I’m scared so so bad !!!! Any doctors here ? Or nurse? Or any help ?

[[Ad...]]

4 minutes ago, [[j...] said:

Regarding your test results, I fully agree  with @[Cr...]. I would not trust home tests. The only reliable tests are those ordered and interpreted by your doctor. Like @[Ma...] has observed, it seems like you've worked yourself into a breakdown over these tests. When we are going through withdrawal, benzo's cause fear. We are in a constant state of flight or fight. Our senses are hyper sensitive and we perceive everything around us to be a threat. It is normal, but it's important we realise this.

Yes I’ve been in this breakdown every second of every day for whole taper. Just getting worse and worse. To point like you said, I need to realize it’s all wd induced. But my brain won’t reason. That’s the problem. Can’t logically think and reason at all.  That’s the insanity part.  I’m talking about.  

[[je...]]

Maybe staying away from home tests or things that will aggrevate it more could help?

[[Cr...]]

31 minutes ago, [[A...] said:

Yes I’ve been in this breakdown every second of every day for whole taper. Just getting worse and worse. To point like you said, I need to realize it’s all wd induced. But my brain won’t reason. That’s the problem. Can’t logically think and reason at all.  That’s the insanity part.  I’m talking about.  

You are not losing your mind. Your anxiety is at an all time high right now. You are stuck in flight or fight mode and your brain keeps sending you these intrusive catastrophizing thoughts in hopes to find a solution to this threat (the anxiety itself).

This has lead you down so many 'What if' thought scenarios causing you to think of so many 'potential' things that could be wrong with you. If the Hair test showed no deficiencies then you would still have probably interpreted that in a negative light as proof that you are going insane since there is no nutritional explanation for your symptoms. That is how severe anxiety and negative intrusive thinking works.

On the other hand if these test results are accurate then shouldn't you be relieved that there is a simpler solution to your mental symptoms (fixing the deficiencies) rather than the tough it out solution to benzo withdrawal? But again your mind went to the negative.

These scary thoughts and feelings are going to be with you for quite a bit until your body heals. The more afraid of these feelings you are the stronger they become. It takes practice, but try to accept these feelings like you would the burns from a sunburn, the itching from poison ivy. As for your negatice thoughts, try not to fight them or prevent them. Just accept that they will show up out of blue but that they can never hurt you. They are just thoughts. You are not your thoughts. You are the person experiencing the thoughts, but they are not you.

I hope you find some relief from this hell known as benzo withdrawal. You are almost at the finish line of your taper. The good people of this forum will help guide you through this.

Edited May 21 by [Cr...]

[[Cr...]]

@[Ad...] I just looked into your history and I see that you have been directly tapering off over 3mgs  of Xanax. The short half-life makes that a very difficult drug to directly taper off of.

I feel a lot of this mess may have been averted had you crossed over to a longer acting benzo like Valium. The problem is you did not inform your doctor that you were tapering off Xanax because you were afraid he would cut you off or force you to taper at his chosen rate.

If my math is right you are on about the equivalent of 4 mgs of Valium or somewhere in that ballpark. (.20 Xanax).

If it brings you any relief, there was a member back when I joined in 2011 that directly tapered Xanax and had horrible mental symptoms like you but drastically improved the moment her taper ended. I will see if I can find some links for you.

[[Ad...]]

5 minutes ago, [[C...] said:

@[Ad...] I just looked into your history and I see that you have been directly tapering off over 3mgs  of Xanax. The short half-life makes that a very difficult drug to directly taper off of.

I feel a lot of this mess may have been averted had you crossed over to a longer acting benzo like Valium. The problem is you did not inform your doctor that you were tapering off Xanax because you were afraid he would cut you off or force you to taper at his chosen rate.

If my math is right you are on about the equivalent of 4 mgs of Valium or somewhere in that ballpark. (.20 Xanax).

