Just realising how much I deluded myself 🤦‍♀️

[[Bl...]]

Long story short 😬

Thirteen years ago age 40 I was diagnosed with a genetic heart condition, I had to have an angiogram and it’s when I was given Diazepam as a pre-op and I wanted to spend my whole life in that head space, I’ll never forget the beautiful feeling of that first dose.
I was in a very stressful situation at that time. A ten day stay in hospital with the Heart diagnosis, moving to another country with two young children to homeschool, and flying from the hospital in five days AND a huge fall out with my parents who I was very close with . 
So, I suppose if I hadn’t been in such a high octane stress situation I’d have not seen it as the panacea I thought it was . Maybe !? Who knows 🤷🏻‍♀️

In the new country moved to I had my first panic attack, not nice, it was six days after getting out of the hospital . The doctor there prescribed me 0.5 Xanax on an “as needed basis” . I needed it ! I found myself going back for more and trying to take it sparingly, but the rebound panic on Xanax was always very severe, my husband was diagnosed with cancer 8 months of living there so we moved us all back home . Again stressful . 
I remember thinking one day seriously about the Xanax I either jump (or be dragged) down this rabbit hole to hell on the Xanax,  or I quit it, for my kids and my husband, so I did … that’s probably one of the hardest things I’ve ever done in my life. I’d been on it 8 months and I did it cold Turkey . I’d never give that to my worst enemy, and the withdrawal was beyond brutal.

I then started with Unstable Printzmetal angina , and I’m a Type 1 Diabetic since age 5 . I was running 90 miles a week just before this next diagnosis, I was addicted to exercise I realise now , I’ve also had a love love relationship with alcohol, but I could always pull the reins in and leave everything alone if I needed to lose weight and just to be healthier . 
I was then given Diazapam 10mg on an “as needed basis” for the angina. Stress and emotional stuff was the worst trigger for the attacks, and my menstrual cycle. I had  been diagnosed 3 years earlier with pre menstrual dysmorphic syndrome, and hormone imbalances through testing I was told I had an extreme sensitivity to progesterone so after ovulation I had more angina SO more Diazapam! 
For 7 years I took it as needed, sometimes a pack of 28 would last me six months , just having it there was enough, maybe a couple a week after ovulation . 
I then started to take it on a weekend with alcohol, I enjoyed mixing the two. And I’d always feel shaky the next day so I’d take one the day after . If I didn’t like a drive , or I’d had a stressful day I’d reach for one . My use crept up, five years ago I started buying street Benzos as the Doctors in the uk don’t like to prescribe them , there in started my real problem because I didn’t have to eek them out from my scant prescription.

I’d binge on them with alcohol , take them when I fancied , or when I really needed them too for three years.

BUT i found if I’d had a binge watch n then I had day three of feeling black and I’d pull the duvet over my head and I could leave them again for a few weeks at a time if wanted or needed .

 
I had a split from my husband three years ago , my best friend committed suicide and I lost my dad in a traumatic way , all in quick succession.  So I started buying street Benzos again, though I was careful, no bright coloured one aa before when I’d had the phase of buying them  which were only ones in the packets which tested the same as the genuine ones I had . 

During this really hard  time in my life I bought loose yellow ones in large amounts and THIS is where my dependence really started I think . I’m not even sure how many I was taking a day, but I went through them, and they were really addictive, maybe they were fentanyl 🤷🏻‍♀️
Now I look back I realise I did go from being able to control it for quite a number of years to it totally controlling me , and my life was spiralling out of control seriously . 
18 months ago I pulled back again , taking one every couple to three days, so I could still do that . Then a year ago I moved country again and I began chasing them prescribed. I now realise one of the reasons I chose this country to live was I knew I’d always have them . Still deluding myself I only took them when I really needed them 🙄

So, for the last year I’ve been taking them daily , with some times where I’ve drunk huge amounts of alcohol and 60/70 mg of them in one session. Then I can leave them again but now by day three I’m in horrible rebound anxiety and now physical pain,I just feel like they have me . I’m ill now if I can’t take one when I start to withdraw . 

