First Post, Just Beginning

[[mo...]]

After 15 years of being diagnosed and treated for an extreme anxiety disorder, I began taking Xanax daily in January 2020 when my dog died and my mom began having disturbing neurological symptoms. Life became hard during Covid. I quarantined with my parents and sister for 2 years, barely leaving the house. During that time, my mom was diagnosed with a rare, fatal neurodegenerative disease that is a cross between ALS and Parkinson’s. This is a horror I never could have imagined and I have remained in my family’s home (as I plan to for the foreseeable future) helping as a caregiver. I lost all my friends and my longterm relationship during these years. My only escape is my part time job as an executive receptionist. So during the last 4 years of turmoil, I’ve taken 1.5-2mgs Xanax everyday, thinking nothing of it.

In recent months, I haven’t been able to feel the Xanax. In January 2024, I switched to Klonopin to begin my tapering journey. Upon doing so, I started researching benzo tapering for the first time. To my horror, I found out how serious this withdrawal is. I had no idea the seriousness of the situation I’ve gotten myself into.

In March, I consulted with my psychiatrist and decided to taper via the Ashton Method. During my switch to Valium, I messed up the dosing and cut .25mg Klonopin out unintentionally. Thankfully, I have experienced no side effects. I am still in the process of switching to Valium.

I’m not only terrified of this process, but of the timing. I am absolutely devastated watching my mom suffer as she loses her abilities and I know the worst is yet to come (I’m guessing she’ll pass within a year, two at most). I don’t know how I’ll survive her loss. I’ll be 35 in a month, I’m single and want nothing more than to have a family of my own. I had planned to start dating this summer. But after what I’ve learned about why benzos are doing to my brain, I feel I cannot wait any longer to get off this poison. Starting a relationship right now seems unreasonable.

TBH, this website scares me to death. The stories shared here are unthinkable, but I seem to compulsively return in attempts to encourage myself by reading success stories. Regardless, I feel doomed, especially given my life circumstances. I mostly planned to be a spectator here, but thought I’d share my story in hopes of any advice, encouragement, thoughts or success stories. I AM going to continue to taper, but am already consumed with the fear of what’s to come.

Thank you.

[[Re...]]

Hello @[mo...], welcome (again) to BenzoBuddies!

I am terribly sorry for the situation you are in. You are doing the most difficult things a person could go through. You have all my respect for taking care of your mother in such a critical situation. 

Please don't be scared of this site, look at it the other way. I believe our members and the information here is very useful and can truly help you with proper tapering and potential difficulties. A proper reduction will most likely spare you a lot of time and suffering, people who do that usually have way less problems and can continue to take part in life. You are doing everything I should have done (oh and I wish I had done proper research like you did! ). 

With the switch to Valium and the help of the Ashton manual you are on the right way to get off the medicationin the smoothest way. Please remember, there is no reason to rush the taper, let your body guide you.

I understand you are in an extremely difficult situation trying to help your mother the best you can, but you will be able to do that and more, I am certain. 

Should you encounter issues or need help with tapering, our Buddies will be here sharing their thoughts. This is a truly kind and helpful community. 

Thank you, @[mo...], take care,

RR

[[Ra...]]

Moto

Please let your recovery not scare you. I was once in your place. Some people will be worse off with symptoms and some better than you. You may not suffer as bad as you think. Everyone’s journey is different. I’m in such a better place than I was when I did cold Turkey. It was difficult but we get better. It isnt permanent. A lot of people on this site will be rooting for you. Everyone here knows the difficulty. It will wax and wane. Come and go. No one is the same. But always remember that you will Get better in time!  Reach out to people when you are struggling it really helps.  It’s hard for me to see the fear in your story. I was once that person. Don’t be afraid. It will work out. You will recover. A lot of people Are here to support you!  Me as well!’

[[Kr...]]

@[Ra...]❤️

[[...]]

@[mo...], hi) Don't be scared of what the future has in store for you. Everything isn't as bad as it seems, sure. I had almost the same hard life circumstances during my tapering and really can feel for you. However difficult it was, I'm here, on the other side of the withdrawal, still swaying from the experience but really happy, true. And you will get here, not necessary that withdrawal-beaten though (i didn't know much about benzo when starting tapering). Why not? Just remember everything is going to be ok!)

Edited April 3 by [...]

[[Si...]]

You are in the best possible position, you are stable on the meds, and you are here with knowledge of how to do a careful taper, and you are young.  It could very well be almost symptom free for you.  

[[Rh...]]

Hi!  Just as @[Si...] said you are already setting yourself up for success by being stable on the drug, having a good support network here at BB, and also finding and implementing the Ashton Manuel.

Don't let other stories scare you and it might be wise to limit your time in groups and on the internet.  If you stick to success stories they can be uplifting and hopeful. 
 

If you need help during your taper journey this is a great place to come for help, support, resources and to ask questions.  I know the Ashton Manuel’s recommended rate of cuts and how often to make them was too fast for me, so I made adjustments, all of which are ok as we are all different individuals.

Please know that there are so many ways to successfully taper and you can get a lot of help if you find yourself in a hard spot!

[[Ca...]]

Hi --I am so sorry to hear about your Mom. You are a wonderful daughter. Try not to focus on what others experience. You have many things going for you that indicate that you may well have a smooth taper. Please feel free to message me if you need to vent or want support.

Carol

[[mo...]]

@[Ca...] @[Rh...] @[Si...] @[...] @[Ra...] @[Re...] 
Thank you all so much for your kind, thoughtful and comforting responses. They brought me to tears. I’m hopeful that my genetics are strong- I had a grandpa cold turkey alcohol after 30 years with no side effects. I’ve cold turkeyed Cymbalta after longterm use (difficult but manageable) and rapidly tapered other longterm SSRIs with only mild withdrawal symptoms. However, I have always been VERY intolerant to alcohol, which scares me because I know it acts on the same receptors.

Do you think there truly people out there who can have smooth withdrawal processes without extreme, life-ruining symptoms? I’ve decided to avoid dating right now, although I’m 35, out of fear of a horrendous withdrawal that would ruin any new relationship. I am so worried I’m throwing away the opportunity to fulfill my dream of having children.

Again, thank you so much for your support. It’s really wonderful to know there is such a kind, understanding community here to fall back on. 💕

[[...]]

@[mo...], i'm very glad all the words have helped you to feel better about the situation we are all in!) There is nothing really dangerous about it, just some hard or not that hard time to live through.

Of course, there are people, and not that few, who've had a smooth withdrawal process without extreme. And sure NO life running symptoms ever. May be just some long lasted for those who are especially "lucky".

Not sure your intolerance to alkohol has anything to do with benzo withdrawing. Hope someone else will tell you more.

Stay here with us and share anything you want to share or afraid of concerning the withdrawal or whatever. It helps no end, by my own experience) And i'm sure you'll have all the children you need, perhaps sooner than you think!)

Good luck with all my heart☀️ 

 

Edited April 14 by [...]

[[Ca...]]

Yes, take heart. You could have a mild taper and you're young and that's really a plus. Kate is correct; this should not interfere with plans for children. Just keep posting whatever you're experiencing and you will get plenty of support.