Am I stuck this way?

[[...]]

I've been tapered off for a long time now and still like this. I don't understand and can't do anything. The spinning empty head shocking feeling threw my whole body plus much more is too much. The doctors won't start me on a longer taper. 4 and a half years of being on a real high mg of benzos they tapered me completely off real fast at the end in December and I'm getting worse not better. What the hell do I need to do? I lost my good job been to the er with seizures and everything. Just not sure what to do.

[[ne...]]

So you came off at the end of this past December? Symptoms are COMPLETELY normal at this point unfortunately. I'm sorry we are both struggling but it can take quite some time to heal. Hang in there. 

[[...]]

Thank you . I just don't get it because it wasn't nearly this hard before.

[[ne...]]

It absolutely can get worse before it gets better. Makes no logical sense but common. 

[[...]]

Are you coming off theses evil damn things too

[[...]]

I don't understand why my legs give out on me . 

[[ns...]]

[[...]]

Thank you so much you sound like exactly what I'm going through.  I've been listening to alot of piano even know I don't normally.  The gabapentin helps a bit but it still comes on so strong. But really thank you reading ur comment really gave me a bit of relief.  Take care ns . If you need to talk too lmk 

[[Kh...]]

I worry about this too Gabe.  Taper started 5 months ago…off for a month.  Not getting any better do we really heal?  Praying for us 🙏

[[...]]

10 hours ago, [[K...] said:

I worry about this too Gabe.  Taper started 5 months ago…off for a month.  Not getting any better do we really heal?  Praying for us 🙏

I believe we are in the same boat . It seems like everything doesn't make sense doesn't it. Keep hearing there is light at the end of the tunnel but how long is this damn tunnel

[[wi...]]

[[Ra...]]

[[...]]

I started tapering end of July.  I have been completely off for 1 month now.  Am I completely healed/better?  No.  Am I better than I was a month ago?  Absolutely.  Are things still tough?  Yeah, its awful.  But I have seen small improvements which provides me with hope.  It took about 2 weeks after the jump to notice slight improvements.  I would say I'm 40-50% better than I was at my worse.  This leaves a lot of room to improve.

[[...]]

[[Re...]]

Hello @[...], welcome to BenzoBuddies!

I can relate to everything you write and I am terribly sorry we have to go through this. I weaned myself off 4,5 mg of alprazolam and an antidepressant in just 3 months. I am a bit just a more than 9 months out.

As I can recall I was feeling the same way as you are feeling now. I had brutal anxiety, and to be honest I had all the symptoms possibe, except for a seizure. 

It is the middle of March now, you can be about 2,5 months out, right? I could not do almost anything either, but slowly after this period things did start to improve, without me noticing. Very very slowly and with flare ups, but they did. I am still quite symptomatic, but definitely doing better. I am writing about this because there is not such a big difference in our timeline, and I do see some progress. 

The fact that you registered on this site can be indeed a sign of recovery, I had big issues even with that.

Some people take walks, I have been doing that. These walks, are somehow helping me a lot during my recovery. Some people clean up their diet, I did this, too.  I know these are not for everyone. Avoiding stimulants like caffeine and cigarettes can make a huge difference, and of course no alcohol, these seem to make things harder for people. 

I always think about the people who recovered, I read the Success Stories, I listen to motivational YouTube videos. And I do believe these people. The more stories you know the more certain will you be, that recovery from this is very much possible and real. 

 

Edited March 12 by [Re...]
Wording

[[...]]

4 hours ago, [[R...] said:

Hello @[...], welcome to BenzoBuddies!

I can relate to everything you write and I am terribly sorry we have to go through this. I weaned myself off 4,5 mg of alprazolam and an antidepressant in just 3 months. I am a bit just a more than 9 months out.

As I can recall I was feeling the same way as you are feeling now. I had brutal anxiety, and to be honest I had all the symptoms possibe, except for a seizure. 

It is the middle of March now, you can be about 2,5 months out, right? I could not do almost anything either, but slowly after this period things did start to improve, without me noticing. Very very slowly and with flare ups, but they did. I am still quite symptomatic, but definitely doing better. I am writing about this because there is not such a big difference in our timeline, and I do see some progress. 