So here I am 13 years of Benzo use and I now have really started to look into what it is that truly has hold of me.  And I know I really want to get off them . 
My tolerance is high, I hit them and the drink for three days recently and I’d eaten a full pack of 28 10mg’s . The weird thing is when I go on a binge I eat and drink myself sober now but If I leave them and don’t drink , then have a drink I black out now , I’ve broken several bones and gone into a few comas . 
I’ve finally admitted to my husband the extent of my use . He wants to support me, but I think he thinks I’ll be able to just quit them like I’ve done in the past . I doubt it ! But I’m on day three without one and because I’m not on the Utrogestan I actually feel pretty stable . 
Is it worth to take it a day at a time and see if I can pull back and just stop them again ? I know about seizures ect . If I was to taper , it hard because I still don’t take it every day … how do you taper from binging and abusing ?

 
I also have a problem with alcohol, but I can stop it if needs be . But I use that as a coping mechanism and a crutch too . I’m not an alcoholic, again I’m a binge drinker . 
I realise now that the Benzos have actually given me anxiety that I never really had . So, I thought I was on them to treat what they started to give me side effect wise … if that makes sense . 
I realise I just always needed an excuse to take them . 
And I realise I danced with the devil 👿 

Any advice on a taper from bingeing and being able to leave it for a few days … without dying quiet yet 😂

Nice to be able to be honest . I think I’ve to learn to be honest with myself right now more than anyone ! 

[[Bu...]]

Hello @[Bl...],

Welcome to BenzoBuddies!

Congratulations on making the decision to get off benzos.  It can be a difficult process, but you'll find a lot of support and help here.

I just wanted to tell you a couple of things going into the process.  We recommend that you start by getting on a schedule of taking the meds everyday to stabilize. Stable doesn't necessarily mean that you'll feel great.  It means that you are maintaining equal blood serum levels and are so able to do your daily tasks and feel fairly "level" without too many highs or lows.

The second thing is that around here alcohol is known as "liquid benzos".  Drinking alcohol while being on benzos, tapering, and for many people quite sometimes after they are off, is like taking another dose of a benzo.  So, drinking during your taper will be counter productive.  It can also be quite dangerous, as it seems you've discovered.  

And last, previous use and starting and stopping can make this process more difficult, but it is still doable.

I am not the best at tapering (I didn't do the best one), but I do know some of the information that others will need to help you set up a successful taper:

What meds and at what doses are you on now?  If I am correct that your use has been intermittent, can you give an estimate of an average for how much you have been taking?  This will help to figure out a starting daily dose and taper schedule.  Also, how is your heart condition currently?  And do you have a doctor who is willing to work with you on a taper?

We're glad your here and we'll do our best to help you.

[[Pa...]]

Hello @[Bl...], welcome.

I'm glad to see you're being honest with yourself and us, that will help us help you.  

Typically we don't advise members to quit cold turkey but I'm actually hoping you can continue yours as I believe it may be your best option.  People with addiction issues like me/us have difficulty tapering, and while I didn't know the drug needed to be tapered when I quit, I doubt very much I would have been able to.

You've been through this before, you know what to expect and your husband is there to monitor your symptoms so I hope you can keep going.  Yes, it could be rough but so is tapering and quitting cold turkey doesn't have to mean prolonged symptoms, I recovered in the typical time frame members who taper do. 

I agree with @[Bu...], its best to avoid alcohol, that in my opinion will prolong your suffering, your brain won't get to the business of repairing your GABA receptors as long as you're feeding them benzo lite. 

@[Pa...]

[[Bl...]]

8 hours ago, [[B...] said:

Hello @[Bl...],

Welcome to BenzoBuddies!

Congratulations on making the decision to get off benzos.  It can be a difficult process, but you'll find a lot of support and help here.

I just wanted to tell you a couple of things going into the process.  We recommend that you start by getting on a schedule of taking the meds everyday to stabilize. Stable doesn't necessarily mean that you'll feel great.  It means that you are maintaining equal blood serum levels and are so able to do your daily tasks and feel fairly "level" without too many highs or lows.

The second thing is that around here alcohol is known as "liquid benzos".  Drinking alcohol while being on benzos, tapering, and for many people quite sometimes after they are off, is like taking another dose of a benzo.  So, drinking during your taper will be counter productive.  It can also be quite dangerous, as it seems you've discovered.  

