20 years extremely high Xanax dose 50mg daily

[[Th...]]

I’ve been looking for this answer, I was taking Xanax for 20 years, started when I was 16 , I had many other problems throughout my life with addiction/treatment/court cases/ etc. but nearly 9 years ago now I got sober but I was still taking Xanax daily around 6-8mg a day. I did really well recovered from alcohol and cocaine after 4 weeks and my life changed. I then met my wife 3 years later still sober but was taking maybe 15mg Xanax daily then. I wasn’t fully aware off everything except I knew I could die if I stopped and needed to purchase on the dark web , fast forward to May 2022, I had gotten married, 3 beautiful boys aged 8,4 and 2 , when my wife gave birth to our 3rd I had a bad experience and at this stage I was taking between 45-50mg Xanax a day , buying a 1000 in each purchase, my tolerance was crazy. In July 2022 I went to detox/rehab and went from 45mg + daily to 10mg diazepam 3 times daily in detox on a Tuesday, by Thursday I was having seizures and rushed to hospital and put on 160mg Diazepam reduced over 7 days. What I went through I can only describe as torture, after leaving hospital my doctor was on holidays so the first day I had 0 benzos but by that night I was taking 5mg diazepam 3 times a day for 3 days until I met my doctor. First thing he said to me was he would not have signed the detox papers , I told him honestly my dosage and like every other doctor was amazed I was alive but I was a shadow off myself mentally and physically. Because off the huge dose he recommended I go on 1mg Xanax 4 times daily and 15mg diazepam daily. That was over 2 years ago now and I am still taking that (small dose) compared to the 45-50mg. In the past 2 years I have not had a an hour let alone a day or half a day without severe suffering mentally and physically, my wife can’t depend on me for anything, sometimes the light or sound is enough to send to lying on the bathroom floor, my kids have not had their Dad able to play with them in the 2 years, it really gets to me because I best alcohol and many stimulant drugs mainly cocaine powder and my life improved nearly immediately. Now I find myself 2 years down the road on the doctors 4mg a day but my life is just getting from 1 hour to the next , constantly sick,only thing I think off is my illness, my wife I don’t know how she is still with me and my poor kids have a dad that can’t leave the house most off the time and because I’m so sick every noise is like a bullet to the brain, lights kill me, hot and cold, mental torture, tremors, severe agitation, afraid to answer the phone , and the guilt especially because I beat other addictions before I had a wife and kids and now they are suffering as much as me. I was better for them when taking upto 50 Xanax a day but I am persistent and I will not go back but I feel everyday the wife and kids will finally have enough and leave and I would not blame them. Nobody can help and with the massive dosage most doctors just think I’m lucky to be alive but I don’t exactly call this living, I’m existing with only tiny windows compared to bigger windows in the first 9 months, I’m scared to come off the 4mg considering the 2 years off PAWS I’m still going through and have no idea what to do next, I would choose jail or anywhere horrible if I could live without these symptoms. It’s just impossible to get any advice because off the massive dosage , I feel like I should just leave my wife and kids so they can be happy and I’ll exist somewhere else with a family member I just don’t know what to do I’m getting worse not better and my windows can be 10-20 minutes every so often to sometimes 2 hours late at night. I beat everything else in my life trauma,addiction,cocaine overdoses,treatment centres jail etc etc but this has me on my knees beating me down but I refuse to give in. How I have stayed away from alcohol and drugs throughout this I don’t know how. It’s a lose lose scenario, go back on high dose Xanax or get relief from alcohol which will kill me or continue this shadow off a live in 23/7 pain and torture, 60 minutes off every day in different periods I feel somewhat normal, I’m just existing and nowhere to even know can I recover from that high dosage over 20 years is it even possible

[[Ch...]]

2 hours ago, [[T...] said:

Because off the huge dose he recommended I go on 1mg Xanax 4 times daily and 15mg diazepam daily.

Are you still seeing this prescribing doctor?

Are you familiar with the Ashton Manual (for tapering off of benzodiazepines)?

One strategy would be to switch you over entirely to the equivalent potency of Valium. According to the Ashton method, your 4mg of Xanax would be replaced in steps by 80mg of Valium, plus the 15mg of Valium you're already taking. So, after the gradual crossover entirely to Valium, you'd start at taper at 95mg of Valium.

Yes, people have recovered from these huge doses...

Yes, there is hope for you!

Please read the Ashton Manual.

Please look at this example of tapering from the Ashton Manual:

https://www.benzoinfo.com/ashtonmanual/chapter2b/#schedule1

 

[[Th...]]

