busy mind making me think i could Develop psychosis any advice ?

[[ch...]]

hi everyone looking for some advice , 
if managed to freak my self out that i may be devolving psychosis , 
im ten months post jump from diaz use . 

i have a lot of symptoms mainly mental at this point , ruminating thoughts constantly ! day dreaming , intrusive thoughts / memories . my brain literally doesn’t switch off some days i feel like it’s hard to concentrate , my inner monologue is constantly talking and repeating things im doing .weird delusional dream states at night waking up and falling asleep also when i close my eyes i get flashes of weird images like very strange muddled up faces and weird characters i think these are hypnogonik hallucinations i believe  . 
also i get like intrusive thoughts somtimes in violent nature 

iv suffered abit of health anxiety though this & iv freaked my self out i might be getting mentally ill , i mean im 10 months out and surely it would of happened by now if it was going to ? 
just wanted some advice from people as i know its a fairly common symptom in withdrawal is it possible this far out and from symptoms mentioned if not any advice on how to calm these thoughts ? 
iv been doing 10 minutes mindful mediation. 
thanks guys 

Edited July 20 by [ch...]

[[Bu...]]

2 hours ago, [[c...] said:

hi everyone looking for some advice , 
if managed to freak my self out that i may be devolving psychosis , 
im ten months post jump from diaz use . 

i have a lot of symptoms mainly mental at this point , ruminating thoughts constantly ! day dreaming , intrusive thoughts / memories . my brain literally doesn’t switch off some days i feel like it’s hard to concentrate , my inner monologue is constantly talking and repeating things im doing .weird delusional dream states at night waking up and falling asleep also when i close my eyes i get flashes of weird images like very strange muddled up faces and weird characters . 
also i get like intrusive thoughts somtimes in violent nature 

iv suffered abit of health anxiety though this & iv freaked my self out i might be getting mentally ill , i mean im 10 months out and surely it would of happened by now if it was going to ? 
just wanted some advice from people as i know its a fairly common symptom in withdrawal is it possible this far out and from symptoms mentioned if not any advice on how to calm these thoughts ? 
iv been doing 10 minutes mindful mediation. 
thanks guys 

 

[[Bu...]]

I get delusional dream states at night and intrusive disturbing thoughts too. I’m sure these are features of Benzo withdrawal for me 

im not a psychiatrist so I can’t say for sure you don’t have a psychosis but there is a real risk that if you see a psychiatrist, they won’t know anything about benzo withdrawal symptoms and will diagnose you was having an anxiety and diagnose you with a psychotic ilness and put your meds that might make you worse.  On the other hand, if you do have a psychotic illness, they might be able to help you.

its hard to make other people understand how awful this withdrawal is

Please know that you’re not alone, with these symptoms 

I truly wish you all the best and hope that some of your suffering eases soon

 

 

 

 

[[Bu...]]

Also I empathise about the health anxiety

 

[[ch...]]

1 minute ago, [[B...] said:

I get delusional dream states at night and intrusive disturbing thoughts too. I’m sure these are features of Benzo withdrawal for me 

im not a psychiatrist so I can’t say for sure you don’t have a psychosis but there is a real risk that if you see a psychiatrist, they won’t know anything about benzo withdrawal symptoms and will diagnose you was having an anxiety and diagnose you with a psychotic ilness and put your meds that might make you worse.  On the other hand, if you do have a psychotic illness, they might be able to help you.

its hard to make other people understand how awful this withdrawal is

Please know that you’re not alone, with these symptoms 

I truly wish you all the best and hope that some of your suffering eases soon

well i’m 10 months out iv been thinking that psychosis would present earlier on if it was going to surely ? 
i was wondering if my symptoms are typical of with withdrawal or not , 
i was hoping people would be able to relate and assure me it’s the withdrawal i don’t want to have to go to a psychiatrist because it’s only happened since iv been in withdrawal and i don’t think they’ll understand !  
but yeah its not easy , thanks for your reply 

[[vo...]]