And last, previous use and starting and stopping can make this process more difficult, but it is still doable.

I am not the best at tapering (I didn't do the best one), but I do know some of the information that others will need to help you set up a successful taper:

What meds and at what doses are you on now?  If I am correct that your use has been intermittent, can you give an estimate of an average for how much you have been taking?  This will help to figure out a starting daily dose and taper schedule.  Also, how is your heart condition currently?  And do you have a doctor who is willing to work with you on a taper?

We're glad your here and we'll do our best to help you.

 

[[Bl...]]

8 hours ago, [[B...] said:

Hello @[Bl...],

Welcome to BenzoBuddies!

Congratulations on making the decision to get off benzos.  It can be a difficult process, but you'll find a lot of support and help here.

I just wanted to tell you a couple of things going into the process.  We recommend that you start by getting on a schedule of taking the meds everyday to stabilize. Stable doesn't necessarily mean that you'll feel great.  It means that you are maintaining equal blood serum levels and are so able to do your daily tasks and feel fairly "level" without too many highs or lows.

The second thing is that around here alcohol is known as "liquid benzos".  Drinking alcohol while being on benzos, tapering, and for many people quite sometimes after they are off, is like taking another dose of a benzo.  So, drinking during your taper will be counter productive.  It can also be quite dangerous, as it seems you've discovered.  

And last, previous use and starting and stopping can make this process more difficult, but it is still doable.

I am not the best at tapering (I didn't do the best one), but I do know some of the information that others will need to help you set up a successful taper:

What meds and at what doses are you on now?  If I am correct that your use has been intermittent, can you give an estimate of an average for how much you have been taking?  This will help to figure out a starting daily dose and taper schedule.  Also, how is your heart condition currently?  And do you have a doctor who is willing to work with you on a taper?

We're glad your here and we'll do our best to help you.

Thank you for your warm welcome and input ❤️

I’m on 80mg of Valium a week averaged out but I don’t take it every day , that’s for sure over a five year period , some waxing and waining for two of those earlier years, but the last three years it would average out at that weekly usage . 
13 years in all on Valium use . 
I do feel now on the days I don’t use the Benzo’s then I do HAVE to have a drink , where as before I could have a few days clean of both . 
If I do take the benzo I will find I then crave a drink and it weakens my will to resist it . 
One enhances the other and makes it even more enticing 🙄

I’m day three without one this morning, and day two without a drink and though I’ve got a headache and muscle aches and some stomach issues so far my mood is not bad at all. 
So if I was to taper where would I start from 80mg a week . 
Thank you 

[[Bl...]]

 

 

Edited March 9 by [Bl...]
Posted twice

[[Ta...]]

Hi @[Bl...]

Welcome to BB!

Typically, it’s suggested to taper at no more than 5-10% of each current dose every 10-14 days or as symptoms allow. 👍

 

[[Bl...]]

8 hours ago, [[P...] said:

Hello @[Bl...], welcome.

I'm glad to see you're being honest with yourself and us, that will help us help you.  

Typically we don't advise members to quit cold turkey but I'm actually hoping you can continue yours as I believe it may be your best option.  People with addiction issues like me/us have difficulty tapering, and while I didn't know the drug needed to be tapered when I quit, I doubt very much I would have been able to.

You've been through this before, you know what to expect and your husband is there to monitor your symptoms so I hope you can keep going.  Yes, it could be rough but so is tapering and quitting cold turkey doesn't have to mean prolonged symptoms, I recovered in the typical time frame members who taper do. 

I agree with @[Bu...], its best to avoid alcohol, that in my opinion will prolong your suffering, your brain won't get to the business of repairing your GABA receptors as long as you're feeding them benzo lite. 

@[Pa...]

Thanks Pam 

I’m so glad you replied with this alternative for a number of reasons . 
 

Firstly that was my main concern with a taper in that I would have to go to around 10mg a day to start it. That scared me because it takes me a lot to put the brakes on all this, but I can!! and what scares me the most with taper is that I will become even more dependent. In fact I fear I’ll never be able to come off it then, and because I do have huge tolerance for it dose wise , will 10mg be enough 🤷🏻‍♀️

I will be honest again . And this is new even to me where my addictions are concerned because I’m taking a long cold hard look . On the days I abstain from Valium I will drink usually now because I NEED it, probably because it’s covering the Valium withdrawal. 
 

