Bad day for me. All my symptoms at once!

[[Th...]]

 

Went to top golf last night for my friend’s birthday. Felt like I had buzzing/vibration through entire body. Neck muscles hurt. Tweaked my back playing while I was there. Now my back is hurting bad today. Anytime I try to do something physical something ends up hurting. Calves are twitching like crazy, random muscles twitches like on my fingers or biceps, Shoulder still hurts a little (been like 3 months), Feel brain fog, neck pain, inner vibration/slightly visible tremor. I also, feel unsteady and have eye focus issues today. I try to force myself to feel normal/do normal activities and get angry when I can’t do things that I used to do every day. My mind then takes control and I get angry and fear that this is permanent or is something else and will get worse as time goes on.

I’m 6 months out for some background. 

 

[[wi...]]

I relate very much. 

[[Th...]]

3 minutes ago, [[w...] said:

I relate very much. 

Sorry to hear that. In what sense do you relate? All of it or a certain part. 
 

thanks for the reply 

[[wi...]]

All. Been at it almost 10 months off and a good part of my taper.

[[Pi...]]

1 hour ago, [[T...] said:

Went to top golf last night for my friend’s birthday. Felt like I had buzzing/vibration through entire body. Neck muscles hurt. Tweaked my back playing while I was there. Now my back is hurting bad today. Anytime I try to do something physical something ends up hurting. Calves are twitching like crazy, random muscles twitches like on my fingers or biceps, Shoulder still hurts a little (been like 3 months), Feel brain fog, neck pain, inner vibration/slightly visible tremor. I also, feel unsteady and have eye focus issues today. I try to force myself to feel normal/do normal activities and get angry when I can’t do things that I used to do every day. My mind then takes control and I get angry and fear that this is permanent or is something else and will get worse as time goes on.

I’m 6 months out for some background. 

Exactly where I was at by six months. All normal. Internal vibrations disappeared around10 to 14 months along with heart palps. Still have fatigue and muscle pain at 20 months but not as bad as beginning. You're right on course with what I experienced if that helps. It does gradually get better. Don't even let that thought that you will never get better enter your head. Been there done that also. Still have a lot of muscle twitches and weakness but so what I am progressing in the right direction. Takes a long time unfortunately. Walk every day no matter how hard it is. Clears the head. Get a good chiropractor. They totally get whats been done to your body. Don't force your way back into life too much out of frustration. You will quickly figure out you limits because your body will punish you. The limits will slowly increase. Much Healing.

[[Th...]]

2 minutes ago, [[P...] said:

Exactly where I was at by six months. All normal. Internal vibrations disappeared around10 to 14 months along with heart palps. Still have fatigue and muscle pain at 20 months but not as bad as beginning. You're right on course with what I experienced if that helps. It does gradually get better. Don't even let that thought that you will never get better enter your head. Been there done that also. Still have a lot of muscle twitches and weakness but so what I am progressing in the right direction. Takes a long time unfortunately. Walk every day no matter how hard it is. Clears the head. Get a good chiropractor. They totally get whats been done to your body. Don't force your way back into life too much out of frustration. You will quickly figure out you limits because your body will punish you. The limits will slowly increase. Much Healing.

I appreciate this response more than you know. 

[[Pi...]]

Theunknown: Try not to talk to other about it unless you really want to aggravate yourself. It's hard but fake it till you make it. We've all been programed from birth that the white coats can only help you never hurt you. You know that Hippocratic Oath . The white coats are also programed by the drug reps who are programed by their bosses. Most medical people think you're nuts and their correct. Programing. Now that you know the truth don't expect others to understand. We're talking big money here and a major industry. You're rocking the boat complaining to you doc. Talk to people here. Reality Baptism by fire. You'll make it through and be wiser about a lot of things on the other side.

[[Ta...]]

Maybe you just did too much. I know the desire to be "normal" is strong, but this injury of ours is formidable, and in many ways invisible to others. People have said to me a thousand times "you look okay." This feels like a slap in the face to me. I've tried to explain, but unless you've been thru it, it's impossible to understand. I've been in situations countless times where I feel lost and overwhelmed by trying to do "normal" things. It's not worth it. Go easy on yourself.

[[Th...]]

6 minutes ago, [[T...] said:

Maybe you just did too much. I know the desire to be "normal" is strong, but this injury of ours is formidable, and in many ways invisible to others. People have said to me a thousand times "you look okay." This feels like a slap in the face to me. I've tried to explain, but unless you've been thru it, it's impossible to understand. I've been in situations countless times where I feel lost and overwhelmed by trying to do "normal" things. It's not worth it. Go easy on yourself.

I know you’re right and I try to have that mindset but that’s so hard for me. I desperately want my old self back. I hope one day I get there or at least close. For now I’m just trying to take it day by day. I also need to manage my anxiety better. 
 

Thanks for the response, how long have you been off?

[[Ta...]]

I'm still at .375 mg of Ativan. I started almost four years ago on Effexor, trazedone and Ativan. I got close to the finish line, but got impatient and crashed. Still working on it one baby step at a time.

