I’ve fallen off the wagon 🫣

[[Bl...]]

Right …. I was doing ok-ish on 5mg and the odd beer 🍺…. I noticed that if I had more than a couple I felt flat … no high , quiet boring . 
Though during the day and off any alcohol and titrating down I felt some enlightened clarity lovely moments. 
 

Tonight 15 pints in … and just had the 5mg earlier , I thought the same I lived .. let’s get F’ed … so took 20mg because I needed to feel how I used to. How sad !???

I hate feeling so sober , it’s boring , it’s driving me mad , I’m thinking nihilism again , I’m looking for trouble … I don’t know if being on a level is good for me? 
I got hooked to the binging and withdrawing I think . 
 

Anyone else ? Help 

[[...]]

@[Bl...], guess it happens🥺 You're neither the first nor the last one. You're going to live through the night and ask yourself tomorrow whether you really need it all or not. I mean tapering, feeling unwell and low, etc bc of it. Sure the end of the whole process will be happy but the road to it might be hard. Jast be honest to yourself. I know you can) Still believe in you! Make the right decision. Which one?  You know it better🐎

[[ns...]]

Hi bluepilled. 

I've read a few of your posts and I'm wondering if you've ever considered AA.

You admitted yourself you have an alcohol issue. I'm concerned that mixing the alcohol with the benzos is going to hurt you badly.

BB is for those tapering and or in withdrawal and a history of benzodiazepines use as well as other physiological treating medications. Their focus needs to be on this.

It would be good to work to get your alcohol issues under control so you can get control of your benzodiazepine abuse So you too can focus on thus as well.

I'm sorry your having such a difficult time and sincerely hope you are able to get a hold of the alcohol abuse soon, so we here can assist you with your taper off of benzodiazepines.

We're not equipped here to deal.with alcohol, at least i dont know of anyone here who.is, We can sympathize with you but this takes precious time from those serious about withdrawal from benzos. 

Maybe tomorrow you'll have some clarity with regards to.this and look.into how to proceed with withdrawing from alcohol, I'm rooting for you and I'm sure many here are as well.

Take care of yourself ok

Ns

[[Bl...]]

2 hours ago, [[n...] said:

Hi bluepilled. 

I've read a few of your posts and I'm wondering if you've ever considered AA.

You admitted yourself you have an alcohol issue. I'm concerned that mixing the alcohol with the benzos is going to hurt you badly.

BB is for those tapering and or in withdrawal and a history of benzodiazepines use as well as other physiological treating medications. Their focus needs to be on this.

It would be good to work to get your alcohol issues under control so you can get control of your benzodiazepine abuse So you too can focus on thus as well.

I'm sorry your having such a difficult time and sincerely hope you are able to get a hold of the alcohol abuse soon, so we here can assist you with your taper off of benzodiazepines.

We're not equipped here to deal.with alcohol, at least i dont know of anyone here who.is, We can sympathize with you but this takes precious time from those serious about withdrawal from benzos. 

Maybe tomorrow you'll have some clarity with regards to.this and look.into how to proceed with withdrawing from alcohol, I'm rooting for you and I'm sure many here are as well.

Take care of yourself ok

Ns

Not sure if they have an AA program in the country I live . But I hear you . 
I’m still tapering and will taper as determined from tomorrow, I’ll call it a blip , I’m sure we all have them don’t we ? Anyway sorry if I’ve taken time up needed elsewhere. I hear you . 
 

[[Bl...]]

[[Kh...]]

10 minutes ago, [[B...] said:

Hi Kate

Yes, a bad day at the office , and you have it right , felt low because of it . I’ll be back on the taper and no alcohol tomorrow and take it from there . 
I think I needed a sabbatical 🤷🏻‍♀️but I’ll ride the ramifications of it out and plod on with the cut . 
yes, this was the hardest one shown to me by upping it to a dose that’s alleviating all the insidious nasties . 
Thanks for your kind words always . 

BP -- We have all had these instances where we are weak and we give in to our desires.  The day I jumped, I partied (alcohol binging) for 3 days and it certainly hurt me for a couple weeks if not more.  I did not go back on benzos, but I want wine, so I know how you feel.  Things have changed in us.  It seems our CNS is still damaged and we must take special care.  I dont even know what that means.  I am taking it one day at a time.  Its not easy. I am  about 8 weeks,  off.  My symptoms are waning - except for the awful Tinnitus.  Every day I wonder how I can go another day. And then I do.  Please take care of yourself and understand we are human and frail and weak.  Try and stick to the plan as best you can and you will be rewarded eventually.  We just dont know when.  Best wishes to you.    

[[Bl...]]

23 minutes ago, [[K...] said:

BP -- We have all had these instances where we are weak and we give in to our desires.  The day I jumped, I partied (alcohol binging) for 3 days and it certainly hurt me for a couple weeks if not more.  I did not go back on benzos, but I want wine, so I know how you feel.  Things have changed in us.  It seems our CNS is still damaged and we must take special care.  I dont even know what that means.  I am taking it one day at a time.  Its not easy. I am  about 8 weeks,  off.  My symptoms are waning - except for the awful Tinnitus.  Every day I wonder how I can go another day. And then I do.  Please take care of yourself and understand we are human and frail and weak.  Try and stick to the plan as best you can and you will be rewarded eventually.  We just dont know when.  Best wishes to you.    

Thanks Kuhn Kit . 
yes the human frailty … I suppose it’s what makes us human 🤷🏻‍♀️ because out of that comes humility and empathy I believe. 
I truly do believe in the saying tomorrow is another day … and the bad I did today does not define me or my future plans . 
I’ll look at it like a holiday and I’m back to the grindstone the day after tomorrow. 
But it has shown me what a grindstone I have been dealing with ..maybe I’ll need to stick at the just tolerable 5mg for longer than the 10 days I’d planned . 
Thanks for your understanding and input and I hope you also get to a much better place . 

[[Kh...]]

1 minute ago, [[B...] said:

Thanks Kuhn Kit . 
yes the human frailty … I suppose it’s what makes us human 🤷🏻‍♀️ because out of that comes humility and empathy I believe. 
I truly do believe in the saying tomorrow is another day … and the bad I did today does not define me or my future plans . 
I’ll look at it like a holiday and I’m back to the grindstone the day after tomorrow. 
But it has shown me what a grindstone I have been dealing with ..maybe I’ll need to stick at the just tolerable 5mg for longer than the 10 days I’d planned . 
Thanks for your understanding and input and I hope you also get to a much better place . 

You sound you like you know what to do...the hard part is doing it.  Every day is a challenge.  The community here understands you.  Dont be afraid to lean in here.

[[Bl...]]

24 minutes ago, [[K...] said:

You sound you like you know what to do...the hard part is doing it.  Every day is a challenge.  The community here understands you.  Dont be afraid to lean in here.

Ain’t that the truth 🙄

Nothing in life comes easy , but it’s making the decision and having the drive to do it . I will . 
It’s actually been a learning curve on actually how far I’ve come and what I have actually been dealing with . 
During the taper I’ve just not thought of it much, put it out of my mind and taken the WD and let it come in its waves . I thought I’m doing good 👍. I was, and I wasn’t 🤔. Does that make sense ? 
probably with my use of diazepam being binge then leave it alone until I couldn’t due to being in WD so often I’m used to those symptoms for such a long time . 
But it’s only now I want to be off them before I always wanted to be on them 😂

I’ll get there , the hard part is being honest with yourself , those closest to you and deciding to do it . That was the hardest part for me . 
Thanks 🙏