The day after a heavy alcohol usage and I’ll be honest and put this into context I will need at least 30mg of Valium and then a couple of drinks and then I can go without one or the other, or both, for a few days. Two large beers or half a bottle of wine I can do on the days without Valium when I’m really trying now. Where as previous years I’d only use Valium and alcohol on a weekend , and the dose of Valium was around 30mg all week, just with the alcohol . 
The weekend binges were three bottles of wine in one session, or 12 pints of Guinness and I’d take a 10mg with that .,

As my Valium use has increased over the years, well, I certainly can’t drink that much anymore , but I will still drink 6 pints or a bottle of wine with 20/30 mg of Valium a few times a week . And I always have a bottle of vodka hidden for if I need it . Emergency. 

I have tried lots of other drugs recreationally when I was young . None stuck , I could pick up and put down anything . Smoking I quit cold Turkey . And I used heroin recreationally and never got addicted . 
 

Alcohol I drank from age 12 and again my first binge it was like finding a way to cope with life, Benzo’s took that to the next level, mixed together they were the perfect marriage for me, until now I feel like they want to divorce me! And I them with their constant arguing 😂

I’m thinking your way may be the best for me . 🧐 the two together to quit will be hard though, in some ways the alcohol. Though again I’ve gone months without a drink, years at times even .

Just as a footnote . I herniated two lumbar discs three ago, I was crippled with THE worse pain, went from running miles daily to bedridden for nigh on a year . They put me on Lyrica Pregabalin, it took away any longing or need for the Benzo like overnight. 
I didn’t feel the need to abuse it as at first it gave me a similar high I thought I might . 
It was the opposite I felt flat and numb on it and after it had done it’s job helping me to heal my back I tapered down so quickly and easily from it in about three weeks, and I’d been on a high dose for a good year . My doctor here who gave me the Valium was amazed he said it can take people years to get off pregabalin . 
I was thinking do I go on that ? It instantly stopped my need for Valium . 
But I’ve thought long and hard and I don’t want to swap one addiction for another, or dependency . Not that I ever got dependent on pregabalin and I do know it works on the GABA receptors, but doesn’t down regulate your own from my little bit of reading . 

Thanks so much for your input , I’d like to know your background story . We sound like we may have walked a similar path 

[[Ta...]]

@[Bl...]

Just in relation to your erratic dosing schedule.…

If you were to decide on tapering rather than continuing the c/t, you really need to make sure you are dosing daily. When you dose two or three days apart, it means you go into inter-dose withdrawals as your blood serum levels drop very low. Those inter-dose withdrawals will make you more vulnerable to reaching for a drink or another high dose benzo to lift you up again…

The idea would be to find the right daily dose for yourself and dose at the same times every day maintaining an even blood serum level until you feel stable and levelled out… then you would begin your taper at a sensible rate. A rate that would keep symptoms as minimal as possible, avoid you slipping up on the alcohol and/or feeling as though you need to up-dose because of reducing too much too fast. 

[[Bl...]]

7 minutes ago, [[T...] said:

@[Bl...]

Just in relation to your erratic dosing schedule.…

If you were to decide on tapering rather than continuing the c/t, you really need to make sure you are dosing daily. When you dose two or three days apart, it means you go into inter-dose withdrawals as your blood serum levels drop very low. Those inter-dose withdrawals will make you more vulnerable to reaching for a drink or another high dose benzo to lift you up again…

The idea would be to find the right daily dose for yourself and dose at the same times every day maintaining an even blood serum level until you feel stable and levelled out… then you would begin your taper at a sensible rate. A rate that would keep symptoms as minimal as possible, avoid you slipping up on the alcohol and/or feeling as though you need to up-dose because of reducing too much too fast. 

Thanks TT 

That does make sense completely. 
Im scared of jumping down the rabbit hole of daily use and relying on that dose solely . 

