Emotional liability

[[Ba...]]

Have you had problems in the past with emotional control?  Did your personality change while on a benzo?  Did you do things you never would have normally?

[[jo...]]

Hi and welcome! I sometimes experience mood swings and mood cycling. on really bad days my mood can change seemingly from second to second quite rapidly. It's very difficult to deal with and even more difficult to deal with other people when your feeling this unstable. Like all symptoms it eases off in time and is part of the healing process. It's your brains way of finding balance. It will overshoot one way or the other until eventually it gets things right again. Very common symptom.

[[pi...]]

Hello @[Ba...] and welcome to the forum. In general we are not ourselves during the withdrawal/recovery process. Emotions can run the gamut from over emotional reactions to emotional blunting, this is all part of the process. I remember experiencing both ends of the spectrum. The cns is very fragile and it can take time for balance to return. We have to remember that benzos make significant changes to the system, the reset is not that quick. 

The good thing is that healing is taking place all the time. During my recovery I tried to find joy in any glimpse of the real me occurring. 

[[Ma...]]

I was JUST about to post re: mood swings like @[jo...]! Sometimes I am ebullient like a child, the next: Hannibal Lector.

When I was on benzos, to borrow words from another member, I was a sociopath. I didn’t want to do anything, I didn’t care about anything; my anxiety was through the roof and I spent money like water.

Now I want to do everything, EVERYTHING, in this vibrant city I hardly remember. But when I have tried my brain connection doesn’t connect. And my debilitating fatigue prevents it. However I do see improvement as the weeks go by.

Rest assured you will not only return to your authentic self, but you will be stronger, happier, lighter and little will phase you.

[[Le...]]

I havent read this anywhere before and thought it was me. I was like mary and am very glad to hear another say it. I think if anything I am hyper empathetic now and very kind again. More than I was before even. 

Even the money thing. I bought so much stuff. Motorcycle. El Camino. Welders. tools. god the tools I dont need. in the two years on I spent about 300k of my savings. I won a poker tournament then got cocky and risky and lost about 20. not some tv poker tournament thing. I am totally crap at it. online 1000+150 or something like that buy in ones. 

[[Id...]]

@[Le...], and @[Ma...], anecdotally I knew a guy that recovered from alcoholism just to become addicted to shopping and hoarding… I kinda of understand because since benzo problems begin I have panic that I need alcohol when I see someone drinking because… I absolutely need it, I crave it to save my life. Nice thing is I never cared about alcohol before and even if you offer it to me in that brief panic moment I don’t particularly enjoy it and absolutely I’m done after a couple of sips. About money I don’t know because I ‘d spend a lot if I was able, but also after years without shopping I kinda need everything.

@[Ba...], yours are really good question. I never had problems with controlling my emotions before (but that was trauma response and first thing required for my line of work)

Yes my personality changed. Not at its core and it shows, but otherwise yes. Small example is I talk like a maniac for my standards and I was so posed and calm before.

No I didn’t do things I wouldn’t do normally BUT I think about ideas that normally I wouldn’t have.

What about you? Did you notice something different? Are you worried about something you feel to share?

[[Le...]]

I never craved anything to this day except early in withdrawal before I figured out what was happening. sometime a few months in i was coherent enough to google and figure it out and never touched a thing after. that behaviour only happened while on benzos. i was a mess before. on call 24/7 and almost all my family got seriously ill or was killed. i was a mess. the treatment was worse.