20 months

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Hey everybody, I’m 20 months off of my benzodiazepine now. I was on clonazepam daily for about six years before I figured out that I was in tolerance and that it was causing me so many issues. I tapered poorly (1/4 tab less one day a week, etc) for a year and then got on a micro taper for a year.
At that point, I switched over to Valium and ended up having to do a daily micro taper to come off.

I was symptomatic the whole way down. The last year was truly awful being mostly bed bound.

Recovery has been incredibly slow, but I absolutely have to admit that it is getting better.

I have been able to return to walking a lot and some running, which I was afraid I would never be able to do it again.

Last month, my weekly average was between 16 and 20 miles walking/running per week. 

I still have some floaty feelings that come and go with my cycle and some weird visual things that still come around sunset. 
So many things are good that I hate to complain. I feel like I have a lot of my life back and for that I am incredibly grateful.

What lingers:

Arm and leg neuropathy - this comes and goes and is associated with waves after really pushing my nervous system. I had some of this when I was tapering. Where I felt like my legs were tingly or really heavy. Right now it is back - and at 20 months it kind of scares me, of course, that is something else.
That old benzo lie.  I should add this especially rough wave is after having done 14 1/2 hour road trip to the Tetons and camping for three days and driving 14 1/2 hours home. (I didn’t personally drive that far, I’m not there yet).

 I was able to hike 6 miles at 7000 feet. I didn’t feel great and I still had some pulse in my vision and some of the other good old benzo symptoms, but I was able to do it which is fucking amazing. I’ll take it 100%.
 

Warped vision- this doesn’t happen all the time, but it does for several days a month and it’s usually around my cycle. For some reason, it’s worse if I go for a walk right around Sunset. Sunset was always a hard time for my withdrawing brain. This also mixes with the floaty boaty feeling where the ground is a bit uneven. This is becoming more and more rare, which I truly appreciate. I had this solid for absolutely years.
It’s one of the first symptoms I had in tolerance that scared the snot out of me. I did all kinds of neurological workups and vestibular physical therapy and nothing helped. I had it all the way through tolerance and taper, and for the first year and a half at least of recovery. So I am incredibly grateful to have breaks in it now. Again, I will 100% take this as a win.

Heart palpitations- I think this may be more a function of perimenopause, but it seems to go with anxiety so I don’t know. My belly feels like I’m on a roller coaster in my heart booms irregularly. If I can calm down and do some yoga, it gets better. It is worse at night.

I haven’t been on benzo buddies in a long, long time because I haven’t needed it ❤️ I came back on to see if anyone still had weird arm and leg tingling/numbness at 20 months off. It looks common so I will just carry-on.

At my worst, I laid in bed, listening to Dave Powers meditations, and Buddhist meditations about acceptance-praying that I would either recover or die. 
My hormonal cycles are still rough, but nowhere near where they were when I was tapering. SI is gone, intrusives are gone,  The OCD obsessive crap is gone. 
 

Recovery happens! 
hang in there, friends.

 

treelover

 

 

 

[[je...]]

I’m so glad you’re noticing improvement. I wish it was quicker but you have a wonderful attitude and you certainly make the best of it!

[[Ca...]]

I hope I will have improved as you did when I will be 20 months out. Currently 16 months off of Klonopin and in a severe setback that doesn't want to come to an end. (caused by getting off methylphenidate 4 months ago). Bedbound most of the time among many other nasty symptoms. Fatigue and bad sleep was never gone even before. That's my worst.

Thank you so much for posting your progress in healing! That means so much to definately many buddies out here!

Edited August 10 by [Ca...]