The fact that you registered on this site can be indeed a sign of recovery, I had big issues even with that.

Some people take walks, I have been doing that. These walks, are somehow helping me a lot during my recovery. Some people clean up their diet, I did this, too.  I know these are not for everyone. Avoiding stimulants like caffeine and cigarettes can make a huge difference, and of course no alcohol, these seem to make things harder for people. 

I always think about the people who recovered, I read the Success Stories, I listen to motivational YouTube videos. And I do believe these people. The more stories you know the more certain will you be, that recovery from this is very much possible and real. 

Thank you for helping me try and feel better.  I'm sorry if I can't write that much I'm really not doing too good today. I wasn't sure to go to the hospital or not about an hr ago . It is scary but your commit did help. 

Can I ask you something did you ever feel like u had an empty head and your whole body feel limp and you have a crazy nasy feeling and can't breathe ? I'm just not sure what's a normal side effect anymore.  But thank you again for your comment 

[[Re...]]

@[...] This is some really weird stuff we are going through. I think I still have the crazy feeling and I am out of breath quite often. I often have the feeling" I am only eyes", walking on jelly, or feeling sudden dizziness /losing balance - that was pretty prominent recently. 

Many people do go to the hospital only to find out everything is fine. However, there is no general rule to this, it takes a while to learn what we can attribute to benzo withdrawal.

I know it does not make it less difficult, but what you write seems to be common experience. Just hang in there, as before, you will be feeling a little better soon!

[[Ma...]]

@[...] I was, yet again, telling another doctor today that there’s just nothing going on in my head, just empty space between my ears. Her: you’re talking, you’re making sense, you’re very smart-she’s my therapist so that’s her job-but, she’s right.

You’re corresponding here with perfect grammar and explaining your emotions and experiences extremely well.

So, your brain IS working it just doesn’t feel like it. Your brain is, errrr, adjusting and healing-like little cells on scaffolding nailing your transmitters back together! Metaphors-those of us in w/d have to use metaphors to make sense of all of this! I do at least.

Hang in there and keep going ❤️‍🩹

Edited March 12 by [Ma...]

[[...]]

@[...] hang in there man.  Time is what is healing the most.  It takes a while for the brain to readjust (receptor up/down regulation takes a while for gene protein processing etc).  My taper was awful.  Post-taper has been awful.  But each day I get a little better.  The things that are in my control for better health and wellness I do, no matter how small. I took leave from work- this was very important.  The added stress of work etc does not help when my mind/body is already in an incredibly stressed state. I run and do hot yoga everyday.  I have been eating healthier and losing weight.  I get as much sunshine as possible.  I meditate.   Spend time with people I love, my family, my dog.  I sleep in.  I take a little trazodone to help sleep.  I take it easy on myself.  I have my family physician, psychiatrist, and a psychologist to help me through this process. I remind myself that as I continue to get better my life here forward is going to be different...I'm not going back to the old maladaptive ways of grinding through life miserably as this is what lead me to benzos in the first place.  I hope when I get through all this I will awaken and live a brighter life...I don't see how it would be any other way after going through this.  This part is exciting to me as it creates an entire new world.

 

I'd say I'm 50-60% better today.  There are moments where I feel 80%.  This is the windows and waves everyone talks about.  The waves are not nearly as bad as they were.  The windows are more pleasant and longer.

 

hope this helps.

[[...]]

[[...]]

It is impossible to see outside of the storm when your in the middle of it.  I couldn't see it either.  I thought this is it...this is me...the rest of my life is going to feel like this.  then one day I slowly started to feel better.  Today I slept great, I ran 3 miles in warm weather, went riding.  I feel so much better considering a few weeks ago I was delusional, suicidal, severely depressed, unable to get out of bed.

The success stories on here provided me with some hope during that very dark time.  I imagine there are even more people who get better and don't share their dark experiences on this forum.  I think these turning points are critical to share with others to provide insight and hope.  We are all in this together.

[[ns...]]

[[ns...]]