Because I could pick it up and put it down for so many years , granted it got harder , going on a daily dose kind of scares me the most . Coupled with no alcohol I just don’t know if I’d find the will then to go raw in my life . 
That’s the hardest part isn’t it 😳

What are your thoughts on Pregabalin to use to come off ? 
I had to have a year on it due to two herniated disc and crippling sciatica . 
It made the withdrawal swing completely go from the Benzo’s , no rebound anxiety at all , and I was in so much pain anyway I wouldn’t have noticed anything physical 😂

I just didn’t need to take the benzo on them , and I quit them on a very quick taper easily over a few weeks, I didn’t enjoy them see 😂

[[Ta...]]

Hi @[Bl...]

I know it may seem counterproductive to dose every day, but I think you will find that because Valium has a very long half life, it’s actually getting you through a couple of days until your blood serum levels drops which after, you then feel you need to take another dose. You really don’t want those big drops in blood serum levels. Dependancy is dependancy. Once you have it, your best way out is to keep your blood serum levels as even as possible, which helps keep symptoms under control and anxiety levels from swinging. It’s from ‘that’ place that you can then taper more comfortably. 

Only you will know where you give in to the alcohol. If you find you are more prone to alcohol just prior to or around the time you find yourself needing another dose of benzo, then that may be a sign that inter-dose withdrawal is playing its part in driving you to drink as the anxiety levels increase as blood serum levels drop. 

Honesty, @[Bl...], I’m really not familiar with pregabalin, but if you post your question about its use in ‘Health Matters’, others with direct experience and familiar with it will share some feedback with you. 👍

I’d just like to point back to @[Pa...]’s post… you may find pushing through the c/t is more suited to you than tapering because of your addiction type tendency towards benzo’s. It’s just something for you to think about. Only you can choose which course of action to take. 

Whatever you decide, we will all be here to provide support along your journey. 🫂

Edited March 9 by [Ta...]

[[...]]

@[Bl...],

11 hours ago, [[B...] said:

 😬

I realise now that the Benzos have actually given me anxiety that I never really had . So, I thought I was on them to treat what they started to give me side effect wise … if that makes sense . 
 👿

 

@[Bl...]i'm impressed with your story and think the first step has really been taken. You've realized what's going on and you're honest with yourself. I think it's just great! A really good start. 

What you wrote above was the same way to me, so i think it does make sense. 

I'm not good at the tapering strategy, think others will give you good advice. I just wanted to say I sincerely believe you'll do it for the better and your self-honesty and bright mind that managed to point out the problem by itself are going to help and the forum will support you as much as possible Good luck to you!)

 

Edited March 9 by [...]

[[ve...]]

12 hours ago, [[B...] said:

I also have a problem with alcohol, but I can stop it if needs be . But I use that as a coping mechanism and a crutch too . I’m not an alcoholic, again I’m a binge drinker . 

Binge drinking is more dangerous than drinking alcohol every day because of kindling...  At some point dipsomania is no longer distinguishable from alcoholism (or alcohol abuse disorder, but I hate Newspeak).

I wasn't an alcoholic until I became one.  The mix of benzos and alcohol made me an alcoholic because I didn't even like alcohol when I was only into marijuana.

You must first stop drinking alcohol if you want to get off benzos for 2 reasons:

1. Alcohol lowers the seizure threshold.

2. Benzos are used to treat alcohol withdrawal syndrome to prevent delirium tremens.

Fight one dragon at a time.  Wish you the best of luck.

 

[[Bl...]]

1 hour ago, [[v...] said:

Binge drinking is more dangerous than drinking alcohol every day because of kindling...  At some point dipsomania is no longer distinguishable from alcoholism (or alcohol abuse disorder, but I hate Newspeak).

I wasn't an alcoholic until I became one.  The mix of benzos and alcohol made me an alcoholic because I didn't even like alcohol when I was only into marijuana.

You must first stop drinking alcohol if you want to get off benzos for 2 reasons:

1. Alcohol lowers the seizure threshold.

2. Benzos are used to treat alcohol withdrawal syndrome to prevent delirium tremens.

Fight one dragon at a time.  Wish you the best of luck.