If it brings you any relief, there was a member back when I joined in 2011 that directly tapered Xanax and had horrible mental symptoms like you but drastically improved the moment her taper ended. I will see if I can find some links for you.

ok. I have Valium.  I’ve taken a piece here and there. I’m at .018mg xan. 
I don’t understand why I can’t distract.  I mean how normal in this is it to be so out of mind, completely disoriented and severe confused. Mixed with paranoia and severe depression staggering around not knowing what I’m doing where to turn what is going on. Anything. And then I think I’m not even off and I’m like this.  Feel psychotic mom is crying and she’s old can’t do anything for me.  I need to stabilize but haven’t in the whole taper.  The second cut this all happens to me. And I’ve just got worse and worse and worse.  It does kinda chill out a bit around this time. But not much.  I can’t fathom being like this for years.  I can barley survive now.  And that’s the truth. And it’s a all day all the time affair. It’s not like I can tell myslef “ok I’m gonna do this or that”. No it’s “omg I can’t handle this I’m loosing my mind Jesus help me Jesus help me”. All while racing thiughts of divorce. My kids. My life. What I’ve become. On and on. I want to be able to put things into perspective and I can’t.  

[[Cr...]]

1 minute ago, [[A...] said:

All while racing thiughts of divorce. My kids. My life. What I’ve become. On and on. I want to be able to put things into perspective and I can’t.

You need to try to live in the moment. The more afraid of your thoughts you are the stronger they become.

I said this in another thread but I will say it again. For the next 30 seconds, I want you not to think about blue cats.

Did it work? No. You thought of blue cats no matter how hard you tried not to. You trying not to have those negative intrusive is the same thing. By fighting them and trying not to think about them you will only make them more prominent. Just accept them as an annoying byproduct of withdrawal and let them exist until your brain gets bored of them.

You are at .018 you said and not .18? What dose do you plan on jumping from?

[[Ad...]]

20 minutes ago, [[C...] said:

@[Ad...] I just looked into your history and I see that you have been directly tapering off over 3mgs  of Xanax. The short half-life makes that a very difficult drug to directly taper off of.

I feel a lot of this mess may have been averted had you crossed over to a longer acting benzo like Valium. The problem is you did not inform your doctor that you were tapering off Xanax because you were afraid he would cut you off or force you to taper at his chosen rate.

If my math is right you are on about the equivalent of 4 mgs of Valium or somewhere in that ballpark. (.20 Xanax).

If it brings you any relief, there was a member back when I joined in 2011 that directly tapered Xanax and had horrible mental symptoms like you but drastically improved the moment her taper ended. I will see if I can find some links for you.

Also my wholeeeeee life has been ripped away after 30 years of marriage. I’m 47 at my mom’s😭😭😭😭😭😭😭.  I sit in room all day. Going insane.  Cause I feel insane at all times.  I can’t distract.  She took evryting.  Including my sanity.  Idk what to do.  See I’m starting to feel insane and get sypmtoms thinking about it. But I can’t help it. What can I do  

[[Ad...]]

4 minutes ago, [[C...] said:

You need to try to live in the moment. The more afraid of your thoughts you are the stronger they become.

I said this in another thread but I will say it again. For the next 30 seconds, I want you not to think about blue cats.

Did it work? No. You thought of blue cats no matter how hard you tried not to. You trying not to have those negative intrusive is the same thing. By fighting them and trying not to think about them you will only make them more prominent. Just accept them as an annoying byproduct of withdrawal and let them exist until your brain gets bored of them.

You are at .018 you said and not .18? What dose do you plan on jumping from?

.18 same as 3.6val 

ahould I go to Val ? 

[[Ad...]]

51 minutes ago, [[C...] said:

You need to try to live in the moment. The more afraid of your thoughts you are the stronger they become.

I said this in another thread but I will say it again. For the next 30 seconds, I want you not to think about blue cats.

Did it work? No. You thought of blue cats no matter how hard you tried not to. You trying not to have those negative intrusive is the same thing. By fighting them and trying not to think about them you will only make them more prominent. Just accept them as an annoying byproduct of withdrawal and let them exist until your brain gets bored of them.

You are at .018 you said and not .18? What dose do you plan on jumping from?

You still there ? 

[[Kr...]]

1 hour ago, [[A...] said:

 I can’t fathom being like this for years.  I can barley survive now.  And that’s the truth. And it’s an all day all the time affair. It’s not like I can tell myslef “ok I’m gonna do this or that”. No it’s “omg I can’t handle this I’m loosing my mind Jesus help me Jesus help me”. All while racing thiughts of divorce. My kids. My life. What I’ve become. On and on. I want to be able to put things into perspective and I can’t.

You’re not alone. Same racing thoughts here. Brutal.

