Palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy

[[Pa...]]

19 hours ago, [[i...] said:

Oh. I don't know where to start. Stressful. A lot of alcohol, drugs and violence in my environment and family. Thinking about it I've never had a calm time in my life.

You mentioned:

20 hours ago, [[i...] said:

I guess I can't sleep because I'm having a hard time picturing a life without benzos.

Were they prescribed for a condition?

 

[[in...]]

36 minutes ago, [[P...] said:

You mentioned:

Were they prescribed for a condition?

From the beginning: Panic syndrome. In the end I got them off the street. Why?

[[in...]]

So I've been thinking about how I want to exercise more than just swimming but I can't handle people at the gym right now. I'll just buy weights to use at home. Problem solved. I hope 😅

[[in...]]

@[Pa...] @[Cr...] @[pi...]

Hey guys. I was sitting around thinking about random stuff. Question:

Do you guys know if there's any type of possibility to get Benzobuddies into some type of "dark mode" theme? The white background of this community can be tough on the eyes. Especially during WD. Thank you all 🙂💯🙏

[[pi...]]

14 hours ago, [[i...] said:

@[Pa...] @[Cr...] @[pi...]

Hey guys. I was sitting around thinking about random stuff. Question:

Do you guys know if there's any type of possibility to get Benzobuddies into some type of "dark mode" theme? The white background of this community can be tough on the eyes. Especially during WD. Thank you all 🙂💯🙏

I know what you are referring to, I use the dark mode when reading in bed. I’m not sure our software support this but I will ask Colin.

[[pi...]]

Hello! Colin said that the dark mode will be an option when the software update is installed. It should be relatively soon although we don’t have a firm date yet.

[[in...]]

1 hour ago, [[p...] said:

Hello! Colin said that the dark mode will be an option when the software update is installed. It should be relatively soon although we don’t have a firm date yet.

@[pi...] Are we talking days or months though? Thanks 🙏

[[Em...]]

If you use the Brave browser you can turn on "dark mode" for everything. Lifechanging stuff 😅

[[in...]]

5 hours ago, [[E...] said:

If you use the Brave browser you can turn on "dark mode" for everything. Lifechanging stuff 😅

I'll be super Brave and continue using Chrome though. Thanks 😏

[[in...]]

So I ordered weights to lift at home today! This way when cortisol kicks me in the n*ts I can shift my focus and get more in shape at the same time! I'm going to keep swimming too! Wohooo!! I'm going to heal sooner or later! 💯💪🤪

Edited August 22 by [in...]

[[in...]]

77 days out.

I'm getting a headache because I'm tensed (because I'm sad/down). I have feelings/emotions that are coming up to the surface from within. The problem is these emotions (sadness) are staying just beneath the surface. I'm afraid to feel too much. I'm scared of what memories (and so forth) might pop up if I let it go (if I cry, for example).

So my body goes into this mode where it stays tensed. I end up with a stomach going bananas, tension headache and a racing heart. 

Is this all normal..? Is this supposed to happen during healing? Thanks for taking your time to read this. Help? 🙏 

[[in...]]

8 hours ago, [[i...] said:

77 days out.

I'm getting a headache because I'm tensed (because I'm sad/down). I have feelings/emotions that are coming up to the surface from within. The problem is these emotions (sadness) are staying just beneath the surface. I'm afraid to feel too much. I'm scared of what memories (and so forth) might pop up if I let it go (if I cry, for example).

So my body goes into this mode where it stays tensed. I end up with a stomach going bananas, tension headache and a racing heart. 

Is this all normal..? Is this supposed to happen during healing? Thanks for taking your time to read this. Help? 🙏 

Anyone? ☝️🙏

[[Fa...]]

8 hours ago, [[i...] said:

77 days out.

I'm getting a headache because I'm tensed (because I'm sad/down). I have feelings/emotions that are coming up to the surface from within. The problem is these emotions (sadness) are staying just beneath the surface. I'm afraid to feel too much. I'm scared of what memories (and so forth) might pop up if I let it go (if I cry, for example).

So my body goes into this mode where it stays tensed. I end up with a stomach going bananas, tension headache and a racing heart. 

Is this all normal..? Is this supposed to happen during healing? Thanks for taking your time to read this. Help? 🙏 

I hear ya!  I'm afraid to feel too much, too, for the same reasons.  I'm still tapering.  Yes, this is very normal.  The tense muscles absolutely normal.  You may reach a point where that dam will break, and you may lose your battle with not crying.  If that happens, allow.  Purging can release a lot of stored energy, and that is a good thing.  There are times I can keep things in check, and there are times my body takes over.

I would just like to say how inspiring you are moving through this.  Your commitment and what you are doing for yourself is amazing.

