Flare after almost 2 years feeling HEALED?

[[su...]]

Hello dear Buddies. I write this with such hesitation, fear, and disbelief.  I haven’t visited this site in nearly two years, thinking I had put all of this to bed, that withdrawal was a nightmare to only be part of my past and a distant memory.  But I find myself back here now, somewhat desperate for reassurances from those who have experienced the same thing.  

This site has changed and I’m still learning how to navigate it, so apologies if this should be posted somewhere else. 

 

I was once an active Buddy and moderator, compelled to help others as so many had helped me during my most desperate of times. And while I know what responses I may receive, I still need the reassurance. Please.  

 

I was a very short-time user who rapidly tapered during the summer of 2020.  It was a hellish experience but after the one year mark things became somewhat manageable, then eventually by the 18 month mark I was left with just some minor symptoms.  My family went through a period of high stress due to a very short notice notification of a military move overseas, and I had to go through a surgery which terrified me.  Thankfully I did beautiful with the surgery (no Versed/benzos used) which boosted my healing morale greatly.  We made the stressful move overseas, something I never would have been able to do just a year prior.  The last few symptoms I had faded away and withdrawal was in my rear view mirror, a terrible thing that happened but was over.  I felt like I had my life back and I was thriving just like before, traveling, enjoying living in a different country with my family and experiencing a new culture.  Life was GOOD.  Life was NORMAL. For whatever reason I never came back to write my success story but I easily could have based on how I was doing. 

 

Fast forward nearly two years. Last month something different happened.  I had symptoms of a UTI and had a urinalysis done.  It showed signs of a possible infection so it went to culture but a Dr wanted me to start an antibiotic.  I paused at first, my withdrawal experience cautioning me, but then I felt ‘why am I living in fear when I feel healed; I have been healed.’ I went through that surgery in June 2022, had lidocaine for a procedure in 2023, and even enjoyed a rare beer or glass of wine a couple of occasions within the last year.  All no ill effects, so it felt sensible and reasonable to take the antibiotic.  

 

I took the one and only dose of a Macrobid last month and about an hour afterwards, my head felt a little “off” and then that night I proceeded to be extremely ill with nausea and vomiting.  The next morning I spoke with the nurse and we felt it best I stop the antibiotic as I wasn’t tolerating it, to await the culture and go from there.  It took me a couple days to recover from how ill I felt but then moved on.  I was okay.  The culture came back and there was no need for me to start a different antibiotic.  I was relieved and once again life moved on.  A week later I had another night where I awoke to an extreme feeling of nausea and feeling ill.  Again, it lasted a couple days and passed.  I didn’t make too much of it.  Fast forward three weeks and I had a full week where my sleep became disrupted and I felt a little off.  Again, I didn’t think too much of it as my little one had recently been sick and I figured I was stressed or just experiencing some perimenopause symptoms. 

 

Then, two days ago, a month after the the one dose of antibiotic,  I suddenly had a feeling I hadn’t felt since the early days of withdrawal.  That awful feeling like my brain was going from high speed wifi down to dial up.  That night I began having chills and myoclonic like jerks, my skin had the sensation of icy patches 

again and I felt like I had my inner

bell rung, that inner vibration that was so prevalent that first year off for me. Yesterday was slightly better but there was moments of extreme anxiety and some moments of DP/DR.  I managed some sleep last night, felt nausea and the inner tremor this morning.  However, as the day has progressed, the anxiety and feelings of panic are now worse, sometimes unbearable.  I feel like I have been transported back to withdrawal and I’m doing everything I can to not be crushed right now.  

 

Is this even possible?  To feel healed for that long and to suddenly have the monster reappear?  I don’t know if it was the one dose of antibiotic because it was a month ago.  That just doesn’t seem logical at all, but of course we all know withdrawal healing isn’t logical, but still! 

 

My husband and I are trying to make heads or tails out of this.  I know Buddies experience setbacks but this far out AFTER feeling healed for so long?  I cannot fathom a lengthy recovery again.  Even if it’s a small bump on in the road, this is beyond cruel.  

 

Not many people in my life know about my withdrawal, and living overseas now, no one here but my immediate family knows, so I feel extremely isolated.  I am having those moments of barely hanging on again and know the only people who get it are you.  

 

[[Ka...]]

