Is this DP/DR or something more worse?

[[Lu...]]

Hey guys, hope everyone is having a peaceful and healing filled Monday.
 

Wanted to touch base and discuss how I’ve been feeling mentally at about 5 weeks post C/T. Many of the physical symptoms I have been dealing with (joint pain,muscle pain, weakness, fasiculations, numbness, tingling) have decreased by about 40% percent I would say. Which is a wonderful thing; and very very promising. however the mental side of things is worse than ever.

 

And I am very scared. The depersonalization and derealization have reached staggering depths and I fear it is actually something worse at this point maybe psychosis  I feel so so disconnected from my own body that my hands and legs and body don’t feel like my own. Speaking seems weird it seems like it’s someone else doing it. Eating and drinking seems like someone else is doing it. I also have these moments where I feel like I’m hovering over myself or next to myself or something it’s very hard to put into words, like im not in my body at all. So beyond unsettling.

 

I also keep like almost forgetting where I am or what I’m doing then I have these moments where I like “snap” into reality of what I’m doing and it’s very disorienting and alarming. Upon awakening the last few morning sometimes it takes time for me to remember how old I am or what season of the year it is.I also have this constant feeling of unreality, like I’m in a painting or something. I know I’m not. But still scary. Looking up at the sky freaks me out for some reason.

My family and home seem foreign to me and almost unrecognizable at times. Which breaks my heart because my wife and daughter are the joys of my life. This feels like a true nightmare. I feel like I have fully and completely lost my mind and I am so sad and defeated. I also am having some pretty severe emotional blunting, I can’t feel any good emotions. Except fear. I must add I do have brief windows (maybe 5 minutes) where this goes away if I am very distracted and then I have a realization “I feel normal” then that awareness immediately makes it come back.
 

I also have to mention that I had to have deal with much less severe versions of this in the past, once after a bad marijuanna experience in my early twenties, and another after a previous klonopin taper.it did go away eventually But this feels so much more severe. I have come on and off benzos several times over the last few years so I do believe kindling is a factor. But Is this psychosis? Should reinstatement be considered at this point?
 

I'm teetering on the line of funcitonality. Has anyone found a specific type of therapy or technique to alleviate this. Any advice/help, or similar experiences would be beyond appreciated. I’m so sorry this is not very uplifting post and I’m sorry to burden you all with this I just don’t know where else to turn. I’m scared to talk to my psych about this he barely acknowledges benzo withdrawal as a real thing. Thank you all so much ❤️ prayers and love to you all.

Edited March 18 by [Lu...]

[[Ma...]]

No, Lucas this is not psychosis. It’s your brain misfiring as it heals. It’s a symptom and nothing more.

I know it’s absolutely terrifying. Terrifyingly terrifying. When it was happening to me, in addition to the perception of things coming close in focus-like 2 inches from my face, then immediately 30 feet away-1 morning I was bathing my dog & just like that EVERYTHING just corrected in the flash of a second! Then soon after maybe 6 other symptoms just dropped off! Oh-and prior to that I would look at my much beloved dog and think, I know he’s mine but, what exactly is this creature? And in that moment I just scooped him up and hugged him!

If you look at some YouTube videos you’ll find some saying the same thing. I believe it’s quite common.

Try to observe what is happening with curiosity; talk to your brain: Okay brain, I know you’re trying just try harder!

I know it’s not necessarily reassuring to hear this over and over and yet over again but, this to shall pass. If anything symptoms MEAN healing is occurring.

Hang in there, keep going minute by minute and day by day.

Again: meet these moments with curiosity not fear. Fear begets fear. Observe and try not to attach emotion to the sensations.

Just this moment, just this breath…

You’ve got this!

[[je...]]

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I have had it so you’re not alone. I don’t think I had it as severe as you, but I want you to know it’s withdrawal. I vividly remember a work meeting I had where I exited my body and I observed myself in the third person. It was like someone else was living my life. 

I couldn’t concentrate or focus on the discussion. I was wondering if people knew I wasn’t inside my body, I was thinking of how I could get back inside. But while it was happening I wasn’t scared. I was a complete observer to my own life not a participant. Yet I went through the motions of life. I was moving my body etc. 

Mine would come and go and each incident didn’t last too long. Now that I’m off it’s happening very rarely. It will get better. Just be gentle to yourself. 

[[Lu...]]

@[je...] @[Ma...] thank you both for the kind responses as always, I think  

I need to find a good therapist and talk some of this out. I am scared they will not understand though and think I am fully off my rocker lol and Mary it’s funny you mentioned that thing about your dog, I have been having the EXACT same thing about mine (I have 3 blue tick hounds) and I keep questioning how they exist.. it’s very strange and sad because they usually bring me so much joy. I will try and start changing my mind set around this symptom but it’s very difficult. thank you for the advice ! ❤️

[[ap...]]

On 19/03/2024 at 01:18, [[L...] said:

Hey guys, hope everyone is having a peaceful and healing filled Monday.
 