8 minutes ago, [[B...] said:

 

im not a psychiatrist so I can’t say for sure you don’t have a psychosis but there is a real risk that if you see a psychiatrist, they won’t know anything about benzo withdrawal symptoms and will diagnose you was having an anxiety and diagnose you with a psychotic ilness and put your meds that might make you worse. 

 

@[Bu...]There are medical and mental health providers who understand benzo withdrawal, though they may be few in number. Therefore, we should avoid generalizing about all psychiatrists. Additionally, not all of them will diagnose us with a psychotic illness and prescribe medication.

[[ch...]]

Just now, [[v...] said:

@[Bu...]There are medical and mental health providers who understand benzo withdrawal, though they may be few in number. Therefore, we should avoid generalizing about all psychiatrists. Additionally, not all of them will diagnose us with a psychotic illness and prescribe medication.

to be honest i’m not really looking for a psychiatrist i’m not hearing or seeing things , just the symptoms above if they are common or happen in withdrawal i’ll wait it out if there not then i guess id have to start thinking about getting help 

[[Bu...]]

11 minutes ago, [[v...] said:

@[Bu...]There are medical and mental health providers who understand benzo withdrawal, though they may be few in number. Therefore, we should avoid generalizing about all psychiatrists. Additionally, not all of them will diagnose us with a psychotic illness and prescribe medication.

You are completely right of course

I’ve just been badly burned by this Particular problem quite recently

[[vi...]]

Yes, I wouldnt say psychosis but yeah, I get what you mean

Maybe it's just the withdrawal. But think about it, in case youve been a heavy user for years, it means youve been supressing your emotions and thoughts for a lot of time. Now they got processed. What was the hardest to deal with was the realisation that I was deliberately and out of weaskness destroying my brain. Maybe a lot of the distress from quitting comes from this realisation. Theres a lot of anger, shame, feeling like youve been wronged... Going mad, basically

[[ch...]]

2 minutes ago, [[B...] said:

You are completely right of course

I’ve just been badly burned by this Particular problem quite recently

what happened ? 

[[ch...]]

1 minute ago, [[v...] said:

Yes, I wouldnt say psychosis but yeah, I get what you mean

Maybe it's just the withdrawal. But think about it, in case youve been a heavy user for years, it means youve been supressing your emotions and thoughts for a lot of time. Now they got processed. What was the hardest to deal with was the realisation that I was deliberately and out of weaskness destroying my brain. Maybe a lot of the distress from quitting comes from this realisation. Theres a lot of anger, shame, feeling like youve been wronged... Going mad, basically

yeah i mean iv gone through the motions with what youv mentioned here , im 10 months cleans and still have these lingering mental symptoms so really im just trying to get some reassurance it’s not something more sinister going on ! 
but i guess no one here can really say ! 
i was hoping over people would have experienced somthing similar and got better after withdrawal ended 

[[vo...]]

11 minutes ago, [[B...] said:

You are completely right of course

I’ve just been badly burned by this Particular problem quite recently

@me too! Luckily, I have found a therapist that does get it

[[vi...]]

11 minutes ago, [[c...] said:

yeah i mean iv gone through the motions with what youv mentioned here , im 10 months cleans and still have these lingering mental symptoms so really im just trying to get some reassurance it’s not something more sinister going on ! 
but i guess no one here can really say ! 
i was hoping over people would have experienced somthing similar and got better after withdrawal ended 

psychiatrists cant really say either. Trying to label what youre experiencing as (unclear) pseudo medical terms is harmful. You are basically letting someone determine what you are. Someone who has gotten to quit benzos, one of the most difficult substances to quit in the human history, should understand that psychiatry is imprecise and even harmful. 

 

However, I think (my personal opinion) that you are experiencing something to take into consideration so to speak. I hope the best for you 

Edited July 20 by [vi...]

[[Bu...]]

