I dont think i used benzos long enough to even be here? (trigger warning/ Self harm)

[[mr...]]

I only used benzos for about 10 days in one binge (benzos off darkweb 1mg 10 in the pack) final dose i took 2mg with alcohol went through some type of horrible wd's/  I didnt even know they had withdrawals i did little research i just knew benzos helped people sleep or so i thought.

then i didnt really notice the damage/effects they had done so i brought more and only did 2 1mg/ pills before flushing them all down the toilet

So in total i literally only used for about less than two weeks, yet

i feel like my life has changed because of that final night i mixed with alcohol i blacked out and didnt even remember the day until i was informed I had been crying all day and started to piece together that night. Basically I tried to unalive myself that night by mixing alcohol with street benzos (could of been any rc benzo) read online it was fatal but i didnt die. (prob would of never even tried this if i wasnt under the influence of the pills)

In my mind im convinced this is whats causing my head pressure/insomnia/ random panic attacks while driving.

but im trying to be rational seeing as I havent done benzos nearly long enough as some people here  i literally feel like im just grasping at straws to figure out whats wrong with me, i wasnt prescribed benzos, i didnt use them over a month, it was kinda short term. I read so many post here and I feel like i dont deserve to even be posting here. Some people have been on these drugs for years and months meanwhile im complaining  about a little two week binge?

 

idk im just ranting i got 3 hours of "sleep". 2 years since last dose Still feeling head pressure/head pain/ brain zaps. CT scan MRI scan both came back normal. Getting bloodwork tested soon.