I'm not going to heal :,(

[[S_...]]

I can't stop crying guys im loosing hope why am I not healing it's been almost 9 months... all the success stories I've read did not have anhedonia as bad as mines and they only had it in the acute phase...why am I still having it until now and I can't even enjoy a cup of coffee anymore :,( all my physical symptoms are gone but what's the point when I can't feel any emotions anymore...everyone keeps telling me the mental symptoms are the last ones to leave  but mine has been constant and is not going away what if this is as good as it gets ? I don't wanna live like this :,( how many more months do you think it will take for me to heal ? Plz be honest 

[[Ye...]]

Hello friend @[S_...], in my case it has been 15 months of Klonopin and I am also completely disconnected from positive and pleasant emotions. Although anhedonia is not pleasant, anxiety still makes everything much worse.

There is no other alternative or option than to hold on until the emotions recover and the anxiety goes away, but in my case

A lot of strength and patience!💪🏼💪🏼😘

[[S_...]]

@[Ye...] hi yellow but I have been on it for 6 weeks only and I don't know why it's taking soo long I can't imagine to wait for 2 more years.for this to go away do u think I will heal in a few months atleast ? I'm honestly loosing patience I don't have the strength to wait that long

[[be...]]

I'm so scared too

[[S_...]]

@[be...] hey don't be scared my acute symptoms are long gone trust me you will be fine it's nothing like how I was in the beginning of it ! That was truly horrifying and I'm grateful I passed that so please don't let my post scare you ! I'm just loosing hope because these last bits of my mental symptoms are not going like I can't feel joy.. but it's nothing like the acute phase so don't worry what your going through now will go away I promise I just hope these last bits of my mental symptoms go away so I can get back to my normal life 

[[be...]]

5 minutes ago, [[S...] said:

@[be...] hey don't be scared my acute symptoms are long gone trust me you will be fine it's nothing like how I was in the beginning of it ! That was truly horrifying and I'm grateful I passed that so please don't let my post scare you ! I'm just loosing hope because these last bits of my mental symptoms are not going like I can't feel joy.. but it's nothing like the acute phase so don't worry what your going through now will go away I promise I just hope these last bits of my mental symptoms go away so I can get back to my normal life 

when did they go away?

[[S_...]]

@[be...] my akathisia ended after 3 months but all the horrifying symptoms both mental and physical ended after 5 months I still have mental symptoms but atleast it's not anything like the acute phase that felt like I was literally loosing my mind and going insane ! So I totally understand what your going through it's super scary but I promise it will go sooner than u think ! I thought I was gonna be that way for atleast a year that's how bad it was  

[[On...]]

Try not to judge your feelings. I get that, where I identify that something is sad, traumatic yet can't cry at times. Apparently over been crying for hours, or inappropriate laughter ( nerves). 

I've had hypersensitivity,  then today feel low,  in pain but so flat affective- could be ahedonia. I keep labelling myself "should be crying", bit it not helpful 😢 😔. 

So just do the positive things can do, without being hard or judgemental on self if can. As believe me we can be,are our own worst enemies.

Podcasts, guitar, piano music and art audio books help me. 

[[da...]]

6 hours ago, [[S...] said:

I can't stop crying guys im loosing hope why am I not healing it's been almost 9 months... all the success stories I've read did not have anhedonia as bad as mines and they only had it in the acute phase...why am I still having it until now and I can't even enjoy a cup of coffee anymore :,( all my physical symptoms are gone but what's the point when I can't feel any emotions anymore...everyone keeps telling me the mental symptoms are the last ones to leave  but mine has been constant and is not going away what if this is as good as it gets ? I don't wanna live like this :,( how many more months do you think it will take for me to heal ? Plz be honest 

Its still quite early . I only got significant healing at 24months initially before i messed things up again with alcohol. The anhedonia will leave.

[[Cr...]]

8 hours ago, [[S...] said:

all the success stories I've read did not have anhedonia as bad as mines and they only had it in the acute phase

No two recoveries are alike. You can't predict your own recovery timeline just by comparing severity of certain symptoms at certain points of WD.

All the success stories you read probably also contain other symptoms besides anhedonia that you also have but are far worse off for the other member.

At 9 months out, if I compared all my severe symptoms to yours then I would have felt utterly hopeless.  The point is that recovery has nothing to do with comparing levels of suffering.

Do not forget that two people could both experience the same intensity of anhedonia, but one tolerates the symptom better, barely bringing it up, while the other says it is an unbearable feeling.

[[jo...]]

Can I ask exactly what anhedonia is? I get severe depression and am not sure if this is just another name for it. I did an ocassion get emotional blunting where you feel neither here nor there about things and just don't feel much at all. Like you dont feel anxious or depressed or anything really just kind of Whatever. I would love that now in comparisson to what I am feeling on a daily basis. I'm just not sure what people are refering to sometimes.

[[S_...]]

@[jo...] yes it's when your emotions are totally blunted and for me sometimes I feel like I can't even cry it soo frustrating ! this is another worst symptom after akathisia I just want to feel human again what's the point of going on if I can't feel anything 

[[jo...]]

I understand. It's weird how differently this symptom can effect people. I experienced it a few times after extream anxiety and welcomed it as a break from that. I could cope with going out to do shopping etc. I never experienced it long term though.

[[jo...]]