[[Th...]]

12 minutes ago, [[T...] said:

I'm still at .375 mg of Ativan. I started almost four years ago on Effexor, trazedone and Ativan. I got close to the finish line, but got impatient and crashed. Still working on it one baby step at a time.

I wish you luck.
 

I cold turkey’d, without knowing. It was before I found this site. 

[[Ta...]]

Maybe there's really no such thing as "normal." One thing is certain, and that's CHANGE! Everything changes. We've changed thru this unbelievable Benzodiazepine experience. It's like the Phoenix in the Harry Potter movie (I liked that movie!) The Firebird is consumed by flames, only to be reborn as a new creature from the ashes! No matter what, we can never be who we were before. That ship has sailed. So, perhaps we are putting too much pressure on ourselves to return to the activities of the past. We are new and different creatures now..So a new and different reality and life is called for. Maybe?

[[Pi...]]

Theunknown: Don't feel too bad about the CT. I did also and I'm getting there. Turning 69 in March. I need to get back to life as soon as I can. I'm basically healthy but who knows? As my dad said when he turned 80 "I'm in sudden death overtime". He made it to 91. I'm not sure but reading other people's posts I think it may have actually shortened this whole process for me anyway. I do believe it made it way more intense though. I'm not saying it was the right path but everyone's withdrawal is different. Also everyone has different level's of tolerance for pain. One shrink I saw that wanted to put me on more drugs unleashed on me for the CT. I said to him why once I discovered the issue would I continue to take the poison?? He just stared at me. That was our first and last session for $135.00. Don't beat yourself up because of the CT thing. Focus on pushing forward and look at it as a battle with evil you intend to win. Draw your strength from The higher power. That's really all it comes down to after all the analyzing. 

[[Gr...]]

I’m 18 months out I understand where you’re coming from. I seen a big difference between six months to a year. A lot of healing took place. another big improvement was month 16 and 17. Anger issues was a tough one. I was never angry person so don’t really know where all this anger came from but it came out. It’s getting a lot better this last month seem to be able to control it more. In fact, I look back and say just a month ago that would’ve really upset me, but now I’m dealing with it. still dealing with sore muscles. Mainly in the thighs and neck issues but they are slowly improving. Can’t believe how much my thinking ability is cleared up. Still dealing with a lot of issues but things are definitely looking up. Be anxious to see what this year brings. I do know this for a fact, I am certainly in a better place than I was 18 months ago and things are continuing to get better.❤️‍🩹 

Edited March 4 by [Gr...]
Words

[[Th...]]

7 minutes ago, [[G...] said:

I’m 18 months out I understand where you’re coming from. I seen a big difference between six months to a year. A lot of healing took place. another big improvement was month 16 and 17. Anger issues was a tough one. I was never angry person so don’t really know where all this anger came from but it came out. It’s getting a lot better this last month seem to be able to control it more. In fact, I look back and say just a month ago that would’ve really upset me, but now I’m dealing with it. still dealing with sore muscles. Mainly in the thighs and neck issues but they are slowly improving. Can’t believe how much my thinking ability is cleared up. Still dealing with a lot of issues but things are definitely looking up. Be anxious to see what this year brings. I do know this for a fact, I am certainly in a better place than I was 18 months ago and things are continuing to get better.❤️‍🩹 

Thanks for sharing. I hope my 6 months to a yr brings a big improvement for me too. 

[[Kh...]]

22 hours ago, [[T...] said:

Thanks for sharing. I hope my 6 months to a yr brings a big improvement for me too. 

Me too!!!   Keep hope up 

[[...]]

On 04/03/2024 at 00:39, [[T...] said:

Went to top golf last night for my friend’s birthday. Felt like I had buzzing/vibration through entire body. Neck muscles hurt. Tweaked my back playing while I was there. Now my back is hurting bad today. Anytime I try to do something physical something ends up hurting. Calves are twitching like crazy, random muscles twitches like on my fingers or biceps, Shoulder still hurts a little (been like 3 months), Feel brain fog, neck pain, inner vibration/slightly visible tremor. I also, feel unsteady and have eye focus issues today. I try to force myself to feel normal/do normal activities and get angry when I can’t do things that I used to do every day. My mind then takes control and I get angry and fear that this is permanent or is something else and will get worse as time goes on.

I’m 6 months out for some background. 

@[Th...], i think it's kind of a wave. I still have exactly the same symptom surges from time to time. I'm 11 months off. Think there is no logic in the surges coming... In fact, for me, it even doesn't depend much on whether i did smth physical or not, just all of a sudden out of the blue...

I think we shouldn't get angry, especially with ourself, about such upticks. No fault of our own. It will go the same way as it comes. And sure we"re healing, even this hard way. Good luck to you!)

Edited March 5 by [...]

[[Th...]]

@[...]thanks for the response. I agree, I just need to work on thinking clearer when I’m in the thick of it. Good luck to you too