Feel like life is destroyed

[[Ma...]]

I’m only at the beginning of a crossover from Xanax to Valium after an attempt to try to taper myself that failed and I’m plagued with negative thoughts and the pain I believe that I’m going to face through this process, and now having to live with parents and loss of Job.. is there life after this ? Have these things happened to others ? Help :.( 

Edited March 5 by [Ma...]

[[Re...]]

Hello @[Ma...], 

I am pretty much in the same shoes as you are, I came to my parents to taper down 4,5 mg xanax. I, sadly, did not know any better and finished in three months. I am now living with my parents in their early 70s. I am 37, last time I was at home I was around 20 ...

You are way ahead of me! I did not know what to exprect and what this is, I rented my apartment further for many, many months. I was only able to cancel my contract by the end of December 2023. 

During my "taper" and continuing recovery I saw negativity in everything, I could not feel joy, watch TV or continue my hobbies.  But now I am feeling better! Symptomatic but better. I have regained my interest, I am able to watch netflix and amazon prime, and learn a language. 

As I have seem here, crossing over to diazepam can be problematic for some people, especially after long usage. You are absolutely not alone with this. And I am sure, and I see myself as an example, that these emotional symptoms do dissipate with time, and it does get reasonably better!!!

 

[[je...]]

I’m so sorry this process cost you your job and having to move in with your parents. I can understand why you feel this way. The beginning of the journey is always the most difficult part. There’s so many emotions to deal with because you are all new to this. 
 

I am now 15 months off and doing so much better than the start of my taper. I have only one friend that knows about my withdrawal and two days ago she said to me I sounded like the old me. A year ago I would be too scared to make any plans to go somewhere because I didn’t know if I would be well enough to be able to go. Now I’m not. I make plans because the majority of the time I’m okay to see it through. 
 

It's really tough when you’re in it. But it honestly gets better. 

[[Ma...]]

4 minutes ago, [[j...] said:

I’m so sorry this process cost you your job and having to move in with your parents. I can understand why you feel this way. The beginning of the journey is always the most difficult part. There’s so many emotions to deal with because you are all new to this. 
 

I am now 15 months off and doing so much better than the start of my taper. I have only one friend that knows about my withdrawal and two days ago she said to me I sounded like the old me. A year ago I would be too scared to make any plans to go somewhere because I didn’t know if I would be well enough to be able to go. Now I’m not. I make plans because the majority of the time I’m okay to see it through. 
 

It's really tough when you’re in it. But it honestly gets better. 

Did you do a Valium taper ? And also thank you 🩷

[[Ma...]]

14 minutes ago, [[R...] said:

Hello @[Ma...], 

I am pretty much in the same shoes as you are, I came to my parents to taper down 4,5 mg xanax. I, sadly, did not know any better and finished in three months. I am now with my parents in their early seventies. I am 37, last time I was at home I was around 20 

You are way ahead of me! I did not know what to exprect and what this is, I rented my apartment further for many, many months. I was only able to cancel my contract by the end of December 2023. 

During my "taper" and continuing recovery I saw negativity in everything, I could not feel joy, watch TV or continue my hobbies.  But now I am feeling better! Symptomatic but better. I have regained my interest, I am able to watch netflix and amazon prime, and learn a language. 

As I have seem here, crossing over to diazepam can be problematic for some people, especially after long usage. You are absolutely not alone with this. And I am sure, and I see myself as an example, that these emotional symptoms do dissipate with time, and it does get reasonably better!!!

You did a very fast taper but I take it you went through protracted acute withdrawal ? 

[[je...]]

1 minute ago, [[M...] said:

Did you do a Valium taper ? And also thank you 🩷

No, it was Clonazepam. You’re welcome. 

[[Re...]]

Just now, [[M...] said:

You did a very fast taper but I take it you went through protracted acute withdrawal ? 

@[Ma...]  My situation is more complicated, my therapist passed away unexplectedly and could not find another one. I had to taper an antidepressant and xanax together. 

Yes, that taper was way too fast and I jumped from a high dose. I did not cross over to Valium, I am 8 months 23 days post cessation. But even I see the improvement with my complicated history 

[[Ma...]]

Im just so scared I’m at drs appt urology bc I can’t stop peeing and I’m literally shaking constantly thinking “how the hell am I gonna survive this?” 

[[Re...]]

If you are having these problems it is definitely worth to get checked out. I hope everything will be fine during your check-up. You are doing the right thing. 

I have been experiencing something very similar during my withdrawal experience, I would like to add. But I am, when it comes to urology, in perfect health.

If you go to the doctors appointment, there is a group of antibiotics called flouroquinolones. These may cause problems for people taking benzodiazepines. It is better avoiding these, if someone can. Link here. 

 

[[Ma...]]

So the taper isn’t as bad as the beginning ? 

[[Re...]]

 

@[Ma...]Tapering seems to be a bit easier from higher doses, if this is what you mean. These meds are very potent, even "small" doses can bind to significant amount receptors, that is the reason. 

But if you are doing a slow taper, listening to your body and symptoms [after your crossover to Valium is done], your system will readjust to these smaller changes way faster, thus causing less discomfort. 

