To reinstate or not

[[...]]

Please help 

Is it advisable to reinstate if a single dose triggered severe withdrawl when it wore off?  Is it dangerous?

Symptoms never experienced before, different from what i see people having. Like a bomb exploded in the brain and body. Cant be in bed or anywhere, cant rest or exist in any way

Already irreversible injuries. Disabled, lost everything. Completly healthy before, no alcohol, no other drugs. Never updosed the benzo in all the years of taking it (0,5 twice daily klon)

The taper was very slow and confortable, lived life normally, had a job. Being off as well, felt much better than all these years, still had some anxiety and made the terrible mistake of taking rescue doses til one did this and i'm a totally different person head to toe and mentally. My nervous system cant even handle talking or crying that it all attacks me more 

Its been 7 months and worse by the day with new damage revealed, my body cant survive this or be normal after this 

I just need to know if it would be advisable to reinstate back then in situation like this. I know the official "window" to do it is long gone. Just need to know if, given what happened and regardless of time, i could have done it safetly or not. I've waited and waited and all much worse than in the beginning 

Thanks 

 

Edited July 18 by [...]

[[Pa...]]

I don't see reinstatement helping you if your plan is to taper it again, but are you asking about reinstating a therapeutic dose and staying on it?

You mention 7 months, is that 7 months since you took that last rescue dose or 7 months since you finished your taper?

[[An...]]

Don’t reinstate stay were you are and heal. This taper is so sufferable, it’s hell. You will just be going backwards  best of luck 

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23 minutes ago, [[P...] said:

I don't see reinstatement helping you if your plan is to taper it again, but are you asking about reinstating a therapeutic dose and staying on it?

You mention 7 months, is that 7 months since you took that last rescue dose or 7 months since you finished your taper?

7 months since the last one 

I was thinking about reinstating with the goal to taper in about many months to a year later, not only because i felt much better off but also due to tolerance. But because this happened, do you think getting off would be impossible or even worse? Thats my fear too. I dont even know if the benzo would cover all this damage, let alone work anymore for some relief 

I also fear even worse withdrawl before its time to take the next dose if reinstate like what happened with that dose. Is this this a reasonable fear or am not thinking straight? This has been keeping me from reinstating since the start of it, cant even look at the pill box but cant stop looping if it would be the right thing to do after all and if i lost that chance 

Just wanted to know what would be the wiser thing to do. Not sure if the benzo wise doctors or coaches could help me with a definitive answer but cant afford any consultations due to this 

 

[[Pa...]]

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29 minutes ago, [[A...] said:

Don’t reinstate stay were you are and heal. This taper is so sufferable, it’s hell. You will just be going backwards  best of luck 

I dont know if my body can take this without colapsing, let alone surviving. If only i could be in bed like the people who are bad but this is another level

You mean your taper is very bad? This is like i CTd but worse because of kindling with the single doses 

[[So...]]

Hi Agua, I wouldn't personally reinstate if just one dose did this to you, it sounds counterintuitive to me... I know what it's like to be desperate though and feel like there is no way out of this, but there is a way out & that is time.  

 

How long since you came off initially?  I'm wondering if maybe you had a delayed withdrawal.  That's what happened to me and then when things came on strong at 2.5 months off it freaked me out & I reinstated.

[[...]]

9 minutes ago, [[P...] said:

So 7 months since the last rescue dose, how long since you finished your taper? 

10 months 

I guess this happened with such severity because the brain was still very sensitized 

I've seen some people with these kind of reactions but much milder and short lived 

[[Ma...]]

Unfortunately 1.) Many find they need a higher dose in order to stabilize and then that’s even more to taper and, 2.) It might not work and you’ll still have to taper.

It’s a horrible place to be and many of us have been there-including myself. If I could turn back time I would have kept going as my reinstatement attempt was tragic.

Inly you can make this decision so please weigh all of the risks vs potential benefits 1st.

[[Pa...]]

[[...]]

4 minutes ago, [[S...] said:

Hi Agua, I wouldn't personally reinstate if just one dose did this to you, it sounds counterintuitive to me... I know what it's like to be desperate though and feel like there is no way out of this, but there is a way out & that is time.  

How long since you came off initially?  I'm wondering if maybe you had a delayed withdrawal.  That's what happened to me and then when things came on strong at 2.5 months off it freaked me out & I reinstated.

I took about 5 rescue doses in a period of maybe 5 weeks. One of those triggered it all, kindled myself severely. So stupid of me 

I"m aware of dellayed withdrawl and sure it wasnt the case for me, the change was drastic, woke up a completely different person the day after that dose 

How was the reinstatement for you? 

[[...]]

8 minutes ago, [[M...] said:

Unfortunately 1.) Many find they need a higher dose in order to stabilize and then that’s even more to taper and, 2.) It might not work and you’ll still have to taper.

It’s a horrible place to be and many of us have been there-including myself. If I could turn back time I would have kept going as my reinstatement attempt was tragic.

Inly you can make this decision so please weigh all of the risks vs potential benefits 1st.

I've weighted it all through all these months, thats why i cant make myself to reinstate. Was just looking for a definite answer to this specific case of wear off, to forget about this once and for all, but theres likely no definitive 

[[...]]