Thank you for your message, yes my doctor showed me the Ashton Manual 2 years ago when I came into him after coming off the 50mg. He was showing it to me then to make me aware of why I was lucky not to die and explained how slowly coming from 8mg Xanax over to diazepam took because he was so worried about the amount I had just come off. 
 

He has been a great GP and still is, he sees me every 4 weeks even though I hold a medical card because I’m on disability allowance for the past 8 years so he gets paid very little from the government to see me and every 4 weeks has been so helpful and before every prescription but back then he was terrified and that’s why he put me on the 4mg a day and 60mg diazepam daily spread out 4 times a day.
 

The chart was terrifying to me at the time and my doctor who only thought I was taking 10mg Diazepam twice daily prescribed from him before I went to detox. 
 

When I was honest he said he wouldn’t have signing off on me to go detox, he would have given me a letter and told me go to A+E and tell them you just stopped 50mg Xanax and your not leaving the hospital. 
 

Every doctor , the ambulance staff and every still to this day thinks when I say 40-50mg Xanax that I mean 4 - 5 tablets I came off (everyone is shocked when I explain no I know the dosage and it was upto 50 1mg tablets a day (20 taken in one go every morning and every evening around 7pm and I would top up during the day and night aswell) and I was able to look after my kids properly, I slurred my words sometimes but I had a normal life and all me and my wife knew was I could die if I stopped so financially it was terrible until one day it clicked I can’t go on like this especially because I was so happy I was clean from alcohol and other drugs since 2015 I hated myself but I had no idea stopping would be this bad. 

Now I am no good to wife and kids, I’m a shape off myself after 2 years. Physically I look a lot better put back on weight I was gone down to 7 stone and got back to 9 1/2-10 my usual. I can’t see my wife and kids taking this much longer and we just got the keys for our house and my life is lived constantly in panic and fear , severe attacks, agigitation I’m walking up and down the house, tremors, shakes, everything is worse than when 3 months after the 50.

The one question I don’t know the answer to is considering I’ve been in severe protracted withdrawal for over 2 years now from the huge dose is I’m not getting better. The 4mg I’m prescribed daily does not help the symptoms (it puts my mind at ease I won’t go into seizures again) and my doctor or most people don’t know should I be happy I got down to 4mg and it’s controlled by a doctor or should I be tapering off them while in the severe withdrawal I’m already in.
 

What do I do ? I know it takes time , I’m patient I have overcome addiction trauma and many other situations in my life I know I can do this but my wife and kids don’t have to be it’s too hard on them. My doctor can’t answer whether to taper me off this dose or not( I think he’s terrified because he sees me so badly sick every 4 weeks) but I also don’t want to pro long all off this. 
 

As everyone in here knows it’s hard to get could help or know the right thing to do. In my situation everyone seems to think I should be happy I got to 4mg and didn’t die. 
 

It still haunts me I started Xanax as a teenager after being rushed to hospital due to a cocaine overdose and when leaving after just barely escaping a huge heart attack they gave me a prescription for Xanax to give to my previous GP so then I definitely didn’t think Xanax was a bad thing. 
 

Sorry for such a long message it’s hard to describe everything but I appreciate anybody who reads it. 
 

Luke
 

 

[[Cr...]]

1 hour ago, [[T...] said:

The one question I don’t know the answer to is considering I’ve been in severe protracted withdrawal for over 2 years now from the huge dose is I’m not getting better.

That assumption may not reflect the truth of what is going on. While 2 years feels like a long time and is about the beginning of the so-called protracted period, with the dose you were using I don't find it unusual that you are still having issues.

This may not be about protracted withdrawal at all but the way your body feels from tolerance and interdose withdrawal from the 4 mgs of xanax you are on right now. The symptoms you are describing could also have been written by someone experiencing tolerance/ID from just .5 mg of Xanax a day.

You have overcome past addictions but what you are overcoming now is more of a physical dependence than an addiction. Benzo withdrawal is not easy and is often considered the most difficult relative to many other prescription meds and street drugs.

Even so, there have been many stories like your where people used or abused very high doses of benzos and went on to make full recoveries.

Do you plan on starting your taper? If so, have you determined a method and rate for coming off? 

In general we recommend 5 to 10% cuts every 7 to 14 days (or 10 to 14). As stated by @[Ch...], a crossover to Valium is useful to some people because the long halflife means only one dose a day and the low potency per mg means smaller cuts are easier to make when the time calls for it.

Luke, since this is your introductory thread I will move it into the Benzo Withdrawaln Use & Recovery support forum which receives more traffic to increase the likelihood of replies from other buddies.

[[jo...]]

If you can get through two years of that shit then my moneys on you being able to get off and stay off altogether. There's good people on here to help you hatch a plan. Good luck

[[Ch...]]