I felt like fighting the Benzo first and then just having one or two beers on the really bad days might be the best way to do it . 
I’m not sure I want to reinstate a Benzo daily to taper off it for a year . What happens when there are big times of upheaval? If you are tapering down won’t you just be so inclined to go back up ? 
Is it not kicking the can down the road? And being on it daily to then taper will take me into new territory. 
scarier , and I don’t want to strip alcohol out of my life for good . I enjoy a drink socially under control once a week . Or a glass of wine with a meal . 
I can enjoy an occasional cigarette out in company of smokers after being a smoker for 15 years and I’d never dream of having one the next day ad so on . 
Is life just evangelical sobriety after all this ? 
I could do that with a lot of exercise involved to calm my overactive CNS and self discipline , but I’d find life a bit boring if I’m honest . 

[[Bl...]]

2 hours ago, [[T...] said:

Hi @[Bl...]

I know it may seem counterproductive to dose every day, but I think you will find that because Valium has a very long half life, it’s actually getting you through a couple of days until your blood serum levels drops which after, you then feel you need to take another dose. You really don’t want those big drops in blood serum levels. Dependancy is dependancy. Once you have it, your best way out is to keep your blood serum levels as even as possible, which helps keep symptoms under control and anxiety levels from swinging. It’s from ‘that’ place that you can then taper more comfortably. 

Only you will know where you give in to the alcohol. If you find you are more prone to alcohol just prior to or around the time you find yourself needing another dose of benzo, then that may be a sign that inter-dose withdrawal is playing its part in driving you to drink as the anxiety levels increase as blood serum levels drop. 

Honesty, @[Bl...], I’m really not familiar with pregabalin, but if you post your question about its use in ‘Health Matters’, others with direct experience and familiar with it will share some feedback with you. 👍

I’d just like to point back to @[Pa...]’s post… you may find pushing through the c/t is more suited to you than tapering because of your addiction type tendency towards benzo’s. It’s just something for you to think about. Only you can choose which course of action to take. 

Whatever you decide, we will all be here to provide support along your journey. 🫂

I really appreciate your input . I’m weighing up my options to decide to get all my ducks in a row and try to get this right first time . 
I will always need occasional Valium in my life for the prinzmetal angina which is good atm , eventually I will need an early quadruple heart bypass but diet and exercise wise I’m on it like a bonnet …. Good job really . 
Yours and everyones  input is helping me make an informed decision on which way might be the best for me . Thanks 

[[ve...]]

38 minutes ago, [[B...] said:

I felt like fighting the Benzo first and then just having one or two beers on the really bad days might be the best way to do it . 
I’m not sure I want to reinstate a Benzo daily to taper off it for a year . What happens when there are big times of upheaval? If you are tapering down won’t you just be so inclined to go back up ? 
Is it not kicking the can down the road? And being on it daily to then taper will take me into new territory. 
scarier , and I don’t want to strip alcohol out of my life for good . I enjoy a drink socially under control once a week . Or a glass of wine with a meal . 
I can enjoy an occasional cigarette out in company of smokers after being a smoker for 15 years and I’d never dream of having one the next day ad so on . 
Is life just evangelical sobriety after all this ? 
I could do that with a lot of exercise involved to calm my overactive CNS and self discipline , but I’d find life a bit boring if I’m honest . 

I'm taking at your word when you say you're a binge drinker. If you're not already alcoholic you may be past halfway... You have to be brutally honest with yourself to avoid deluding yourself again.

I can bring a lot of articles about binge drinking being worse than daily drinking.

The good news is that if you're not yet alcoholic, you can stop it now.  The bad news is that you can't mix alcohol and benzos, and alcohol must be avoided when recovering from benzo withdrawal.

I also told myself that a life of evangelical sobriety wasn't worth it until I hit rock bottom... Now I value sobriety and the calm after the storm. 

[[ma...]]

14 hours ago, [[P...] said:

Hello @[Bl...], welcome.

I'm glad to see you're being honest with yourself and us, that will help us help you.  

Typically we don't advise members to quit cold turkey but I'm actually hoping you can continue yours as I believe it may be your best option.  People with addiction issues like me/us have difficulty tapering, and while I didn't know the drug needed to be tapered when I quit, I doubt very much I would have been able to.

You've been through this before, you know what to expect and your husband is there to monitor your symptoms so I hope you can keep going.  Yes, it could be rough but so is tapering and quitting cold turkey doesn't have to mean prolonged symptoms, I recovered in the typical time frame members who taper do. 