Wanted to touch base and discuss how I’ve been feeling mentally at about 5 weeks post C/T. Many of the physical symptoms I have been dealing with (joint pain,muscle pain, weakness, fasiculations, numbness, tingling) have decreased by about 40% percent I would say. Which is a wonderful thing; and very very promising. however the mental side of things is worse than ever.

And I am very scared. The depersonalization and derealization have reached staggering depths and I fear it is actually something worse at this point maybe psychosis  I feel so so disconnected from my own body that my hands and legs and body don’t feel like my own. Speaking seems weird it seems like it’s someone else doing it. Eating and drinking seems like someone else is doing it. I also have these moments where I feel like I’m hovering over myself or next to myself or something it’s very hard to put into words, like im not in my body at all. So beyond unsettling.

I also keep like almost forgetting where I am or what I’m doing then I have these moments where I like “snap” into reality of what I’m doing and it’s very disorienting and alarming. Upon awakening the last few morning sometimes it takes time for me to remember how old I am or what season of the year it is.I also have this constant feeling of unreality, like I’m in a painting or something. I know I’m not. But still scary. Looking up at the sky freaks me out for some reason.

My family and home seem foreign to me and almost unrecognizable at times. Which breaks my heart because my wife and daughter are the joys of my life. This feels like a true nightmare. I feel like I have fully and completely lost my mind and I am so sad and defeated. I also am having some pretty severe emotional blunting, I can’t feel any good emotions. Except fear. I must add I do have brief windows (maybe 5 minutes) where this goes away if I am very distracted and then I have a realization “I feel normal” then that awareness immediately makes it come back.
 

I also have to mention that I had to have deal with much less severe versions of this in the past, once after a bad marijuanna experience in my early twenties, and another after a previous klonopin taper.it did go away eventually But this feels so much more severe. I have come on and off benzos several times over the last few years so I do believe kindling is a factor. But Is this psychosis? Should reinstatement be considered at this point?
 

I'm teetering on the line of funcitonality. Has anyone found a specific type of therapy or technique to alleviate this. Any advice/help, or similar experiences would be beyond appreciated. I’m so sorry this is not very uplifting post and I’m sorry to burden you all with this I just don’t know where else to turn. I’m scared to talk to my psych about this he barely acknowledges benzo withdrawal as a real thing. Thank you all so much ❤️ prayers and love to you all.

Hi there, I completely relate to your symptoms. Thing is I have severe dp/dr as well as brain fog. Head sensations, dizziness can't walk etc. It's just your cns trying to rebuild. It's so confused abd it's just trying to readjust and rebuild you again. Time is really the only cure. Do not reinstate it will.only prolong the process. Dp/dr is unnerving but it won't harm you. I also feel like a stranger in my own home, which is ridiculous. It's benzo lies. Don't fight the symptoms they will eventually stop when you have rebuilt you gaba. We all recover.

[[je...]]

2 hours ago, [[a...] said:

Hi there, I completely relate to your symptoms. Thing is I have severe dp/dr as well as brain fog. Head sensations, dizziness can't walk etc. It's just your cns trying to rebuild. It's so confused abd it's just trying to readjust and rebuild you again. Time is really the only cure. Do not reinstate it will.only prolong the process. Dp/dr is unnerving but it won't harm you. I also feel like a stranger in my own home, which is ridiculous. It's benzo lies. Don't fight the symptoms they will eventually stop when you have rebuilt you gaba. We all recover.

Hi @[ap...]

thanks for your support. Just a gentle reminder about using prescriptive language. You are welcome to offer suggestions but we don’t instruct people what to do. 

Please adopt a non-prescriptive writing style. Relating your experiences, stating options, or posting suggestions of what other members might do are all welcome. However, advising members of what they should or must do is against the ethos of the BenzoBuddies Community.

Guidelines

[[dj...]]

I’ve been dealing with DP/DR for over 20 years…really two weeks after I was put on a benzo.  Psychiatrists just said it was a symptom of panic and I now know this was not true.  It’s also a sign of a confused and tired brain.  
 

The DP/DR got 100x worse after getting off benzos.  I have it bad 24/7.  It’s not going to hurt you but it does make things challenging.  Best I can say is just ignore it.  Don’t obsess over it.  Easier said than done but after living with it for a while you’ll get better at dismissing it and talking to people with their distorted faces and words.  

[[wi...]]

On 18/03/2024 at 11:18, [[L...] said:

appreciated. I’m so sorry this is not very uplifting post and I’m sorry to burden you all with this I just don’t know where else to turn

@[Lu...]It’s not your job to pump out positivity when you’re suffering. People can take care of themselves by moving onto another thread if they don’t like certain aspects of a post. 
You just say what you need, that’s why this forum is here.

And I totally get every word of what you wrote. You’re not alone ❤️‍🩹

Edited March 26 by [wi...]

[[ap...]]

12 hours ago, [[j...] said:

Hi @[ap...]

thanks for your support. Just a gentle reminder about using prescriptive language. You are welcome to offer suggestions but we don’t instruct people what to do. 

