Now I am horrible!!!!!!!

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Hi @[be...] sounds like you are having a really tough time. I just want to say, as someone who is 8 years clean from benzos, yes I do know what you are talking about, and yes it can heal. The physical as well as the emotional. I don't know how fast you have tapered or if you jumped off. I had to taper very slowly because I was so sick, and I still had so many horrific symptoms like what you are describing. I had over 100 symptoms, and some of them were exactly the sort of thing you are describing here. It was a mixture of the mind being distorted and how I was able to perceive things, plus my brain and nervous system being inflamed and physically injured. This creates absolutely mad symptoms. And in my experience part of the withdrawal is the feeling it will never end, never get better, it can't heal. That is a lie. Trust me. For me it definitely was a brain and nervous system injury as well as whatever other chemical imbalances it caused. And it did take time to heal, like any injury does, but it did heal, like all injuries do. Of those 100+ absolutely debilitating symptoms I had, I now have zero. If you have tapered really quickly or jumped off, maybe you need some extra support. Because it sounds like you are in that place where it's really hard to know what's real, and it is super tough to navigate that all by yourself. Sending you lots of love and best wishes for your recovery. Definitely seek out some face to face support if you are able to. Kia kaha <3