Also, great question about the dark mode.  I use my 'nightshift' feature on my computer which only takes down the blue hue.  But, it would be great to have the option for 'night mode'.

77 is a lucky number!  You are doing so well.

Warmly,

F

[[in...]]

18 minutes ago, [[F...] said:

I hear ya!  I'm afraid to feel too much, too, for the same reasons.  I'm still tapering.  Yes, this is very normal.  The tense muscles absolutely normal.  You may reach a point where that dam will break, and you may lose your battle with not crying.  If that happens, allow.  Purging can release a lot of stored energy, and that is a good thing.  There are times I can keep things in check, and there are times my body takes over.

I would just like to say how inspiring you are moving through this.  Your commitment and what you are doing for yourself is amazing.

Also, great question about the dark mode.  I use my 'nightshift' feature on my computer which only takes down the blue hue.  But, it would be great to have the option for 'night mode'.

77 is a lucky number!  You are doing so well.

Warmly,

F

What dose were you on from the beginning? How low did you go in your taper? Oh, what kind of benzos are we talking about?

[[Fa...]]

10 minutes ago, [[i...] said:

What dose were you on from the beginning? How low did you go in your taper? Oh, what kind of benzos are we talking about?

I am on Clonazepam.  I started at 1.5mg.  I am now at .49mg.  

[[in...]]

4 minutes ago, [[F...] said:

I am on Clonazepam.  I started at 1.5mg.  I am now at .49mg.  

Ok. So how are you feeling other than the emotions going loco? Are you doing a microtaper?

[[Fa...]]

@[in...]  No, I'm doing a cut and hold.  It's been a rough road, so highly symptomatic.

[[De...]]

Hey buddie! Peppe is on another side, i am very close to there! Soo keep on pushing we are waiting for you there🍀

[[in...]]

Day 78 without Clonazepam.

So I cried for first time in years this morning. It felt kind of good. I did hold back but I felt somewhat better afterwards. Maybe I'll learn to get it all out in the future? I'm not used to these kinds of emotions, you know?

This must be a sign of healing right? I hope you all are having a great night 💯❤️🙏

[[PE...]]

13 minutes ago, [[i...] said:

Day 78 without Clonazepam.

So I cried for first time in years this morning. It felt kind of good. I did hold back but I felt somewhat better afterwards. Maybe I'll learn to get it all out in the future? I'm not used to these kinds of emotions, you know?

This must be a sign of healing right? I hope you all are having a great night 💯❤️🙏

I think it is! Crying is something really good 😊😁

[[in...]]

Just now, [[P...] said:

I think it is! Crying is something really good 😊😁

It's healthy for sure! It might feel like it hurts for the moment, but it feels so much better afterwards! 💯

[[PE...]]

1 hour ago, [[i...] said:

It's healthy for sure! It might feel like it hurts for the moment, but it feels so much better afterwards! 💯

It's like the total opposite to being angry. I always feel like shit after..

[[Ar...]]

Sorry to hear what you are going through but it's all so simple to understand once you know that benzodiazepines inhibit both the enzyme which breaks down acetylcholine and the enzyme which hydrolyses ATP, releasing the phosphate molecule needed for healthy aerobic respiration. Excess acetylcholine levels induce most of our symptoms while our cells stop producing energy via aerobic respiration. It shuts down our bodies to varying degree's dependent upon other involved factors.

[[PE...]]

27 minutes ago, [[A...] said:

Sorry to hear what you are going through but it's all so simple to understand once you know that benzodiazepines inhibit both the enzyme which breaks down acetylcholine and the enzyme which hydrolyses ATP, releasing the phosphate molecule needed for healthy aerobic respiration. Excess acetylcholine levels induce most of our symptoms while our cells stop producing energy via aerobic respiration. It shuts down our bodies to varying degree's dependent upon other involved factors.

Hi!

He stopped taking benzos like 3 months ago..

My brain hurts reading your answer 😆😊

Edited August 25 by [PE...]

[[Ar...]]

38 minutes ago, [[P...] said:

Hi!

He stopped taking benzos like 3 months ago..

My brain hurts reading your answer 😆😊

I didn't want to overwhelm him with too much information; that explanation is posted in a couple of other threads. To answer your question I think that it can take ages for the symptoms resulting from high acetylcholine levels to normalise. Whether that's because the levels remain high or whether the receptors for it remain bound by it for a long time I can't tell you. All I know was that it took me years to recover from my own high levels and there's still no sign that I am even starting to recover from the respiratory failure it induced or from the myopathy induced by the inhibition of the ATPD'ase. I think that this may have permanently shut down most oxygen use throughout my body and I don't yet have any answers for how to try to reverse it.