Is this my PTSD or is this withdrawal

[[An...]]

I’m very paranoid about something that happened to me 2 years ago then arrised again 1 year ago, I’m scared, I’m anxious, I’m crying. If this is true and it happens my life, my career everything is over. I just can’t be so sure this is not going to happen, I’m having 100 thoughts of what if ruminating about the same situation. Was benzos masking this, I am tapering or is this withdrawal I’m locked in my room, I can’t function, I can’t sleep, I can’t eat all because of these deep dark thoughts? Any advice will help pls

[[jo...]]

How far along are you?

[[jo...]]

It all sounds very familiar it's certainly not unusual. These things tend to be more intense and unrelenting early on.

On particularly hard days I just aim for the end of the day, and don't commit to anything else. I've had periods of time when it's been like that for weeks on end, when all I seemed abel to do was suffer.

So I would just suffer as comfortably as possible until the day ended. In bed, laptop on chest, water by side, earphones on, blinds closed and get through it.

Eventually the day ends and your a step closer.

[[...]]

Yes, pretty common, it will eventually subside 

[[An...]]

3 hours ago, [[j...] said:

How far along are you?

I was on 250 mgs now I’m on 10 mgs in a period of 16 months of diazepam 

[[An...]]

3 hours ago, [[j...] said:

It all sounds very familiar it's certainly not unusual. These things tend to be more intense and unrelenting early on.

On particularly hard days I just aim for the end of the day, and don't commit to anything else. I've had periods of time when it's been like that for weeks on end, when all I seemed abel to do was suffer.

So I would just suffer as comfortably as possible until the day ended. In bed, laptop on chest, water by side, earphones on, blinds closed and get through it.

Eventually the day ends and your a step closer.

Yeah days like this my brain is to fried to watch a show I find myself ruminating on the same thoughts for hours 

[[Ho...]]

Totally get it. I did the same. Things that took place decades ago came back and it was as if I was still in them. All the feelings of shame, terror, worry—I can't tell you how vividly and constantly these thoughts pressed in. I just couldn't get away. I mentioned a small part to my husband and he looked at me like I'd grown another head, "You're thinking about that?!?"

I worked hard at putting my mind in neutral. It didn't happen overnight. Initially I found a place in my mind that didn't hurt. I couldn't stay there but I found it. Then as time went on I kept pushing to stay in that place. Little by little I could stay in it more and more easily. Although I could never get rid of all the negative thoughts, I was able to manage them most days.

Your mind has been hijacked by benzo damage, but it reverses in time. Time is your new best friend. Your mind, right now, not so much. Find anything that helps you feel better, even if just for seconds at a time. It gets better, it really does. I know that's not much consolation when you're in it, but it does. You won't be here forever!

Warmly,

HCHC

[[Bo...]]

Everything HCHC said! Also might be worth holding your taper for a bit bc you’ve decreased a huge amount in just over a year. Your brain and body might need some time to catch up.
At these lower doses under 10mg of Valium trying to cut smaller amounts is important bc receptor occupancy is still very high at lower amounts so many people find they can’t make big reductions….The maudsley deprescribing manual is very very helpful to walk thru taper plans at the lower amounts and show receptor occupancy with respect yo dosage amount. 
very helpful guide for many people and worth buying -

https://www.amazon.com/Maudsley-Guidelines-prescribing-Prescribing/dp/111982298X

These YouTube videos might be helpful as I know they helped me a lot thru my taper. It’s a therapist who is going thru this and has researched a ton of it and explains symptoms etc in a very relatable way. 
I know the videos have been helpful for many on here and hope they will be for you. 
https://m.youtube.com/@jenniferswanphd/videos

 

hope you can give yourself some time to hold and let your body and brain  stabilize some to start the last 10mg journey down.

[[An...]]

