Scared of this wave

[[La...]]

As of April 3 I am 3 months from my last benzo dose. 

 

How can things backslide so much?

I'm getting hit by a wave that started last Sunday evening. Im having  insomnia, about two hours a night this week and I fear it will get worse, anxiety, trembling, fasciculations and myoclonic jerks, a lot of health anxiety/hypochondria, incredible dysphoria, incredible DP/DR (I feel like I can't recognize myself and will go crazy) and a LOT of obsessin about death and the afterlife. It seems way worse than my waves in January and February.

 

What is so disconcerting is that only days ago, in the last weeks of March, I was for sure getting the best sleep of the last 9 to 10 months. Overall March was a much better month than my first months of and even my taper. I was even getting away with indulging in alcohol daily, caffeine, taking Ritalin here and there, and exercising a lot. All that while holding an 9 to 5 job and having a family life with my girlfriend and her son.

 

I will say, I have lots of other problems other than benzo withdrawal. Im struggling with daily drinking, trying to get off again, cause apparently it's not helping at all (it's an old daily habit). I have a strong addiction to phone and screens. I confess I ended up very much emotionally involved with someone I met online year ago and this is a source of confusion.

 

I have this feeling like I will die soon for some reason, maybe sleep deprivation, stroke or something. And I feel like I destroyed my life.

 

[[Bu...]]

Hey @[La...]

I am sorry things are so tough right now.  I seems to me that a lot of people's symptoms really rev up going into month 4.  Mine sure did.  I felt so much better at the beginning of month 3, especially compared to the wretchedness of months 1 and 2.  Month 4, though, ugh.  I had worsening insomnia again, intrusive thoughts and memories, and other random miseries.  This is the definition of non-linear healing, unfortunately. 

The alcohol may be contributing to your symptoms, too.  As I'm sure you've heard, it's often referred to as "liquid benzos"  and for some of us, it can really mess us up.  And when and how it messes with us can change throughout the withdrawal process.  Caffeine, it seems can really cause issues too, and again this can change throughout the process.   If the Ritalin is a prescription, if I were you, I would talk with my doctor about it, and if it isn't, then I would imagine that it could have a negative impact as well on a brain injury.

And, yes, I have often thought I was going to die, for no specific reason.  I've heard a lot of other people have this as well.  I would imagine it does have a lot to do with sleep deprivation and just the fact that we have a brain injury and our brain is just not sorting through things properly right now.  

Please hang in there.  You are still very early in recovery and it will get better.

 

[[jo...]]

On 05/04/2024 at 04:40, [[B...] said:

Hey @[La...]

I am sorry things are so tough right now.  I seems to me that a lot of people's symptoms really rev up going into month 4.  Mine sure did.  I felt so much better at the beginning of month 3, especially compared to the wretchedness of months 1 and 2.  Month 4, though, ugh.  I had worsening insomnia again, intrusive thoughts and memories, and other random miseries.  This is the definition of non-linear healing, unfortunately. 

The alcohol may be contributing to your symptoms, too.  As I'm sure you've heard, it's often referred to as "liquid benzos"  and for some of us, it can really mess us up.  And when and how it messes with us can change throughout the withdrawal process.  Caffeine, it seems can really cause issues too, and again this can change throughout the process.   If the Ritalin is a prescription, if I were you, I would talk with my doctor about it, and if it isn't, then I would imagine that it could have a negative impact as well on a brain injury.

And, yes, I have often thought I was going to die, for no specific reason.  I've heard a lot of other people have this as well.  I would imagine it does have a lot to do with sleep deprivation and just the fact that we have a brain injury and our brain is just not sorting through things properly right now.  

Please hang in there.  You are still very early in recovery and it will get better.

I'm going into month four as well and this all sounds very familiar. Hit by a huge wave after a period of improvement that lasted a few weeks. I actually had some alcohol a couple of days before the wave hit and can't help thinking that had something to do with it.