[[Re...]]

3 hours ago, [[A...] said:

I’ve had severe severe mental stmotoms to point of non functioning still tapering. . Had a mineral and vitamin test done that checks absorbsion. The ones in red says I have severe problem absorbing.  Please don’t scare me.  I’m scared.  

@[Ad...] It is not uncommon for medical tests like this to present abnormality while taking or tapering psych drugs. I am not saying that is the case here, I am just letting you know. This is how people can get misdiagnosed.

 

Edited May 21 by [Re...]

[[Bo...]]

Are you taking Xanax once a day?

if so this also might be an issue bc of it’s half life so you need to be taking it likely 4x a day if you metabolize it normally (genesight cheek swab can tell you this but dr would need to order).

if your symptoms decrease taking your dose, you’re likely having complications of interdose withdrawal, so if you spit your dose up over the day some, this will help keep you more steady. If you’re doing this skready, might look at if you can afford to, liquid compound bc sometimes at lower doses we have a harder time with the pill and shaving and weighing. I evened out switching to compound liquid but some people the formulation change can bring in more symptoms.

first thing first if you are only dosing once a day abd feel better after that dose, see how splitting dose into 2 does. 
might get @[Li...]  thoughts on the tapering thread/section. 

once you have a steady level each day, try to stick to a schedule so your brain has some predictability. Our brain craves predictability in this both med wise and routine bc it feels a bit safe when this chaos makes us feel opposite of safe. Here is example- and if you’re physically better off (I’ve been bedblund a lot so why this is me at home mostly), get out and about more to the park, or walk in neighborhood with podcast on, ride in the car to the store with your mom or to run errands if you can, have a friend come pick you up and go for a walk.

8am-morning stretch

9am- seep if possible and have had rough night of no sleep

10am breakfast

11am- text or FaceTime a family member

12pm- get up and walk for a couple minutes/5-10mins I’d have the strength

1pm- have lunch

2pm- read email, paint, draw, do daily wordle, connect the dots or something that is distracting 

2:30- listen to podcast or gentle music 

3pm- walk for a couple minutes, longer if have strength 

3:30- rest eyes(sheet covering eyes to be black- helps brain recover)

4pm- reach out text 1 person or visit with someone from support group

5pm- put dishes away or put clothes in laundry if have strength; household chore that’s possible

6pm- dinner

7pm- sit outside 

7:30- walk the driveway of possible

8pm- rest body if needed; watch golf tennis baseball or something very slow paced 

9pm- start bed routine

10pm- med

10:30- shower

11pm- lay down 

Jenn Swab is tapering Xanax and has greatttyt videos on all this- very helpful. 

https://m.youtube.com/@jenniferswanphd/videos

 

[[Sc...]]

How long you been off the drugs? I dont have any mental symptoms only physical.

[[Ba...]]

15 hours ago, [[A...] said:

I’ve had severe severe mental stmotoms to point of non functioning still tapering. . Had a mineral and vitamin test done that checks absorbsion. The ones in red says I have severe problem absorbing.  Please don’t scare me.  I’m scared.  

Use foods. Organic protein shakes to fill in the gaps. Digestive enzymes. There’s a lot you can do  And deficiencies are common in our modern world for various reasons.

 

RN

[Guest [Do...]]

Hi @[Ad...],

From outside your shoes we can see better what could be happening to you.

In my case i think you have 2 main problems:

1. You shouldnt have kept on tapering if you were feeling worse and worse, we need to hold and stabilize as much as to taper this drug. I was where you are and after an huge wave cause by a rapid taper i got really sick, so i holded in a safe dose and waited weeks to stabilize and then started a micro tapering very very very slow and even like that i am holding for some days everytime i feel symptoms catching up.

2. You have entered in panic (fight or flight) mode and you might not know that fear is the gasoline for anxiety and panic, the more scared you are the bigger and longer your panic will be. I was there too, i almost asked to go into psych ward and i could overcome it, first i made every medical test posible to discard i had a real physical problem, once the results showed i didnt have any issues i followed Claire Weekes' therapy that is about accepting it is "only" anxiety, it wont kill you and it wont hurt you, allowing you axiety symptoms, if you fight them you will make them worse and finally i ended up watching it fade when i lost all fear and wasnt worried about it anymore, leeting the big panic atacks happen and witnessing how they couldnt reach me anymore.

