1 month without Clonazepam!! :)

[[in...]]

I might be off benzos but I'm not feeling any better. I've been off Clonazepam for about 5 weeks now. The thing is this:

I'm traumatized from all the sh*t I've seen in my life. Memories keep coming back to me so I can't relax! I thought I was feeling better while on benzos, but I was lying to myself. 

Now that I'm off the meds I feel so disappointed because I don't know how to handle these emotions. All I feel is stressed out from the moment I wake up. Help?

Edited July 15 by [in...]

[[Cr...]]

10 hours ago, [[i...] said:

Day 38. So I woke up with the worst cortisol rush this far! I was not far from throwing up from the stress. Now I'm back in bed with a racing heart after a quick shower. I hate benzos....

Mine actually did cause me to throw up some mornings. You need not worry about the presence of morning cortisol rushes as they are not at all unusual during withdrawal. 

Nothing you can do the night before will prevent them when they are brought on as effects from the healing your system is undergoing. Your best bet is to expect them to be there when you wake up so you feel less fear and disappointment. Do not worry, they feel like they will never stop coming but they will.

A racing heart is normal whenever adrenaline is pumped into your system. All these symptoms are just uncomfortable sensations. Their presence does not indicate that you are going backwards or that you will take a long time to recover.

Some major improvements are on the horizon, just do your best to put up with these symptoms by understanding why they exist and allowing/expecting them to exist (acceptance). You are not in danger. You are a victim of your own fear which makes you believe these symptoms are imminent threats to your safety when they are not.

[[in...]]

@[Cr...] I do expect the attacks to come, just not with this crazy level of intensity. I've been a total mess today. It's 21:20 over here and I just ate. So I'm going to try to lie down and relax. I'm exhausted to say the least.

Thanks for your support! It's much appreciated 💯 👍 New day tomorrow...

[[jo...]]

4 hours ago, [[i...] said:

I might be off benzos but I'm not feeling any better. I've been off Clonazepam for about 5 weeks now. The thing is this:

I'm traumatized from all the sh*t I've seen in my life. Memories keep coming back to me so I can't relax! I thought I was feeling better while on benzos, but I was lying to myself. 

Now that I'm off the meds I feel so disappointed because I don't know how to handle these emotions. All I feel is stressed out from the moment I wake up. Help?

The intrusive thoughts/past memories are a big thing in this. I found them almost unbeareable sometimes for the first couple of months. In waves since then they have been there but less of a factor. Your 5 weeks out and having some good patches from what I remember. You are doing well. This might not go on as long as you fear it will.

[[in...]]

36 minutes ago, [[j...] said:

The intrusive thoughts/past memories are a big thing in this. I found them almost unbeareable sometimes for the first couple of months. In waves since then they have been there but less of a factor. Your 5 weeks out and having some good patches from what I remember. You are doing well. This might not go on as long as you fear it will.

I really do hope this'll pass soon. I'm fed up with the cortisol. I want to be normal again. I want my life back! People are talking about that the big changes are happening somewhere between month 1-3.

[[jo...]]

yeah it sounds like your in the acute phase to me. The cortisol stuff comes and goes in my experience, But is more present in acute.

[[in...]]

How long did your acute phase last for?

[[jo...]]

4 minutes ago, [[i...] said:

How long did your acute phase last for?

I'd say about a couple of months then I got a window that lasted almost a month. I went back into a serious wave then and suspect that having a drink or three might have had something to do with it. Be advised.

[[in...]]

20 minutes ago, [[j...] said:

I'd say about a couple of months then I got a window that lasted almost a month. I went back into a serious wave then and suspect that having a drink or three might have had something to do with it. Be advised.

I quit drinking almost four years ago so that's not gonna be a problem. There's no way I'm going back to alcohol! At least that's what I feel like right now.. All I know is I'm fed up with this crap!

Edited July 15 by [in...]

[[jo...]]