11 minutes ago, [[c...] said:

what happened ? 

I had a head injury and was agitated with the concussion with muscle spasms. They gave me diazepam in hospital with settled me down. I should have just been sent home and reassured. Instead a psychiatrist sent me home with diazepam and no instructions. This was the start of my problems. I didn’t get on with it - small doses caused hallucinations . Tried it for three days, then stopped. Then again once the following week after muscle spasms- again didn’t get on with it. Then I took the zopiclone with levtiracetam after a private neurologist (to be fair not a psychiatrist) told me to - worst mistake I ever made. Now got into contact with local psychiatrist from drug services - got told that it’s impossible to have symptoms from Benzo withdrawal after a month and I need to ask gp for antidepressants. If it weren’t for places like this website I’d probably still be bring damaged by inappropriate meds

[[vo...]]

23 minutes ago, [[c...] said:

to be honest i’m not really looking for a psychiatrist i’m not hearing or seeing things , just the symptoms above if they are common or happen in withdrawal i’ll wait it out if there not then i guess id have to start thinking about getting help 

@[ch...] I don't think that's such a bad idea. I did. Because....I dealt with my anxiety, depression and bi-polar with these pills since I was 17 years old. Now decades later, I never learned how to deal with them with my mind itself, so I'm doing that now with a therapist who fortunately gets BIND.

[[ch...]]

1 minute ago, [[v...] said:

@[ch...] I don't think that's such a bad idea. I did. Because....I dealt with my anxiety, depression and bi-polar with these pills since I was 17 years old. Now decades later, I never learned how to deal with them with my mind itself, so I'm doing that now with a therapist who fortunately gets BIND.

well that’s good i’m glad for you & im glad it’s helping you , 
i honestly feel like i can deal with it my self and i have been for 10 months this isn’t  me dismissing what your saying but , i think i just wanted some recurrence i couldn’t get psychosis this far out and it’s more than likely the withdrawal causing these symptoms . 

surely there’s other people on this forum who have had similar  experience 

[[ch...]]

18 minutes ago, [[B...] said:

I had a head injury and was agitated with the concussion with muscle spasms. They gave me diazepam in hospital with settled me down. I should have just been sent home and reassured. Instead a psychiatrist sent me home with diazepam and no instructions. This was the start of my problems. I didn’t get on with it - small doses caused hallucinations . Tried it for three days, then stopped. Then again once the following week after muscle spasms- again didn’t get on with it. Then I took the zopiclone with levtiracetam after a private neurologist (to be fair not a psychiatrist) told me to - worst mistake I ever made. Now got into contact with local psychiatrist from drug services - got told that it’s impossible to have symptoms from Benzo withdrawal after a month and I need to ask gp for antidepressants. If it weren’t for places like this website I’d probably still be bring damaged by inappropriate meds

i see that’s unusual that the med it’s self caused hallucinations and such from the get go you must be allergic to it or the alike  , well we all know how misinformed the doctors and even psychiatrists are about benzos , well at least your doing somewhat better now that’s the main thing 

Edited July 20 by [ch...]

[Guest [Do...]]

1 hour ago, [[c...] said:

to be honest i’m not really looking for a psychiatrist i’m not hearing or seeing things , just the symptoms above if they are common or happen in withdrawal i’ll wait it out if there not then i guess id have to start thinking about getting help 

Hi @[ch...],

I am not a doctor but i have been suffering those symptoms too, i am in WD tapering diazepam and for me these are my worst symptoms, terrifying and hard to handle.

The good news is that it isn't psychosis, it is something called Hypnagogic and Hypnopompic hallucinations. If i am right, you don't see or hear things with eyes open, you experience these before falling asleep or when waking up, it comes mixed with intrusive and weird thoughts and looping images or sounds, sometimes music (i get horrible commercial jingles that go looping for hours). For me also comes with Hypnagogic jerks that are like you are abruptly pulled out of your sleep and most of the times won't let you go into deep sleeping mode, sometimes i hear the door ringing at 4am but of course there's no one ringing, people shouting your name or loud noises that go at the exact moment you are falling asleep.

