Birthday recapitulation: where I am now

[[Sc...]]

Yesterday mas my birthday. I'm 27 years old now. For 6 years, I've been hooked into benzodiacepines, and in dextrometorpane for one year and a half. I think today is a good day to look at my progress, where I started, where I am and where and when I plan to be.

 

During the last 2 years, my consumption has been really, really high and included multiple benzodiacepines: a daily dose, I'm September 2023, was for example: 7mg lorazepam, 4mg alprazolam, 6mg clonazepam and 4-5mg lormertazepam (doing the equivalence, around 230mg diazepam daily). Also taking around 350mg dextrometorpane daily. I was really in a deep deep hole for a while.

 

I started the year consuming that same amount. Right now, 30 of June, I am taking 10mg lorazepam, 2mg clonazepam daily, and 50 mg dextrometorpane. I was a long way, buy I think I made great progress. It also has been a living hell, specially since April: lot of mental symptoms, intrusive thoughts. The anxiety specially at night sometimes seem unbearable, I feel my heart pounding like crazy, unable to get rid of it.

 

Whatsoever, and despite some days are really dark, I must say I feel quite happy. Let's see how was my improvement since I begging tapering at the begging of the year.

 

1. I quite alprazolam

2. I quite lormertazepam 

3. I reduced clonazepam by 4mg

4. I reduced dextrometorpane by 300mg

 

On the other and, I elevated the quantity of lorazepam by 3mg, however, if we make the quivalence to mg of diazepam, I am now consuming 120mg, which means I reduced it by 110mg. 

 

So, that's where I am now. As I say, I feel quite happy, I am almost out of the dextrometorpane, been only taking 50mg a day and I am optimistic, think I can quit it before end of July. Still taking huge dose of benzodiacepines, but it is lot less. I wanna focus in get rid of the dextro and the I will full focus again in tapering benzodiacepines.

 

That would be my objective for this month of July:

 

1. Get rid of dextrometorpane 

2. Maintain in 120mg or, in the best scenario, be able to reduce to 100, getting rid of the 2mg of clonazepam

 

Honestly, that would be really great.

It,s been the longest half year of my life. Almost every day I had to fight one way or another, specially in the mental field. I feel happy but, at the same time, I can't help to feel a little tired: having to fighting every day just to be able to be functional, control the compulsions, the physical symptoms... Sometimes it's really excruciating, I end up without any energy to read or do any thing, cause I get so tired of dealing with my anxiety and my O.C.D.s (which are more aggressive during night time). 

 

Even though I think I have made great advances in reducing the dose, I have to star focus on dealing more serious with the symptoms, little by little getting back to my normal live style, that was severely affected during the tapping. That's something that get me sad, but I know it's part of the process. Effort and patience hope will allow me to do that some day, right now, I'll try to be optimistic, even my mood and state in general it's not the best: I made huge progress and I hope to carry on with it. 

[[pi...]]

Happy birthday @[Sc...]!

It seems like you are making a big effort to improve your life so that next years birthday can be even better. Keep your eye on the goal to be benzo free. Take it slow and plan a sensible taper that will allow you to be successful. You can do this!

[[Sc...]]

26 minutes ago, [[p...] said:

Happy birthday @[Sc...]!

It seems like you are making a big effort to improve your life so that next years birthday can be even better. Keep your eye on the goal to be benzo free. Take it slow and plan a sensible taper that will allow you to be successful. You can do this!

Thank you so much! Yeah I've been working hard since the begging of the year, long and hard journey but quite happy with the progress. 

As you say, I wil maintain my goal of benzo free but first I want to quit dextrometorpane, which I am almost there, and then focus on the tapering, reducing slowly but constantly.

Again, thank you for the congratulations and the support!