How does this work anyway does anyone have the faintest clue? Where the hell do all these different symptoms come from. How does the nervous system work?  I don't think anyone really knows. How do you feel worse in the wave your in than you did in the last one? Why is it going on longer? I'm tired of trying to work it out but it doesn't feel like healing to me sometimes. Does stress undo healing? Is that why I'm in this state now?

[[jo...]]

Sorry, rant over.

[[pe...]]

Hi I am new here. I just started my taper and would appreciate some feedback to see if there has been stories of individuals working from home in their bed..I work part time from home in my bed and I cannot afford to lose my job..I am fully aware that it depends on the severity of the symptoms and it's different for everyone but I guess I am just curious to see if anybody has gone through their taper with a part time work from home job..Again,this feedback is for informational purposes only..Wishing everyone as well as myself , strength and hope that we will get better with time..

[[Cr...]]

Hello @[pe...], welcome to BenzoBuddies!

I am sorry to hear about your struggles but I would be glad to help you out in any way that I can.

There have been lots of members that have mentioned issues with finances and working from home during tapering and withdrawal. I am sure a lot of them will chime in soon. I think one of our moderators @[Bu...] was inquiring about the same thing.

It may help you get more responses if you start a new topic about it. Generally that would be an Off-Topic discussion but since it is your intro topic and very related to your benzo withdrawal you should be ok starting the topic in the Benzo Withdrawal, Use, & Recovery forum. We can always move it later if need be. The option to start a new topic will be at the top of all the threads.

[[Ho...]]

19 hours ago, [[S...] said:

I can't stop crying guys im loosing hope why am I not healing it's been almost 9 months... all the success stories I've read did not have anhedonia as bad as mines and they only had it in the acute phase...why am I still having it until now and I can't even enjoy a cup of coffee anymore :,( all my physical symptoms are gone but what's the point when I can't feel any emotions anymore...everyone keeps telling me the mental symptoms are the last ones to leave  but mine has been constant and is not going away what if this is as good as it gets ? I don't wanna live like this :,( how many more months do you think it will take for me to heal ? Plz be honest 

It gets better. You're only nine months out and it's not surprising you still have awful anhedonia! Many have had anhedonia up until the last minute. I was where you are. I'm 22 months out and the anhedonia didn't start to lift until 18 months. It still hits me some days but it's lifting so I'm not terribly afraid of it anymore. 

Healing starts when you are not expecting it. You'll be miserable and then even worse, and you'll finally figure that you can't do anything but bear it as best you can. You'll find the ways that work best for you. And one day you'll feel a bit better and wonder if you really feel better or are you imagining it! It will happen more and more often. 

It's so frightening because this is something you've never been through before, so you just don't know what to expect. It's an entirely new and terrifying set of circumstances. There is so much good advice here; find out what works for you. Don't be angry with yourself or hard on yourself. You didn't break this and you can't fix it. Your body and your CNS knows what to do, thank God. It takes a heck of a long time but you're healing even now. 

Grab on to anything that comforts and helps you. You may heal tomorrow or you may, as so many, take months longer. You'll get there! You really, really will.

Warmly,

HCHC

[[ma...]]

@[jo...] it is a script from @[pa...] where she describe how the brain works . Its very useful and comforting ❤️.

[[ma...]]

Maybe someone here have it ?

[[...]]

2 hours ago, [[m...] said:

Maybe someone here have it ?

Margiflower, hi

Do you mean this?

http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=232042.0

[[ma...]]

Hi @[...] yes that' the one . Thank you ❤️

[[En...]]

On 08/07/2024 at 03:58, [[S...] said:

I can't stop crying guys im loosing hope why am I not healing it's been almost 9 months... all the success stories I've read did not have anhedonia as bad as mines and they only had it in the acute phase...why am I still having it until now and I can't even enjoy a cup of coffee anymore :,( all my physical symptoms are gone but what's the point when I can't feel any emotions anymore...everyone keeps telling me the mental symptoms are the last ones to leave  but mine has been constant and is not going away what if this is as good as it gets ? I don't wanna live like this :,( how many more months do you think it will take for me to heal ? Plz be honest 

You will heal guaranteed. Keep strong and move on is my moto. When you are in withdrawal especially for so long it can feel like it is hopeless and you will not heal. Trust me it does. Keep strong. 

[[Kr...]]

18 hours ago, [[p...] said:

Hi I am new here. I just started my taper and would appreciate some feedback to see if there has been stories of individuals working from home in their bed..I work part time from home in my bed and I cannot afford to lose my job..I am fully aware that it depends on the severity of the symptoms and it's different for everyone but I guess I am just curious to see if anybody has gone through their taper with a part time work from home job..Again,this feedback is for informational purposes only..Wishing everyone as well as myself , strength and hope that we will get better with time..

Hello! Full time remote, customer care! Hard but manageable. Thank god for this job really!! 

[[pe...]]

5 hours ago, [[K...] said:

Hello! Full time remote, customer care! Hard but manageable. Thank god for this job really!! 

Wow.. It is possible.. It is good to know that I can work from home in my bed should I not feel well. Even before my taper I worked in my bed.. Thanks for the encouragement. I truly appreciate it.  I just started my taper a few days ago so obviously no symptoms yet. Taking it slowly but gradually..Trying to stay strong and poisitive.. Sending positivity and strenghth for myself and others going through this difficult journey..