Today

[[vo...]]

 

 

I need to release and nobody gets this but you guys. I’ve been up since 2:00am, which normally isn’t an issue anyway, but today is different. My granddaughter has some medical issues. She’ll be hospitalized beginning tomorrow for an extensive period of time. My daughter is a mess. She is the most unemotional person I know, but not with this. She’s wreck. This is causing me tremendous anxiety because there’s nothing I can do or say to change what’s going on. I can be there for them, say consoling words, but that’s about it.

I’ve been up since 2:00am with a lump in the right side of my throat. My brain tells me that there really isn’t anything there, it just feels like that. Now it’s 5:00am. My toes, the tops of my ears and my scalp are burning. Vibrations are running through my body and are strong. I feel some twitching going on all over my body. I know this is all in my head. I have a lot of pressure in my head and face which I don’t usually get and sharp pains inside my head. My eyes feel like someone put sandpaper in them and rubbing them isn’t helping. It’s my anxiety talking because it doesn’t know how to deal with the situation and it’s coming out of me by way of my withdrawal symptoms. I want to take a rescue dose of ambien, but I keep telling myself not to do it. I’m tapering down and I don’t want to ruin my progress. I made a promise to myself I wouldn’t do that.

I know I’ll be ok. I don't know when, but I will. My distraction will be to go to the gym at 7:00 and work this crap out of my body. That’s my focus. 7:00 can’t come soon enough and I hope I don’t take the easy way out and not go. I just want to hear from my daughter this morning to know she’s ok. At least as best as she can be ok. She really can’t and neither can I. I hope this situation goes ok and nothing goes wrong or goes south. I want everything to be ok and I just need to keep telling myself it will be ok.

Thanks for letting me vent and get this out. I don’t need any sympathy with this as this will pass as I always tell myself. I just wanted someone to listen that understands what this is like and I know you all understand. So thank you. It’s making me emotional just knowing that someone understands and that is all of you. I hope you all have the best day you can and I’ll try too. I'm sure I'll be commenting here today as well, it's another distraction for me. I appreciate each and every one of you. xoxo

 

[[...]]

@[vo...], i'm sure everything is going to be ok. Good for you you're venting here. Of course, we understand and lots of us, including myself, have had somewhat similar tough experience while benzo withdrawing and thus truly comprehend what you're through right now. Wishing health to the whole family of yours!

[[pi...]]

@[vo...],

You do so much to help and encourage members here on the forum, allow us to offer kindness and support to you as well.

Your family is dealing with a lot, I’m sending good thoughts for your granddaughter, your daughter and you as well Anyone would find this situation very stressful and difficult to endure. But as you said, you will endure this and use all the tools you’ve amassed to get through this challenging time.

Many of us have dealt with traumas like this during withdrawal, we get it. Continue to post and let us know how we can help. 

 

[[En...]]

1 hour ago, [[v...] said:

I need to release and nobody gets this but you guys. I’ve been up since 2:00am, which normally isn’t an issue anyway, but today is different. My granddaughter has some medical issues. She’ll be hospitalized beginning tomorrow for an extensive period of time. My daughter is a mess. She is the most unemotional person I know, but not with this. She’s wreck. This is causing me tremendous anxiety because there’s nothing I can do or say to change what’s going on. I can be there for them, say consoling words, but that’s about it.

I’ve been up since 2:00am with a lump in the right side of my throat. My brain tells me that there really isn’t anything there, it just feels like that. Now it’s 5:00am. My toes, the tops of my ears and my scalp are burning. Vibrations are running through my body and are strong. I feel some twitching going on all over my body. I know this is all in my head. I have a lot of pressure in my head and face which I don’t usually get and sharp pains inside my head. My eyes feel like someone put sandpaper in them and rubbing them isn’t helping. It’s my anxiety talking because it doesn’t know how to deal with the situation and it’s coming out of me by way of my withdrawal symptoms. I want to take a rescue dose of ambien, but I keep telling myself not to do it. I’m tapering down and I don’t want to ruin my progress. I made a promise to myself I wouldn’t do that.

I know I’ll be ok. I don't know when, but I will. My distraction will be to go to the gym at 7:00 and work this crap out of my body. That’s my focus. 7:00 can’t come soon enough and I hope I don’t take the easy way out and not go. I just want to hear from my daughter this morning to know she’s ok. At least as best as she can be ok. She really can’t and neither can I. I hope this situation goes ok and nothing goes wrong or goes south. I want everything to be ok and I just need to keep telling myself it will be ok.

