Feelings from childhood and teen years

[[Th...]]

Hey, it’s probably pretty safe that any of the big, difficult emotions that are hard to shake while tapering are withdrawal and will ease in time right? I get feelings from when I was very young and they can be really intense. It can be hard to know whether it’s ‘me’ or withdrawal. I thought I’d put this stuff behind me.

[[in...]]

26 minutes ago, [[T...] said:

Hey, it’s probably pretty safe that any of the big, difficult emotions that are hard to shake while tapering are withdrawal and will ease in time right? I get feelings from when I was very young and they can be really intense. It can be hard to know whether it’s ‘me’ or withdrawal. I thought I’d put this stuff behind me.

These mixed feelings are all a big blurr to me. All I can do is go with the flow. I have no idea where it's all coming from though lol. I wish you a great day! 💯👍

[[Th...]]

14 minutes ago, [[i...] said:

These mixed feelings are all a big blurr to me. All I can do is go with the flow. I have no idea where it's all coming from though lol. I wish you a great day! 💯👍

Same, I just have to let it flow through me but it’s hard. Do you get memories and feelings from your childhood?

[[in...]]

1 hour ago, [[T...] said:

Same, I just have to let it flow through me but it’s hard. Do you get memories and feelings from your childhood?

Oh yes. All types of memories. It's painful, but hopefully I'll learn to cope with it in the future.

[[Th...]]

1 hour ago, [[i...] said:

Oh yes. All types of memories. It's painful, but hopefully I'll learn to cope with it in the future.

Eventually you won’t have to cope with it. It’s part of healing and goes away eventually.

[[Bu...]]

6 hours ago, [[T...] said:

Hey, it’s probably pretty safe that any of the big, difficult emotions that are hard to shake while tapering are withdrawal and will ease in time right? I get feelings from when I was very young and they can be really intense. It can be hard to know whether it’s ‘me’ or withdrawal. I thought I’d put this stuff behind me.

I get that plus a whole load of confused thoughts, usually when I’m feeling sleepy or waking up. Only been happening weeks 5-8 into CT withdrawal. Horrid.

trying to let it all wash over me but it’s not easy

[[Th...]]

2 minutes ago, [[B...] said:

I get that plus a whole load of confused thoughts, usually when I’m feeling sleepy or waking up. Only been happening weeks 5-8 into CT withdrawal. Horrid.

trying to let it all wash over me but it’s not easy

Will you share what sort of confused thoughts? I get confused thinking but also confused about what’s me and what’s withdrawal.

[Guest [Do...]]

Hi @[Th...] it is one of the symptoms that are in the Ashton manual, quote:

Intrusive memories. A fascinating symptom in patients undergoing benzodiazepine withdrawal
is that they often mention the occurrence of what seem to be intrusive memories. Their minds
will suddenly conjure up a vivid memory of someone they have not thought about or seen for
years. Sometimes the other person's face will appear when looking in the mirror. The memory
seems uncalled for and may recur, intruding on other thoughts. The interesting thing about
these memories is that they often start to occur at the same time that vivid dreams appear;
these may be delayed until one or more weeks after the dosage tapering has started. Since
recent sleep research indicates that certain stages of sleep (REMS and SWS) are important for
memory functions, it is likely that the dreams and the memories are connected. In both cases
the phenomena may herald the beginning of a return in normal memory functions and, although
sometimes disturbing, can be welcomed as a sign of a step towards recovery.

[[Si...]]

100% part of benzo withdrawal. Had them as well. Its pretty common.

[[Bu...]]

1 hour ago, [[T...] said:

Will you share what sort of confused thoughts? I get confused thinking but also confused about what’s me and what’s withdrawal.

I’ll start out with a vague daydream as I used to- it will then become incoherent or fragmented. The themes will be different. Sometimes if it lasts a long time I will even get lost in an incoherent conversation with myself. Only started happening a couple of weeks ago. Now happening most days :-(

[[...]]

11 hours ago, [[T...] said:

Hey, it’s probably pretty safe that any of the big, difficult emotions that are hard to shake while tapering are withdrawal and will ease in time right? I get feelings from when I was very young and they can be really intense. It can be hard to know whether it’s ‘me’ or withdrawal. I thought I’d put this stuff behind me.

You're not alone.  I seem to have painful past memories from childhood and some beyond on play in my mind all the time.  These seem to be unprocessed traumatic events and emotions that are now finding their way to the conscious mind for processing.  For me, this is resultant in depression as it keeps my mind in the past with regrets and fanticising about other decisions or paths I could has taken.  I've had the same thoughts like is this withdrawal?  Will this go away when the withdrawal is over?  Etc.  it seems as time goes on the emotional toil some of these memories has is much less, like as if there has been some resolution.

Edited August 7 by [...]

[[Sw...]]

I’ve had so much repressed childhood memories/trauma surface during this process. However I hadn’t dealt with mine. I am sure it’s normal. Maybe your brain is asking you to recognize that part of yourself again?

[[vo...]]

16 minutes ago, [[S...] said:

I’ve had so much repressed childhood memories/trauma surface during this process. However I hadn’t dealt with mine. I am sure it’s normal. Maybe your brain is asking you to recognize that part of yourself again?

I agree with that completely. My brain suppressed some things with my now two adult children and it took until I after I stopped taking benzos to realize this. It's quite a rude awakening.

[[OD...]]

