Having a tough time

[[Li...]]

Good afternoon to all.  I’m in the middle of a wave after feeling much better for months (I’m close to 18 months off). It’s strange but started when I  began to lose weight and exercise. It was tolerable and would come and go. Then my wife gave me the news that she had turned in her resignation at her job. That set me off a bit more than I was expecting but at first I was able to reel it in. Two days after that I had to go out of town to an event with my daughter and help her move. I was feeling a bit edgy but tolerable. I was more absent minded than I’d been but that was after driving into the night and not sleeping well. The day went fine. We went to eat and a couple of hours later I was relaxing and then my nervous system revved way up! To the point that I was having dark thoughts and I didn’t sleep a wink. It was one of the worse nights I’d experienced in a while. There was nothing I could do to calm it. The next morning I had to get in my truck and go across town to move her things. I went numb with my body tingling and mouth dry, like having an anxiety attack. I’d not had any attacks like that throughout this whole ordeal. I pushed myself through getting her moved and that helped and I finally started calming down some on my way home but I'm still not anywhere close to feeling well. I’m thinking the news my wife gave me caused the anxiety attack and now I feel stuck in it. It comes and goes in waves but it’s quite uncomfortable. I’m now anxious about the fact they my daughter is getting married in less than a month and I don’t want to ruin her wedding, she is my world and I need to be there for her. This is the first time in all of this they I’ve felt this way. I’ve had to deal with a death that I was executor of the will that required me to take care of my disabled brother, a graduation in a loud packed stadium, moving another daughter from her school back home and reopening my business. Even though it was hard I managed to do all that and hold on to my hope of a better future. I’m still clinging to that hope but last Friday night was very unpleasant and I’m feeling like it’s intrusive thoughts about the loss of income at this time when we’re paying for a wedding and I’m still trying to build up my nervous system to take on stress better. I honestly thought I would be able to handle her quitting but I was hoping she’d  wait until after the wedding. She didn’t because she wants to be with my daughter in the last two weeks before the wedding and I can understand that. She didn’t want to go back to work when she did anyway but I couldn’t work due to recovering from a surgery and then the brutal benzo taper and withdrawal. Sorry this is so long, I’m just hoping for some words of wisdom that will help pick me up and squelch the anxiety that I’m now experiencing, it’s exhausting. 

[[Ma...]]

I think anyone would experience heightened anxiety with everything going on-it’s the life experience.

You’re just experiencing it at a much higher level. It’s time to dig into that tool box you created to get you through your taper and withdrawal. The acceptance, breathing, distraction etc…

Hopefully it will pass very soon!

 

[[Bu...]]

Hi @[Li...],

I'm so sorry about the wave.  @[Ma...] is right, this would be an anxious time for anybody. And, yeah, dig out all those tools.  You clearly have some good ones, having already made it through so much. 

And congratulations on everything that you've accomplished.  You did all that and made it through all that, you'll make it through this, too.  

I don't think you have to worry about ruining your daughter's wedding.  Your love and devotion to her is obvious and I bet she feels the same for you.  I would imagine she knows that you are doing your best for her and that is enough.

[[je...]]

Gosh, this must be extremely stressful. I’m wondering if you’re also anxious about the anxiety itself? Creating a feedback loop of anxiety. So you are aware of these intense feelings of anxiety and that you need to calm it down because of the wedding which is causing increased anxiety. When we place expectations on ourselves of how we should be handling situations it becomes so difficult to switch off the anxiety. Maybe just giving into it will help instead of fighting the anxiety? More of observing the feelings and thoughts rather than ascribing meaning to it. I think I’m rambling. I don’t know if this makes sense. 

[[Li...]]

3 hours ago, [[j...] said:

Gosh, this must be extremely stressful. I’m wondering if you’re also anxious about the anxiety itself? Creating a feedback loop of anxiety. So you are aware of these intense feelings of anxiety and that you need to calm it down because of the wedding which is causing increased anxiety. When we place expectations on ourselves of how we should be handling situations it becomes so difficult to switch off the anxiety. Maybe just giving into it will help instead of fighting the anxiety? More of observing the feelings and thoughts rather than ascribing meaning to it. I think I’m rambling. I don’t know if this makes sense. 

Yes I believe it could be anxiety about anxiety too. It’s odd because even though I had a nasty time tapering and with withdrawal I was never super anxious in that time. I had very little emotion at all really and now I’m anxious and full of emotion! This is a wild ride and I’m hoping to get control of my thoughts and emotions, tho sooner the better. I feel as if I have no stress tolerance now and my taper was stressful beyond what I thought I could endure and I didn’t feel this way then. I know that this too will someday pass. Thanks!

[[Ri...]]

I’m just asking/wondering about this suffering persons question. I’m very glad for them being off Benzo’s for 18months, congradulations! Btw.

My question is how do you know if it is anxiety or withdrawal symptoms (or a wave)? From reading the post it sounds like anxiety-panic (like I had before AD & Benzodiazepines)?

Being anxious about the anxiety.

Edited March 24 by [Ri...]

[[Ra...]]

LivinLarge

I thjnk one thing has helped me a lot. It’s accepting the fact that after 32 years of klonopin that, my system is learning to live a different way. When I get in those moments like you are having I’ve been able to accept them and also come to know that they pass. I believe it’s helped me because not focusing on it so much brings the severity way down. The belief that it’s from the drug and that I will get back to normal soon. I’m at 26 mos and much better. When I get those days that are tougher indknt fight them anymore. I try to allow myself to have it and let it go. It takes practice and trust that you are healing. I know it’s hard but could possible really help you. It doesn’t make the feelings any better physically but will help you get back to normal faster.  I hope you fell better soon!!

ranch