Heavy usage over “short” time

[[pi...]]

Hello this is my first post on this great forum, that I can see helped so many people that’s been going through hell and back. 

I tricked myself into thinking I could handle a prescription from my doctor after a quite turbulent phase in my life. Well everything escalated quickly. I was prescribed 3 x 10 mg Valium a day and 10 mg of ambien every day. I instantly started abusing it, taking more then prescribed, mixing with Xanax, pregabalin and Valium. This went on heavily for 2 months before I realized I had no control or whatsoever, and people around me reacting. I have no good memory of how much I consumed but it was a mix of  klonazepam, Valium, and Xanax. Going through many pills of each everyday. I decided to go CT, and are now 15 days off.
 

Due to this insanely stupid decision, how long can I expect this to go on. I’ve had withdrawals before, but that was a long time ago. I have continued working which is insane, if people only knew what was going on inside.

 

I’ve been scrolling through this forum way back, and I feel for each and everyone of you. 
 

I feel so much shame, guilt, panic, anxiety and all other wd symptoms. 
 

is there a possibility that I will get out of this “faster” due to the irrational usage, although heavy. I don’t drink or do anything else, and haven’t for many many years. 
 

Thank god for this place.

 

[[...]]

@[pi...], hello to you and welcome to BenzoBuddies! I do agree it's a great community to help those suffering from benzo use or its withdrawal. It's helped and is helping me to go through the hard time too.

I'm not sure of how long it is going to take exactly you to get over the withdrawal. There are many aspects to consider and some things are just completely unpredictable. Benzo is rather kind of tricky. I can only hope it won't take you too long. Sure there are other members  who will share their experience and opinion, which will help you more. Just one more thing - don't feel guilty! What's happened that's happened. Our task is to climb out of it and be ready to live happily ever after.

Thank you for the compassion and good luck to you!)

[[Ma...]]

You made it 2 weeks! Congratulations-those can be the hardest days to get through.

There’s no Magic 8 Ball that can predict how long healing will take for anyone, irregardless of type, amount, duration of use.

And no regret will change the past just as no amount of anxiety will predict the future.

It’s important to take each day, at times each moment, as they come. Just focus on what you are dealing with now.

Learn through reading here, the Ashton Manual on what to possibly expect and learn coping skills, particularly distraction as that seems to serve most the best. Look at YouTube videos from jenswanphd and Angela Peacock, amongst others.

Go for a walk, implement breathing exercises, clean your home, garden, do puzzles, read if you can, watch comedies if you can and above all be kind to yourself.

Like everyone before you, you will get through this and when you do everything will be a distant memory.

[[pi...]]

Thank you for your kind words @[...] & @[Ma...]

I will dig into those recommendations instantly, or at least whatever I can manage in my current state.
 

I was already incredibly burnt out when this re-introducing started, and I’m blaming myself, and at the same time I’m a bit paranoid towards my surrounding. I needed a rest for a long time. My mind is racing so intensely atm, and I get “bits” of sleep, but not really sure how much it actually is. 
 

The only great thing I can see with this is my determination that a benzo (or any other narcotic for that matter) will never touch my lips again. 
 

I’m hoping that there will be some sort of chance that this won’t be to long since this was during a “short” period, coming from a really long time of sobriety, but at the same time my mind was not at a good place before this, with cortisol surges waking me up constantly, panic attacks etc. 

[[...]]

On 11/05/2024 at 16:00, [[p...] said:

Thank you for your kind words @[...] & @[Ma...]

I will dig into those recommendations instantly, or at least whatever I can manage in my current state.
 

I was already incredibly burnt out when this re-introducing started, and I’m blaming myself, and at the same time I’m a bit paranoid towards my surrounding. I needed a rest for a long time. My mind is racing so intensely atm, and I get “bits” of sleep, but not really sure how much it actually is. 
 

The only great thing I can see with this is my determination that a benzo (or any other narcotic for that matter) will never touch my lips again. 
 

I’m hoping that there will be some sort of chance that this won’t be to long since this was during a “short” period, coming from a really long time of sobriety, but at the same time my mind was not at a good place before this, with cortisol surges waking me up constantly, panic attacks etc. 

@[pi...], how're you doing?

My personal guess is it's possible you really won't have it too long bc of your term of use, although it may be rather tough on you for a while. But sure i'm not sure...

How many benzo withdrawals did you have prior to this one? 

I've come to the same conclusion - never ever a benzo again.

 

[[pi...]]

Thank you so much for asking @[...] It really means the world to me. 
 

I’ve had various withdrawals over the years, but the last benso withdrawal was on a medical dose, mixed with pregabalin which was maybe 4 years ago. That was a nightmare that I wouldn’t wish upon anyone. But that was a dose of like 30-40 mg Valium a day and 300-600 mg pregabalin a day for a year. 
 

This time I went full on instantly, which in retrospect is crazy. I haven’t really abused anything purposely before, but I think due to heavy anxiety and stress, this time around was different. It felt like I could take so much without anything happening.
 

I did manage to walk out today, for the first time, and even if I feel like an alien completely misplaced in the early beams of the summer evening, it was manageable. And right now, it feels ok, but I’m still really disoriented. 
 

Never again. Never ever. Read that people say that they are allergic to benzo, maybe that’s a good insurance for future me who tend to forget. 
 

Thank you so much Kate for checking in. 

[[...]]

@[pi...], that's really good! I mean you've managed to go out. Sure you're bound to feel weird and alien for some time... Just don't be afraid of it. You know for yourself that unfortunately it's normal but sure you will get better.

I think i'm kind of allergic to benzo) not exactly and yet.  I managed to hit tolerance this time and it felt awful but as soon as i got off benzo i got a bit better. I think the more withdrawals we have the more chances to hit tolerance sooner, just my guess by my own experience. So you had better not take benzo next time. A slippery path anyway.

Keep going!)