Not buying into Fear

[[or...]]

I lie in bed lastnight for somewhere around 4 hours.  I stayed still though, a little tossing and turning over an aching hip. I can't describe anything in particular I was thinking. I just felt like I sort-of, wasn't me.  I even said my name to myself and it was like someone I didn't know.  I leaned on the truth (as I believe it to be) that the benzo wd sxs cause all kinds of "weird" things, especially in my brain.  I remember thinking I'd be fine in the a.m. and didn't let it get to me.  I think that might have been just before I fell asleep.

I think it's time for me to read Parker's article again because she described things so they made sense. The bottom line for me is that my brain is not the "norm" and it will heal.  I'm already seeing the signs of healing, just refusing to fall for the fear/lies my benzo-brain tells me, is proof, oregonlady

 

[[Le...]]

This stuff is so hard. I was very unlucky and never found this place until very late so went through the worst having no reassurance at all. You are on the right track believing you will recover. Iys happening right now. I went through this believing my GP who told me the cbd gummies and smoking pot i did twice when entering WD had driven me insane. I still recovered but that is no state of mind to be in to recover. You are in the right state of mind and will heal fast. 

[[or...]]

You seem to be in the right state of mind as well Lee You are so aware just writing what you did.  Believe me, I don't always see the truth, but I know it when I hear it like I did when I was lying there thinking I was totally losing my mind, and a grip on reality.  But somehow I knew the truth, and that was my brain was lying to me

Geesh, I so hope that makes some sense, we are in a good place, sometimes we just can't see it but for me, being here with others of my kind helps me see it again, OL

[[...]]

Is that what they call depersonalization?

And life seams like a dream?

It'll go away.

Once you're clean it all goes away. It can take a while. 

[[or...]]

[[Ma...]]

Jenswan has a great quote: When you feel like you’re going insane but you’re sane enough to know you’re not.

All of this is normal. Try to observe with a sense of curiosity. 

Your brain is misfiring as it heals and try’s to reach a state of homeostasis.

Soon it will be a distant memory!

[[Le...]]

1 hour ago, [[o...] said:

You seem to be in the right state of mind as well Lee You are so aware just writing what you did.  Believe me, I don't always see the truth, but I know it when I hear it like I did when I was lying there thinking I was totally losing my mind, and a grip on reality.  But somehow I knew the truth, and that was my brain was lying to me

Geesh, I so hope that makes some sense, we are in a good place, sometimes we just can't see it but for me, being here with others of my kind helps me see it again, OL

i am ok but in no way great but it isnt the drug effects really much at all now. sometimes i get stuck reliving the worst of what i went through. you will see some fun posts from me at those times. otherwise i am getting back to normal. 

[[or...]]

1 minute ago, [[L...] said:

i am ok but in no way great but it isnt the drug effects really much at all now. sometimes i get stuck reliving the worst of what i went through. you will see some fun posts from me at those times. otherwise i am getting back to normal. 

The healing going on right?  I have to think of it that way to get through it, at least believing it I think is getting me through.  I don't always believe it, that's for sure;) OL

[[Le...]]

I am using this site as exposure therapy. I can have the occasional drink now with no real effect and am trying to use that sort of like the only way benzos are actually useful. I read a bunch of stuff on here and trigger memories. talk myself down some and get control back. then have a small drink and rant a bit. my reactions are a tiny fraction of what they were just a few months ago. 

[[Le...]]

beware of lee on saturday night. 

[[jo...]]

I hear this symptom described a lot. I can get pretty bad bouts of depression but dont really get this to a large degree. I have heard some people say the two things a related but I'm not sure. Would your opinion be that dp/dr and depression are linked?

[[Le...]]

and anxiety. all of it. big link to trauma too. i have had it after an attempted strangling, after a stabbing, and after both deaths i witnessed on oil rigs. it went away quickly after those though. within days. 

[[jo...]]

5 minutes ago, [[L...] said:

and anxiety. all of it. big link to trauma too. i have had it after an attempted strangling, after a stabbing, and after both deaths i witnessed on oil rigs. it went away quickly after those though. within days. 

Sounds like you've had quite a life! When it's described it kind of sounds familiar. When my depression is particularly dark I think I do get some actually but not to the point I would call it an outer body experience like some do.

[[Le...]]

live and learn

[[or...]]

I can't drink at all, I tried the "one drink" thing but I begin to turn into that other person I don't want to be.  By some miracle, the last time I drank took the first tasted of my chardonnay, it just tasted yuck.  I'm used to just water, with some electro-lytes, club soda, love that bubbles going down, and sometime La Croix sparkling waters. 

I know alcohol effects folks differently but my reaction is Mrs. Hyde.  I'd like to stay Doctor Jekyl Just my own personal experience.

[[Le...]]

i wouldnt try it until you are fully healed in your opinion and even then only if there is some good reason. I reassures me that I am healed and calm my bodys reactions so i recover. I wont be doing it regularly ever in life. 

[[or...]]

I'd love to see this thread stay on "Not Buying into Fear".  I think it's interesting learning why we do certain things.  Things that worry us, give us anxiety, cause us to say things we wouldn't normally say, at least not out loud.  I think fear is behind so much of what people do, benzos or not.  Benzos magnify everything, especially if you're in Tolerance wd, or tapering off the stuff, OL PS So what part is fear playing in your life, and some coping mechanisms you've found that are healthy?

Fight or Flight, I think there is a time for both, when I'm agitated I lean way to far toward "fight", and it's because something is giving me Fear.

[[jo...]]

When I'm having a really bad day a lot scares me. Irrational stuff like going to the store. Although it kind of is rational. Your fight or flight doesn't have its usual level of control so we are suffering anxiety to a sometimes other worldly degree making us just generaly scared.

People say exposure therapy works but I didn't believe it at first. It just didn't seem to help. It just amped things up worse. I now think that it probably is a good idea. It may have an ecumalitive effect. I think just ease yourself into it though as to much to soon is to much. Like everything in this, I think gradual is the operative word.

[[Le...]]

its about exposing yourself and learning how to cope. i was a complete moron about all this kinda stuff all my life. i really thought emotions are something weak people whine about and fear etc etc was a joke to me. i just pushed through it always. i have been schooled by this mess or maybe broken. 

Edited May 30 by [Le...]

[[or...]]

I'll look into that therapy so I understand it better, thanks Jonwil

[[jo...]]

Just now, [[o...] said:

I'll look into that therapy so I understand it better, thanks Jonwil

It basicaly means exposing yourself to things that you are scared of until they don't bother you any more. Not so straight forward in recovery though!

[[Le...]]

the hard way is always the only way. the easy way gets you here. 

[[or...]]

Sometimes I'll learn something but if I don't apply it, it doesn't sink in, or show me proof it works.  I was surprised lastnight when I first realized I was going to get past that weird experience lastnight.  I didn't panic, and I really think it had to have been just before it actually allowed me to get back to sleep.

[[or...]]

I feel my acceptance of the hard way, a very long taper, and recovery may be long as well, is actually the easier way.  At least with this journey.  I just couldn't accept continuing to take the drug for the rest of my life.

Possibly adding more 'scripts to cover one symptom after another, never getting to the cause. That's what I see in many Seniors today, a shoebox full of scripts that just worsen health. Some fears are healthy, like not playing with fire for example OL

[[Le...]]

my mother is going through that right now. 9 meds. started with bp meds then treating side effects. then treating more sideeffects. all she needs is a bp med that doesnt cause leg nerve issues but she wont listen and after 7 meds someone decided she is just anxious and gave her antidepressants. they made her antic and now she is using benzos occasionally. it really seems almost like murder to me it is so stupid.