It is one of the strongest symptoms and i got them when i was in a huge wave and in acute WD symptoms.

Did you taper too fast? jumped off diaz at a high dose? just trying to understand why you get these now.

I started a post on this not long ago:

 

Edited July 20 by Guest

[[ch...]]

3 minutes ago, [[D...] said:

Hi @[ch...],

I am not a doctor but i have been suffering those symptoms too, i am in WD tapering diazepam and for me these are my worst symptoms, terrifying and hard to handle.

The good news is that it isn't psychosis, it is something called Hypnagogic and Hypnopompic hallucinations. If i am right, you don't see or hear things with eyes open, you experience these before falling asleep or when waking up, it comes mixed with intrusive and weird thoughts and looping images or sounds, sometimes music (i get horrible commercial jingles that go looping for hours). For me also comes with Hypnagogic jerks that are like you are abruptly pulled out of your sleep and most of the times won't let you go into deep sleeping mode, sometimes i hear the door ringing at 4am but of course there's no one ringing, people shouting your name or loud noises that go at the exact moment you are falling asleep.

It is one of the strongest symptoms and i got them when i was in a huge wave and in acute WD symptoms.

Did you taper too fast? jumped off diaz at a high dose? just trying to understand why you get these now.

I started a post on this not long ago:

heyy thanks for your reply i appreciate it so i tapered diaz for about 7 months , i was using for around 7 years pretty high doses self medicated ! 
so my withdrawal has been rough but no worse than anyone else’s by the sounds of it ! 

everything your explaining there iv had specially the hypnik jerks i had them really bad toward the start of my withdrawal they would keep me up most of the night luckily these do pass and i only get them now and again now ! but i still suffer from the sleep delusions / hypnogonik symptoms !
iv actually done a lot of research my self so know all about these they will improve for you over time as they have for me i had them a lot worse to start , 

think my health anxiety has got the better of me this week because im better than i have been in the past months , but my brain just won’t shut down constant busy / racing thoughts taking to its self and i started reading up about psychosis and the alike so iv freaked my self out stupidly lol ! 
 

i’l think im just looking for some people who have also been through it to tell me it gets better as stupid as that sounds !
but hang on man i can tell you first hand the symptoms your having iv had and they do get better ! 

thanks for your reply ill read your posts now  

[Guest [Do...]]

2 minutes ago, [[c...] said:

heyy thanks for your reply i appreciate it so i tapered diaz for about 7 months , i was using for around 7 years pretty high doses self medicated ! 
so my withdrawal has been rough but no worse than anyone else’s by the sounds of it ! 

everything your explaining there iv had specially the hypnik jerks i had them really bad toward the start of my withdrawal they would keep me up most of the night luckily these do pass and i only get them now and again now ! but i still suffer from the sleep delusions / hypnogonik symptoms !
iv actually done a lot of research my self so know all about these they will improve for you over time as they have for me i had them a lot worse to start , 

think my health anxiety has got the better of me this week because im better than i have been in the past months , but my brain just won’t shut down constant busy / racing thoughts taking to its self and i started reading up about psychosis and the alike so iv freaked my self out stupidly lol ! 
 

i’l think im just looking for some people who have also been through it to tell me it gets better as stupid as that sounds !
but hang on man i can tell you first hand the symptoms your having iv had and they do get better ! 

thanks for your reply ill read your posts now  

I think this is what it is, when you wrote about weird faces and characters i recognized the symptoms.

I told my therapist that when in Hypnagogic mode i feel that must be how it is to go insane and psychotic so once again i thought it was the same you're telling here.

Despite what you mentioned, i think 7 months taper is a really fast one, it is taking me 3-4 months to taper 1mg of diaz, i started at 5mg i am at 2.85mg and struggling to dropp every 0.01mg, but to be true is the only way to be half functional, going slow, cause, like all, i tried a fast taper at the start and got really sick.

