Hello, I need somebody to talk with, feel really lonely. It's been over 6 years now...

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Hi. First of all, i want to apologize for any grammatical or orthographical mistakes I may commit. I am not a native English speaker.

So I decided to enter this forum, honestly, not quite sure why. Guess I just want to tell my story to somebody. I'll try to be brief.

It's been 6 years now that I have been taken benzodiacepines daily. I started taken them when I was in university. Now I am doing my PhD and still taken them... 

My consumption has been really really high for years. It's difficult to stay an exact number, but for example, in one day I could easily take 70 mg o diazepam, 6 of alprazolam, 5 of clonazepam and 5 or lormertazepam. And I was taking that quantity like nothing, without thinking about consequences of effects. Honestly, that's something that really scare me right now, thinking about that amount and what I am consuming now...Well, all been said, I also take dextrometorpane. About 350mg in the highest point. About 1.5 years taking that

At the begging of this year, I decided to take thing seriously and try to get off this. I started the year more or lees as I told you in the last paragraph. Right now, l am taking 10 mg of lorazepam and 2 of clonazepam a day. Also 100mg of dextrometorpane. 

The sensation is strange. In one hand, I feel proud. I make progress every day and I think I could get rid of the dextrometorpane in July. If we make the equivalence in mg of diazepam, I went from 230mg aprox to 120mg aprox. More than half way through. I'm the other and, I am still taken a really high dose. Half s year of work and still there (I don't want to talk about abstinence and similar, with of course I had a I have that, every day. I let that to other post, but just to show a mere glimpse, I have lots of anxiety and specially, o.c.d. like symptoms).

So now that I show you a brief side of my story, I think I'll tell the thing I think it's affecting me the most. I feel alone. Nobody knows about my condition, not my friends, not my parents, no my girlfriend. I haven't gone to any doctor or psychologist. All this year's, I had no help, nobody to tell what was going on (of course, it's almost all my fault). And during this half year, which has been particularly hard as you can imagine, I had to carry all alone. Not only that, I had to maintain the composture in front of my friend, preparing mi thesis, been with my girlfriend. I am progressing, but the more I progress, the more I am feeling the need to communicate to someday, to somebody to listen and talk to me. I am afraid of doing it with any person I know. 

So I guess that it, that's a brief tale of my story, that's what I am. 

Any comments are really appreciated.

Hello to everybody and also, I wish from the bottom of my heart good luck to all the people struggling and fighting to get out of this.

 

Edited June 26 by [Sc...]

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Hi, @[Sc...], and welcome to BenzoBuddies! We're glad you've found us and are posting here. 

Thank you for the kind wishing and also for sharing your story. I can understand how hard it is to keep everything to yourself only. I hope our members knowing first hand what benzo dependence is will soon give you their feedback and support. I personally think the best option for you is to taper off all unnecessary medications one by one. It might not be easy and will take time and strength but really worth it. Good luck to you!)

 

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