15 hours ago, [[H...] said:

Totally get it. I did the same. Things that took place decades ago came back and it was as if I was still in them. All the feelings of shame, terror, worry—I can't tell you how vividly and constantly these thoughts pressed in. I just couldn't get away. I mentioned a small part to my husband and he looked at me like I'd grown another head, "You're thinking about that?!?"

I worked hard at putting my mind in neutral. It didn't happen overnight. Initially I found a place in my mind that didn't hurt. I couldn't stay there but I found it. Then as time went on I kept pushing to stay in that place. Little by little I could stay in it more and more easily. Although I could never get rid of all the negative thoughts, I was able to manage them most days.

Your mind has been hijacked by benzo damage, but it reverses in time. Time is your new best friend. Your mind, right now, not so much. Find anything that helps you feel better, even if just for seconds at a time. It gets better, it really does. I know that's not much consolation when you're in it, but it does. You won't be here forever!

Warmly,

HCHC

Yeah I am thinking about things that happened 2 years ago with fear 

[[An...]]

14 hours ago, [[B...] said:

Everything HCHC said! Also might be worth holding your taper for a bit bc you’ve decreased a huge amount in just over a year. Your brain and body might need some time to catch up.
At these lower doses under 10mg of Valium trying to cut smaller amounts is important bc receptor occupancy is still very high at lower amounts so many people find they can’t make big reductions….The maudsley deprescribing manual is very very helpful to walk thru taper plans at the lower amounts and show receptor occupancy with respect yo dosage amount. 
very helpful guide for many people and worth buying -

https://www.amazon.com/Maudsley-Guidelines-prescribing-Prescribing/dp/111982298X

These YouTube videos might be helpful as I know they helped me a lot thru my taper. It’s a therapist who is going thru this and has researched a ton of it and explains symptoms etc in a very relatable way. 
I know the videos have been helpful for many on here and hope they will be for you. 
https://m.youtube.com/@jenniferswanphd/videos

hope you can give yourself some time to hold and let your body and brain  stabilize some to start the last 10mg journey down.

Thanks so much for this. How long should I hold this dose ? I dropped 3.75 mgs in 6 weeks, and I have been holding my last cut for 5 weeks and still so sick 

[[Bo...]]

You dropped again down from 10mg? So you’re at 6.25mg?

If it were me I’d park right here for a good bit of time, which might be months and let my brain and body catch up. Receptor occupancy is still very high below 10mg and making large reductions at a time like you are can be extremely disabling. Your body and brain are screaming for some stabilizing so if it were me I’d hold here at 6.25mg (or 10mg if at that amount and I misunderstood), and assess how things are on a few months. 
you were at 150mg a little over 16mp ago and that amount down to 10mg would likely take most people more than 16momyhs, a lot more than 16 months. 

So eat clean, lots of water, ginger and heating pads, ice packs, warm or cool shower, asking for help form those around you, low light if bothered by light, ear plugs or cotton in ears to help if noise is bothersome, no alcohol , ditch the sugar and processed foods as that stuff can just be harder our systems.  I’m sorry you’re so sick but trying to go down any further is just going to compound things so hold up here.

the Maudsley deprescribing book is worth your while to talk you thru how to proceed from 6.25mg as many at this amount gave to start dropping .25mg every 4-6 weeks and sometimes that is too much.

yes .25mg a month now that you are at lower doses. 
here is Valium receptor curve … at 6.25mg almost 20% receptor occupancy which is a lot. You gotta take things slow from here on down and again if it were me I’d hold here for a few months and let my system catch up on all the cutting down in the last 16mo. It’s been a lot and you need to give yourself a break so it can stabilize and you’ll feel better. Pushing the gas pedal when you’re in this state to keep tapering is recipe for disaster and with Valium being long acting the body will take weeks if not over a month if you are a normal metabolizer of it and so it takes awhile for the cuts to catch up. 
our natural reaction is to get this stuff out of is when we aren’t feeling good but that’s the wrong approach, going slower and especially after coming down so much is what helps many people stay functional  throughout their taper. 
if you have a medical provider pushing you to go quickly give them a copy of this book. It’s worth having a copy for yourself too bc this book is the best guide (unless your provider is an expert on benzos which many are not)

[[On...]]

