This is so much harder than I thought

[[Be...]]

First, I would like to thank everyone here for any advice or kind words in advance. Long story short, I’ve been on Clonazepam since 09/2022 and I’m wanting to get off of this med as I realize how much damage it could do to me long term. I will admit that at one point I abused the med, taking more than prescribed to deal with my quickly growing tolerance. I suffer from panic disorder and agoraphobia and while I wasn’t trying to get high, I do realize the overuse was unacceptable. I’m currently prescribed 1mg Clonazepam twice a day so 2mg total a day. I used to take about 3 mgs every couple of days but about 10 days ago I admittedly freaked out and decided that I needed to stop this habit and I started taking only 1mg a day since then. So far, my symptoms are depression, dp/dr, muscle pain, GI upset, obsessive thoughts, twitching, brain fog and today I just had my first panic attack in a while. I’m very terrified of possibly having a seizure and going into cardiac arrest because of the huge cut and withdrawal, but I’ve been down to 1mg so long that I’m afraid going to my prescribed dosage will just set me back and make it harder in the long run. I keep thinking that I want to go to the ER, tell them my fears and request an anticonvulsant, but then I’m pretty sure I’ll be ripped off of my meds and I won’t survive that mentally. I’m very new to this space and just wanted to get some advice on what to do next from people who know much more than me. Thank you again. 

[[je...]]

I know how difficult this journey is. You’re making the right decision. First let me tell you that if you made the cut 10 days ago it’s highly unlikely that you’ll have a seizure now. If there was going to be seizure it would’ve happened already.

I was at 2mg Clonazepam and due to a mistake in prescription I got cut to 0.5mg. I got extremely sick. But eventually after a big ordeal I recovered and I tapered from 1mg. I was functional during my taper and I’m now 18 months off. I’m not fully recovered yet but making really good progress.

 I suggest you hold this dose for a couple of weeks so your body recovers from the cut and then start a slow taper based on symptoms. If you start a thread on the Tapering forum, we can guide you through the process.

BTW, I knew nothing about benzos or tapering when I got to BB and I tapered solely on the information I gathered here and the help from people who assisted me here. 

[[Be...]]

9 minutes ago, [[j...] said:

I know how difficult this journey is. You’re making the right decision. First let me tell you that if you made the cut 10 days ago it’s highly unlikely that you’ll have a seizure now. If there was going to be seizure it would’ve happened already.

I was at 2mg Clonazepam and due to a mistake in prescription I got cut to 0.5mg. I got extremely sick. But eventually after a big ordeal I recovered and I tapered from 1mg. I was functional during my taper and I’m now 18 months off. I’m not fully recovered yet but making really good progress.

 I suggest you hold this dose for a couple of weeks so your body recovers from the cut and then start a slow taper based on symptoms. If you start a thread on the Tapering forum, we can guide you through the process.

BTW, I knew nothing about benzos or tapering when I got to BB and I tapered solely on the information I gathered here and the help from people who assisted me here. 

Thank you so much for your kind words and reassurance. I will definitely look into the resources provided here and reach out to others for help tapering. This is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do and sometimes I can’t even believe this is reality. But I’m going to keep trying every single day. I’m very happy for you and congratulations on freeing yourself of this hell. 

[[je...]]

It’s definitely not easy but I want you to know it’s possible. You come out much stronger on the other side.

[[Le...]]

do you believe you had panic disorder and agoraphobia pre benzo?  this is a common complication. 

[[Be...]]

5 minutes ago, [[j...] said:

It’s definitely not easy but I want you to know it’s possible. You come out much stronger on the other side.

Thank you so much. I will try to remind myself of that as much as I can. 

[[Be...]]

5 minutes ago, [[L...] said:

do you believe you had panic disorder and agoraphobia pre benzo?  this is a common complication. 

I definitely did. It’s what made me start the Benzo unfortunately. I was having crippling panic attacks constantly, couldn’t leave my house, had SI and was very close to attempting. 

[[Le...]]

you are in a good place for help. there are lots of very experienced people here and you will get lots of support. I wish i was better at this but you are getting responses already from a good person. sadly i am terrible at this part but am a person who has benefited here. i am happy you found this place. 

Edited June 5 by [Le...]

[[Be...]]

2 minutes ago, [[L...] said:

you are in a good place for help. there are lots of very experienced people here and you will get lots of support. I wish i was better at this but you are getting responses already from a good person. sadly i am terrible at this part but am a person who has benefited here. i am happy you found this place. 

I just appreciate you reading and offering kind words and encouragement. Thank you so much 

[[De...]]

You can do this.

I would remind yourself that if you were in a medical setting (ie nurses taking your vitals, monitoring you…etc)….They would very likely tell you you’re physically ok. Remember that. Your mind is probably screaming you’re not ok, but you ARE ok. You’re safe and you’re just on a hard journey. It seems like you have determination and will power to keep going. You’re strong and you’re going to get through this. Write that down if you need to, but you will be ok. It’s probably one of the worst experiences a human can go through but you are strong and it will NOT be like this forever. 

[[Be...]]

10 minutes ago, [[D...] said:

You can do this.

I would remind yourself that if you were in a medical setting (ie nurses taking your vitals, monitoring you…etc)….They would very likely tell you you’re physically ok. Remember that. Your mind is probably screaming you’re not ok, but you ARE ok. You’re safe and you’re just on a hard journey. It seems like you have determination and will power to keep going. You’re strong and you’re going to get through this. Write that down if you need to, but you will be ok. It’s probably one of the worst experiences a human can go through but you are strong and it will NOT be like this forever. 

Thank you so much for this. It’s hard to believe that I’m okay and I’m safe when everything in my body is convinced that I’m dying. The fear has to be the worst part for me. This will be my first and last time doing this I will never touch another benzo again after I taper. 

[[En...]]

11 hours ago, [[B...] said:

Thank you so much for this. It’s hard to believe that I’m okay and I’m safe when everything in my body is convinced that I’m dying. The fear has to be the worst part for me. This will be my first and last time doing this I will never touch another benzo again after I taper. 

I like to think the benzo is a lier. It lies to us telling us we are worse than we are. This drug takes from us. However it will get better one day and this will all be a bad memory. We have to be strong and keep moving forward on our journey off this. It can be a lonely journey as no one will understand how we feel until they are in this position. 

We all started this drug because of an issue in our lives whether it be anxiety, panic attacks or perhaps insomnia. This drug gives short term and takes long term from us. Like you I am on my journey to be off this. It can be very challenging some days. 

We will succeed. We will move forward. 

[[Be...]]

5 hours ago, [[E...] said:

I like to think the benzo is a lier. It lies to us telling us we are worse than we are. This drug takes from us. However it will get better one day and this will all be a bad memory. We have to be strong and keep moving forward on our journey off this. It can be a lonely journey as no one will understand how we feel until they are in this position. 

We all started this drug because of an issue in our lives whether it be anxiety, panic attacks or perhaps insomnia. This drug gives short term and takes long term from us. Like you I am on my journey to be off this. It can be very challenging some days. 

We will succeed. We will move forward. 

Thank you so much. I try to remember that it’s the drug, not me causing these thoughts and feelings. I’m going to keep pushing and keep trying until I’m free of this. I want my life back. Good luck to you and I wish you much success