5 years out. What a ride. About to write a success story after year-long window then...

[[Tr...]]

a small wave in January that lasted 3 weeks, then 3 months of clear skies, and now a gradual wave that is peaking now with horrid symptoms. 

Since 2021 my symptoms diminished significantly with multiple waves here and there. In the fall 2022 I had a massive wave with relentless physical anxiety/chemical fear/stimulation. My other normal symptoms of burning and buzzing went through the roof. Since then, I was doing well until this January, about a month after penicillin for strep. I don't quite chalk it up to the AB since it was a month after. So I healed from that but since the end of May of this year, I noticed my symptoms ramping up- more buzzing, tingling, and anxiety. Now it's rough, with extreme anxiety, ringing, buzzing, and nervousness and burning. It's hard to work, no distracting, etc. You know the deal. 

Anyway, I'm here wondering if anyone has or has heard of waves this far out? 

I can't attribute this one to anything. No meds, alcohol, caffeine ,stress, etc. I've been down the rabbit hold of Lyme mercury, mold already. 

Anyway, if anyone here is a person of faith, I am asking for prayer. I appreciate all of you. 

Also, please don't let this discourage anyone who is early in their recovery. I CTd Mirtazapine and weaned off a beta blocker the same time I tapered off K (for the second time in a decade). I am very functional (it's hard in this wave) but I work full time as a psychotherapist and clinical supervisor, exercise, sleep well, etc. I am social, engaged with life, and enjoy hobbies- except in the most intense of waves. 

Edited July 24 by [Tr...]
Forgot to add a request

[[Ru...]]

Hello TrustGod828. I will share my oppinion about post benzo life and how I see it. I believe that we never heal, we just get better. Or, even better, we don't heal like after flu but we get better like after shattering a major bone. Yes, the leg becomes functional again but the limp stays and you have to be careful how you run or you cannot ski or jump. 

Having said that, I don't believe this is a wave you are going through,  I believe it is new you being sensitive to certain things. Maybe it is alcohol,  maybe AB, maybe something affected you mentally, made you anxious and your brain overreacted. Whatever happened, it is possible that 15 or 20 years ago your CNS would not have reacted the way it did but now, after your benzo expirience. However, now you react differently. 

So, my oppinion (and only my oppinion) please please please trust God, as you chose your nick name. Don't fight your situation, just accept. Acceptance is the key. In some philosophies it is called live in accordance with nature, in some it is called trust higher power. Whatever you want to call it just give yourself to it, accept your current situation and continue living your life. It is not perfect but it is still OK.  

I can say that all this crap is behind me, I am probably 5 years out. But I still get bad days here and there. And when I do first I say: oh shit. Then I say: oh well.... It is what it is. Just wait for it to pass. Sometimes it is a day, sometimes it is a week. In your case it might be a month. Who knows ? But the absolute worst you can do to your life now is to fear your symptoms. 

Fear over your symptoms is your worst enemy. Don't let it take over. Once you defeat fear you will have defeated benzo withdrawal for good. And please accept every day as is because there is not much else you can do to change it.

Good luck !

 

[[Re...]]

Was it a fluoroquinolone antibiotic?

Edited July 24 by [Re...]

[[Pa...]]

1 hour ago, [[R...] said:

Was it a fluoroquinolone antibiotic?

 

[[Tr...]]

16 hours ago, [[R...] said:

Hello TrustGod828. I will share my oppinion about post benzo life and how I see it. I believe that we never heal, we just get better. Or, even better, we don't heal like after flu but we get better like after shattering a major bone. Yes, the leg becomes functional again but the limp stays and you have to be careful how you run or you cannot ski or jump. 

Having said that, I don't believe this is a wave you are going through,  I believe it is new you being sensitive to certain things. Maybe it is alcohol,  maybe AB, maybe something affected you mentally, made you anxious and your brain overreacted. Whatever happened, it is possible that 15 or 20 years ago your CNS would not have reacted the way it did but now, after your benzo expirience. However, now you react differently. 