Thanks for letting me vent and get this out. I don’t need any sympathy with this as this will pass as I always tell myself. I just wanted someone to listen that understands what this is like and I know you all understand. So thank you. It’s making me emotional just knowing that someone understands and that is all of you. I hope you all have the best day you can and I’ll try too. I'm sure I'll be commenting here today as well, it's another distraction for me. I appreciate each and every one of you. xoxo

I am sorry there is such stress in your life during your suffering. Life situations like this can be stressful to a person not going through withdrawal. You are very strong to have the mindset you have. That will save you in the end. You are correct this will pass. Time heals all. You may experience aggravated symptoms during this time. It is difficult to watch your daughter be a wreck. I know it would be very difficult for me. Just remember this will get better with time. I hope your granddaughter has nothing serious. 

People on this site do understand. There are good people on here and it is a good place to vent. You have support here. Keep strong for your family. 

[[Ct...]]

@[vo...] My heart goes out to you during this very difficult time for you and your family. I hope you were able to go to the gym, and that helped give you some relief. You have been through so much, and the current situation adds an incredible amount of stress. 

Edited July 21 by [Ct...]
Changed wording

[[Bu...]]

@[vo...],  I can't imagine how difficult it must be to watch your daughter in such distress and to be so worried for your granddaughter.  I'm glad you told us, though.  Many of us have gone through very hard situations during withdrawal, so yes, we do understand.  I hope the gym helps and that you have as good a day as possible.  You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

[[...]]

@[vo...] I’m praying for you your family.  May you find relief in your painful symptoms enough to get some mental respite.  I pray your granddaughter heals and is well 🙏🏻

[[sh...]]

My elderly mother went to the ER last night and was admitted.  She lives 1000 miles away from me.  I too am tapering Ambien and did a cut last night.  Fell asleep, but woke up 4 hours later with extreme tinnitus and mental distress.  Considered taking another Ambien to get back to sleep and dampen the tinnitus, but I didn't and am glad I didn't b/c I eventually fell back asleep.  I did keep waking up every hour though, so the sleep was not good.  My sister, who lives 3 hours away from my mom, was visiting for the weekend.  Thank God.  But she is going to have to return home and I will have to get on a flight to take over the care of my mom while she's in the hospital and back home.  I am so worried that I won't be able to continue the taper or even hold on this dose that is obviously causing me issues.  Hard to care for someone else when I can barely function. 

[[Le...]]

I have found that the only way that helps with the many somewhat similar situations like this in my life was to do my best to focus on the little things I can do. I cannot fix these things for the people in my life but there are things I can do. Let my sister talk about her situation and reassure her I will be there for her children. I cant fix my brothers back but I can reroof his home. I guess the same things one should do if their life wasnt complicated by this recovery. 

I do the little things I can and accept I cant fix everything. It helped me not brood so much if I try to think this way. 

Edited July 21 by [Le...]

[[vo...]]

1 hour ago, [[C...] said:

@[vo...] My heart goes out to you during this very difficult time for you and your family. I hope you were able to go to the gym, and that helped give you some relief. You have been through so much, and the current situation adds an incredible amount of stress. 

I did @[Ct...]. Thank you  The symptoms subsided during my workout. Of course they're back now, but I'll power through the day. Will spend the afternoon with my daughter and granddaughter.

[[vo...]]

54 minutes ago, [[s...] said:

My elderly mother went to the ER last night and was admitted.  She lives 1000 miles away from me.  I too am tapering Ambien and did a cut last night.  Fell asleep, but woke up 4 hours later with extreme tinnitus and mental distress.  Considered taking another Ambien to get back to sleep and dampen the tinnitus, but I didn't and am glad I didn't b/c I eventually fell back asleep.  I did keep waking up every hour though, so the sleep was not good.  My sister, who lives 3 hours away from my mom, was visiting for the weekend.  Thank God.  But she is going to have to return home and I will have to get on a flight to take over the care of my mom while she's in the hospital and back home.  I am so worried that I won't be able to continue the taper or even hold on this dose that is obviously causing me issues.  Hard to care for someone else when I can barely function. 

@[sh...] I'm sorry to hear your mom is in the hospital. That too is a lot to deal with, especially with her being so far away from you. It is nice to know someone else (you) is also tapering off of Ambien. Don't know if you're in the same situation as me, being on a benzo and then finding out you can't stay on Ambien. I'll send you another note later more about that. I'm going to get ready to go and see my granddaughter right now. I hope you will be able to lean on this group to avoid anything going wrong with your taper. I'm avoiding the same. You can message me any time about it if you want. I understand how hard it is, knowing that it would alleviate the withdrawal symptoms from benzos.

[[pi...]]

