10 Days and Feeling Scared

[[Mi...]]

These past 10 days I have slept 5 hours, 0 hours, 7 hours, 5 hours, and 0 hours, some nights I just cannot relax into sleep at all. It is like I forget how to relax into sleep. I am more aware of everything, and I cannot let go.  I get super paranoid that there is something majorly wrong with me.  My neck feels so much agitation and I get panicky. Before I used K or Ambien, I had the same sleep pattern so it could be caused by my self induced fear over insomnia or low serotonin or Paranoid Schizophrenia, Bipolar?  These thoughts go through my head when I lay there not sleeping. My family says it could be bipolar disorder but when I can relax and sleep, I am fine.   I wonder if I will ever find peaceful consistent sleep. If this is caused by an underlying condition and my body gets sick from all medications than there is no hope. Maybe I should get ECT but if it is the Gaba receptors needing to heal than ECT will not work.  Insomnia is the ultimate torture and how can I live like this forever?   I got labs back yesterday and I have an abnormally high Monocyte count.  Causes include stress, an autoimmune response, mono, cancer etc.  It looks like my Monocytes started going up when insomnia first started, and it has increased significantly since then.  I hate this and it makes it harder when I think this may never end. I do not know what tomorrow will bring.  I can only pray that I can heal.  Lots of tears this morning and I am so so scared.   

[[Ja...]]

Really sorry to hear you are really going through the motions just now pal,remember the withdrawal causes absolute havoc,.it’s a total mental head fry at its worst,.Thet say withdrawal from benzos can mimic a lot of disorders,.I’ve suffered with insomnia for a long time and got on benzos several times for it,.it is 1 of the worst things to deal with when you just want a bit of mental rest,and makes everything a lot worse without sleep for sure.

[[Mi...]]

5 hours ago, [[J...] said:

Really sorry to hear you are really going through the motions just now pal,remember the withdrawal causes absolute havoc,.it’s a total mental head fry at its worst,.Thet say withdrawal from benzos can mimic a lot of disorders,.I’ve suffered with insomnia for a long time and got on benzos several times for it,.it is 1 of the worst things to deal with when you just want a bit of mental rest,and makes everything a lot worse without sleep for sure.

What was your insomnia like?  How did you cope?  

[[Cr...]]

One thing I learned about insomnia is that if you worry about whether you will sleep or not that night you are almost guaranteeing a bad night of sleep.

You said some nights you get 5, some 7, and some 0. You may want to keep a log of what activities you did and what you ate each day to see if there is a pattern.

While benzo/ambien withdrawal certainly isn't helping the insomnia issue, you said you had this issue before even starting K and Ambien. To ease your mind and rule out other issues I would ask your doctors to rule out any physical issues they think could be contributing to your insomnia.

Jumping right into mental health conclusions (bipolar, etc) before ruling out physical health problems would be foolish. In addition to looking further into the high monocyte cause, you may also want to get your vitamin and thyroid levels checked. 

Edited May 24 by [Cr...]

[[Mi...]]

I had all of my labs done recently including my electrolytes. Everything was normal except the Monocytes.  They think the monocytes are high due to the stress of not sleeping.  My thyroid is normal.  I was on Paxil x20 plus years and this past summer I got off of it.  We hiked about 5 miles a day in Alaska and this helped me sleep.  When I came home to Maui, it was a few days after the fires, and it was devastating.  I had not had Paxil in about 6 weeks and in the past when I tried to wean, I got insomnia and quickly got back on the medication.  This time I was not able to get back on Paxil.  Well, I did but it caused intense pain in my brain for 6 months and I never got rid of the insomnia.  I have been trying other ADs without any luck and I am exhausted and scared.  This has been a nightmare.  Any prayers are very appreciated.  I also need a miracle.  The sleep seems to come and go without a real reason.  I just do not feel sleepy and I stress. I wonder if I should get ECT or ?  I tried two Ketamine treatments and was told some people need 3 to 6.  Ketamine is a tranquillizer, and it was weird and not relaxing to me.  If I can get the energy I may go to California and get Transcranial magnetic stimulation.  At UCSD they are finding good results for people with depression.  I have also watched you tube videos and people said it did not help them.  it is quite the commitment.   Mahalo for your response it means a lot to know I am not out here on my own.    

[[Mi...]]

Oh my last night I took a tiny piece of Seroquel, about 30 mg, and I slept 11 hours.  I think my circadian rhythm is really off.  I am so grateful that is the most I have slept in 8 months of insanity.  I will take it. It may have been better to have gotten up after 7 hours so tonight I would have a better chance of sleeping but my body was hungry for sleep.  Ahhhhhhh...... I also have to pay the price for using Seroquel, even a small amount causes pain in my occiput.  

[[Le...]]

i am glad it worked for you. i took 5 25mg pills once while in WD. noticed nothing. 

[[En...]]

15 hours ago, [[M...] said:

Oh my last night I took a tiny piece of Seroquel, about 30 mg, and I slept 11 hours.  I think my circadian rhythm is really off.  I am so grateful that is the most I have slept in 8 months of insanity.  I will take it. It may have been better to have gotten up after 7 hours so tonight I would have a better chance of sleeping but my body was hungry for sleep.  Ahhhhhhh...... I also have to pay the price for using Seroquel, even a small amount causes pain in my occiput.  

Anything we take that gives us pleasure or relief comes with a price. We are all paying those dues on this website. It is said that sleep is so important for your brain function  that it will naturally eventually be so tired you will sleep normal. Maybe that is true when you have natural insomnia but benzos are a horrible mysterious drug that messes with you. Everyone eventually heals in time. I try not to take extra medication in healing but my Dr put me on antipsychotic in the beginning and that will be my next challenge to get off. My dr says I can just stop it but in another breath he says we pay a price for feeling good. 

[[Mi...]]

Did the medication help you sleep?