I went CT off a very high dose of benzos just over 10 years ago now. Here to offer hope.

[[CT...]]

Hey all, I signed up at these boards back in early 2014. At the time I was about 5 months into benzo withdrawal. I basically went cold Turkey off a very high dose. I was on all of the major benzodiazepine drugs over the years (Xanax, Ativan, Valium, klonopin).

At the end, My prescribed dose was 4mg a day of klonopin but I had been taking much more. For a good year or two near the end I was taking 8-16mg a day consistently (and some days I’d take even more). I was 100% abusing them, though I didn’t see it that way at the time. I thought I just needed them for my anxiety.

 

Then one day I just decided I didn’t want to be on them anymore. Plus I was going to be switching doctors and knew any new doctor was going to hassle me about being on a high dose of benzos as long as I had (and I was right…lol). So, On my own I cut my dose from 8-16mg all the way down to 2mg a day. I had a lot of withdrawal side effects but nothing I couldn’t handle. It really wasn’t that bad. I stayed at that new 2mg dose for a month or two (can’t remember for sure anymore).

 

Then, after being at that new lower dose for a month or two I saw my new doctor. He immediately wanted me to get off the benzos. He thought I could just go cold Turkey but gave me the option of a taper. I chose cold Turkey. He gave me 2 weeks worth of phenobarbital to help ensure I didn’t have any seizures and sent me on my way.

 

Well, had I known how much harder it was going from 2mg to 0 (compared to going from 8/16mg down to 2mg) I probably would have chose the taper… lol.

 

The first 3-4 months were absolute hell. The acute stage, for me, probably lasted almost 7 months. I’ve gone through withdrawal from other stuff before, but nothing quite like this. I couldn’t even drive for 6+ months. I won’t bother describing all the symptoms (and I don’t think I could remember them all anyway). I’ll just say there were tons of them, and some really weird ones too. But my goal here isn’t to scare anyone. It’s to offer hope.

 

I am here to say that I did get better. After that acute phase slowly faded away, it still took time to feel 100% normal again. The daily symptoms were mostly gone after the acute phase. But For the first # of years I was very sensitive to all sorts of stuff. Like taking cold medicine would make my head spin. But all of the symptoms were much, much more manageable. It wasn’t like the acute stage. And now, just over 10 years later I feel normal.

edit - it did not take me 10 years to feel normal. Just to make that clear! lol 

One thing that really surprised me - my anxiety has gotten better since being off the benzos.

It’s not gone, but it’s better. Ive dealt with anxiety and panic attacks my whole life. I truly thought I needed the benzos. But it turns out they were actually making my anxiety worse. I was having panic attacks all the time after being on the benzos for years. Since getting off, I’ve had very very few. I can count the number of panic attacks over the last 8+ years on one hand. and my daily anxiety is better too. Again, not 100% gone but more manageable than it was on the klonopin.

 

If you are in the middle of benzo withdrawals and feel like you’ll never feel normal again, I promise you will! Hang in there! It gets better for sure.

If I can recover, so can you! 

Edited August 10 by [CT...]

[[Pa...]]

What a great story @[CT...], thank you for sharing it with us!  I love that you're not dealing with anxiety anymore, I'm so glad you were able to get off of the benzo's to discover this, what a sense of freedom you must feel!

 

[[pi...]]

What a journey @[CT...]! You made a hard decision and did it the hard way. However, you persevered and recovered. We appreciate stories like this that give hope to those still in the trenches. I’m thrilled for you! 

[[CT...]]

Thank you both!

I remember when I first signed up here 10 years ago it was because I was looking for hope. I remember feeling like I was never going to get better and really wanted to read stories of people who recovered, and especially from going cold turkey off a high dose. So I’m hoping I can offer someone else hope now.

The acute withdrawal sucked. Not going to sugar coat it… lol. But it was so worth it.

I was having more side effects from the benzos than I ever realized until I got off. Stuff I had no idea was even being caused by the benzos. Like for ex, I used to have OCD. That went away after getting off the benzos. I used to have trouble urinating, especially in a public restroom. That went away. A number of different gastrointestinal issues I had have gotten much better too. The list goes on…

And as I already mentioned My panic attacks are immensely better as is my daily anxiety. I find I am able to recover from anxiety-inducing events quicker too. In general I am able to cope with anxiety better now as well.

 

For me there have truly been no drawbacks to getting off the benzos, and this is coming from someone who was 100% convinced for a long time that I would need to be on some type of benzo for the rest of my life!

 

I do still deal with some generalized anxiety but have found all natural therapeutic techniques for dealing with it that work well. 

[[fa...]]

22 hours ago, [[C...] said:

Hey all, I signed up at these boards back in early 2014. At the time I was about 5 months into benzo withdrawal. I basically went cold Turkey off a very high dose. I was on all of the major benzodiazepine drugs over the years (Xanax, Ativan, Valium, klonopin).

At the end, My prescribed dose was 4mg a day of klonopin but I had been taking much more. For a good year or two near the end I was taking 8-16mg a day consistently (and some days I’d take even more). I was 100% abusing them, though I didn’t see it that way at the time. I thought I just needed them for my anxiety.