1 hour ago, [[T...] said:

The one question I don’t know the answer to is considering I’ve been in severe protracted withdrawal for over 2 years now from the huge dose is I’m not getting better. The 4mg I’m prescribed daily does not help the symptoms (it puts my mind at ease I won’t go into seizures again)

I agree with the assessment elsewhere that this is not "protracted withdrawal" that you are experiencing, but, rather, the effects of the Xanax you're still taking.

Please consider re-visiting the Ashton protocol. A step-wise transition from Xanax to the equivalent dose of Valium, and then a slow and steady taper off the Valium, is a safe and very doable option for you.

[[Th...]]

On 05/07/2024 at 18:30, [[C...] said:

That assumption may not reflect the truth of what is going on. While 2 years feels like a long time and is about the beginning of the so-called protracted period, with the dose you were using I don't find it unusual that you are still having issues.

This may not be about protracted withdrawal at all but the way your body feels from tolerance and interdose withdrawal from the 4 mgs of xanax you are on right now. The symptoms you are describing could also have been written by someone experiencing tolerance/ID from just .5 mg of Xanax a day.

You have overcome past addictions but what you are overcoming now is more of a physical dependence than an addiction. Benzo withdrawal is not easy and is often considered the most difficult relative to many other prescription meds and street drugs.

Even so, there have been many stories like your where people used or abused very high doses of benzos and went on to make full recoveries.

Do you plan on starting your taper? If so, have you determined a method and rate for coming off? 

In general we recommend 5 to 10% cuts every 7 to 14 days (or 10 to 14). As stated by @[Ch...], a crossover to Valium is useful to some people because the long halflife means only one dose a day and the low potency per mg means smaller cuts are easier to make when the time calls for it.

Luke, since this is your introductory thread I will move it into the Benzo Withdrawaln Use & Recovery support forum which receives more traffic to increase the likelihood of replies from other buddies.

@[Ch...] Thanks for the reply I really appreciate it. 
 

this has been my problem for 2 years with lots off different medical people and psychiatrists. So many say I’m lucky to be alive and not to worry keep going even you are left on 4 for life considering the 50mg a day. 
 

i hear this so much, after the seizures and near death when I went off the 50 people couldn’t believe I survived in hospital for 7 days where I had multiple seizures and was put on 160mg Diazepam a day reduced to 0 over 7 days. 
 

Im so confused because yes I’m happy I’m not taking a seriously dangerous amount. 2 years ago in July if I was told that I would have been delighted. 
 

me, myself I’ve given up everything throughout my life different drugs. Hospitals, jails, etc. etc. and when I got fully clean my life changed nearly 9 years ago after a hospital admission where my heart was beating more than twice it’s normal after a serious cocaine overdose and I left the hospital with a prescription for my previous GP for Xanax. 
 

So I know I can do it but it sounds like from what you have said (correct me if I’m wrong please) that I only reduced my amount but by 46mg a day and I’ve been suffering for no reason, no progress in 2 years until I taper off the 4mg ? 
 

Could you explain abit more because my GP will help in any way and I see him every month and he’s happy to hear any research I have done to help him help me. 
 

[[Cr...]]

1 hour ago, [[T...] said:

So I know I can do it but it sounds like from what you have said (correct me if I’m wrong please) that I only reduced my amount but by 46mg a day and I’ve been suffering for no reason, no progress in 2 years until I taper off the 4mg ? 

You have definitely made tremendous progress. I have no doubt that some of your current suffering is still from the body undoing the damage that the previous 46 mgs caused.

You have held onto 4mgs of Xanax for the past 2 years waiting for symptoms to improve. I am saying that it is possible that some of your current symptoms may be from the Xanax you are currently using. Whether it be side effects, tolerance withdrawal, or interdose withdrawal or a combination I don't know.

The feeling better part may not come for you until you finish the rest of your journey off of Xanax. I have no doubt that tapering off will initially make you feel worse, but in the long run getting off completely is probably the best chance you have to get better.

Let's say on a scale of 1 to 10 (1 being awful, 10 being great) you constantly feel like a 3. Staying on 4 mgs of Xanax is probably preventing you from going below a 3 (getting worse), but also preventing you from going above a 3 (getting better). Coming off may cause you to dip down into 1/10 and 2/10 at points during recovery, but in the long run it will give you access to potentially reach 5 to 10/10 in how you feel both physically and mentally.

You managed to come off 92% of your Xanax dose. That is incredible.  Now you must decide if it is better to stay where you are at and hope things get better on its own or make some changes in hopes that helps life get better .

[[Ma...]]

Many doctors will say you need to stay on benzos for the rest of your life, IMO, because they don’t understand tapering or they are afraid to take responsibility.