Most of my first year and a half I had severe irritability, mood swings and anger issues relating to some things in my teens that were never really resolved. Lots of flashbacks and intrusive thoughts, there were days when it seemed like from the time I woke up until the time I went to sleep it's all I was thinking about, having arguments in my head etc. At about two years it seems to be becoming far less frequent.

[[Th...]]

15 hours ago, [[D...] said:

Hi @[Th...] it is one of the symptoms that are in the Ashton manual, quote:

Intrusive memories. A fascinating symptom in patients undergoing benzodiazepine withdrawal
is that they often mention the occurrence of what seem to be intrusive memories. Their minds
will suddenly conjure up a vivid memory of someone they have not thought about or seen for
years. Sometimes the other person's face will appear when looking in the mirror. The memory
seems uncalled for and may recur, intruding on other thoughts. The interesting thing about
these memories is that they often start to occur at the same time that vivid dreams appear;
these may be delayed until one or more weeks after the dosage tapering has started. Since
recent sleep research indicates that certain stages of sleep (REMS and SWS) are important for
memory functions, it is likely that the dreams and the memories are connected. In both cases
the phenomena may herald the beginning of a return in normal memory functions and, although
sometimes disturbing, can be welcomed as a sign of a step towards recovery.

This fits with my experience (and thank you for posting that). My dreams have come back after decades of no dreams. My memory is improving greatly. Good to know it’s a sign of recovery. Very hard to endure as it was super hard living through parts of my life the first time 😂🤦‍♂️

[[Th...]]

15 hours ago, [[S...] said:

100% part of benzo withdrawal. Had them as well. Its pretty common.

Did it pass for you? Love the username.

[[Th...]]

15 hours ago, [[B...] said:

I’ll start out with a vague daydream as I used to- it will then become incoherent or fragmented. The themes will be different. Sometimes if it lasts a long time I will even get lost in an incoherent conversation with myself. Only started happening a couple of weeks ago. Now happening most days :-(

I get lost in the thoughts and ruminations too. 

[[Th...]]

[[Th...]]

6 hours ago, [[S...] said:

I’ve had so much repressed childhood memories/trauma surface during this process. However I hadn’t dealt with mine. I am sure it’s normal. Maybe your brain is asking you to recognize that part of yourself again?

I think I spent my life suppressing those parts of myself. It’s very difficult feeling that stuff again. If I can survive this I may be better for it.

[[Th...]]

5 hours ago, [[O...] said:

Most of my first year and a half I had severe irritability, mood swings and anger issues relating to some things in my teens that were never really resolved. Lots of flashbacks and intrusive thoughts, there were days when it seemed like from the time I woke up until the time I went to sleep it's all I was thinking about, having arguments in my head etc. At about two years it seems to be becoming far less frequent.

That’s good to hear. Did you cold turkey? Seems like you experienced it for a long time…. I’m still tapering but at low doses. Lots of arguments and discussions in my head same as you,

[[Si...]]

4 hours ago, [[T...] said:

Did it pass for you? Love the username.

Yeah it will defiantly pass. Specially the intense feelings of those memories and the dreams will pass.

Remunising about the past from time till time specialy the part just prior to benzo and your time in benzo w/d that will linger for as long as it needs before you feel healed.

Then you will process that once and for all.

 

At any case one can always seek help to process past events, thoughts and emotions.

Although w/d will make you feel anything like sudden anxiety or depression. 

Edited August 8 by [Si...]

[[Th...]]

11 minutes ago, [[S...] said:

Yeah it will defiantly pass. Specially the intense feelings of those memories and the dreams will pass.

Remunising about the past from time till time specialy the part just prior to benzo and your time in benzo w/d that will linger for as long as it needs before you feel healed.

Then you will process that once and for all.

At any case one can always seek help to process past events, thoughts and emotions.

Although w/d will make you feel anything like sudden anxiety or depression. 

Good to know it ends. My ruminating used to just be early childhood but now it’s teens and later. And a few big things from when I was on benzos.

[[Sh...]]

Thank you, Thorin for the encouragement concerning intense feelings and intrusive thoughts. I am a 78-year-old, full-time caregiver for my 80-year-old husband with dementia, and need all the encouragement I can get. I have been tapering from Clonazepam since July of 2023 and have made it to .25 of .5 mg. I'm still having intrusive thoughts, regrets about the past and lots of other uncomfortable physical withdrawal symptoms. I'm stuck at this point and am doing a hold. It's so tempting to go back to my low dose of 1 mg per day. The thoughts and regrets are terrible. I know everyone is different. Would therapy help? What does the Benzo Buddies community think?

[[...]]

Hello, @[Sh...], and welcome to BenzoBuddies! Please, feel free to start a new thread of your own if necessary from now on.

My respect and admiration to you!

[[...]]

11 hours ago, [[T...] said:

So you’ve found some resolution on some topics? Same for me with some. Some just keep coming back….. People I’m highly unlikely to ever see again, and if I did who cares, but in my mind it’s MASSIVE! Regrets over the past. A desire to fix it but dredging it up for others wouldn’t be helpful. And the feelings that go with it are so intense they can shake me to the core. After being numbed for so long it’s overwhelming.

For some thoughts I've had acceptance of them and have been able to move past them.  During windows I really don't have any worries at all and those memories don't hold the same negative effect.  I think with time as the withdrawal process completes those instrusive memories will not hold any major negative weight anymore.