Help!

[[in...]]

So I'm two months out. I feel stressed out 24/7. I can't even relax enough to go to the bathroom. I have tensed jaws and this extreme headache because of it. Breathing won't help. I'm way too stressed out... I'm desperate... Help!!

[[be...]]

Here almost 8 weeks. Try avoid stressing stuff that helped with me. 

[[En...]]

2 hours ago, [[i...] said:

So I'm two months out. I feel stressed out 24/7. I can't even relax enough to go to the bathroom. I have tensed jaws and this extreme headache because of it. Breathing won't help. I'm way too stressed out... I'm desperate... Help!!

This can be very stressful time with never having any relief. It can feel like torture and inhumane. I find the only thing that helps me when I feel like you do is to just go through it. I try to distract myself with looking outside if it is a nice sunny day that helps. I will try breathing exercises but like you said it really doesn't help much but I do it anyways. If I am not too weak I will go for a short walk. That seems to help. Just a nice easy short walk just to get out of the house and get some sunshine. 

I am sorry you are going through this. I know from experience it is hell. We are all going through the most difficult time of our lives and we are all here for one another. Just try to make it through each day. One day closer to being fully healed. One day you will look back on this experience and be a happier more humbled person. Hang in there.

[[...]]

@[in...], please, don't get desperate. This is what a withdrawal can feel like. I think 2 months mark can be the hardest on us but It should pass and i hope soon. I do know what tensed jaws and an excruciating headache mean during WD. I lived through those days minute by minute and would never repeat that experience. Do you feel the pain all the time day and night?

Just sending you my support, understanding and the bit of healing rays wich i can manage to spare at the moment. It will definitely get better!

[[in...]]

Edited August 9 by [in...]

[[Bu...]]

[[...]]

2 hours ago, [[B...] said:

Is it really true about the  two month mark being the hardest?

Today  I’m really feeling like it’s impossible for me to survive this. I’m at 9 weeks. 
I’ve posted about how horrible last night was - feel like I lost my mind. The previous night I had 6 hours of akathisia- constantly shifting positions every 30 seconds. 
my sleep is toxic and light and makes me more anxious. 
 

my daughter goes on holiday tomorrow- I don’t know how I’m going to survive without her - it shouldn’t be this way

Sorry - I’m trying to cling onto glimmers of hope when I see them 

@[Bu...], It's natural to cling to any shadow of hope. It helps to get through even if some details aren't always correct for someone in particular.

When my WD started i was absolutely sure about the 2 months mark but i can't say it was my case, although i did get a bit more stable by 3 month. Started seeing friends, one at a time after 2+ years torture, time in tolerance included. And i do know people who really began getting better being past this mark.  

Sincerely sorry for your suffering. I do hope the 2 months mark is your case.

[[...]]

3 hours ago, [[i...] said:

The pain is there during daytime. I fall asleep from being exhausted because of the headache/tensed jaws. Thanks for the support! I appreciate it a lot! 🙂👍

It was similar for me most of the time and i did get better. I agree with @[En...]. Every day you have lived through gets you closer to recovery!)

[[in...]]

[[Bu...]]

[[je...]]

@[Bu...] what @[...] was saying is that the 2 years for her included the time she was in tolerance while being on the drug. Most people see improvement as they recover. In my case I actually got worse from months two to about month eight but it was because I had an underlying condition which made my benzo symptoms worse and once that got treated I saw a big improvement. Then my recovery followed a gradual path where I noticed slow progress. But at one year off I was not nearly as bad as when I jumped.

I still struggle with insomnia as I mentioned before but it has gone from 1-3 hrs to 4-5 hrs and that already makes a big difference. 

[[in...]]

Hey people!! Good news!! I've been looking for something that can make me shift my focus when I start feeling worse. Maybe, just MAYBE I finally found something that works! I tried something called "diamond painting" tonight! It actually made me concentrate to the point where I wasn't thinking about my pounding heart, my acing back or my shortness of breath! I'm gonna give it a go again tomorrow! Wohooo!

[[Cr...]]

8 minutes ago, [[i...] said:

actually made me concentrate to the point where I wasn't thinking about my pounding heart, my acing back or my shortness of breath! I'm gonna give it a go again tomorrow! Wohooo!

Excellent! Notice how you didn't say painting got rid of your symptoms, but rather it helped you to not focus so intensely on them.

Acceptance means you understand that the symptoms are there but you are not going to waste any effort on trying to get rid of them (fighting). Once you realize that you can coexist (temporarily) with these symptoms it will reduce your fear of them, which will also prevent your own anxiety from making them worse (or lowering your ability to cope).

Thank you for this update @[in...]. You may experience different types of symptoms in the future, but in the end they are all just the sensations/aftershocks of a mind/body undergoing construction.

[[je...]]

19 minutes ago, [[i...] said:

Hey people!! Good news!! I've been looking for something that can make me shift my focus when I start feeling worse. Maybe, just MAYBE I finally found something that works! I tried something called "diamond painting" tonight! It actually made me concentrate to the point where I wasn't thinking about my pounding heart, my acing back or my shortness of breath! I'm gonna give it a go again tomorrow! Wohooo!

Wonderful! That’s why we keep saying distraction is so important. 

[[...]]