It sounds like you, however, have a doctor that will work with you.

Getting completely off should probably be your goal, especially with how horrid you feel.

As @[Cr...] said, you may feel worse initially, but with time and patience full recovery and full health can be yours.

2 prominent coaches in our community, who have collectively worked with 45,000+ people have each said they have never seen someone not heal.

It may not get easier, but it gets better. Much, much better.

Edited July 7 by [Ma...]

[[Th...]]

26 minutes ago, [[C...] said:

You have definitely made tremendous progress. I have no doubt that some of your current suffering is still from the body undoing the damage that the previous 46 mgs caused.

You have held onto 4mgs of Xanax for the past 2 years waiting for symptoms to improve. I am saying that it is possible that some of your current symptoms may be from the Xanax you are currently using. Whether it be side effects, tolerance withdrawal, or interdose withdrawal or a combination I don't know.

The feeling better part may not come for you until you finish the rest of your journey off of Xanax. I have no doubt that tapering off will initially make you feel worse, but in the long run getting off completely is probably the best chance you have to get better.

Let's say on a scale of 1 to 10 (1 being awful, 10 being great) you constantly feel like a 3. Staying on 4 mgs of Xanax is probably preventing you from going below a 3 (getting worse), but also preventing you from going above a 3 (getting better). Coming off may cause you to dip down into 1/10 and 2/10 at points during recovery, but in the long run it will give you access to potentially reach 5 to 10/10 in how you feel both physically and mentally.

You managed to come off 92% of your Xanax dose. That is incredible.  Now you must decide if it is better to stay where you are at and hope things get better on its own or make some changes in hopes that helps life get better .

Hi @[Cr...] 

Thank you for your reply and what you have explained you did it extremely well, I can understand fully what your point is and it’s extremely helpful. 
 

I have thought like you said coming off 50 an extreme dose that left me in bad financial because I had to source from the Dark Web etc. to make sure I had 50 a day(25 x 2mg Xanax bars usually) with diazepam and also Halcion hit it was the 50mg off Xanax. 
 

I have thought for awile am I just delaying the inevitable and obviously after such a scare for my life back in July 2022 , 35 and married with 3 kids when I went to detox. So pissed off my wife and kids had to go through this because I was sober from everything else when I met my wife so she doesn’t know the old me. Xanax I first took at 16-17 to sleep after cocaine but I had always had bad anxiety/trauma etc.  and I started self medicating at a young age.

So after the hospital visit and original acute symptoms I did think well this is great I’m under the supervision off a doctor on a regular dose and I was actually ok for 6-12 months I was better the first year than the 2nd year that’s for sure. I can’t do anything now it’s 24/7 symptoms it’s a life off hell.

 

You explained it very well and yes I don’t want to prolong this or stay the same as I am because I’m a shell off myself. With benzos what I’ve found is so many different ways to do it not like other drugs. 

 

And conflicting reviews from medical people and talking to people. 
 

If what you wrote is the situation I’m definitely in , and for those reasons to start a taper and get worse again before better. I will do anything to shave years off the healing process my youngest son is only 2 and I’ve a 5 year old and 9 year old so I want my time but I’m patient it’s hard on my wife and kids. 
 

Because with benzos there are so many different ways and situations, it’s so hard to know what’s best to do. 
 

A lot say be happy your here and using a doctor responsibly even medical people and others think I could die or relapse on drink or other drugs. 
 

I personally do think your theory sounds like that could very well be the situation I’m in and the way you described makes sense definitely.

 

is there any reason you would be so sure that is my situation from experience yourself etc. ? 
 

I value your opinion and you seem to really believe this is my situation and a slow taper from the 4mg and diazepam im  on is the best for the long run, I know it wouldn’t be easy off course but the days now I’m just surviving anyway.

have you experience yourself considering your answer is so detailed, I want to do whatever is best for me so I will improve one day and be a better husband and father. 
 

I won’t lie I’m skeptical with all opinions naturally as I’ve been given so many but yours has stood out to me and something I have thought off myself but more I was worried I’d finally get better and then have to go through it again to get off the 4. 
 

like you said I need to make a choice , I’ve been given a few different roads to take that made sense it’s just so hard to know because benzos seem to be so cruel and different for everyone. 
 

I appreciate your reply and it’s definitely something I will be saying to my doctor on 17th July, I have screenshots off your reply and he’s a good doctor so if this is what I want to do he will do it with me no problem. 
 

how do I ignore all the other opinions is so hard especially from medical professionals who havnt a clue.

 

thank you for the reply 
 

You seem like you’ve study a lot off benzo withdrawal how confident on a scale if 1-10 would you be this is exactly my situation and I either taper or stay stuck basically