If you are anything like me sunshine75, you are probably very sensitive to most medications!  It is always with trepidation that I take anything that I've not taken before so I'm sorry you've had this setback!  We DO get it and I'm glad you reached out for support - just sharing what is happening with me can take some of the sting out of a scary situation.

Kate  

[[Ga...]]

Don’t panic…I sent you a p.m. just now!!!

[[Co...]]

Hello @[su...]

It is good to see you again - I wish it was under better circumstances.

I understand your fear, and although some antibiotic medications can cause very alarming neurological effects, they wear off upon cessation of the medication.

As for why you are feeling you do now - it is hard to say. But you are obviously feeling very anxious and it could be as simple as that - anxiety. Keep talking with your doctors, and continue to explore other possible causes to make sure that nothing else is happening. But given the length of time which has elapsed - and irrespective of your use of Macrobid last month - it is unlikely that what you are experiencing is benzodiazepine withdrawal related. And even if it is, it is highly unlikely to last a significant amount of time.

[[su...]]

On 12/03/2024 at 07:34, [[C...] said:

Hello @[su...]

It is good to see you again - I wish it was under better circumstances.

I understand your fear, and although some antibiotic medications can cause very alarming neurological effects, they wear off upon cessation of the medication.

As for why you are feeling you do now - it is hard to say. But you are obviously feeling very anxious and it could be as simple as that - anxiety. Keep talking with your doctors, and continue to explore other possible causes to make sure that nothing else is happening. But given the length of time which has elapsed - and irrespective of your use of Macrobid last month - it is unlikely that what you are experiencing is benzodiazepine withdrawal related. And even if it is, it is highly unlikely to last a significant amount of time.

Good to hear from you, Colin, and thank you for the reply.  I appreciate it. 

I have indeed scheduled an appointment to make sure nothing else is going on that I may be unaware of, but I will say that now that a full week has passed, this is very much altogether familiar.  Broken sleep, moments of DP/DR, the on and off feelings of anxiety, that toxic feeling in the mornings, inner vibration, various patches of my skin feel like I have mentholated cream on, even the burning tongue sensation has returned. It's certainly hard not to be transported back to those days of withdrawal as these were my symptoms back then.  I will say that I'm now experiencing this in familiar windows and waves during the course of the day.  The extreme anxiety and panic has thankfully subsided some the past few days, but everything else is cycling through, sometimes lasting minutes, sometimes hours.  Regardless of what has triggered it, I'm hopeful it will pass soon.  

 

 

[[Ma...]]

I believe Matt Samet experienced the same thing. You can read his story at Mad in America. He RECOVERED, and I think pretty quickly!!

[[su...]]

7 hours ago, [[M...] said:

I believe Matt Samet experienced the same thing. You can read his story at Mad in America. He RECOVERED, and I think pretty quickly!!

Hi, Mary.  I am indeed familiar with Matt’s story; from what I understand, he still to this day endures some residual symptoms as a result of BIND, but he is doing well.  His story is one of resilience and I admire both his strength and his ability to share his story through words that adequately describe what a withdrawal experience is like. His setback essay was one of the first ones I thought of when I began having symptoms again.  Thanks for thinking of that for me though! I am hoping beyond hope this passes quickly and I get back to feeling myself and healed again.  

Edited March 18 by [su...]

[[An...]]

Hi @[su...]

I tend to agree with what Colin wrote.  Unless you never fully recover from benzo w/d (like it just goes into remission so to speak ), I would not call what you are experiencing benzo w/d. Physiologically, this does not make sense unless you re-start benzos and become dependent again. The benzo w/d process probably traumatizes our CNS and this sensitization leaves us very vulnerable to the effects of stress that can manifest in anxiety. Severe anxiety from stress can cause many of the same SXs you experience during the acute benzo w/d phase, altho the benzo w/d SXs tend to be more intense.

 

[[Co...]]

9 hours ago, [[s...] said:

I will say that I'm now experiencing this in familiar windows and waves during the course of the day.  The extreme anxiety and panic has thankfully subsided some the past few days, but everything else is cycling through, sometimes lasting minutes, sometimes hours.  Regardless of what has triggered it, I'm hopeful it will pass soon.

Well, that's positive news. Please keep us updated.

[[su...]]