Panic and axiety are so related to benzos WD as you get those symptoms as rebound multiplied but belive that once you overcome it even in WD it wont hurt you anymore.

I recommend you this Jennifer Swan channel as she explains all this stuff very well and it helped me a lot in the past. https://m.youtube.com/@jenniferswanphd/videos

Trust your mental strenth and wacth videos about claire weeks and step by step you will make it.

Believe me when i say the first time i heard someone say you have to allow anxiety i thought he was nuts but the only truth with anxiety is that it feeds itself out of fear and it loses all power if you keep calm and stay strong.

Despite all this, you need to stabilize in your WD and reach some safe point in order to be able to overcome your anxiety, it is probably to much to ask you do that while you are in acute WD and i recommend to stop tapering for a some time while you recover from hell.

I switched from lorazepam wich is way more pwerfull to diazepam and my symtoms improved and it is also easier to taper if you go micro taper wich you should.

Hope this helps you somehow.

 

Edited May 21 by Guest

[[Ad...]]

5 hours ago, [[D...] said:

Hi @[Ad...],

From outside your shoes we can see better what could be happening to you.

In my case i think you have 2 main problems:

1. You shouldnt have kept on tapering if you were feeling worse and worse, we need to hold and stabilize as much as to taper this drug. I was where you are and after an huge wave cause by a rapid taper i got really sick, so i holded in a safe dose and waited weeks to stabilize and then started a micro tapering very very very slow and even like that i am holding for some days everytime i feel symptoms catching up.

2. You have entered in panic (fight or flight) mode and you might not know that fear is the gasoline for anxiety and panic, the more scared you are the bigger and longer your panic will be. I was there too, i almost asked to go into psych ward and i could overcome it, first i made every medical test posible to discard i had a real physical problem, once the results showed i didnt have any issues i followed Claire Weekes' therapy that is about accepting it is "only" anxiety, it wont kill you and it wont hurt you, allowing you axiety symptoms, if you fight them you will make them worse and finally i ended up watching it fade when i lost all fear and wasnt worried about it anymore, leeting the big panic atacks happen and witnessing how they couldnt reach me anymore.

Panic and axiety are so related to benzos WD as you get those symptoms as rebound multiplied but belive that once you overcome it even in WD it wont hurt you anymore.

I recommend you this Jennifer Swan channel as she explains all this stuff very well and it helped me a lot in the past. https://m.youtube.com/@jenniferswanphd/videos

Trust your mental strenth and wacth videos about claire weeks and step by step you will make it.

Believe me when i say the first time i heard someone say you have to allow anxiety i thought he was nuts but the only truth with anxiety is that it feeds itself out of fear and it loses all power if you keep calm and stay strong.

Despite all this, you need to stabilize in your WD and reach some safe point in order to be able to overcome your anxiety, it is probably to much to ask you do that while you are in acute WD and i recommend to stop tapering for a some time while you recover from hell.

I switched from lorazepam wich is way more pwerfull to diazepam and my symtoms improved and it is also easier to taper if you go micro taper wich you should.

Hope this helps you somehow.

I am only now able to respond. After being in a state of severe inner aka going out of my mind and can’t think or reason or anything. And it’s like this ecry second of every day and getting worse and worse.   I’ve been holding for months. Only getting worse.  I’ve tried to updose a tad. Worse. I’ve tried to take a bit a Val. Worse.  Nothing is helping at all.  And it’s not just anxiety. It’s aka. Inner aka. Where I’m loosing my mind at all times and can’t distract at all.  Please what can I do ???? Someone please let me know. I’m in a bad place cause the benzo I think is paradoxical. 😭😭😭😭😭

Edited May 21 by [Ad...]

[[Cr...]]

2 hours ago, [[A...] said:

I am only now able to respond. After being in a state of severe inner aka going out of my mind and can’t think or reason or anything. And it’s like this ecry second of every day and getting worse and worse.   I’ve been holding for months. Only getting worse.  I’ve tried to updose a tad. Worse. I’ve tried to take a bit a Val. Worse.  Nothing is helping at all.  And it’s not just anxiety. It’s aka. Inner aka. Where I’m loosing my mind at all times and can’t distract at all.  Please what can I do ???? Someone please let me know. I’m in a bad place cause the benzo I think is paradoxical. 😭😭😭😭😭

You can try crossing over to Valium, but it might take some time to stabilize when you do. There is no guarantee it will make you better but it should at least eliminate any symptoms that are due to interdose withdrawals. So if 30% of your symptoms are interdose and 70% general tolerance/withdrawl, a Valium crossover could theoretically reduce your symptoms by 30%. One-off doses of Valium while still taking Xanax are not going to help you.

