Do holds(Diazepam) help our brain regulate to the previous cuts or could it be that it builds up in our system again

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I have heard over and over again how the desperate need to be done makes one rush at the end with dire consequences and this is the disaster I am trying to avert, but at the same time it just feels so TOXIC to me. It is gonna sound odd, but it is like there is sawdust or some kind of formaldehyde in my body. just this foreign feeling of lead and heaviness and tired, but at the same time this hyper electric energy.  Like my body is really fighting for this balance 

[[ns...]]

7 minutes ago, [[r...] said:

Yes Nsindy it is exactly how I feel. Just like you.  Like my body doesn't want it anymore and is kind of rejecting it, but I think my brain would go so haywire just giving up, but I do wonder. I felt so good this morning after decent  broken  real vivid dream sleep and then took it and started twitching with the tinnitus. The tinnitus always is super loud then the twitching starts then the empty chest feeling and weird heart stuff. These pills are so awful. 

I cannot believe you are tapering the Ativan. That takes great strength to me.   That is such a super potent benzo and it has always given me the most panic attacks once it wears off. But it doesn't seem to have all the muscle or histamine issues I am having with this damn Diazepam. I think they are all bad and do different things and grab different receptors in the brain but they are still very toxic long term and for many even short term. 

Oh wow, when i take the dose, my tinnitus gets so bad! Loud, and digital sounding in my ears and brain, my muscles go into spasms and stinging everywhere. Squeezing everything.  I get hyperactivity, can't coordinate my arms, numb tongue, throat closes, numb lips, numb from sternum down to my feet!

Yes, it sounds very similar, how strange. 

I didn't think I could handle going off of it but I have to try. Today was just too obvious of a reaction and I just can't do it anymore. 

I'm expecting some hard times but I get them all day every day now, so we'll see.

Hope it all works out for you. So glad you shared this, I feel even more sure now!

Ns

[[ns...]]

4 minutes ago, [[r...] said:

I have heard over and over again how the desperate need to be done makes one rush at the end with dire consequences and this is the disaster I am trying to avert, but at the same time it just feels so TOXIC to me. It is gonna sound odd, but it is like there is sawdust or some kind of formaldehyde in my body. just this foreign feeling of lead and heaviness and tired, but at the same time this hyper electric energy.  Like my body is really fighting for this balance 

Sounds just like me. I said it feels like fibre glass all over my body.

Electrical current type, like being plugged in to an electrical socket!

I've threatened to jump many times and said exactly what your worried about happening, so I know that I've questioned myself many times as to weather or not it would be a good idea or not. It's not an easy decision. I would never suggest anyone do this. Jumping has to be a Decision for each of us and not taken lightly. It's definitely been a long time coming to make this decision but I feel I don't really have a choice, but that's just me.

I hope your taper balances out for u. I had many days where it wasn't a window, but it was easier to push through on those day's. I hope this for u to. 

I pray for strength for u, patience and for an uneventful taper from here on!

Take care

Ns

[[Nu...]]

6 hours ago, [[r...] said:

I am wondering if it is just brain adaptations taking place during holds or possibly with valium that it is building up in dose again because of the long half life and maybe why holds help as well as more is getting in your system again. 

This is how Dr. Ashton phrased it: "the slow reversal of receptor changes directly induced in the brain by benzodiazepines".

Seems to make sense.

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Nursing buddy: Thank you for that and I think that is definitely a big part if not the biggest with the GABA receptors of course, but I still question the Diazepam being in your tissues and having a long half life if holding increases the drug in your system and if you are already getting a toxic effect then holding for too long is going to make it even MORE nasty. Long holds don't work for everyone and I wonder if this is why. Robbedbybenzos talks about this in the following post. And I think Robbed is onto something here:

 

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The brain is such a mystery still and all us members I would have to say still know MORE than the top neurologists because we have had to become our own doctors and more so scientists in all this sadly. 

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I do think holds help and crucial at points during a super high dose taper (20 mg), but when does a hold become more of a problem and especially at lower doses. I mean are we teasing these receptors like alcohol by holding for too long at LOWER doses. Ashton even was jumping people at .5-1mg to stop the brain dependency. 

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I would like anyone to chime in that has had success moderately or even longer  holding at say 1.5-.5 and then either micro tapering off or jumping. 

[[Ka...]]

13 hours ago, [[r...] said:

I do think holds help and crucial at points during a super high dose taper (20 mg), but when does a hold become more of a problem and especially at lower doses. I mean are we teasing these receptors like alcohol by holding for too long at LOWER doses. Ashton even was jumping people at .5-1mg to stop the brain dependency. 

You started a really good topic. 

It seems there is a dichotomy between very real benefit in holding to stabilise & the sense this is slowing & delaying finally getting to the point of being almost diazepam free. The low dose is so hard. I couldn’t get liquid version or cope with scales. I went down per Ashton in 1mg then 0.5mg stages so I did the last jump at 0.5mg. I felt there was no therapeutic effect any more only the drug driving a dependency. 

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Yeah I feel like what good is it doing by holding for too long at lower doses (under 1.5 mg per say) Does it become like alcohol at that point and just kind of messing with receptors. I may start another thread on low dose holding and how people did with it.  How were you Katrina when you jumped? And how are you now?

[[Ka...]]

It’s probably like alcohol.  
I was desperate to jump & committed to it. I haven’t actually noticed a big shift yet. It’s early days, 2 months  & first time in over 5 years I’ve not been on any meds. I think it’s just the start of a new phase & my poor brain has to recalibrate.