13 minutes ago, [[P...] said:

Since its only been 10 months since you ended your taper, I hope you'll give it more time before reinstating.  Recovery for most takes between 1 and 2 years, so it appears you're right on schedule. 

I know, but things are deteriorating and dont think body can handle, I'd be hopeful it there was improvements 

Have you seen people having it severe with rescue doses or other gabaergic substances?

I see you have many experience on the benzo world, can you answer my questions please? It would put my mind a bit more at ease as i loop in this, just need someone who can think with me 

Thanks so much 

Edited July 18 by [...]

[[Ma...]]

There is a definitive: time and patience.

You will get through this. Hopefully much sooner than you think. And after these many months you are closer each day.

Keep going!

[[...]]

Just now, [[M...] said:

There is a definitive: time and patience.

You will get through this. Hopefully much sooner than you think. And after these many months you are closer each day.

Keep going!

I hope so, thank you 

Its just that its all deteriorating more and more and i cant stop obsesssing about what i could have done to prevent all the damage, let alone obsessing on the stupid mistake of taking the doses, cant let go of it

[[So...]]

The reinstatement did not go well unfortunetly, I had to come back off.  I am a year off now again, but could have been 18 months off.  It does work for some people though. 

[[Le...]]

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1 minute ago, [[S...] said:

The reinstatement did not go well unfortunetly, I had to come back off.  I am a year off now again, but could have been 18 months off.  It does work for some people though. 

You mean it made you worse? Tolerance?

Are you ok now? Do you think it injured you more?

Maybe it wouldnt turned out well fo you  if you didnt reinstate

I just cant let go that i could have done it in the beginning of this and it could have prevent all this damage. But i was and am too scared to do it 

 

[[So...]]

So, it was more than it didn't take away my symptoms like I thought it would, and then I was stuck on it with severe symptoms again.  So I guess I should say it really didn't do anything, and then the second withdrawal damaged me more.

[[En...]]

[[...]]

16 minutes ago, [[E...] said:

You cant go back in time and change anything you did. You only feel it is a mistake because it didnt work out. This is how we learn. Its the hard way but I learn this way as well. Dont dwell on the past focus on the future. Learn from your mistakes and move forward wiser. Dwelling wont change the past. Only affect your future. 

If I were you I would stick it out. As much as it is intolerable I would fear making things worse. The brain likes consistency. I am suffering as well currently and I crave reinstatement but I wont because I know it will affect my future. I want to benzo free and this is the only way out. Craving the pill is actually a withdrawal symptom in itself. All we want is relief and at the moment the future repercussions dont matter. I tell myself to hold where I am off the drug. There is no other way out. 

Rationally i know i shouldnt be thinking about what i did and didnt do but since this changed all my life, my body, my mind, my face features changed rapidly, not me anymore and i'm barely surviving locked in the house getting worse, i cant stop obsessing that maybe i should have reinstated to prevent all this damage but i was and am too scared to do it. If there was improvements i'd be hopeful but my system is colapsing and theres real injuries that cant be treated and cant see how i'll be normal again after this 

If i cant control this course of destruction, at least i'd know if reinstating would be a reasonable thing to do in the specific situation of withdrawl triggered by wore off of the dose, like "did i miss something?" Or was my concern reasonable? Because i dont trust my own judgment anymore 

 

Edited July 18 by [...]

[[En...]]

[[...]]

1 hour ago, [[E...] said:

How do you know if reinstating will work? What if it makes it worse? Would you regret that decision?  You cant predict the future. Maybe it will help you maybe it would make things worse? It is up to you if the risk is worth the reward. If you dont trust your own  judgement anymore then why make any more decisions? You have used rescue doses in the past and it made things worse. What makes you think it would be different this time? What if it makes it even worse this time. What if you kindle your brain? Maybe it would be better this time? Are you in fight/flight mode with anxiety and panic? Would it be better to count your blessings and let your brain heal with time?

You will never know if reinstating would have solved anything at this point. That time has come and gone. Go forward into the future no "what ifs" that's living in the past. 

I am not a Dr but there are repercussions to consider. You ultimately have to make this decision. 

Guess i"m obssesively looking for a definite answer, either "yes, you should have done it to prevent further damage" or "no, it would make things worse based on the effect of that dose". This gave me uncontrolabe OCD traíts and it definitely kindled me 

Anyway i cant make the decision of taking it, too traumatized, cant even look at the pill box. But cant stop asking myself if this fear is reasonable or injury induced 

Thanks for your inputs

[[Le...]]

The first post gave you the answer. I dont think anyone would suggest remaining on these drugs forever. Going back on will sedate but not heal you. Time will. You are well on your way. Try to promote the healing by keeping yourself as healthy as you can. 

[[...]]

28 minutes ago, [[L...] said:

The first post gave you the answer. I dont think anyone would suggest remaining on these drugs forever. Going back on will sedate but not heal you. Time will. You are well on your way. Try to promote the healing by keeping yourself as healthy as you can. 

It would be to taper off as i felt great once off, altough i dont know if it would be possible to get off this time due to the severe kindling from those doses

I cant make myself reinstate anyway, too scared of even worse. Just wanted to know if it would be after all a reasonable thing to do or not at all given what happened with that fatal dose which is not a common thing to happen when a person considers to reinstate