So, my oppinion (and only my oppinion) please please please trust God, as you chose your nick name. Don't fight your situation, just accept. Acceptance is the key. In some philosophies it is called live in accordance with nature, in some it is called trust higher power. Whatever you want to call it just give yourself to it, accept your current situation and continue living your life. It is not perfect but it is still OK.  

I can say that all this crap is behind me, I am probably 5 years out. But I still get bad days here and there. And when I do first I say: oh shit. Then I say: oh well.... It is what it is. Just wait for it to pass. Sometimes it is a day, sometimes it is a week. In your case it might be a month. Who knows ? But the absolute worst you can do to your life now is to fear your symptoms. 

Fear over your symptoms is your worst enemy. Don't let it take over. Once you defeat fear you will have defeated benzo withdrawal for good. And please accept every day as is because there is not much else you can do to change it.

Good luck !

Thanks for replying, Rubicon. I can't accept this wave or setback as my new normal. I agree and can certainly accept that life after BWS has its waves and challenges and is sensitive. I was mostly healed and most of my symptoms were forgotten for the most part for a long time and now I'm in a very dark place. I am nearly non-functional. It is very physical, like I drank too much coffee with some mild akathisia. My body is squeezing and burning and buzzing and sounds are scary again. I didn't drink, use any medicines out side of the penicillin half a year ago, and I live a clean lifestyle. If this isn't a wave, I can't imagine what did this. I was in the sun alot, taking D supplements (low dose), went into a couple chlorine pools here and there. Who knows. Thanks again for your response. I am trying to trust God, in my weak condition I fail often, but I'm trying. 

Edited July 25 by [Tr...]

[[Ru...]]

I probably didn't make myself completely clear. Your current state of mind is not your permanent, no, no,no. As a matter of fact I am certain, no doubt in my mind, you will get better soon. What I am suggesting is that before that happens, while you are in this wave, as you call it (such a benzobuddies term 😀), be patient, accept every day as is. 

If I had to guess, I would say that your fear of your current condition, your hope that it will change for the better, is causing it to last. If you were able to defeat that fear by accepting your days as they are, you would be out of it in a matter of days. No fear + one good night of sleep and you would feel like your old self again. 

 

[[Ho...]]

Just a couple of thoughts! It certainly sounds like a wave, although with this, who knows. So frustrating. So tough for you, especially as you were doing so well! Because you actually were doing well, my guess is that this will leave, possibly even clearing up some lingering sx. I've read plenty of posts here where people had a shocking out-of-the-blue wave that shook them to the core, so you are in good company.

Also, Baylissa was clear: Out of the possibly 1700 patients she's seen, 100% have healed. Healing happens. You can't stop it. 

One thought is, if the antibiotic was the culprit that sent you into the wave, perhaps replenishing your gut flora will help pull you out.

Another thought is the pool. I mention it because I'd been in a window but spent much of Father's Day in a pool with my grandkids. A few hours. It did something; my sleep was briefly shattered and I felt awful for a bit. The next time I made sure I didn't spend such a long time in the chlorinated water, just to be on the safe side.

Hoping for good days, even as you read this! It could happen!

Warmly,

HCHC

 

[[Tr...]]

Thank you , both. Your kind words of reassurance that this won’t be permanent are encouraging. 

As  thought more of this in another post with another member who had a setback at 8 years, I realized I probably had Covid in late June and I had also finished a PPI taper a week before. I slowly tapered the PPi from 20 to 10 to 5 mg a day over a few months. I also don’t know if I had Covid but I was sick and shortly after my in laws tested positive. I keep detailed graphs and an excel sheet of my symptoms and it looks like this wave had a normal pattern from May to June then instead of changing into my baseline it became more intense the end of June. Honestly, there’s no point in figuring it out since either way I can’t do anything about it. I’ll do my best to practice acceptance and ride it out and trust it ends. In my suffering mind I want to know though, so I can try and estimate how long it will last.