Well, it happened. I lost my housing.

[[Re...]]

 

It's utterly bewildering how a family member could turn their back on you, especially after witnessing the torment of benzo withdrawal. Yet, here I am, grappling with this surreal nightmare. I'm somehow finding the strength to navigate through it. I had to make a swift exit in the middle of the night, forced out.

Now, I find myself in a hotel, with no home, grappling with the uncertainty of what lies ahead. It's moments like these that restore faith in humanity—a neighbor extending a helping hand to get me here. He moved my bags and put my stay on his credit card. If I didn't have symptoms, I would feel much better about my future prospects despite this crisis. But the physical symptoms have me feeling overwhelmed and despondent. The tinnitus, nostril burning, the hypersensitivity to sound, the peculiar sensations in my eyes and tongue, the burning skin, the internal vibrations—it's an onslaught that tests my endurance to its limits.

Ten months and three weeks off everything and about two years into this journey and the end still feels agonizingly out of reach. If only I hadn't taken Seroquel, perhaps I'd be on the road to recovery by now, free from this ordeal. I'm confronting each day, not really living, just staying alive.

Healing seems so distant and sometimes feels completely beyond reach. I am just going to keep putting one foot in front of the other. I was supposed to be healed of anxiety apparently because the stress I had before this was NOTHING and now I am handling the craziest crap. 

I will come out of this stronger, I guess.

Losing a family member is very sad. It was not my decision -- purely theirs. All I did was get akathisia.

 

 

 

Edited May 28 by [Re...]

[[Le...]]

have any plan for a place to go?

[[Bu...]]

Oh, @[Re...],

I am so sorry.  I know that you knew this was probably coming, but still...my heart aches for you.  I'm glad you have such a kind neighbor to help.  Please keep us posted and know you're in my thoughts and prayers. ❤

[[...]]

I'm so sorry you're going through this Rebecca, this is the last thing you need atm. I don't know what it is about benzo wd but I've seen it makes people around you act in the most unexpected ways. I've been wondering if it's because being poisoned by a Dr's prescription makes them feel threatened so it's better to discard the víctim?

In our case the strangest thing happened, my father who is in his 80s and has been helping me help my son in wd, has had terrible conflicts with his wife over this, with her demanding that we get my son back on benzos or she will divorce my father. Which is none of her business to begin with. One of her arguments is that we (my son and I) are taking up too much of his time. I can't imagine a worse thing to do to a grandfather who is seeing all the suffering his grandson and daughter (me) are going through, and then being presented with the choice of "them or me". Is this the Wicked stepmother of the fairy tales or something? So now he's going through all the stress of a divorce in his 80s, how cruel is that. These crises really bring out the best and worst in people, as they say.

I hope you find a place where you can be at peace, you've been through so much, I'm sure you'll come out of this too.

[[Re...]]

3 hours ago, [[L...] said:

have any plan for a place to go?

Currently looking at options and spreading the net wide. I think one of my friends will take me in at least for a few days. Then another friend may have found me a place for a month. I have not packed all of my things up at the old residence yet. I hope the family member does not discard my things or disallow me to have them.

[[Al...]]

I'm really sorry to hear this @[Re...]

I've read quite a few of your posts recently and I'm always struck by how well and honestly you write.

I really hope you find a safe haven soon. 

[[Re...]]

33 minutes ago, [[B...] said:

Oh, @[Re...],

I am so sorry.  I know that you knew this was probably coming, but still...my heart aches for you.  I'm glad you have such a kind neighbor to help.  Please keep us posted and know you're in my thoughts and prayers. ❤

Thank you, @[Bu...]. You are too kind. I cannot believe the reality of this. In some moments I am so heartbroken and scared. In others I am OK. I don't know how to feel or who to be or how to process this. I am happy to have my dog with me. Her confusion is sad to me.

[[Re...]]

[[Re...]]

4 hours ago, [[L...] said:

have any plan for a place to go?

Continuing to look and look. Letting people know I am looking as well. I may stay with a friend for a few days. Then take things from there. I don't have enough money to stay where I would prefer so it is difficult. Hoping for a miracle.