Please adopt a non-prescriptive writing style. Relating your experiences, stating options, or posting suggestions of what other members might do are all welcome. However, advising members of what they should or must do is against the ethos of the BenzoBuddies Community.

Guidelines

No problem 

[[PE...]]

Hi Lucas. I did a ct 6 months ago and it was really intense. It sounds like you are still functioning but struggle. The four first weeks was worst for me but I had completely other symptoms.

Good job so far!!

[[Ch...]]

On 18/03/2024 at 16:07, [[L...] said:

@[je...] @[Ma...] thank you both for the kind responses as always, I think  

I need to find a good therapist and talk some of this out. I am scared they will not understand though and think I am fully off my rocker lol and Mary it’s funny you mentioned that thing about your dog, I have been having the EXACT same thing about mine (I have 3 blue tick hounds) and I keep questioning how they exist.. it’s very strange and sad because they usually bring me so much joy. I will try and start changing my mind set around this symptom but it’s very difficult. thank you for the advice ! ❤️

You are not alone.  I felt this way about TREES.  Bugs.  Buildings.  Cars.   Other humans.  Everything.  It’s like existential confusion.  I questioned how food was real, and if it even was real.  The natural cycles of life itself, scared the sh*t out of me.  Bizarre stuff.  I’m still on btw, I just had a bad experience with cold turkey and experienced exactly this.  Sounds like a bit of anhedonia as well, which is probably feeding the anxiety loop about not being able to feel the joy and connection.  Walking helped me, keep your hands busy, do physical things.  It may not feel like it’s doing anything, but what you do with your body sends messages to the brain.  Since we are in this 3D realm, doing tangible things will help… bounce a tennis ball 25 times every time you start to think about “psychosis”.  Don’t feed the loop/fear pathway.  

Are you eating and staying hydrated okay?  
 

I also recommend Coach Powers on YouTube.  It’s helped me to listen to him. 

[[Lu...]]

On 28/03/2024 at 01:29, [[C...] said:

You are not alone.  I felt this way about TREES.  Bugs.  Buildings.  Cars.   Other humans.  Everything.  It’s like existential confusion.  I questioned how food was real, and if it even was real.  The natural cycles of life itself, scared the sh*t out of me.  Bizarre stuff.  I’m still on btw, I just had a bad experience with cold turkey and experienced exactly this.  Sounds like a bit of anhedonia as well, which is probably feeding the anxiety loop about not being able to feel the joy and connection.  Walking helped me, keep your hands busy, do physical things.  It may not feel like it’s doing anything, but what you do with your body sends messages to the brain.  Since we are in this 3D realm, doing tangible things will help… bounce a tennis ball 25 times every time you start to think about “psychosis”.  Don’t feed the loop/fear pathway.  

Are you eating and staying hydrated okay?  
 

I also recommend Coach Powers on YouTube.  It’s helped me to listen to him. 

Thank you so much for making the time to share your experience and it makes me feel so much better to know I’m not alone  this is one of the scariest symptoms by far. I pray to god almost every minute of the day for it to go away, to no avail. Yet. I’m not losing hope though! I think the scariest part about it is the loss of meaning of things I keep questing wether reality is real or not if that makes any sense.. even typing it I was like “omg that sounds crazy” lol..  it’s very hard to describe. Scary sh*t!!!  I am trying to eat and drink as much as I can but it is difficult, just trying to function right now is beyond exhausting, and im hiding this symptom from my family because i am scared they will think im crazy. This is a very lonely endeavor. Praying for reprieve soon. Love and healing to you    

[[Lu...]]

@[PE...]thank you so much   What were your most problematic symptoms? Are you feeling better at 6 months?

Edited March 30 by [Lu...]

[[Lu...]]

@[wi...] thank you so much for the kind words my friend ❤️

[[wi...]]

@[Lu...]of course brother ❤️

[[Lu...]]

On 24/03/2024 at 13:05, [[a...] said:

Hi there, I completely relate to your symptoms. Thing is I have severe dp/dr as well as brain fog. Head sensations, dizziness can't walk etc. It's just your cns trying to rebuild. It's so confused abd it's just trying to readjust and rebuild you again. Time is really the only cure. Do not reinstate it will.only prolong the process. Dp/dr is unnerving but it won't harm you. I also feel like a stranger in my own home, which is ridiculous. It's benzo lies. Don't fight the symptoms they will eventually stop when you have rebuilt you gaba. We all recover.

Thank you so much for taking the time to relate to me and share your experience! Have you found any relief this week?

[[PE...]]

21 minutes ago, [[L...] said:

@[PE...]thank you so much   What were your most problematic symptoms? Are you feeling better at 6 months?

Hi

by far it was vomiting and extreme anakthasia! The whole last year when trying to taper I had this. At it's worse I vomited every 4 hours.

After the CT it got better. I have tinnutus still but lower in volume. Also morning anxiety just when i wake up. I have coffey and breakfast then i feel better.

How're you doing @[Lu...]?