hi, @[do...], and welcome to BenzoBuddies Soo big and sincere thank you for the story! I'm sure people here and those just reading these forums will appreciate it no end! We all do need as much of encouragement as possible. Good luck to you in your new happy life!)

[[or...]]

I didn't read all of your post @[do...] but enough to know, I know what you are talking about when I saw the word struggle, and the "keep going".  This experience is becoming a Life-changing (for the good) struggle for me.  I'm 71, and I am realizing that this is what I needed "actually" to keep me going.  "Give me more" is practically my battle-cry because my Windows are just a peek at what can be, and I fully believe, will be for me.

It feels like a life-time of things building up in me, are finally pouring out of me.  My faith has kept me going, faith that I will make it because others have shared their successes.  I have felt a lot of healing while in my taper, and I've felt symptoms return again. But every step forward is a win against a drug I agreed to take for so many years. 

And it's not just the drug, no matter what people may say, we all still have to deal with life itself in this world, I feel so much gratitude this morning, because I have hope, lost it at times, but it always returns, oregonlady

[[vo...]]

1 hour ago, [[d...] said:

 

Thank you for taking the time to share your journey @[do...]. Your story is so inspirational, sharing the ups and downs with each of us. I really appreciated reading it. xxx

[[Ad...]]

@[do...], thank you so much for your encouraging words and for taking the time to share your story. All of us who are tapering off these destructive drugs really need to hear stories like yours.

[[gu...]]

What a perfect post for me to read today. At 7 yrs 8 mos and in a 7 mo horrific setback - unlike anything ever before- I certainly do struggle with the idea that I will be the exception. You described exactly what my experience is right now. Thank you for that. Really, I appreciate you taking the time to write that post.

[[En...]]

23 hours ago, [[d...] said:

Hi friends, my story mirrors many of yours.  I am fully RECOVERED, and you will be too.  I see my life in two phases - before and after.  Before Klonopin and after Klonopin.  But the phase I most wanted to forget but can't, because it made me who I am today, is that "during" phase - and it took me right to the pit of despair, the gates of hell. The before is boring, the during is now faded memories of the worst struggle of my life, but the after is the sweet stuff.  I won.  I made it.  And I know with certainty that you will, too.  You will!

Before: I took Klonopin for 7 years, and tapered for one whole year cutting back my pills until I was basically licking dust off my palms.  Looking back I had an innocent prescription, and I had no idea how this experience would shape the trajectory of my life.  

During: the withdrawal started within a couple days.  Sleep disturbances.  The lack of sleep was just one of the horrible side effects of withdrawal.  Other symptoms were all extreme - light sensitivity, derealization, just trying to process thoughts on a minute by minute basis, - it made me a shell of who I once was.  It affected every inch, fiber, and second of my life. I was consumed.  Not one second of relief.

And then about 8 months into my withdrawal I had a glimmer.  It lasted about 2 minutes but it was enough, and after 8 months of nothing but struggle with zero relief, it was most welcome.  I just felt...hope.  I felt the sun on my face and it didn't hurt my eyes or skin.  I smiled for the first time again.  After those two minutes, the despair and fear returned, but the glimmers continued VERY rarely and sporadically, but again...with such hope.  I had zero fight in me for so long, was running on empty, barely "living," but I was not giving up. It was either taking me out or I was gonna win.  I wasn't sure which would happen or how my story would end.  I was most afraid it would never end, and that I'd be stuck in this black hole of withdrawal forever.  I knew I was the one who was different, that wouldn't get better, it was taking SO LONG.  I knew I was the odd one out, I must be different. I was afraid I would suffer in this living hell forever.  I was very wrong.  You don't think straight in withdrawal.

After: I love my life.  It's been 9 years since I cut my first pill to withdraw.  I live a normal life now, I am healed.  And honestly, I can't believe it!  All of those neverending nights, and days of struggle, fear, doubt, pain, and despair are completely gone.  Completely gone.  

What helped me during withdrawal (even though it didn't feel like it was helping at the time but I did it anyway), was telling myself I would be ok someday.  Also, I knew this was gonna take some time.  I knew the suffering was something I had to go through which is a terrifying thought.  And it was scary, the scariest thing I've been through in my life even, but I would not tell myself anything else.  I did my best each day and let me make clear that my best was often just existing, breathing.  Making it another minute, day.  You can't see much into the future when you're struggling to live another minute. But your body knows how to survive.  It's your brain that has to heal, and it likes to take its sweet time.  But love yourself.  Eat healthy whole foods. Remove outside stimuli from your home. Confide in someone who loves you.  Read success stories.  Take warm baths. There's no room for negativity in withdrawal.

I wish you all the best.  From someone who was sure she was a goner, I can assure you that you are going to be ok. 

I know what you are saying here. It is a great feeling the after life. Hard times make hard men/women. Before your struggle you took life for granted. You couldn't imagine how life could be a daily struggle. No idea. Then we go through very difficult times. Uncertain of our future. Then it gets better. You see you are healing and will succeed. Looking back on our journey we remember how we struggled and become proud of ourselves for enduring it. Makes us stronger. Makes us never take for granted our good mental health. I know I will feel this way. I am hoping this brings hope to those who feel hopeless. It does get better and you do heal. It is the best feeling you ever had. A magnificent gift.