23 minutes ago, [[A...] said:

Hi @[su...]

I tend to agree with what Colin wrote.  Unless you never fully recover from benzo w/d (like it just goes into remission so to speak ), I would not call what you are experiencing benzo w/d. Physiologically, this does not make sense unless you re-start benzos and become dependent again. The benzo w/d process probably traumatizes our CNS and this sensitization leaves us very vulnerable to the effects of stress that can manifest in anxiety. Severe anxiety from stress can cause many of the same SXs you experience during the acute benzo w/d phase, altho the benzo w/d SXs tend to be more intense.

Thank you for the response.  I would certainly agree with the sensitization which is both unfortunate and puzzling; unfortunate in that my system took a whacking in the first place because of withdrawal (I do not consider myself in withdrawal anymore) and puzzling in that I have endured some major stressors since feeling better and have done fine—with normal for me anxiety responses. Clearly something has my disrupted system, but I am doing my best to calm things down.  

 

[[Gi...]]

@[su...]

Hi Sunshine75,

I have come across some of your posts and noticed that you experienced spasms an and tightness on your back. 
 

Did this symptom resolve for you. I’m having it very severely atm.

Thank you for any hope ❤️

[[ns...]]

Hi sunshine75, just wanted to say how sorry I am that you're going thru this. I read where u missed some nights of sleep. I took microbid for uti also and it Sent my cns thru the roof for a couple days. I couldn't sleep and that always intensifies my symptoms. Maybe the combo of lack of sleep, the microbid and stress pushed you back a bit. Sounds like your on your way back, hopefully so!

Take care

Ns

 

[[su...]]

On 20/03/2024 at 08:09, [[G...] said:

@[su...]

Hi Sunshine75,

I have come across some of your posts and noticed that you experienced spasms an and tightness on your back. 
 

Did this symptom resolve for you. I’m having it very severely atm.

Thank you for any hope ❤️

Hi, Giuly.  I did have that and even did physical therapy for it, including IFC/TENS for it, anything that was non pharmaceutical.  They really didn’t do anything other than perhaps help my other muscles out in event I was inadvertently tensing too much because of the tightness sensation. The only thing that really helped me distract the nerves were ice packs.  It did eventually resolve, around the 18 month mark give or take.  Unfortunately with this flare, it has recently come back and I am quite upset over it, thinking I was done with this mess.  The ice pack is back on as a form of distraction.  😔

I wish you well!

sunshine 

Edited March 21 by [su...]

[[su...]]

On 20/03/2024 at 09:06, [[n...] said:

Hi sunshine75, just wanted to say how sorry I am that you're going thru this. I read where u missed some nights of sleep. I took microbid for uti also and it Sent my cns thru the roof for a couple days. I couldn't sleep and that always intensifies my symptoms. Maybe the combo of lack of sleep, the microbid and stress pushed you back a bit. Sounds like your on your way back, hopefully so!

Take care

Ns

Thank you, Ns.  I appreciate the rally.  It’s going on 12 days now and it’s still rough.  I’ve had some stretches of doable and then mild, but also some waves of holy crap I can’t believe this is happening again.  Sleep is still elusive and bringing me down.  Last night and today in fact were the worst since it first started, so it’s been a full minute by minute, hour by hour distraction day.   

Healing vibes to you as well!

sunshine 

[[Gi...]]

1 hour ago, [[s...] said:

Hi, Giuly.  I did have that and even did physical therapy for it, including IFC/TENS for it, anything that was non pharmaceutical.  They really didn’t do anything other than perhaps help my other muscles out in event I was inadvertently tensing too much because of the tightness sensation. The only thing that really helped me distract the nerves were ice packs.  It did eventually resolve, around the 18 month mark give or take.  Unfortunately with this flare, it has recently come back and I am quite upset over it, thinking I was done with this mess.  The ice pack is back on as a form of distraction.  😔

I wish you well!

sunshine 

@[su...]

Hi Sunshine75,

Thank you so much for replying to me and really sorry for your current setback.

I am reassured to hear that this symptom can go away and it will go away for you too again.

I was on the damned  z drugs for just a month twice a week just so I could get a couple of hours of sleep as I was withdrawing from Lexapro.

Did you eat or did something new or different that might have triggered this wave? It is only a wave trust me, it will end.

❤️