I agree with @[Bu...], its best to avoid alcohol, that in my opinion will prolong your suffering, your brain won't get to the business of repairing your GABA receptors as long as you're feeding them benzo lite. 

@[Pa...]

I had addicted manner too and had almost ct . Can  i ask how far out you are @[Pa...] ? Its a comfort to hear others with no or little taper . And it sounds you are doing ok ?

[[Bl...]]

[[Ta...]]

6 minutes ago, [[m...] said:

I had addicted manner too and had almost ct . Can  i ask how far out you are @[Pa...] ? It’s a comfort to hear others with no or little taper . And it sounds you are doing ok ?

@[ma...]

@[Pa...] c/t’d 2007 and reached full recovery 14 months later in 2008. 

[[ma...]]

Oh @[Pa...] . That was very short actually . I am 14 months now , but far from recovery . I dont expect to recover either at my age . But just to be better is good. So i hope for that .

[[...]]

21 minutes ago, [[B...] said:

That’s such a kind answer , much appreciated and thank you . 

I’d like to hear your story , if you can point me to it . 
Your words have given me more inspiration ❤️

@[Bl...], i haven't written a proper story yet. I'll do it the other day and fill in my profile)

I'm glad my answer helped you and i truly mean and believe every word i've written to you

[[Di...]]

Oh Boy, Have you been through it!

 

If I could give you ONE piece of advice it would be........STOP drinking and go full time teetotal for the rest of your days. One drink too many and your guard will slip and you probs will reach out for more blues....If you are being truthful, perhaps you are an alcoholic. You'd be the last to know.

Just my 2 cents worth and don't mean sh*t ^

Wishing you the best, you really do deserve a break

 

xx

Edited March 9 by [Di...]

[[Bu...]]

Hey @[Bl...],

I just wanted to reiterate that I am not a taper expert and this certainly includes when a taper might be inappropriate in unique circumstances such as yours.  The questions I asked were just the generalities for how many people go about this.  But I know very little about how addiction issues play into this, so I think that @[Pa...]'s advice, being based on more experience with this, is very wise.  

[[ve...]]

5 hours ago, [[D...] said:

If I could give you ONE piece of advice it would be........STOP drinking and go full time teetotal for the rest of your days. One drink too many and your guard will slip and you probs will reach out for more blues....If you are being truthful, perhaps you are an alcoholic. You'd be the last to know.

And giving up alcohol doesn't mean going to AA meetings and becoming a born-again Christian.

I haven't been to a single meeting and my core spiritual values remain the same.

All I needed was to check myself into rehab for 10 days just to stop drinking. Non-alcoholic beer helped me because I love beer. 

I don't regret it at all.  I no longer carry a flask of liquor with me.  I sleep better. I no longer do stupid things. I could have been in jail for DUI or worse. My liver has recovered.

 

[[Bl...]]

1 hour ago, [[v...] said:

And giving up alcohol doesn't mean going to AA meetings and becoming a born-again Christian.

I haven't been to a single meeting and my core spiritual values remain the same.

All I needed was to check myself into rehab for 10 days just to stop drinking. Non-alcoholic beer helped me because I love beer. 

I don't regret it at all.  I no longer carry a flask of liquor with me.  I sleep better. I no longer do stupid things. I could have been in jail for DUI or worse. My liver has recovered.

I’m really happy you are out of the mire 💃 it’s where I want to be . 
I’m certainly not reliant on alcohol, more addicted and I love the buzz 🐝 and the sedating effects, but I can go without for sure . But just at times I NEED it , others I just like it . And others I just need it to cope with the chaos life brings , and I can cope with chaos without it , and the Benzo’s too!! 
That’s the thing, I flew in from another country with an emergency phone call my mum had had a cardiac arrest , picked my kids up for one drive to one end of tte county to the other . Walked in to my mum dying on end of life pathway … and fought from there to save her life , got her home brain damaged and cared for her with no help , which was promised , and then had to do the rounds of finding a specialist care home … did the whole month emotional and cognitively sober without either 🤷🏻‍♀️. Get back .. and hit it 🙄