Activation syndrome

[[...]]

8 hours ago, [[j...] said:

it's not so much panic as agitation, although panic is involved. I am really sruggling now. And scared I've done some real damage to myself.

@[jo...], sorry. I waited for a bit and went to bed. It was late in my place. Yes, i can understand you here. It was the same for me first time when i increased mirt too quickly. i got soo desperate that kicked smth really hard with a bare foot. It was painful and surprisingly, helped. Sure i don't recommend it. i did a rapid mirt taper right afterwards. Nothing bad happened.

I'm sure there hasn't been done any real irreversible harm to your body. Neither by mirt nor by benzo. As far as i know,  it's just impossible but we can earnestly believe it. It's a symptom going to subside over time too. You know the expression "benzo lies"? It really does. In my opinion, what you're experiencing now is mostly the same benzo withdrawal, worsened by mirt but it can be affected by just anything. Once, I got an awful reaction after taking a pretty harmless thing. 

Have you been to the doctor yet?

[[jo...]]

no I am going soon. thanks for the reply.

[[...]]

12 minutes ago, [[j...] said:

no I am going soon. thanks for the reply.

Good luck to you with all my heart!

[[jo...]]

went to see the doctor. He offered me an ssri. the crazy thing is i'm thinking about trying it. very slow titration. the only reason i'm considering it is because I took one in the past and it worked. i dont know if it will work for this though. I need to get off this mirt i think but don' know how. I don't know if i could take things getting worse. even for a few days. 

[[Al...]]

11 minutes ago, [[j...] said:

went to see the doctor. He offered me an ssri. the crazy thing is i'm thinking about trying it. very slow titration. the only reason i'm considering it is because I took one in the past and it worked. i dont know if it will work for this though. I need to get off this mirt i think but don' know how. I don't know if i could take things getting worse. even for a few days. 

It's a really tough spot you're in and I'm not sure what the answer is. My gut feeling is that you should get off the mirt somehow and then give your nervous system the time it needs to stabilize. I could be wrong, but I'm not sure adding an SSRI at this point will solve the problem.

[[jo...]]

1 minute ago, [[A...] said:

It's a really tough spot you're in and I'm not sure what the answer is. My gut feeling is that you should get off the mirt somehow and then give your nervous system the time it needs to stabilize. I could be wrong, but I'm not sure adding an SSRI at this point will solve the problem.

your probably right. thanks.

[[...]]

52 minutes ago, [[j...] said:

went to see the doctor. He offered me an ssri. the crazy thing is i'm thinking about trying it. very slow titration. the only reason i'm considering it is because I took one in the past and it worked. i dont know if it will work for this though. I need to get off this mirt i think but don' know how. I don't know if i could take things getting worse. even for a few days. 

I don't know about ssri. I think i agree with @[Al...]. 

As for mirt, i'd reduce it to 3,5 for a few days and stop. I think it should be ok. 

[[jo...]]

[[...]]

20 minutes ago, [[j...] said:

Thanks Kate. I might do it that way. I'm still waiting to see if anything bad happens from that half a valium. I feel so stupid. I just got desperate.

I'm sure there will be nothing bad bc of it. I'm really sure. I just know well some ppl who did it. I have a few benzo friends of my own.

[[He...]]

Hello @[...]jonwil I didn’t visit the forum last month because finally I felt well. But unfortunately I had a little flare before two days and here I am. I don’t have experience with other drugs in long term. But every time when I was having a weird reaction to something I always told to me that it will pass and it’s not forever. Yes, the first days or even though the first weeks are difficult. I wish you luck and hope that you will be ok again soon. You are very kind to me every time with each of my posts.

[[Cr...]]

9 hours ago, [[j...] said:

Thanks Kate. I might do it that way. I'm still waiting to see if anything bad happens from that half a valium. I feel so stupid. I just got desperate.

From what I have read the past few months about setbacks experiences, it seems to be noticeable almost immediately or the next day. Also it usually occurs when the person is mostly healed or in a period of feeling pretty good.

