Kindled

[[da...]]

Slowly starting to think im kindled and will have to live like this till my demise. 
 

its very worrying, especially today , my symptoms are fully blown. Its hard man. 
iv never had any physical symptoms, its always just been the mental anguish. 
😔

[[Ma...]]

Kindling is a theory. A theory and you will not be like this forever.

Your symptoms are going to change-remember, this is a non-linear process of healing.

It seems your system was working really hard on fixing the mental so now it’s moved on to the physical. It’s just a symptom even though it feels like an eternity.

jenswanphd has great videos on YouTube that really help to explain what you are experiencing.

Keep going. You’ll get to the other side!

[[jo...]]

Like Mary1 says kindling is just a theory and even if there is truth to it there are plenty of people who have gone on and off this stuff numerous times. There are people who have gone on and off multiple drugs (polydrugged) numerous times and healed. I think the theory means that you could be potentially making your withdrawls worse, not that you wont recover.

[[da...]]

Man, today is just unbelievable. Couldn’t stop myself from breaking down infront of my mother. She doesn’t need that kind of stress 

[[Sw...]]

It’s going to be okay @[da...] you can do this. I kindled, by definition of the theory, and I have had a lot of improvements. Sure I still have a few symptoms that are really bringing me down at 6 months and 2 weeks. But things can always get better. If they can get worse they can ALSO get better… it is hard I realize this. 
 

im sure you don’t want to be making your mother feel stressed, I hate when I do it to my husband, but hopefully your mom loves you and is a word of encouragement. 

[[Wh...]]

I’m with you Dave and I’m only day 3 after a quick taper at a detox and im trying to hold it together 

[[Cr...]]

3 hours ago, [[d...] said:

Slowly starting to think im kindled and will have to live like this till my demise. 
 

its very worrying, especially today , my symptoms are fully blown. Its hard man. 
iv never had any physical symptoms, its always just been the mental anguish. 
😔

My feeling on kindling is that it is more of a representative term for how many times we can stop/start benzos before they finally downregulate our gaba receptors and lock us into a long recovery.

Some people get stuck in benzo hello after just one round of use. Others were good until the 4th or 5th time they got on benzos for a few weeks or months.

There are many members that got stuck dealing with trying to get off of benzos after what you could call 'kindling' themselves. They went on to make full recoveries in a year's time. There are some that only used benzos one round for a few months and are in protracted withdrawal.

Dave, I can really empathise with your struggle with the mental symptoms. They were the most prominent for me and I remember saying that I would trade my mental symptoms for the worst physical symptoms in a heartbeat.

Those mental symptoms really can affect your outlook, especially when they bring you to new peaks of suffering. You are probably catastrophizing now and thinking you will never heal or that you must have something more serious wrong. That is perfectly normal. I was there. You are not alone.

Is is very scary... but just as these symptoms worsened out of the blue they will also get better again. Do whatever you can to pass time. I always had comedic cartoons playing in the background.

You have been fighting this battle with all your might and are probably mentally exhausted. It is good to let it go every now and then and even cry if you have to. Afterwards you may feel a new resolve in seeing this through and that in turn may give you just the little mental boost you need.

[[Ba...]]

The mental symptoms make me feel I’m loosing touch with reality.  Did anyone else feel this?

[[Cr...]]

2 minutes ago, [[B...] said:

The mental symptoms make me feel I’m loosing touch with reality.  Did anyone else feel this?

Yes. You mean DR/DP stuff? Or do you mean not having control over your thoughts and feeling like you are going insane?

[[Ba...]]

The mental symptoms make me feel I’m loosing touch with reality.  Did anyone else feel this

I don’t feel like myself. I can’t connect with myself, husband or kuds

[[Ba...]]

I can’t connect with myself, husband or kids 

[[Cr...]]

8 minutes ago, [[B...] said:

The mental symptoms make me feel I’m loosing touch with reality.  Did anyone else feel this

I don’t feel like myself. I can’t connect with myself, husband or kuds

That is normal in withdrawal (and sometimes even for people on benzos). I remember telling my girlfriend that I couldn't feel love and that if everyone around me happened to perish I don't even know if I could cry. It was scary and concerning. 

While withdrawal was a big part I think some of it is also from our brain trying to protect us due to the prolonged trauma we are experiencing.

[[Ba...]]

This feeling of not connecting to them is so distressing. I want to feel them but I can’t 

[[Ba...]]

I felt this way while I was on benzos too

[[Ba...]]

I agree, it’s probably a protection for our brain. But it hurts so much

[[Ja...]]

Barbara h,.your not alone on this 1 pal,.I literally had to break the news to my mam today on what I’m dealing with without going to deep into it.

im now taking my doses and there putting me in a place I’ve never been before,and I’ve been trough a lot but not this,mentally it’s getting harder n harder.

I get what you mean with losing touch with reality,I mean you know what’s what,but your head totally doesn’t feel in the moment at all.it sounds very like what I’m dealing with it’s horrible,hope your ok pal

[[Ba...]]

Nobody can understand this unless you’re going through it. I try to explain to my husband, but you cannot understand it unless you experience it yourself. It makes getting through the day so hard. I’m trying to be strong. I’m sure you are too. I listen to Baylissa several times a day for strength and reassurance that everything will be ok one day. I wish you strength my friend.