4 hours ago, [[B...] said:

Thanks for your sympathy and honesty  - though it’s scary to hear that some don’t improve until the two year point - I don’t think my mind and body could withstand that amount of sleep deprivation. I would be able to cope if I had at least some quality sleep every week and there was a tiny bit of predictability to my symptoms (ideally missing out the worst ones!)

Thanks for the reply 

@[Bu...], @[je...] is right. I meant my 2 years time of suffering included the time in tolerance while still on benzo, in fact, most of it was due to tolerance.

I haven't reached the mark of 2 years off benzo yet  but i don't have sleep issues although it was the reason for getting on the drug. 

[[...]]

5 hours ago, [[i...] said:

I have recovered from this twice before so I know it's possible. The problem back then was I started drinking as soon as I started feeling a little bit better. I've stayed away from alcohol for 3+ years now though so things should be different this time around.

@[in...], i remember you have already had this experience. Yes, things should be different and to the better now Just a bit of patience. Unfortunately it doesn't often go otherwise.

I think it's very helpful you've stayed away from alcohol for so long. Really good!

[[Bu...]]

9 hours ago, [[j...] said:

@[Bu...] what @[...] was saying is that the 2 years for her included the time she was in tolerance while being on the drug. Most people see improvement as they recover. In my case I actually got worse from months two to about month eight but it was because I had an underlying condition which made my benzo symptoms worse and once that got treated I saw a big improvement. Then my recovery followed a gradual path where I noticed slow progress. But at one year off I was not nearly as bad as when I jumped.

I still struggle with insomnia as I mentioned before but it has gone from 1-3 hrs to 4-5 hrs and that already makes a big difference. 

Thanks for the clarification. I remember you (jelly baby) really replying to a previous post of mine when I was asking if anyone else had had pre- existing fatigue. Your experience of recovery gave me hope. 
 

However, I don’t think my underlying illness can be treated at such - (long covid fatigue/cfs and POTS) . Though there are meds for POTS that help some people, I’m so incredibly sensitive to meds now - that’s what got me into this mess in the first place. 

This has all along worried me - each condition is exacerbating the other.  I’m really glad that treatment of an underlying condition helped you but as that is not open to me it makes me worry even more that things won’t turn around for me. 
I guess this is one of the dangers of comparing experiences. 

I feel there are so many things counting against my recovery- extreme chemical sensitivity, pre existing fatigue, the fact that I went cold turkey.  

If only there was a success story that ticked call those boxes lol! if anyone knows of one please do let me know
 

im getting a few to several hours of sleep most nights but it really isn’t refreshing. It’s so light and when I transition or wake I feel sicker, and full of stress. It is worse on nights with very little sleep. 
 

Three weeks ago I would often get an hour of refreshing sleep towards the end of the night but this has now been replaced by a nightmare sleepy realm involving confusion, intrusive thoughts and anxiety. 

I truly believe that if my sleep became refreshing again, then I could slowly recover. 

Im gonna just keep praying for this every night 

It’s weird because some symptoms really are improving ( tinnitus and noise sensitivity) but the ones that are developing (akathisia, brief hallucinations, confusion and worsening sleep quality and some random odd symptoms like feelings of suffocation at point of sleep) are much worse. 

having said all that - to be able to sometimes listen to music and follow a TV program over the last two days has been a revelation. 
 

anyway sorry for the long post. Thanks for your engagement- without these contacts I would feel like I was truly alone in an impossible abyss. Even if there aren’t any direct examples to give me hope

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[[in...]]

So apparently cortisol rushes in the morning are back. I've been without them for a while now. I knew it was too good to be true! Aaaah!!! 🙃🙃🙃

[[Bu...]]

2 hours ago, [[B...] said:

symptoms

 

[[Bu...]]

25 minutes ago, [[i...] said:

So apparently cortisol rushes in the morning are back. I've been without them for a while now. I knew it was too good to be true! Aaaah!!! 🙃🙃🙃

Do you mean anxiety attacks when you say cortisol rushes?

[[in...]]

46 minutes ago, [[B...] said:

Do you mean anxiety attacks when you say cortisol rushes?

No. No... I mean cortisol. Feels like a constant version of adrenaline, but not as intense.

[[En...]]

3 hours ago, [[i...] said:

So apparently cortisol rushes in the morning are back. I've been without them for a while now. I knew it was too good to be true! Aaaah!!! 🙃🙃🙃

Mornings are always the worst time of the day. I have read cortisol is worse 30 to 45mins after waking up. I try to distract myself until it passes. Thankfully it doesn't last all day and relief comes as the day progresses. 

[[in...]]

1 hour ago, [[E...] said:

Mornings are always the worst time of the day. I have read cortisol is worse 30 to 45mins after waking up. I try to distract myself until it passes. Thankfully it doesn't last all day and relief comes as the day progresses. 

I become somewhat calmer when it's time for bed because I'm exhausted by that time. I'm wired all day long. That's mostly because of me overthinking things though.

[[En...]]

38 minutes ago, [[i...] said:

I become somewhat calmer when it's time for bed because I'm exhausted by that time. I'm wired all day long. That's mostly because of me overthinking things though.

Yes overthinking happens during this process. I had bad OCD in the beginning of my taper. It's not as bad now. Still get some morning anxiety but it is manageable. I am the opposite I have little energy and am sleepy. I find it difficult to get to sleep at night even though I am tired. That will go away with time. 

Hang in there it will all be a bad memory one day.