Hi 👋, 

Totally relate to this @[An...].

I'm 85 days off diazepam.

During my taper i had a real extreme increase in my cptsd symptoms. Still have it, but coping wise:

I journal all my thoughts, worries etc....

Reach out on here, which you have done ✔️ brill 😀 

Listen ti nice music

Colour/art/.

Learn new skills.

Be kind to yourself, 

Some of the paranoia I had was I was going to be locked away.... (it's been frightening), 

"My head can't be trusted", mantra too.

Water, juice, food...

❤️ 

 

[[Cr...]]

On 23/07/2024 at 20:03, [[A...] said:

I’m very paranoid about something that happened to me 2 years ago then arrised again 1 year ago, I’m scared, I’m anxious, I’m crying. If this is true and it happens my life, my career everything is over. I just can’t be so sure this is not going to happen, I’m having 100 thoughts of what if ruminating about the same situation. Was benzos masking this, I am tapering or is this withdrawal I’m locked in my room, I can’t function, I can’t sleep, I can’t eat all because of these deep dark thoughts? Any advice will help pls

That definitely sounds like withdrawal to me. When I was at my worst, my brain would easily ruminate on negative thoughts. Many of them were irrational, but it was the "potentially possible" ones that brought on the most torture and fear.

Once a thought (from the slideshow of negative 'what if' thoughts) causes an extreme reaction of fear, your brain will focus on that thought as a threat and constantly bring it to your attention in a vain attempt to get you to address the "threat".

Your brain does not understand what withdrawal is, all it knows is that currently you feel you are under threat. It is looking for that 'tiger in the bushes'. Since you reacted so strongly to this certain thought, it believes it has found that 'tiger'. Under fight or flight mode, adrenaline is needed and having an appetite is not deemed important.

Just imagine if you did see a real tiger in the bushes, how nervous/awful would you feel. If there was a plate of your favorite food next to you would you be able to eat it? If there was a comfy bed would you be able to sleep? No. You will constantly feel on edge and it will be hard to relax until the brain deems the threat has passed.

Luckily with more time things will improve. Even if this thought is a potential legitimate issue that could occur in your life, it is obvious that your physical/emotional reaction is far too extreme for something that has not happened, or may not happen. Often times we play out worst-case scenarios to the extremes. In the event this thought did come true, it may be far easier to deal with than you predicted.

During withdrawal your anxiety will be very heightened. Something as simple as breaking a glass can feel 100x worse than what it is. Forget about the content of these irrational thoughts, just focus on decreasing the fear these thoughts bring you. Permit them to be there (acceptance) and even acknowledge them (with humor if possible). That won't get rid of the thoughts, but it will help you brain figure out they are not an imminent threat and it will slowly make it easier to stop dwelling on them.

Should a wave come on again, do not be surprised if the brain once again tries to find a source for your wave anxiety by cooking up negative thoughts/scenarios. Little guy wants to help us so much, he just has no clue what he is doing.

[[Bu...]]

On 24/07/2024 at 01:03, [[A...] said:

I’m very paranoid about something that happened to me 2 years ago then arrised again 1 year ago, I’m scared, I’m anxious, I’m crying. If this is true and it happens my life, my career everything is over. I just can’t be so sure this is not going to happen, I’m having 100 thoughts of what if ruminating about the same situation. Was benzos masking this, I am tapering or is this withdrawal I’m locked in my room, I can’t function, I can’t sleep, I can’t eat all because of these deep dark thoughts? Any advice will help pls

I understand. I don’t have any pearls of wisdom, but please know you’re not alone- especially about your brain being too fried for distractions- it can feel like torture. I often don’t know how I get through each day, but I do. All the best to you

if/when we get out the other side of this life will be amazing