Day 36 - Finished my First Week at my New Job!!

[[Al...]]

I'm going hard now and I worked 5 days this week for 8 hours per day and 6 today.  Just finished started at 5.  The fact that I can do all this today without Benzos is a miracle.  My stupid mind tried talking me into having a klonopin by saying "You worked hard you deserve it you'll probably feel it." Nope I'm not falling for that dogshit!  My addicted primate brain wants what it wants when it wants it.  But all good I made it this far I feel like I'm so far out from it now that, aside from my mind telling me to do dumb shit every now and then, I'm really progressing on my healing.  I talk to people, I'm friendly and social, and I don't even get anxiety anymore.  All this considering I'm also quitting smoking too.  I decided to not quit porn yet (one thing at a time ya know).  My primary goal right now is to continue the benzo abstinence and the smoking abstinence.  I just gotta remind myself of how hellish it was to be forced to come off them and not have any doctors who wanted to fill the scripts for it.  I feel so bad for the ppl who haven't gotten off it yet who are being forcibly pulled off it by their evil doctors.

[[Bu...]]

Hey @[Al...],

Congratulations!  That is a huge accomplishment!  Thank you for sharing this, it's really inspiring for those of us still waiting to be well enough to get a job.  

[[Le...]]

good work alex. great to hear people getting their life together. 

 

[[co...]]

Great to hear

[[Cr...]]

Excellent progress Alex. Still having Klonopin on hand and experiencing temptations to "feel good" could turn out to be a disaster if your willpower doesn't stay strong.

If you do not 100% trust yourself you may either want to rid yourself of them or put them somewhere out of sight and not so easily accessible. If you have recreational use tendencies/affinities for medications I would be very careful.

[[Al...]]

48 minutes ago, [[C...] said:

Excellent progress Alex. Still having Klonopin on hand and experiencing temptations to "feel good" could turn out to be a disaster if your willpower doesn't stay strong.

If you do not 100% trust yourself you may either want to rid yourself of them or put them somewhere out of sight and not so easily accessible. If you have recreational use tendencies/affinities for medications I would be very careful.

Yes, this is def a wise decision.  I can give them to a family member to hold (I do have a few left).  This way they will be safe and out of my reach, though I've had them this whole time in my lockbox, I still don't know if my mind will ever succeed at convincing me.  I've had delirium and major withdrawals and even the light withdrawals were terrible and it's enough to make me never want to touch them again, but I really shouldn't be keeping them within such easy reach.

[[Cr...]]

I kept klonopin around for awhile but I never looked at them with temptation to feel good. To me they represented an exit from an emergency panic attack (I ended up conquering those anyway) and a gateway back into hell.

Since your recovery from klon use has been quick (under a month), that temptation to use again could be very strong as you may end up believing you could get several more months of "feeling good" at the price of one month recovering. However, if you get hooked again you may be stuck in a much longer recovery period.

You have attained what many sufferers on here are desperate for... 'A return to normalcy'. Please make the best of it, ok? 

Edited June 1 by [Cr...]

[[jo...]]

Yeah please don't make the mistake I made and think you will keep getting away with it. You won't.

[[Le...]]

19 minutes ago, [[C...] said:

I kept klonopin around for awhile but I never looked at them with temptation to feel good. To me they represented an exit from an emergency panic attack (I ended up conquering those anyway) and a gateway back into hell.

Since your recovery from klon use has been quick (under a month), that temptation to use again could be very strong as you may end up believing you could get several more months of "feeling good" at the price of one month recovering. However, if you get hooked again you may be stuck in a much longer recovery period.

You have attained what many sufferers on here are desperate for... 'A return to normalcy'. Please make the best of it, ok? 

does it really feel good to you guys?  i was sick within weeks and going from doc to doc asking them to save me cause i could hardly even leave the house and was in constant non stop panic. I only experienced ever worsening illness. 

[[jo...]]

1 minute ago, [[L...] said:

does it really feel good to you guys?  i was sick within weeks and going from doc to doc asking them to save me cause i could hardly even leave the house and was in constant non stop panic. I only experienced ever worsening illness. 

I used to love the way Valium made me feel. There's a reason they call them chill pills. Mabey your naturally adverse to them. I have no desire to take them ever again now though.

[[Le...]]

weird. well grats in being stronger than that desire guys. I am lucky in some way to never have experienced anything like that from any drug ever. 

[[Cr...]]

1 hour ago, [[L...] said:

does it really feel good to you guys?  i was sick within weeks and going from doc to doc asking them to save me cause i could hardly even leave the house and was in constant non stop panic. I only experienced ever worsening illness. 

While the vast majority of people suffer from dependence issues that occured when using as prescribed, there are other people out there that like the way benzos make them feel in a recreational sense and will abuse them or use them to potentiate other illicit drugs.

For those that come off of benzos due to physical dependence attained by using as prescribed there is probably little risk of them going back on them if they had a bad experience and educated themselves.

For those that come off benzos after using them for 'getting high, buzzed, etc" there is a stronger chance that, depending on the person, their addictive personality will override the memories of the horrors of withdrawal. It often starts with "I will take them just one more time for fun and then stop" but escalates from there.

Alcohol withdrawal is horrible and many people even suffer seizures in withdrawal. Yet despite that and having months or years of sobriety under their belt, many of those people fall off the wagon and start drinking again...often believing they can control themselves next time and 'stop' when they want.

Edited June 2 by [Cr...]

[[jo...]]

1 minute ago, [[C...] said:

Why the vast majority of people suffer from dependence issues that occured when using as prescribed, there are people out that like the way benzos make them feel in a recreational sense and will abuse them or use them to potentiate othee illicit drugs.

For those that come off of benzos due to physical dependence alone there is probably little risk in going back if they had a bad experience.

For those that come off benzos after using them for 'getting high, buzzed, etc" there is a stronger chance that depending on the person, their addictive personality will override the memories of the horrors of withdrawal. It often starts with "I will take them just one more time for fun and then stop" but escalates from there.

yep. sounds a bit like me.

[[Le...]]

glad i didnt experience that. i am very aware of how vulnerable i am to that kind of thing. i have had a difficult life and struggle often. have only tried drugs besides these from a doc a couple times and never liked it. 

[[Li...]]

@[Al...] are you 36 days off the benzo??

[[Ru...]]

@[Al...] congrats! It's an accomplishment for sure!! Keep pushing forward!!

Did you taper? Or did you ct?

[[He...]]

This is really hopeful to me as I really want to be able to work but I'm not there yet. Congrats