Just now, [[i...] said:

I quit drinking almost four years ago so that's not gonna be a problem. There's no way I'm going to alcohol! At least that's what I feel like right now.. All I know is I'm fed up with this crap!

Yeah it's a tough experience. Thats putting it mildly. It's good that your not drinking. Too risky imo.

[[in...]]

I remember those hangovers too... It felt ok-ish in my 20's, but now? I don't think I wanna risk it! I remember back when I was still drinking, like 5 years ago. After having 6-7 beers I felt awful for 3 days!

Edited July 15 by [in...]

[[jo...]]

Yeah I had a few drinks during withdrawl and had something far beyond a hangover for a month. Hellish! Mind you the wave I'm in now is twice as long and I haven't touched a drop. Stopped trying to work it out.

[[in...]]

1 hour ago, [[j...] said:

Yeah I had a few drinks during withdrawl and had something far beyond a hangover for a month. Hellish! Mind you the wave I'm in now is twice as long and I haven't touched a drop. Stopped trying to work it out.

When did you quit benzos?

[[jo...]]

Almost 6 months.

[[in...]]

Just now, [[j...] said:

Almost 6 months.

Sorry, I should've asked earlier! What kind of benzo and how much where you on?

[[jo...]]

Was taking Valium. It wasnt prescribed so technically I was abusing it. Rarely took really high doses though. Roughly 20mg as and when for about six weeks I think. I had used sporadically over a few years though and had previous withdrawls although the were shorter lived. Much. I guess it just caught up with me. How stupid do I feel now. It's easy for people to fall into the mindset of they'll keep getting away with it, but you won't.

[[jo...]]

Oh, I CT'd as well which might have something to do with it.

[[in...]]

2 minutes ago, [[j...] said:

Oh, I CT'd as well which might have something to do with it.

People keep discussing whether it's better to go CT or taper. I guess it depends on dose/time/experience. The list goes on!

Edited July 15 by [in...]

[[jo...]]

Yeah it's a savage drug. Some people seem to suffer worse and longer when they taper. I can't recommend either way. Everyone's situation is different. I'm not sure if some people have an easy taper. They probably have no need to be on here if they do so mabey we just don't hear from them. 

[[in...]]

1 minute ago, [[j...] said:

Yeah it's a savage drug. Some people seem to suffer worse and longer when they taper. I can't recommend either way. Everyone's situation is different. I'm not sure if some people have an easy taper. They probably have no need to be on here if they do so mabey we just don't hear from them. 

Yeah I've been thinking the same thing. We'll never know I guess lol! Well, I'm off to bed. Thanks for taking your time to share! It's much appreciated 💯🙏

[[in...]]

Day 39 is over. Here I am in bed listening to the rain outside my window, thinking about tomorrow. Thinking why did I buy those pills to begin with? I wish someone would've told me about these complications. Will I have a cortisol rush in the morning? When will this stop? When will I feel better again? The thoughts keep spinning...

[[in...]]

Speaking of something else: Does anyone know how good exercise actually is when recovering? I'm swimming 3-4 times/week right now. I'm thinking if I start going 5-7 times/week will it speed up my recovery? Thanks!

[[Le...]]

The healthier your body is the faster you will heal. Not just heal from the drugs but everything else. You will likely cope with whatever mental health challenges you may have better also. 

You seem to be doing fairly well as far as getting active. 

Bursts of exercise help but being busy in general helps just as much. Dont give your body large amounts of down time. 15mins being still and your body slows. 

[[in...]]

I've had a great day today! I went swimming this morning. I felt so good going there, I've decided to start going more often. I'll get in shape and I'll have something healthy to focus on too! I wish you all a great night 💯✌️❤️

[[in...]]

Day 42. I'm in the worst wave this far (again)! These are the days when I just feel like: "It's not worth it! Why am I torturing myself this way?!".

I don't know what to do anymore. This anxiety and fighting these feelings that are bubbling up is just too much. I just can't relax even though I want to!! I'm trying to breath but I keep coming back to panicmode!! Help!!