Is it normal to backslide?

[[Th...]]

I am 3 months out from my last dose of Xananx. And up till recently I felt like I was making headway on my healing. Physically I've gotten past most of the body aches, the benzo belly, the out of breath issues, my auditory hallucinations have disappeared, I was thinking more clearly and on my mental game, shooting blood pressure returned to normal, anxiety reduced, sleep was returning, my T was diminishing and the flashing lights I see were nearly gone. Just more myself. 

But these last 10 days I feel like I am back sliding in the cognitive area of my healing. I have been having trouble as I did during the acute phase.... I am having difficulty comprehending what I read, trouble concentrating, I need to concentrate deeply just to speak. The flashing lights have returned and my T has gotten louder with no breaks as I was getting. My balance is off again, somewhat dizzy. I feel disconnected from myself. All these things I felt during those first several weeks after my last dose. (I jumped a bit quick and didn't taper long enough.)

Is this part of the normal healing process to back slide? I am not doing anything differently, not on any medications. This is depressing, at my age I worry the xanax caused damage and will bring on early dementia. 

[[je...]]

Congratulations on 3 months! I’m at almost 16 months. You’re doing really well. When I was 3 months off, I didn’t notice any improvement. Recovery is not linear. You will have ups and downs. The downs doesn’t mean you’re not recovering it’s just a normal part of the process. 

I think of it as renovating a house. You’re going room by room. Demolition is painful but installation and painting and fitting is not. So every time you start renovation on a new room you start with demolition and it hurts. It doesn’t mean the house isn’t getting renovated. 

Something I’ve learned to do is when I have windows and I feel really good is I write letters to myself in my journal. These are letters from window me to wave me. I know what I need to hear when things are tough and it’s really helpful to have these.

You’re on your way to recovery. This is perfectly normal. 

[[Th...]]

33 minutes ago, [[j...] said:

Congratulations on 3 months! I’m at almost 16 months. You’re doing really well. When I was 3 months off, I didn’t notice any improvement. Recovery is not linear. You will have ups and downs. The downs doesn’t mean you’re not recovering it’s just a normal part of the process. 

I think of it as renovating a house. You’re going room by room. Demolition is painful but installation and painting and fitting is not. So every time you start renovation on a new room you start with demolition and it hurts. It doesn’t mean the house isn’t getting renovated. 

Something I’ve learned to do is when I have windows and I feel really good is I write letters to myself in my journal. These are letters from window me to wave me. I know what I need to hear when things are tough and it’s really helpful to have these.

You’re on your way to recovery. This is perfectly normal. 

Thanks so much! And congrats on month 16, I will get where you are one day, and I'll remember you at month 16! ☺️

I figured as much, however no one wants to believe its going to happen to them. I keep thinking I will just wake up one day soon and I am healed, but I guess it doesn't work that way. These past 3 months have moved at glacial speed, I am so anxious for this all to be over. Its a long journey to being healed, and we all struggle. 

Thank you for your positivity and best wishes on your healing! 

Edited March 17 by [Th...]

[[je...]]

It does get better. At the 12 month mark I was doing so much better. But gosh after all we’ve endured it would be great to just get it over with. I’m in a wave now and this weekend I was looking at people in the mall and just thought wow they’re all normal. It’s such hard work getting to be normal. lol. 

[[Th...]]

Just now, [[j...] said:

It does get better. At the 12 month mark I was doing so much better. But gosh after all we’ve endured it would be great to just get it over with. I’m in a wave now and this weekend I was looking at people in the mall and just thought wow they’re all normal. It’s such hard work getting to be normal. lol. 

I wonder if any of those people you saw in the mall were withdrawing from benzos. : 🤔 🤣 We will heal eventually.

I meant to mention thats a wonderful idea you have to journal to yourself, I think the more love we show ourselves, the faster we may heal. I have been keeping a notebook with my good days, bad days, symptoms and their changes. Ive definitely improved but its never good enough until its over. 😁