[[ch...]]

3 minutes ago, [[D...] said:

I think this is what it is, when you wrote about weird faces and characters i recognized the symptoms.

I told my therapist that when in Hypnagogic mode i feel that must be how it is to go insane and psychotic so once again i thought it was the same you're telling here.

Despite what you mentioned, i think 7 months taper is a really fast one, it is taking me 3-4 months to taper 1mg of diaz, i started at 5mg i am at 2.85mg and struggling to dropp every 0.01mg, but to be true is the only way to be half functional, going slow, cause, like all, i tried a fast taper at the start and got really sick.

yeah it’s defiantly hypnagocic hallucinations for me as it only happens when falling or trying to fall asleep so it’s got to be ! 
obviously you experiencing your self to so it’s got to be withdrawal  hasn’t it as none of us have psychosis ! 
 

i got a tapering plane from a drug help agency and i done it slightly quicker than they even suggested not much just by a week or two but i was just done and wanted to get off , 

i was already feeling terrible and i felt just hanging onto tapering for months on end wouldn’t help that will just prolong the drug in your system ! 
i’m glad i done that now as it seems like holding on for a lot longer than needed doesn’t help ! 
 

[Guest [Do...]]

2 minutes ago, [[c...] said:

i was already feeling terrible and i felt just hanging onto tapering for months on end wouldn’t help that will just prolong the drug in your system ! 
i’m glad i done that now as it seems like holding on for a lot longer than needed doesn’t help ! 

Yeah, i too felt tempted sometimes to do a ultra fast taper and get rid of it but even if i could stand the acute WD it wouldn't mean the problem was over. I always think, that i could go one year taper in WD and have a few months of post jump symptoms or taper in a few months and suffer protracted WD symptoms for a year or more.

What was your starting taper dose? you're very lucky you got help, i had to figure out all myself researching and with BB help. I do have a psychologist who is benzo wise and is helping cope with this but he can't help with anything realated to meds or tapering.

[[ch...]]

my starting taper dose was 140 mg ! these where stress benzos do probably not fully doses ! i cut them down my self all the way down to 30 mg when i actually got a script . 
i didn’t actually feel any withdrawal symptoms an till i hit 10 mg then they just hit me like a steam train ! 
i just sucked it up and self with the suffering but good it’s not been easy ! 

honestly everyone does it different but my opinion is your just prolonging your suffering withdrawal isn’t nice for anyone hanging onto small doses just prolong the suffering your better of just getting it done and dealing with symptoms obviously not to quick but i don’t see how holding on for years help, well done tho sounds like youv done well your self 

[Guest [Do...]]

My taper was fine till i tried to go below 4mg, then i got hit by that freight train is ever running looking for poor benzo victims to run over.

I don't think i am prolonging my suffering, i am trying to do this with the least suffering possible, i can't go faster, i've tried but i don't want to live home bound, bedridden, totally unfunctional, i've been there and i don't want to live like that. It's always better to go slow and be able to live than have extra severe suffering for just save a few months and can also be in protracted WD.

 

[[ch...]]

2 minutes ago, [[D...] said:

My taper was fine till i tried to go below 4mg, then i got hit by that freight train is ever running looking for poor benzo victims to run over.

I don't think i am prolonging my suffering, i am trying to do this with the least suffering possible, i can't go faster, i've tried but i don't want to live home bound, bedridden, totally unfunctional, i've been there and i don't want to live like that. It's always better to go slow and be able to live than have extra severe suffering for just save a few months and can also be in protracted WD.

i didn’t mean that’s what you are doing if it came across like that but that was me explaining my thought process on it , mabey it wasn’t the best thing to do and i could of held of on a few symptoms prolonging the withdrawal but i just in my self didn’t feel it was the right thing to do !
so you are still tapering now ?