Valium Chaos

[[Ho...]]

Hello Friends,

 

i'm in a very serious Crises.

In November i reached Tolerance 30 mg Valium which was so awful that i landed Up in psychward.

I am also in protracted Withdrawal from CT 2 times from prozac which started to get better and then i could sleep first time in 2,5 jears.

Anyway they cutted me from 30 to 16 mg in 10 days. I got bad gut Feeling and flew Out of Hospital. Sleep completely gone, i'm a wreck

Now i screwed around with the doses for approx. 6 weeks because i could'nt bare SI and insomnia anymore after prozac hell.

Doctor told i can updose. But actually i dont want that because i know it will Not fix it.

I want to stay on 16 mg now and Ride it Out. I also talked to Chris Paige. He suggested to hold too. 

I'm so desperate, i could slap myself but after the prozac hell i could'nt bare more suffering on top.

Actually i want to get rid of this horrible poison.

 

Any thoughts? Please No discouragement 🙏🏼 I had that already in fb group.

I Just need someone to talk to and can offer me Hope.

[[pi...]]

Hello @[Ho...],

You won’t get any negativity from me, nor with I discourage you. Look at your username: @[Ho...]. I held on to hope through this process just as others have, you can as well.

How are you feeling at 16mg? The reduction from 30mg to 16 in 10 days is huge. Along with the Prozac withdrawal, your nervous system took a big hit. If you feel somewhat ok at 16 mg, I would hold there for a while. Valium has a very long half life so the effect of the reductions can be delayed, it was for me. I’ve seen people hold for quite a long time, until they felt ready to start a slow and sensible taper.

I hope you can obtain nought Valium for a planned and careful taper. We generally suggest reducing no more than 5-10% every 10-14 days. This is doable and we can help and support you. 

[[Ho...]]

Hello @[...]Klaviermädchen,

thank you so much. I feel awful with 16 mg.

But i think also that if i Had to get Higher with the Dose it must be a very high Dose. 

As i Said, i screwed around with my doses and relief comes at 45 mg. But i don't want to be on such a high amount with the knowledge that it will Not fix the Valium Withdrawal. 

Its the First day today where i decided to stay on 16 mg and i highly assume that i will experience big Withdrawal because i took high dosages for 6 weeks. Not every day but often enough to get dependend 😔

I also have Seroquel which doesnt Help for sleeping.

The worst Thing is that my sleep is gone. It was Like a miracle If sleep came Back after 2,5 jears. I already Had a suicide attempt in oct 22 because of the insomnia. I pray that my sleep comes Back.

I'm bedridden. Before i was a super healthy sportive Woman, grounded to animals and to Nature.

I can't Imagine to get my Life back which i loved so much 

I'm lost in void, seperated from the man which i wanted to marry

[[pi...]]

I have to honestly say that a lot of what is going on with you relates to the yo yoing of the doses. This confuses an already fragile nervous system. I would hate for you to updose to a level higher than you were on originally. 

If you did take high doses of Valium for 6 weeks, even irregularly, you can deveiop a dependency. 

It will take some time for your body to adjust to the 16 mg dose. Sleep also will be elusive, this is typical for withdrawal. 

Before benzos and withdrawal I was also a highly independent woman, very active in many sports and activities. I was angry and sad when I lost that, seeing others do what I could do without second thoughts. I finally had to let go of those negative thoughts and allow my body to heal on its own time. It did. You can also regain everything you feel is lost and get back the life you loved. It’s there waiting for you to heal and recover.

[[Ho...]]

Omg,

i'm so glad you're telling me that.

I just talked to Chris Paige Yesterday and we agreed not to increase the Dose.

Your words of healing making me crying. It feels indeed Like forever. 

The grief, the Trauma, everything. It's been 3 jears now....

Greetings from Germany 

Anne

Edited July 14 by [Ho...]

[[Ho...]]

To be honest, i think i will never heal completely. I started to Recover when they CTed the Valium. And then all the different dosages. It was out of pure desperation because i Had to wait 2,5 jears Till my sleep came back and now they destroyed everything in this horrible Hospital. I feel like at square 1 and i made so much Progress before. 

I feel lost and doomed.

[[pi...]]

Thinking you will never heal is common during this process. After all, we experience a myriad of inexplicable symptoms. What you have to remember is how you were before benzos, before withdrawal. During the worst waves i somehow knew that the me I knew before this saga would return. I had a mantra I repeated over and over. It was ‘what I’m feeling is my healing’.

[[Ho...]]

@[...]Klaviermädchen is it actually possible to stabilize in Tolerance???

How long did your Withdrawal Last?

I Made so much Progress and feel like at square 1.

 

 

[[pi...]]

14 minutes ago, [[H...] said:

@[...]Klaviermädchen is it actually possible to stabilize in Tolerance???

How long did your Withdrawal Last?

I Made so much Progress and feel like at square 1.

I was symptomatic most of the time,  but until  my jump off it was tolerable. I definitely had rough days after a cut. I usually cut on Thursday so I would feel the worse over the weekend. 

Withdrawal is sometimes 1 step forward and two steps back. You hit a bump in the road. I do think you will stabilize on 16 mg but it will likely take a while. Just keep your eye on the prize, being benzo free. 

It is impossible to compare your withdrawal with others. We are all so unique and will have our own path to recovery. My taper was very rough, my doctor was willing to help but knew about as much as I did about withdrawal. It took me about 15-16 months to recover fully, but I was quite functional once the symptoms started to ease up. I still had very strong waves, but healed completely. 

This is doable, you’ll get off square one and move forward with your taper. 

[[Bl...]]

@[Ho...] I just want to send to you lots of love and hope for your full recovery. I'm sure you will make it. So many before us have done. Stay strong and keep going. X

[[Ho...]]

💓Thank you so much. Feels like Impossible. 3 jears and now fighting Like a lion🙏🏼😪

Edited July 16 by [Ho...]

[[Ho...]]

@[...]Klaviermädchen do you think i should taper down the Higher amounts or going on with 16 mg?

Greetings 

[[pi...]]

54 minutes ago, [[H...] said:

@[...]Klaviermädchen do you think i should taper down the Higher amounts or going on with 16 mg?

Greetings 

Good morning!

I thought you had decided not to updose. How are you feeling now? I think it will take time to stabilize on this dose because of all the fluctuating doses you had taken.