[[He...]]

So sorry to hear you are going through this  - From my experience (5 years post taper) healing comes in waves. Some time k feel healed… and other times I am agoraphobic due to hypersensitivity to light/sound and my i sides rattling ans anxiety   - I had a year where I felt significantly healed most of the time, but then I had a bad wave. It comes back sometimes, but get better ans better in my experience - but obviously when in a wave it sucks and can feel like day 1  (but then I remeber what the first months were like and realize that my waves, while awful, are never as bad as when I was in my rapid-taper or post taper. Bottom line, in my experinece, it gets much better overall… but yeah, waves suck  

[[Re...]]

34 minutes ago, [[A...] said:

I'm really sorry to hear this @[Re...]

I've read quite a few of your posts recently and I'm always struck by how well and honestly you write.

I really hope you find a safe haven soon. 

Thank you. Please keep me in your prayers.

[[Co...]]

Hello @[He...]. Welcome (back?) to BenzoBuddies.

[[...]]

@[He...], hi! Welcome from me too!) 

Thank you for your post For me, it's most inspiring and exactly the way i personally feel about it all. Yes, whatever we feel like now, it can't be compared to the slow motion hell, in my case, at the beginning of the journey) Good luck to you

[[La...]]

Rebecca I’m sorry to hear that this happened before you could prepare to get a new place to live. I know you are scared, hurt and worried. My heart goes out to you. That was very kind of your neighbor to secure you a hotel room. I think if you could look into being a boarder with someone ( rent a room in someone’s house) or get a room mate to split the bills on an apartment. Also, there are some churches that may be able to secure you a place to live. Some of them have connections to emergency housing that may be temporary or permanent especially if the person is disabled, have medical issues, had a house fire or something that has their home unsafe, abused or have children. Some of them also have connections to people in the church that will take you in. I hope this can give you a direction to look into. You are brave and under the circumstances you are doing your best. 

[[En...]]

11 hours ago, [[R...] said:

It's utterly bewildering how a family member could turn their back on you, especially after witnessing the torment of benzo withdrawal. Yet, here I am, grappling with this surreal nightmare. I'm somehow finding the strength to navigate through it. I had to make a swift exit in the middle of the night, forced out.

Now, I find myself in a hotel, with no home, grappling with the uncertainty of what lies ahead. It's moments like these that restore faith in humanity—a neighbor extending a helping hand to get me here. He moved my bags and put my stay on his credit card. If I didn't have symptoms, I would feel much better about my future prospects despite this crisis. But the physical symptoms have me feeling overwhelmed and despondent. The tinnitus, nostril burning, the hypersensitivity to sound, the peculiar sensations in my eyes and tongue, the burning skin, the internal vibrations—it's an onslaught that tests my endurance to its limits.

Ten months and three weeks off everything and about two years into this journey and the end still feels agonizingly out of reach. If only I hadn't taken Seroquel, perhaps I'd be on the road to recovery by now, free from this ordeal. I'm confronting each day, not really living, just staying alive.

Healing seems so distant and sometimes feels completely beyond reach. I am just going to keep putting one foot in front of the other. I was supposed to be healed of anxiety apparently because the stress I had before this was NOTHING and now I am handling the craziest crap. 

I will come out of this stronger, I guess.

Losing a family member is very sad. It was not my decision -- purely theirs. All I did was get akathisia.

This drug takes so much away from us. This is one of  the hardest things we will go through in life. It isn't a death sentence but it isn't easy and takes time. 

Just know this situation is temporary and will be a bad memory in the future. You will look back on this and say how strong you were going through this. You will have a better outlook on life. You will not take anything  for granted. This is a horrible drug. Just know nothing that happens to you is your fault.  You will find your new normal. You will heal and get better. 

[[...]]

Rebecca, my heart goes out to you. I will keep you in my prayers. Whatever's happening is so hard on you but I hope some little rays of sunshine show you your future path. Hugsss

[[mr...]]

reach out to crisis teams in your area they may be able to help you find shelters and public housings

[[Re...]]