I would not worry about a setback in your situation. You are probably at the point in your recovery where the benzos are ineffective. I was 3 months into recovery from .5 klonopin when severe symptoms caused me to take a rescue dose of 1mg (20 mg of Valium), and it felt like I took a placebo.  Which is actually good because if it worked then the temptation to reinstate would have been too great.

If anything, you and I probably only set our total recovery time back by a week or so.

[[He...]]

I am absolutely agree @[...]Кроно When I am starting to recover I have reactions. I don’t know why it is working in this way but in the last months I see that there a lot of people like me.

[[jo...]]

My agitation seems to be alternating. Bad day, good day, and today somwhere in the middle.Like I had some mental agitation without pacing. This make sense?

[[jo...]]

Also yesterday I got a new symptom. My heart started beating really fast out of my chest to the point where you could hear it beating outside of my body. My whole body started shaking and go heavy. it passed in a minute or so. Was that an adrenaline surge? Anybody had that?

Edited July 27 by [jo...]

[[vo...]]

10 minutes ago, [[j...] said:

Also yesterday I got a new symptom. My heart started beating really fast out of my chest to the point where you could hear it beating outside of my body. My whole body started shaking and go heavy. it passed in a minute or so. Was that an adrenaline surge? Anybody had that?

@[jo...] I had the same thing happen at the beginning of the week. I was paying attention and realized that a conversation I had with someone not long before caused my anxiety to go high and that's probably what triggered the fast-paced heartbeat that felt like it was pounding out of my chest. Other times, I've had this happen and I couldn't pinpoint a reason. But it's not all that frequent. Do you think something triggered it to happen to you? It doesn't necessarily need a trigger though. I've read it before in our group so I feel ok that its probably just part of withdrawal.

[[jo...]]

Just now, [[v...] said:

@[jo...] I had the same thing happen at the beginning of the week. I was paying attention and realized that a conversation I had with someone not long before caused my anxiety to go high and that's probably what triggered the fast-paced heartbeat that felt like it was pounding out of my chest. Other times, I've had this happen and I couldn't pinpoint a reason. But it's not all that frequent. Do you think something triggered it to happen to you? It doesn't necessarily need a trigger though. I've read it before in our group so I feel ok that its probably just part of withdrawal.

Hi @[vo...] did you start shaking a lot as well?

[[vo...]]

Just now, [[j...] said:

Hi @[vo...] did you start shaking a lot as well?

Shaking no, but the vibrations running in my body tend to be more pronounced when anything triggers it, knowingly or not.

[[jo...]]

I was shaking all over. Never had that before.

Edited July 27 by [jo...]

[[vo...]]

Just now, [[j...] said:

I was shacking all over. Never had that before.

Do you have anxiety? Many of us (not all) were put on benzos because of anxiety.

[[jo...]]

Yeah but this was different it coincided with the heart beat. like bad shaking. I never get that.

[[jo...]]

It stopped when my heart slowed down.

[[vo...]]

I think you can be confident that it is the anxiety that you once dealt with by dosing yourself with benzos. Now you're either tapering off or off benzos, so you have to find a natural way to deal with your anxiety. If you want to be 100% sure, have a doctor check you out. If they can't find another reason that would cause it, you can probably blame it on a combination of your anxiety and withdrawal symptoms. Find a way to deal with your anxiety - it's the best thing for you to do.

[[jo...]]

I wasn't anxious. It wasn't anything to do with anxiety I'm sure of it. I've had a lot of anxiety so I know how that feels. This was something else. Like a surge or something.

[[jo...]]

It was pretty worrying. Felt like something really bad was going to happen. I keep expecting it to happen again.

[[Cr...]]

24 minutes ago, [[j...] said:

It was pretty worrying. Felt like something really bad was going to happen. I keep expecting it to happen again.

Don't forget that reality often fails to live up to our expectations   It could happen again but since you are expecting it to, that may make it feel a little less jarring and scary.

It could very well be a short-lived aftershock from the mirt cut, and if so it should happen less and less as the days pass (may not even happen again at all).