So freaking angry

[[gu...]]

I know I have a lot to be grateful for. I mean a lot! First of all that the first seven years of my withdrawal, I was able to pretty much do anything I wanted. I worked, I traveled, yes, I had difficult spells, but they were short-lived and didn’t destroy my life. my friends who were in withdrawal had lives in pieces. They couldn’t do anything. They were either in a bed, on a couch or laying on the floor, unable to function. They lost so much time that one of them never married or had kids. Another friend couldn’t even raise her kids for at least a couple of years.  
   I’ve only been in this horrible wave for 6 1/2 months. But I feel so outraged. Because it just keeps getting worse, and because my life is becoming increasingly limited. My nervous system has become so sensitive that I get overwhelmed by interacting with other people which means I can’t do almost all of the things I ordinarily would in my life. I know I should fix my attitude. But I just want my freaking life back. 

[[Cr...]]

I have a feeling you mainly made this post to vent by conveying your anger and frustration at how much your life has been affected.  The fact that a condition like this (protracted withdrawal) exists for people to go through just seems hard to accept. Your feelings are understandable and there is no need to be upset with yourself for feeling such intense emotions spike at times.

@[gu...] do you have any activities that you could do that could potentially expel some of this pent up frustration? Probably ones that don't involve interacting with other people. I know a lot of the intensity of your emotions may also be a symptom from this wave, but you may still find relief. I know people that chop wood, drive golf balls, paint pictures, or take long drives with loud music playing to help them level out emotionally.

You may have already tried some activities and feel it hasn't helped. It may have helped some but you just didn't realize it. On the main page I saw you posted in the Success Stories forum and for a second I became very excited for you. Sadly you were only commenting on another story. However, I believe your Success Story is not that far off. Please continue to endure this like you have been bravely doing this far. We are all rooting for you and will support you for as long as you need.

Take care

[[gu...]]

THANK YOU CRONO!!!!  I don’t understand why you think my success story is not that far off when I just keep getting worse and worse… But I sure appreciate it. Can you please explain? Thank you.

[[Cr...]]

7 minutes ago, [[g...] said:

THANK YOU CRONO!!!!  I don’t understand why you think my success story is not that far off when I just keep getting worse and worse… But I sure appreciate it. Can you please explain? Thank you.

While I can't predict how things will go for anyone I can say that I have recalled several members go on to mostly recover after a particularly bad wave. I experienced it myself albeit on a more condensed timescale. Nothing about your situation leads me to believe this is permanent. 7 months ago is quite awhile yes, but there is no reason to believe you will never achieve that same 'tolerable' state that you had back then. When it does come around I imagine you will finally understand why your brain put you through the horror(healing) that it did, and you will realize it was worth the wait.

[[gu...]]

This is what Baylissa tells me.  But my CNS seems to be becoming more and more sensitized… It’s taking less and less to overwhelm me. I am hiding from people at this point.

  Jenn Leigh said to me, ‘I promise this is going to end!’

Edited July 13 by [gu...]

[[gu...]]

Crono, how bad was your last wave?

[[gu...]]

Even the tv overwhelms me now!!  CUCKOO

Edited July 13 by [gu...]

[[Cr...]]

Let's just say I had to call a crisis line twice during the wave. The mental symptoms were always the worst for me, especially towards the end. Could not feel any positive emotions like love or hapiness, as I was consumed with an unnatural, ever-present sense of terror. Also I felt grief because even though I understood why I felt the way I did scientifically, my WD brain was constantly telling me that this was only going to get worse and it was also permanent.

My spirit/self was in fierce a battle with a malfunctioning, negative brain... and it felt like I was losing. Then I recall reaching what I thought was the 'eye of the hurricane' but it turned out that I truly made it to the other side. I still felt some cognitive issues so I can't say 100% recovered, but the amount I did recover felt like bliss so I didn't care about figuring out the correct label.

[[gu...]]

Crono to say that I’m happy for you is an understatement. I too am stuck with a massively negative brain and ruminations… And agitation.

[[Cr...]]

Just now, [[g...] said:

Even the tv overwhelmd me now!!  CUCKOO

Forget about the TV then. Don't worry. If your mind will not allow you to use tv then so be it. Use your anger over your body constantly telling you what you can and can't do to defy it and do a positive or neutral activity to help get rid of some of this emotional energy.

[[gu...]]

Crono did your wave get worse and worse as time went on?

[[Cr...]]

Yes, it was gradually becoming more intense right up until it went away. That doesn't mean your wave will continue to get worse. This could be the apex. And while there is a chance your recovery could happen quickly, it could also happen gradually too. I imagine how it happens isn't as important to you as just getting out of this wave eventually.

[[gu...]]

Crono, it actually reassures me to hear that your wave got worse and worse bec that’s what’s happening to me.  THANK YOU for your help!!!!!

[[Lo...]]

@[gu...] I just looked through your thread and am I correct your 14 years out from stopping the benzo and 7 years out from a setback? 

[[gu...]]

I used klonopin only intermittently until 7.5 yrs ago, and of course nothing after I had the bad reaction to the surgery .

Edited July 14 by [gu...]

[[Lo...]]

@[...]So you had the surgery setback and used it on and off after that ? 

Edited July 14 by [Lo...]

[[gu...]]

Before the surgery. Please stop asking me questions.

[[Lo...]]

I just couldn’t understand that was all , I’m also in a setback so I was trying to understand myself , I will not surely  ask another do not worry 

[[Cr...]]

45 minutes ago, [[g...] said:

Before the surgery. Please stop asking me questions.

Please try to remember that other people are also suffering and often ask questions out of a desire to better connect with another buddie by understanding their full circumstance. I am sure @[Lo...] was not trying to question the validity of what you went through.

We should all be in this together 

[[Lo...]]

Yes im Sorry we’re all on this awful suffering , I still find it hard to get my head around 😞

[[gu...]]

Sorry rainbows, it’s just hard for me to think about this right now.   I should’ve said I’ll answer your question in the future. Please accept my apology. I am really not myself right now. And Crono, you were absolutely right.

Edited July 14 by [gu...]

[[Lo...]]

@[gu...] it’s ok I completely understand , I was just trying to understand as I’m in the same boat 😞 it’s just so bizarre 

[[gu...]]

Rainbows, the truth is I was in withdrawal when I had the surgery, but I didn’t know it. I had a bunch of weird symptoms that I attributed just to being older. I didn’t realize that taking .25 mg of Klonopin once every two weeks or less could be doing that to me! I had a constant head tremor, that kept getting worse and lots of other symptoms. 

[[Lo...]]

@[gu...] oh ok I see , I understand now , I’m sure this setback was bad stress for me , I  didn’t realise we had to be so careful I was feeling so much better so plunged into things too much I think , I don’t know , all we can do is keep going! 

[[Lo...]]

Saying that I am a mess most days 😤