Then one day I just decided I didn’t want to be on them anymore. Plus I was going to be switching doctors and knew any new doctor was going to hassle me about being on a high dose of benzos as long as I had (and I was right…lol). So, On my own I cut my dose from 8-16mg all the way down to 2mg a day. I had a lot of withdrawal side effects but nothing I couldn’t handle. It really wasn’t that bad. I stayed at that new 2mg dose for a month or two (can’t remember for sure anymore).

Then, after being at that new lower dose for a month or two I saw my new doctor. He immediately wanted me to get off the benzos. He thought I could just go cold Turkey but gave me the option of a taper. I chose cold Turkey. He gave me 2 weeks worth of phenobarbital to help ensure I didn’t have any seizures and sent me on my way.

Well, had I known how much harder it was going from 2mg to 0 (compared to going from 8/16mg down to 2mg) I probably would have chose the taper… lol.

The first 6-7 months were absolute hell. The acute stage probably lasted that whole 7 months. I’ve gone through withdrawal from other stuff before, but nothing quite like this. I couldn’t even drive for 6+ months. I won’t bother describing all the symptoms. I’ll just say there were tons of them, and some really weird ones too. But my goal here isn’t to scare anyone. It’s to offer hope.

I am here to say that I did get better. After that acute phase slowly faded away, it still took time to feel 100% normal again. For the first # of years I was very sensitive to all sorts of stuff. Like taking cold medicine would make my head spin. But all of the symptoms were much, much more manageable. It wasn’t like the acute stage. And now, just over 10 years later I feel normal.

One thing that really surprised me - my anxiety has gotten better since being off the benzos.

It’s not gone, but it’s better. Ive dealt with anxiety and panic attacks my whole life. I truly thought I needed the benzos. But it turns out they were actually making my anxiety worse. I was having panic attacks all the time after being on the benzos for years. Since getting off, I’ve had very very few. I can count the number of panic attacks over the last 8+ years on one hand. and my daily anxiety is better too. Again, not 100% gone but more manageable than it was on the klonopin.

If you are in the middle of benzo withdrawals and feel like you’ll never feel normal again, I promise you will! Hang in there! It gets better for sure.

If I can recover, so can you! 

Did you ever have hypnic jerks? Also are you able to take other meds and supplements now? I'm seeing progress but worry about that as I'm getting older.  

[[On...]]

❤️ 🙏 

[[CT...]]

On 22/07/2024 at 11:56, [[f...] said:

Did you ever have hypnic jerks? Also are you able to take other meds and supplements now? I'm seeing progress but worry about that as I'm getting older.  

Yes, I definitely had hypnic jerks. Haven’t had it happen in quite a while now but I want to say it was happening for the first handful of years (cant remember specifically how many). 

and yes I am able to take other meds finally. That was one thing that took a while though. For years anything I took would kind of mess with my head. Make me feel dizzy or strange or give me an headache, etc. I couldn’t even take cold medicine for the first few years without it making my head spin.

But now I am able to take pretty much anything. Some stuff will still mess with my head a little, but nothing like it used to.

Ive even recently been able to take gabapentin again. For a long time I couldn’t take anything that affected the GABA system (which is what benzodiazepines act on afaik), even over the counter GABA supplements. So I’d say that’s a big step forward for me.

The only thing that I am aware of that I still really can’t tolerate is any type of benzodiazepine medication (not that I’d ever want to take any benzos again anyway).

[[Re...]]

@[CT...], Thanks for sharing your story. I am here looking for hope today. How long did it take you to consider yourself 100 percent healed? What were your top five worst symptoms and how long did they last?

[[CT...]]

4 hours ago, [[R...] said:

@[CT...], Thanks for sharing your story. I am here looking for hope today. How long did it take you to consider yourself 100 percent healed? What were your top five worst symptoms and how long did they last?

100% healed? To be honest, I don’t know. It’s hard to say because it’s not something I really focused on as time went on. Also, I think I did damage to my brain with other drugs I’ve used or abused in the past. So I don’t necessarily blame the benzos for everything…lol

I know that I felt like I was more sensitive to certain medications up until quite recently (probably the last year or two, and even now I am still more sensitive to some things than the average person). I also find I am more sensitive to “uppers” like caffeine, but I don’t know if that’s related to the benzos or my anxiety disorder or just my body chemistry. But it’s not something that has impacted my day to day life in a long time now.

 

The worst of it was definitely the first 6-7 months. Everything after that was much easier to manage by comparison. The first 3-4 months were the toughest and it slowly got better after that, with some windows and setbacks. Definitely wasn’t linear. After the acute phase ended I wasn’t dealing with daily symptoms anymore though, from what I can remember.

It was somewhere around month 7 where I felt good enough to drive a car again.

 

top 5 worst symptoms? Hmm… I am trying to remember some of the worst. I think I have a journal around somewhere that I was writing in during that acute phase. I’ll see if I can find it.