If your body has truly rejected benzos to the point where they are giving you a paradoxical reaction then, under the supervision of a doctor, you may want to rapid taper off your remaining dose. There is a small chance that after a rough acute phase you will quickly recover, but this is also risky because in your state of mind I don't know how well you would handle the acute symptoms brought on by a rapid taper or cold turkey.

What works for one person does not necessarily work for another person. So it is difficult for me, or any member, to know what scenario will be the easiest path for you. You will have to decide.

Edited May 21 by [Cr...]

[[Ad...]]

5 minutes ago, [[C...] said:

You can try crossing over to Valium, but it might take some time to stabilize when you do. There is no guarantee it will make you better but it should at least eliminate any symptoms that are due to interdose withdrawals. So if 30% of your symptoms are interdose and 70% general tolerance/withdrawl, a Valium crossover could theoretically reduce your symptoms by 30%. One off doses of Valium while still taking Xanax are not going to help you.

If your body has truly rejected benzos to where they are giving you a paradoxical reactions then, under the supervision of a doctor, youmay want to rapid taper off your remaining dose. There is a small chance that after a rough acute phase you will rapidly recover, but this is also risky because in your state of mind I don't know how well you would handle the acute symptoms brought on by a rapid taper or cold turkey.

What works for one person does not necessarily work for another person. So it is difficult for me, or any member, to know what scenario will be the easiest path for you. You will have to decide.

I’m in a bad bad bad state of mind.  I mean there’s no chance for me. 😭😭😭😭😭😭.  It’s all over. 

[[Cr...]]

8 minutes ago, [[A...] said:

I’m in a bad bad bad state of mind.  I mean there’s no chance for me. 😭😭😭😭😭😭.  It’s all over. 

You made it this far. Your symptoms are similar to several other members that have gone on to write success stories. Recovery is definitely still possible for you. You just have to summon the strength to get over the finish line with your taper. You are but a few steps away.

[[Ad...]]

12 minutes ago, [[C...] said:

You made it this far. Your symptoms are similar to several other members that have gone on to write success stories. Recovery is definitely still possible for you. You just have to summon the strength to get over the finish line with your taper. You are but a few steps away.

I can’t breath good and my heart is really fast. 

[[Cr...]]

1 minute ago, [[A...] said:

I can’t breath good and my heart is really fast. 

Both normal symptoms of high anxiety and panic attacks. Would it ease your mind to go to the ER and have them verify for you whether it is a health issue or anxiety?

[Guest [Do...]]

1 hour ago, [[A...] said:

I am only now able to respond. After being in a state of severe inner aka going out of my mind and can’t think or reason or anything. And it’s like this ecry second of every day and getting worse and worse.   I’ve been holding for months. Only getting worse.  I’ve tried to updose a tad. Worse. I’ve tried to take a bit a Val. Worse.  Nothing is helping at all.  And it’s not just anxiety. It’s aka. Inner aka. Where I’m loosing my mind at all times and can’t distract at all.  Please what can I do ???? Someone please let me know. I’m in a bad place cause the benzo I think is paradoxical. 😭😭😭😭😭

I am sorry that i missunderstood you, i thought it you were tapering and having anxiety, i didnt know you were holding and sufering akathisia and the worst symptoms.

I can only recommend you to write PM to @[Co...] and ask him to help you find a benzo wise doctor in your area that can help you, cause you really need a doctor to help you get out of this situation.

If you can, listen to this podcast and how someone in a critical situation could overcome it finding the right doctor. That doctor is in the Boston are but as i said @[Co...] could help you find one in your area.

 

 

[Guest [Do...]]

1 hour ago, [[C...] said:

Both normal symptoms of high anxiety and panic attacks. Would it ease your mind to go to the ER and have them verify for you whether it is a health issue or anxiety?