[[Ma...]]

2 hours ago, [[R...] said:

@[Ma...]Tapering seems to be a bit easier from higher doses, if this is what you mean. These meds are very potent, even "small" doses can bind to significant amount receptors, that is the reason. 

But if you are doing a slow taper, listening to your body and symptoms [after your crossover to Valium is done], your system will readjust to these smaller changes way faster, thus causing less discomfort. 

Really ?? 

[[Kh...]]

3 hours ago, [[M...] said:

Im just so scared I’m at drs appt urology bc I can’t stop peeing and I’m literally shaking constantly thinking “how the hell am I gonna survive this?” 

I also peed a bunch while tapering.  I can only guess it’s from overactive bladder and related muscles squeezing??  It’s good to stay hydrated which also makes u need to pee.  Any tea, soda or coffee can also add to the need.  It will pass.  I believe this and it passed for me.  I went thru it twice…once when I reached tolerance and then during taper.  I  remember when I hit tolerance, and I was taking fluoroquinolones for sinus issue — which I did not know was a non-no, I laid in a hotel room for 2 weeks popping Xanax like candy cuz it wasn’t getting to my brain due to antibiotics, thought I was gonna die….i peed every 30 minutes for a week or two.  It was hell.  You will get over this feeling I am sure. 

[[Ma...]]

It’s crippling me more than I’m already freakin crippled by fear ya know 

[[Kh...]]

1 minute ago, [[M...] said:

It’s crippling me more than I’m already freakin crippled by fear ya know 

I know.  I am still working thru acute withdrawal after jumping.   I hear you.  Stay the course is what I was told.  

[[Kh...]]

8 hours ago, [[R...] said:

If you are having these problems it is definitely worth to get checked out. I hope everything will be fine during your check-up. You are doing the right thing. 

I have been experiencing something very similar during my withdrawal experience, I would like to add. But I am, when it comes to urology, in perfect health.

If you go to the doctors appointment, there is a group of antibiotics called flouroquinolones. These may cause problems for people taking benzodiazepines. It is better avoiding these, if someone can. Link here. 

I had Gracevit in this antibiotic family.  2 weeks of hell.   

[[Re...]]

8 hours ago, [[M...] said:

It’s crippling me more than I’m already freakin crippled by fear ya know 

@[Ma...] You are doing very smart that you gathered all the resources you might need for your taper and progress. This is a huge advantage.

Using online resources further than this remains your decision, too. Please know what benefits you personally. 

Edited March 6 by [Re...]
Clarification

[[Ma...]]

15 hours ago, [[K...] said:

I know.  I am still working thru acute withdrawal after jumping.   I hear you.  Stay the course is what I was told.  

Are you employed during this or no ? Being unemployed is just an extra horror and makes the day worse 

[[Kh...]]

12 minutes ago, [[M...] said:

Are you employed during this or no ? Being unemployed is just an extra horror and makes the day worse 

Retired.

[[Re...]]

@[Ma...]No, sadly I am unemployed during this, too, and I just don't know when I will be able to work. I have always been very productive, used more languages, did double shifts for my quite demanding occupation.

It is bad, I know. I won't be able to reply properly during the next few hours, I am on my way now. I will be definitely getting back to you after. 

Hang in there, Buddy 

[[Ma...]]

Not working and going through this feels dehumanizing do most people not work through tapers ?? Are the horror stories all real ? 

[[Re...]]

@[Ma...] I don't know if people work or not during their tapers. I really don't. To be honest with you, does it really matter? And is not working really dehumanizing?

To clarify, this has been one of my main issues during my withdrawal experience, too. When I went to take my walks in the morning, I often had that feeling of being judged by neighbours and people I met with. "They certainly know I am unemployed, how shameful is that" - literally this was in my head. It pretty much seems like a symptom itself.

I have been trying to switch my viewpoint very actively and I believe I see some progress here. It is our life, our journey. Am I interested what others think? At this point, less and less. Do they have their opinion? They might think what they want. But, what they think is no business of mine. My recovery is, however, my business. 

I believe there are people out there having very a difficult time, this is true. I would not call these horror stories. Each and every one of these is a story of extreme personal strengh, motivation and perseverence, I see these a bit differently. I am certain, there is absolutely no reason for you to think that these will be yours. You have your own developing personal story, recovery and own future to carefully plan and focus on. 

 

[[Ma...]]

@[Re...] thank you for that I hear you but it’s so hard to change the mindset from being totally functional to barely :/ 

[[ma...]]

Yes thats the worst @[Ma...] The patient we need is not to believe .But if you can rest those thoughts for a little while your mind will get some peace and think clearer . Its a kind of panic . Try to rest first and formost in between .Body and mind . And do a couple of good things for yourself today . Pretend a good, strong person hold your arm and help you through the day .Smiling and wishes you the best . 

[[ma...]]

21 hours ago, [[M...] said:

Not working and going through this feels dehumanizing do most people not work through tapers ?? Are the horror stories all real ? 

Its so different , many can recover very fast . But most of them is not here on BB . They dont need