But in general I would say the symptoms related to my head were the worst.
I know I felt kind of dizzy and strange pretty much 24/7 for months. I had this really weird headache 24/7 for months on end too. Kind of like that brain zap, but also like these tingly sensations and this weird buzzing feeling (not sure how to even describe it). 

I remember I had pretty bad tinnitus for the first +/- 6 months. My ears were always ringing.

and I would get nauseous really easy. Like something as simple as bending over would sometimes make me instantly nauseous and it would last for hours after. Or riding in a car would make me motion sick.

I also remember I had to be put on a heart medication to help regulate my heart beat.

And I remember I was retaining a lot of water in the beginning. I gained 20 lbs (in water) the first 7 days. 

I also remember being extremely sensitive to different over the counter medications I would try taking to help a symptom. 
 

and I remember having a lot of really weird symptoms. I honestly can’t remember what they were off hand though. I’ll look for that journal this weekend.

Edited July 25 by [CT...]

[[...]]

On 21/07/2024 at 18:13, [[C...] said:

Hey all, I signed up at these boards back in early 2014. At the time I was about 5 months into benzo withdrawal. I basically went cold Turkey off a very high dose. I was on all of the major benzodiazepine drugs over the years (Xanax, Ativan, Valium, klonopin).

At the end, My prescribed dose was 4mg a day of klonopin but I had been taking much more. For a good year or two near the end I was taking 8-16mg a day consistently (and some days I’d take even more). I was 100% abusing them, though I didn’t see it that way at the time. I thought I just needed them for my anxiety.

Then one day I just decided I didn’t want to be on them anymore. Plus I was going to be switching doctors and knew any new doctor was going to hassle me about being on a high dose of benzos as long as I had (and I was right…lol). So, On my own I cut my dose from 8-16mg all the way down to 2mg a day. I had a lot of withdrawal side effects but nothing I couldn’t handle. It really wasn’t that bad. I stayed at that new 2mg dose for a month or two (can’t remember for sure anymore).

Then, after being at that new lower dose for a month or two I saw my new doctor. He immediately wanted me to get off the benzos. He thought I could just go cold Turkey but gave me the option of a taper. I chose cold Turkey. He gave me 2 weeks worth of phenobarbital to help ensure I didn’t have any seizures and sent me on my way.

Well, had I known how much harder it was going from 2mg to 0 (compared to going from 8/16mg down to 2mg) I probably would have chose the taper… lol.

The first 6-7 months were absolute hell. The acute stage probably lasted that whole 7 months. I’ve gone through withdrawal from other stuff before, but nothing quite like this. I couldn’t even drive for 6+ months. I won’t bother describing all the symptoms. I’ll just say there were tons of them, and some really weird ones too. But my goal here isn’t to scare anyone. It’s to offer hope.

I am here to say that I did get better. After that acute phase slowly faded away, it still took time to feel 100% normal again. For the first # of years I was very sensitive to all sorts of stuff. Like taking cold medicine would make my head spin. But all of the symptoms were much, much more manageable. It wasn’t like the acute stage. And now, just over 10 years later I feel normal.

One thing that really surprised me - my anxiety has gotten better since being off the benzos.

It’s not gone, but it’s better. Ive dealt with anxiety and panic attacks my whole life. I truly thought I needed the benzos. But it turns out they were actually making my anxiety worse. I was having panic attacks all the time after being on the benzos for years. Since getting off, I’ve had very very few. I can count the number of panic attacks over the last 8+ years on one hand. and my daily anxiety is better too. Again, not 100% gone but more manageable than it was on the klonopin.

If you are in the middle of benzo withdrawals and feel like you’ll never feel normal again, I promise you will! Hang in there! It gets better for sure.

If I can recover, so can you! 

 

[[Bu...]]

[[CT...]]

On 09/08/2024 at 10:38, [[B...] said:

Thanks for your story 

I would actually appreciate knowing more about what your acute symptoms were . If they were similar to mine it would give me some hope

Hello bunny! I did cover some of my acute symptoms in the post above from July 24th. As I mentioned in that post from 7/24, my worst symptoms were related to my head. I had a constant, strange headache that lasted months. I felt dizzy and strange 24/7. I read a post once (I think it was maybe here) that compared acute benzo withdrawal to a traumatic brain injury and that was the best description I ever read, as to what that acute phase was like for me. Just a whole host of weird symptoms.

Some others I remember:

-weird muscle spasms, cramps, twitches and muscles tensing/locking up. It would happen randomly. Or if I got cold I remember it felt like every muscle in my body was tensing up and I’d have trouble getting them to relax again.

-dysphoria (feeling uneasy all the time, that was probably only the first couple months)

-tinnitus

-high blood pressure and irregular heart beat/palpitations (was put on beta blockers)

-lots of different gastrointestinal issues, indigestion, bad acid reflux, my stomach would like ballon up and feel rock hard.

-hot/cold sweats, shaking

-I also remember having pains in my side that would come and go

-I remember my skin being more sensitive and being sensitive to touch

-paresthesia

-my eyes were quite sensitive to light in the beginning (I remember keeping my room mostly dark as much as possible).

 

I know there were probably more. lol