I agree you have to get doctors involved in this, if you can find a doctor soon, go to ER, call an ambulance or do anything you need to get medical atention. Benzos are harming you and you need to find help.

[[Ba...]]

On 20/05/2024 at 20:02, [[C...] said:

You are not losing your mind. Your anxiety is at an all time high right now. You are stuck in flight or fight mode and your brain keeps sending you these intrusive catastrophizing thoughts in hopes to find a solution to this threat (the anxiety itself).

This has lead you down so many 'What if' thought scenarios causing you to think of so many 'potential' things that could be wrong with you. If the Hair test showed no deficiencies then you would still have probably interpreted that in a negative light as proof that you are going insane since there is no nutritional explanation for your symptoms. That is how severe anxiety and negative intrusive thinking works.

On the other hand if these test results are accurate then shouldn't you be relieved that there is a simpler solution to your mental symptoms (fixing the deficiencies) rather than the tough it out solution to benzo withdrawal? But again your mind went to the negative.

These scary thoughts and feelings are going to be with you for quite a bit until your body heals. The more afraid of these feelings you are the stronger they become. It takes practice, but try to accept these feelings like you would the burns from a sunburn, the itching from poison ivy. As for your negatice thoughts, try not to fight them or prevent them. Just accept that they will show up out of blue but that they can never hurt you. They are just thoughts. You are not your thoughts. You are the person experiencing the thoughts, but they are not you.

I hope you find some relief from this hell known as benzo withdrawal. You are almost at the finish line of your taper. The good people of this forum will help guide you through this.

Quote

 

 

[[Bo...]]

I have aka and ER is worst place you can go bc of risk of them sending you to a psych ward bc so few medical professionals  understand akathisia. And they def don’t get the inner terror component.

this is coming from someone that’s been thru this hell for a long time and been in and out of psych wards Ears the last 10mi due to my life threatening aka.

so first thing is- you need to have your safe people around you fam or friends know this is aka. Have them talk to Nicole lamberson with dr Josef if they need a med professional to help explain- she’s a PA and med director of BIC.

two, your key safe people have to keep you safe. If you want to trial a beta blocker, they are sometimes helpful with people experiencing acute hell aka. Just of note some people they don’t help. Clonidine is the same.

this are the only meds worth the risk of trying a teeny tiny bit exploding to your current dr you have akathisia. 
don’t let them give any patkondon type meds as this can exacerbate the problem.

mirt has helped a few people but it made my aka worse abd im having to taper with it for who knows how long. If you’re at a last resort must try something, you could see if a tiny dose of like 2mg or 1mg helps. But it just is risky to try something and then have to taker it but at least you know in safety of your own home so can stop it right away. I was forced it in the psych ward so when it made me worse, they didn’t care and forced me to take it.

 

i understand how tortuous this is and I’m so sorry. There are a few of us who’ve had this hell and it’s like nothing else and I’m so sorry. 
if you’re not split dosing the Xanax and seeing if interdose is having an effect then that might be worth the first try but I suggest talking to Nicole if you can afford it bc she deals with the most complex cases, has the med background and helps many of us with our way off these safely and can suss out what she thinks is the best way forward given her knowledge. It’s best for a family or trusted friend sits with you for this talk with her.

nicole@taperclinic.com

if not affordable the best thing is to discuss a beta blocker with your providing Dr as they are the least risky option in all of this. Ears will give a high dose of Benadryl and then send you on your way, and then trial more benzos .  Sometimes they think people are being psychotic and Are bipolar and they will force antipsychotics.  So it really is a very dangerous place to go even though we think ER are supposed to help us

They are extremely educated on which is extremely unfortunate for us…. But there’s really nothing that can be done but to try to best manage coming off of the offending medication which again something Nicole can talk through with you what the likely cause was.

I’m trying to understand your story and if this is due to interdose withdrawal cause you’re only  dosing once a day, or if any other meds came in to play or any other foreign substances or alcohol… Please let us know any further information that could be to suss out if this is truly paradoxical stuff going on which you still have to safely try to come off of the medication quickly tolerating paradoxical withdrawal reactions.

I say this, as I’m in that exact predicament walking the line between paradoxical/adverse reaction and the withdrawal of tapering the mirtazapine.

It’s what some of us have to do and we can’t just cold turkey the med as aka can always get worse.