2 hours ago, [[s...] said:

My elderly mother went to the ER last night and was admitted.  She lives 1000 miles away from me.  I too am tapering Ambien and did a cut last night.  Fell asleep, but woke up 4 hours later with extreme tinnitus and mental distress.  Considered taking another Ambien to get back to sleep and dampen the tinnitus, but I didn't and am glad I didn't b/c I eventually fell back asleep.  I did keep waking up every hour though, so the sleep was not good.  My sister, who lives 3 hours away from my mom, was visiting for the weekend.  Thank God.  But she is going to have to return home and I will have to get on a flight to take over the care of my mom while she's in the hospital and back home.  I am so worried that I won't be able to continue the taper or even hold on this dose that is obviously causing me issues.  Hard to care for someone else when I can barely function. 

I am sorry to hear about your mom. When I was in the thick of withdrawal, the acute phase, a family member had surgery. A test revealed a possible heart issue so we had to go and help out and figure out if there were others steps that needed to be taken. I was actually amazed how well I did. It was unexpected but appreciated. Sometimes helping someone else takes us away from our problems. 

I hope all goes well for you. Holding/ pausing the taper at a time like this is ok. 

[[sh...]]

I made a cut last night.  It was time.  I will hold for a while until I stabilize.  If it's not one thing, it's another.  Single mom with 3 kids, elderly parent, full time job, selling my house, etc., etc, etc.  There is never a peaceful moment to take a pause and soothe myself.  But maybe that is the key- distraction and being engaged with the world, both good & bad.  I see many posts from people in w/d that have been bed bound for months/years.  At least that is not me.  At least I can still get out and live, even if my brain is telling me to curl up into a fetal position and watch Netflix.  I can't.  I have obligations that are greater than my suffering.  I suppose it is a blessing.

[[sh...]]

Voluntas, I'd be very curious where you are in your Ambien taper.  I read your profile and see that you day dose, as do I.  Looks like we are on similar paths.  Me= I take (3) 10mg tablets during day, spaced 5 hours apart, then 30.25 at night before bed.  Right now am on a total of 62.5mgs a day.  It's been rough!  Why did I start day dosing?  Why did you?  I am trying to bring my night dose down before I start with the day doses.  If I can get them close to even, I think it would help with the wicked interdose w/d I feel every day...all day.  

 

[[Oc...]]

Hi everybody,

@[vo...], @[sh...] Looks like there are 3 of us here tapering Ambien. And I'm very sad and anxious just as you arr cause my aunt who is very close to me went to hospital to have a surgery for cancer but it turned out the tumour twines around some major vein so it's inoperable:( My heart goes out to you and I hope everything will be OK for all of us.

 

Edited July 22 by [Oc...]

[[vo...]]

On 21/07/2024 at 15:00, [[s...] said:

Voluntas, I'd be very curious where you are in your Ambien taper.  I read your profile and see that you day dose, as do I.  Looks like we are on similar paths.  Me= I take (3) 10mg tablets during day, spaced 5 hours apart, then 30.25 at night before bed.  Right now am on a total of 62.5mgs a day.  It's been rough!  Why did I start day dosing?  Why did you?  I am trying to bring my night dose down before I start with the day doses.  If I can get them close to even, I think it would help with the wicked interdose w/d I feel every day...all day.  

Hi @[sh...] I didn't see your message until now. I'm guessing we both started day dosing for the same reason? To curb the effects of withdrawal? I started at 7.5 but when I discovered that taking it to sleep made my withdrawal symptoms from xanax go away, it became a daytime script too, rationing it throughout the day. My doctor wouldn't prescribe more than 7.5 because she said it wouldn't be good for my liver even though I begged her to.  Once my doctor knew I had PAWS, she said I needed to come off of it completely. I'm ok with that because I knew the damage xanax had done to me. Fast forward to now, I'm now down to 2.5, taking it only at night. I did take it a couple of times during the day a few weeks ago because I felt like I just couldn't get through the day. I know exercising isn't for everyone, but it really helps me. So far so good for the last week. I'm planning on going to 1.25 tonight. We'll see how that goes. It sounds like you've got a lot going on with your dosage and I hope you can get your doses down to manageable to continue to taper. I'm guessing it will take some time coming down from such a high amount but that's totally understandable. Are you on another med as well at this point? Are you working with someone to taper? 

[[vo...]]

4 hours ago, [[O...] said:

Hi everybody,

@[vo...], @[sh...] Looks like there are 3 of us here tapering Ambien. And I'm very sad and anxious just as you arr cause my aunt who is very close to me went to hospital to have a surgery for cancer but it turned out the tumour twines around some major vein so it's inoperable:( My heart goes out to you and I hope everything will be OK for all of us.

I'm glad you noticed that the three of us are going through this. I'll look for where you might have written about your story so I understand your history and try to pay attention when you post. Nice to meet you!